Bad Day and some updates

[JTC]

On June 30th my closest cousin died. She lived in NJ and I'm in NY, I hadn't seen her since 2oo5. I did,'t even speak on the phone with her very often. But we emailed every week. I now realize she was the only person I had that I could tell anything to. Even if she got angry over it, she got over the anger. I didn't expect to miss her this much. After all, I'm no stranger to losing people to death. I have 1 other cousin but sometimes talking to her is like walking on egg shells. She gets jealous and envious too easily. And she never admits these things I just feel them. So obviously I can't tell her many things. The only person I could be open with was Margie, and she's now gone. Margie felt certain she would outlive me, but I seemed to know she wouldn't. I just didn't want to believe it. I wish I could talk to Margie tonight. I feel so lonely, much more than usual. I really thought I had learned to deal with death by 21. Even then I had been to more funerals than I can count. Since I can't talk to Margie I'm posting on this board. This is like my church.

I got hurt today and I can't sleep. Actually I can't lie down. My pharmacist, a man named Ray, who's kinda a friend went to the Holy Land. He didn't spend much time in Jerusalem because he went for a wedding. Ray is Jewish and quite confused about God. I think Ray wishes he was heaven so he couldn't be tempted by all the sins of the world. He's only 45 and his love of the world really bothers him. Btw, he has a partner who's a Christian. Ray just came back from Israel yesterday and I had told him to be sure he took pics of any famous sites. I was half asleep today but I had to go see Ray. I expected good pictures. So I had to bring my reading glasses, and I had to bring some antibiotic pills that I needed a different brand on. I was so sleepy I forgot my hat (which I never forget) and I still felt I forgot something. Ray went to Israel with his family and he did take about 100 pics. But they're all everyone in his family with the wailing wall in the background. He's Jewish so I didn't expect him to visit the tomb of Jesus, but he didn't even take a shot of the old cobble stone streets. No, just 100 shots of the family with the wall in the background. I was disappointed but I said nothing. It got busy so I left to come home. I live across the the street. I put my hand in my pocket to get my keys and panic started. I forgot my keys. Never mind my hat I forgot my keys and today is Sunday, the landlord isn't there and even the super was in Brooklyn, at least an hour from here. I live in a building with a heavy solid door. I was locked out. Total panic set in. I have 2 windows that face a roof and only 1 other apt has a window to that roof. The problem was the woman had an AC in her window. Ray had very few tools. If he had a drill I'd drill the lock out. Eventually Ray came up here to try and help. He was trying to use a credit card. Meanwhile I convinced my neighbor to take the AC out and I'd climb out her window. But I'm not 35 anymore and with this spinal stenosis I couldn't bend my legs. I tried going out head first and now I see I hurt myself. I'm in pain from the waist up and laying on the bed makes it much worse. I feel like I broke a rib, but It's probably sprained, and my spine is killing me. I finally got out and just then Ray got the door open. HOW???  I went back to his store and he said he got it opened with the credit card. A minor miracle for sure. He tells me, Someone up there must love you.  This is why I think me and Ray have a destiny. But being raised Jewish he doesn't like Jesus. He won't even read the OT. Since I've been reading the Bible some 40 yrs it baffles me that other people never read it all. For the past 5 months I'm almost excursively reading the OT. One reason is because I read the OT rather fast. The other reason is Ray.

So I didn't have a good day, and now I can't lay on the bed. I just don't want to accept that I'm in bad health.

I apologize for the length of this post. And I thank you if you read it.

JTC 

[just_abc]

 hi Brother

I am sorry to hear you had such a difficult day.   I hope tomorrow will be better for you.  And I hope you feel better soon too.

Best wishes to you.

just_abc

 

[GandalfTheWise]

@JTCI read your post.  I really don't know what to say except hang in there.

[JTC]

13 hours ago, GandalfTheWise said:

@JTCI read your post.  I really don't know what to say except hang in there.

Sometimes it's best to not say much. Thank you for reading it. I suppose I wrote more for myself than anyone else. Do you know an old show called the "Twilight Zone"? It wasn't horror but some episodes could scare you into turning the TV off. Others gave you hope. It was fiction things like that are not supposed to be possible. In the last 16 yrs my life is like the Twilight Zone. Sometimes I just need to vent. And then I consider maybe God will tell me something through someone else. This is why I post these things.

In your case I have a word for you. I just don't know if God wants me saying anything or if I should just learn from it. I don't know yet. Because in truth, God also speaks through me, and through all of us who love and awe Him. I shall wait on Him.

[GandalfTheWise]

32 minutes ago, JTC said:

Sometimes it's best to not say much. Thank you for reading it. I suppose I wrote more for myself than anyone else. Do you know an old show called the "Twilight Zone"? It wasn't horror but some episodes could scare you into turning the TV off. Others gave you hope. It was fiction things like that are not supposed to be possible. In the last 16 yrs my life is like the Twilight Zone. Sometimes I just need to vent. And then I consider maybe God will tell me something through someone else. This is why I post these things.

In your case I have a word for you. I just don't know if God wants me saying anything or if I should just learn from it. I don't know yet. Because in truth, God also speaks through me, and through all of us who love and awe Him. I shall wait on Him.

The twilight zone was a bit before my time (plus my mom probably would have let me watch it), but I've seen many old episodes over the year.  Many were well-written and thought provoking.  It sounds like your life has been unique and challenging.  Please feel free to PM me with anything if you feel so lead.

[Guest Butero]

I don't think there is much I can do in the way of advise, but I will ask the Lord to help you through this difficult time in your life.  

[Wayne222]

JTC why did you not wait my brother  ? I am not critical but sad that you got hurt. I am glad your in your home and resting. We all get lonely at various times . My daughter  and my cat is a blessing.  I am sure Jesus felt it too. When he was in the dessert 40 days I am sure he was. We are not home yet. Your cousin must have been a great person. I know the Lost of her is big. And you must have a lot of memories of good times. I will remember you in prayer tonight.  Have a great week. God's blessings and protection on you.

[Wayne222]

JCT how is everything  ?

[Gemstone777]

On 9/11/2017 at 4:09 AM, JTC said:

 

 

JTC,

I am so sorry to hear of all these difficult things you are going through.  It's always hard when you lose that person you could go to about anything and everything.  Mine was my mother, and she was my best friend.  She passed at 51 of breast cancer, when I was in my late 20s.  I can say looking back that it grew me closer to God because I didn't have her to go to anymore.

Loneliness can be disheartening and painful!  I have had 17 years of chronic health issues and at times have had seasons of being confined mostly to my bed.  My longest bout of being bedridden took me from a social butterfly to almost a hermit of sorts.  It was a deep pit to come out of.  We were created for relationships, even Jesus had them.  That desire (to have friends) is not wrong, and I encourage you to commit that to prayer and watch the good Lord bring some new friendships into your life!  The girl I disciple is a young ER nurse and she is introverted.  We started praying for Christian friends, and the Lord sent her a best friend that she was least expecting.  Also another friend had a lot of friends that weren't Christians and we prayed for them to find Christian friends and God blessed them with many.  It sounds as if Ray is a friend, so that's good you have him.  Maybe God has him in your life so that you can share your faith with him and be the one that leads him to the Lord.  God can change hearts!   

You said this is like your church, and I can relate to that. There is great fellowship, prayer, iron sharpening iron and more that goes on here.   I've been blessed in the last 2 months that I've been a part of this to meet and befriend some truly amazing people!  God is good and provides things we need when we least expect it!

I'm sorry that you are in pain and having troubles sleeping!  I will pray that God heals you and that you can get some rest.  (((Hugs)))  In Christian love, Gem

Edited September 15, 2017 by gemstone777

[JTC]

Thank you everyone. I can hardly believe it but my ribs still hurt. I know I didn't break them. I've seen people with broken ribs and I'm not that bad. They get better until I have to push myself up from laying down in bed. But they are healing. I have a calcium deficiency and we don't know why. I've been taking supplements over a month but my calcium level dropped. So now I'm taking Coral Calcium because it's supposed to be better absorbed. I'm sure this is related to my ribs getting injured. All I did was lean on them. I climbed through that same window 2 yrs ago and didn't get hurt at all. 

Gandalf I don't think God wants me telling you what I thought. It's just 1 of my silly ideas. Not important. I'd love to explain the Twilight Zone but it would take up too much space.

One of my doc's seems to have PTSD or something like it. 2 months ago I needed him to fill out a short form so I can get Medicaid Transportation. He had done this once before and it was fine. But he went ape crazy this time. The form was rejected. They said what he wrote for a diagnosis didn't make sense and he forgot to sign it. Now I have to ask him again and I'm scared. If he's in a normal state of mind it will be fine. But if he has a berserk attack he either won't do, or mess it up again. I needed the transportation for Sept. 29th. It will a take a minor miracle to get it by then, especially with the Jewish holiday coming and he's Jewish. Actually all my docs are Jewish. 

I'm trying to teach Ray to behave like a good Jew because it's the same as a good Christian. He has a partner who preaches Jesus to him and Ray's not ready for that. Ray is 47 but part of him is about 21. I'm trying to make him realize we have to take God seriously. (of course I myself need to be more serious with God too) It is strange that Ray is a part of my life. But that's 1 of the few parts that didn't change. People who come within my little sphere of life usually need God.

I need prayer and lots of it. I'm battling nicotine and I went 2 days without it. Today I messed up and smoked. I must quit. The lung doc won't be able to help me if I keep smoking. I'm very mad at myself. If you feel lead to pray for me please do.