Sex talk: Christian Dating Advice

[AngelofAshes]

I have a question for godly men as well as women about courting.

I understand that young Christian men can get excited with their attraction to you, but should the conversation be centering around sex?

Like, asking inappropriate questions about your busts size, etc? 

I haven't dated a lot of Christian men and I honestly don't have a good feeling about this guy, but I want to know 

what are some Christian men thoughts as well as women about what is appropriate conversation between two christian young people who are

pretty early on in a relationship.

 

Thanks for any help.

[OneLight]

Luke 6:45

A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

I am an older man and I can tell you that if any male is asking you sexual question, you can be assured that this is what is in his heart and will only lead to un-Christlike thoughts and activities.  Stay away.

[GandalfTheWise]

3 hours ago, AngelofAshes said:

I haven't dated a lot of Christian men and I honestly don't have a good feeling about this guy, but I want to know 

Thanks for any help.

Questions like "what in the world does A, B, or C mean for bras?" or such things  might represent naivety and having been quite sheltered being raised.   Asking about you personally is getting out of line as is making things like this the focus of conversation.

If you don't have a good feeling for this guy, I'd recommend not pursuing a relationship at all.  Having said that, some people can make a very bad first impression and simply have terrible social skills (including being oblivious to boundaries and what's considered polite).  But the way to see if an impression is justified or not is to observe them and have limited interactions in a safe setting such as church or group activities where you are not alone with them.

[missmuffet]

6 hours ago, AngelofAshes said:

I have a question for godly men as well as women about courting.

I understand that young Christian men can get excited with their attraction to you, but should the conversation be centering around sex?

Like, asking inappropriate questions about your busts size, etc? 

I haven't dated a lot of Christian men and I honestly don't have a good feeling about this guy, but I want to know 

what are some Christian men thoughts as well as women about what is appropriate conversation between two christian young people who are

pretty early on in a relationship.

 

Thanks for any help.

If a man is a born again Christian he will not ask inappropriate sexual questions.That shows disrespect. When a couple first meet it would be appropriate to get to know each other such as each others interests etc.

[Guest]

6 hours ago, AngelofAshes said:

I have a question for godly men as well as women about courting.

I understand that young Christian men can get excited with their attraction to you, but should the conversation be centering around sex?

Like, asking inappropriate questions about your busts size, etc? 

I haven't dated a lot of Christian men and I honestly don't have a good feeling about this guy, but I want to know 

what are some Christian men thoughts as well as women about what is appropriate conversation between two christian young people who are

pretty early on in a relationship.

 

Thanks for any help.

Im hoping you already know the answer to your question and you just need confirmation.

Do you feel like  you have been treated as a piece of meat? It feels awful doesnt it?

Seems to me that the man has already shown you his rotten fruit. RUN!

He is neither exuding the fruit of the spirit nor honoring God in his words and actions.

IN the future you can save yourself lots of frustration and decide to ONLY hang out with friends in groups. Dont rush anything. Judge a person righteously before you trust him to court you. Judging righteously is taking time to get to know a person.  Their fruit will prove they are who they say they are in Christ or it will stink to high heaven!

 

Blessings

[AngelofAshes]

7 hours ago, OneLight said:

Luke 6:45

A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

I am an older man and I can tell you that if any male is asking you sexual question, you can be assured that this is what is in his heart and will only lead to un-Christlike thoughts and activities.  Stay away.

This is what I was thinking. Thank you for your advice and the scripture.

 

4 hours ago, GandalfTheWise said:

Questions like "what in the world does A, B, or C mean for bras?" or such things  might represent naivety and having been quite sheltered being raised.   Asking about you personally is getting out of line as is making things like this the focus of conversation.

If you don't have a good feeling for this guy, I'd recommend not pursuing a relationship at all.  Having said that, some people can make a very bad first impression and simply have terrible social skills (including being oblivious to boundaries and what's considered polite).  But the way to see if an impression is justified or not is to observe them and have limited interactions in a safe setting such as church or group activities where you are not alone with them.

I WISH he was this naive, he's not. I tried to give him multiple attempts to stop trying to steer me into sexual conversation. When he asked about my bra size and I told him that was unacceptable behavior he called me a 'fun killer'. I told him off and he said he will stop, but I'm seeing too much of a consistent pattern with this one. Thanks for your response!

 

1 hour ago, missmuffet said:

If a man is a born again Christian he will not ask inappropriate sexual questions.That shows disrespect. When a couple first meet it would be appropriate to get to know each other such as each others interests etc.

In the beginning, the conversation was not sexual at all, but more and more I think this guy is slowly revealing what he really wants. It's hard to stay undercover for long. Thanks for your input!

1 hour ago, Blueyedjewel said:

Im hoping you already know the answer to your question and you just need confirmation.

Do you feel like  you have been treated as a piece of meat? It feels awful doesnt it?

Seems to me that the man has already shown you his rotten fruit. RUN!

He is neither exuding the fruit of the spirit nor honoring God in his words and actions.

IN the future you can save yourself lots of frustration and decide to ONLY hang out with friends in groups. Dont rush anything. Judge a person righteously before you trust him to court you. Judging righteously is taking time to get to know a person.  Their fruit will prove they are who they say they are in Christ or it will stink to high heaven!

 

Blessings

Yeah, I really just needed a solid sounding board. I told him I felt disrespected. Every time I try to break up with him he will cry or keep asking for forgiveness. D: I agree. I told him I needed more time to get to know him, but he pretty much pressured, guilted, and rushed me into the relationship. It was my choice in the end, but I was wondering if I made a mistake. I don't have much dating experience, and he's my 1st christian guy that actually knows the bible and liked to pray and talk about God. So, I tried to give him chances, but I'm noticing too many bad behaviors. Blessings to you!

 

36 minutes ago, eileenhat said:

Dating is always a non stop experience of exchanging viewpoints, concerns, likes etc.

Not everyone is well spoken or even well trained in politeness.

You just need to do the best you can to communicate yourself what you like dislike, rather than attempting to change them.

If you can not reach an accord, time to look elsewhere.  It will happening naturally, ie. an either pulling towards someone or a pulling away from them.

I have little to no chest, depending on how I dress.  Never stopped me from dating all I felt like dating.

I skipped over though, dating men who still were just starting out dating myself, ie. I choose men to date that were already mature, ie. not virgins.  Just felt better to me to date them, never got asked uncomfortable questions as men soon learn not too or risk embarrassing you.

This 'goal' of only dating virgins, only dating men who go to the same church, or who follow the exact same ideas gets people distracted from their true goal, ie. following God's plan for your life, which only he knows, so listen well.

Interesting christian article on their view about dating

quote

"1 Corinthians 10:31 reminds us that no matter what it is we’re doing; it can be used as a means to glorify God. "

https://relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/what-does-bible-actually-say-about-dating

.Alright. I don't try to change him at all. Thanks for the advice and sharing the article.

[GandalfTheWise]

43 minutes ago, AngelofAshes said:

Yeah, I really just needed a solid sounding board. I told him I felt disrespected. Every time I try to break up with him he will cry or keep asking for forgiveness. D: I agree. I told him I needed more time to get to know him, but he pretty much pressured, guilted, and rushed me into the relationship. It was my choice in the end, but I was wondering if I made a mistake. I don't have much dating experience, and he's my 1st christian guy that actually knows the bible and liked to pray and talk about God. So, I tried to give him chances, but I'm noticing too many bad behaviors. Blessings to you!

 

.Alright. I don't try to change him at all. Thanks for the advice and sharing the article.

I've got three daughters (mid 20s to early 30s) of whom two are married.  I'm viewing this thread through the viewpoint of what I would want for them and what I would tell them.  FWIW  

Those are some red flags you mention.  There are some manipulative men out there there will put on a very different face to get what they want and have learned how to play with people's feelings to get what they want.  Then there are some good Christian guys in their first relationship who get swept up and overwhelmed by the emotions and newness of it and have no clue how to act and at times act unseemly.  I was one of the latter and fortunately my wife decided I was too (and she had at one point called off our engagement).  We just celebrated 34 years of marriage this summer.  On the other hand, one of my daughters seemed like a magnet for bad-news jerks.  There was one I had mentally prepared myself for the potential of physical violence if he would have shown up at our house.  Fortunately, she found a good Christian man to marry (a pastor's kid who went his own route for a few years and then came back to the Lord) and we now have a great son-in-law.

Relationships and marriage are a serious thing that will affect all aspects of your life for a long time and even more so once children come into the picture.  Prayerfully consider what to do.  Look carefully at a man's family, attendance and involvement at church, daily spiritual life, circle of friends, interests, career path, motivation, work ethic, financial condition, lifestyle, how he treats other people, his temper and how he deals with setbacks, how he gets along with your friends and family, and other such things  because they will have a huge impact on your life.   Is he basically a good solid man with a solid life (with some flaws to address) who will be there for you and your children, or a faker who is putting on a show and will not stick with you for the long run?  My two daughters that are married found solid Christian guys with good Christian families that my daughters like being with, who are hard workers, and who get along well with her family and friends.  You don't just marry a man; to a large extent you also marry his family, friends, church circles, job, education, attitudes, debts, interests, and other such things.  

If a man does not already have a solid Christian lifestyle (including spirituality, a good work ethic, a good circle of Christian friends, a solid history of church and ministry involvement, a good reputation, etc.), Get Away Now!  Having a relationship with him is unlikely to change him for the better and will likely drag you down and cause you (and down the line potentially your children) a lot of grief and pain.

[4LdKHVCzRDj2]

14 hours ago, AngelofAshes said:

I understand that young Christian men can get excited with their attraction to you, but should the conversation be centering around sex?

I do not have any experience in dating at all.. But I would not talk about sex, at least not how people in the world do it.

What is the relevance of this? Are we trying to base our relationship purely in sex and outward appearance?

 

OK, maybe you plan on having a family then knowing if you both are able to have children can be known before you decide anything. But beyond that? Well, I do not think it is important or necessary.

 

We know sex and beauty are going to end at some part of our lives, and then what would happen? Marriage is over because there's no sex or appearance is not good?

Real love is so important, and it is getting rarer each day. It seems like people just think about beauty and sex nowadays, love is 3rd, 4th, last (if even considered)... It is like they do not care about love.

 

14 hours ago, AngelofAshes said:

Like, asking inappropriate questions about your busts size, etc?

This sounds a lot like a carnal mind... Maybe that is one of the reasons most marriage do not last. People do not love, they just go after their carnal desires and forget everything.

Being so focused on sex and outward appearance can bring us to serious problems such as temptation to adultery, fornication, etc.

 

I believe there are things we should not talk about in our daily lives, especially so often... Take care not to be so centered and focused on sex, it can lead you to traps and lot of problems.

[Aimes]

15 hours ago, AngelofAshes said:

I have a question for godly men as well as women about courting.

I understand that young Christian men can get excited with their attraction to you, but should the conversation be centering around sex?

Like, asking inappropriate questions about your busts size, etc? 

I haven't dated a lot of Christian men and I honestly don't have a good feeling about this guy, but I want to know 

what are some Christian men thoughts as well as women about what is appropriate conversation between two christian young people who are

pretty early on in a relationship.

 

Thanks for any help.

Honey, RUN! He called you a "fun killer" and continues to steer your conversation toward sexual things? Then it's obvious what's in his heart and on his mind. I've dated a couple of men in my 29 years, all "saved". One treated me very well and the other, well I'll leave it with "he didn't" and he's the reason for quotes around saved. A respectable Christian man is NOT going to ask your bra size or call you a fun killer for trying to steer the conversation back to a less disastrous topic. He obvious doesn't have much respect for you. I know men will be men, yes even Christian men, but if they truly respect you and follow Christ they aren't going to pass certain boundaries and if they do, they wouldn't make light of you correcting them. 

Edited September 17, 2017 by TheAimes87

[Intercessor Ginger]

The questions that you say he is asking you are shocking to say the least. No your physical measurements should not be part of the equation.I wouldn't expect that from somebody in the world either.

He doesn't sound like he  actually "walks the walk," which makes him no better than an unbeliever, and I would get away from this guy. Count your blessings that you noticed these things in the beginning, there's a lot less chance of being hurt this way.

A Real believer doesn't just talk but he behaves in a decent and honorable way.

Edited September 17, 2017 by Intercessor Ginger