NO you DON'T understand!

[hmbld]

2 minutes ago, bryan said:

Replying "I understand" when you have no personal, specific experience is frequently both arrogant and insulting.  

Well, I've had people say they understand to me, and while I know they have never been in my shoes, my only thought or feeling was that they were expressing they had some level of caring, so I didn't find it arrogant or insulting.  Is everyones hurt so special that they think nobody else has ever hurt as bad as they have?  I'm quite confused as to why some are insulted when someone else takes the time and effort to at least show some level of compassion, instead of completely avoiding you because they didn't know what else to say.  We all make some level of effort, why judge and condemn that effort to say we care?  The result of this would be that nobody would express any level of caring for fear of offending each other, and then everyone would end up as loners instead of just some of us.  Kind of sounds like an attack made by the enemy, doesn't it?  He wants to divide and separate, and stop people from caring about each other.  Stomp on his head, punish the enemy and show you care to more people, even at the risk of saying something they won't appreciate, hold out you hand, offer kind words, don't give in to the enemy and accept defeat, God changes our hearts, we do care, we will speak out and make the effort to understand that other people hurt, and offer whatever words we can muster to say we understand, even if its only in a very small part of understanding, that others hurt, so yeah, maybe you'll never understand how hurt I have been, but just to acknowledge that you understand I hurt is enough, and is definitely more than doing or saying nothing, I will choose to not be offended, and accept any portion of understanding you may or may not have.  Who am I to judge whether you understand or not?  Even so, why would I want to judge that?  You offer words of the fact that you care, that is scriptural.  Continue on.  Labor on.  Do not cease because the enemy attacks, but be ever more outspoken about caring.  

[frienduff thaylorde]

19 minutes ago, Yowm said:

Just what we all need. Another 'do not' when just trying to be kind.

By grace I have found wisdom that makes mans completely useless.  THUS I just say speak as the SPIRIT gives utterance.

cause rest assured, even if I have been through the same identical situation, my flesh will never be able to give the knowledge of WHAT GOD WHO KNOWS ALL THINGS

CAN.    it is just a simple walk for me.  Trust not in me, BUT ONLY IN THE SPIRIT.   

[Littlelambseativy]

I can understand someone grieving. I cannot understand someone going through divorce. I cannot understand many things others go through but with God's grace I can empathize with them and just holding someone's hand maybe all that is needed by the individual who is suffering or grieving. 

We can attempt to understand and not say the wrong thing when others are hurting. Sometimes saying nothing just holding ones hand says volumes.

[Sower]

37 minutes ago, Littlelambseativy said:

I can understand someone grieving. I cannot understand someone going through divorce. I cannot understand many things others go through but with God's grace I can empathize with them and just holding someone's hand maybe all that is needed by the individual who is suffering or grieving. 

We can attempt to understand and not say the wrong thing when others are hurting. Sometimes saying nothing just holding ones hand says volumes.

Well said, Littlelamb.

This morning at church, before all the bible studies start, we gather at different round tables drinking our coffee, the younger crowds, the men, older and younger teens, and the ladies, and one particular table, the older ladies. I saw miss Annette, whom I knew for quiet a few years, in her mid eighties, and had the privilege to have known and done carpentry work for her and her recently deceased husband of ninety two, Ben. I noticed she was now in a wheel chair at the table, strange,  and was not participating with the other ladies in their talk,  and was somewhat cast down. As we are sorta old conspirators together over the years, my spirit was moved to greet her. I walked up to her and could tell she had glistening eyes, on the verge of tears. Normally, I would give a hardy welcome and a joke or two, but all I did was to lean over and give her a long silent hug, and we never said a word to each other, only looking at each other for some time, but we communicated with our spirit, as I knew she was hurting, and she knew I understood and cared. It was the best conversation I had all day. I later talked to her daughter who had to drive her to church, and found out her mom Annette could no longer drive, and now could not walk due to her age. Now, I didn't know this, but I saw the pain written on her face. And she felt the compassion within my spirit. People can understand hurt and pain without knowing all the details. And it was not me, but God, who turned my head to see her and wrap my arms around her. Most people are pretty clumsy trying to console others, not knowing just the right thing to say, as is myself. But if allowed, the spirit will do the talking.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, The_Patriot2017 said:

indeed, there is another thread that is complaing when someone doesnt say "I understand" but instead says "God understands" when the truth of the matter is, many people when in pain, can't see past that pain, and lash out at anyone who tries to help, regardless of what they say. Its sad, and Im not being sarcastic at all-it truly is sad, when people are in this much pain they refuse to accept help and lash out. It creates a viscious circle of pain, because then the people who they lashed out against are now hurt, because the person hurt lashed out in pain, and avoid helping people in the future, and then those people who are hurt in the future are further hurt because no one will help them out, and they continue the cycle.

Theres that saying"misery loves company". 

 

[ayin jade]

A few years ago my brother in law was brutally murdered. I hung out in chat during that time, listening to music, crying, praying. Sometimes I spoke out in chat in my grief, not lashing out but just talknig about it. Folks said they understood. 

Not a single one of them had ever lost a loved one to murder. Not a single one of them could understand the extremes in emotions or feelings. 

Yet they recognized and understood that I was hurting. They understood the loss, the grief, that I was in pain. They understood. For me, that was enough. Their kind words to me during that time. Their prayers. All helped. 

A single person may not know what its like to be divorced but they DO recognize and understand loss. They understand pain. They can indeed understand what you are going through. They can feel compassion even with a lack of experience. Dont dismiss their kindness.

[Intercessor Ginger]

 I think this is very good advice. Unless you have experienced exactly what the person is going through you probably don't know how they feel.  Most of the time when we are hurting, we need someone to sit next to us, and just be there ....you don't have to say a lot of deep things,  just your presence and physical touch is very healing and supportive to someone hurting. I think this is one of the reasons that people gain such support from their pets . The pet will just sit there and be a loving presence.

[Wayne222]

9 hours ago, Steve_K said:

A person gets divorced, a friend that has never been married says "I understand"

A grieving mourner at the funeral home has someone tell them "I understand"

A person with health problems hears from a healthy person "I understand"

Even Christians say this at times. No, we don't understand at all. 

Pray with the person, talk to them, encourage them with scripture, but don't claim to understand how or what they feel. when you don't.

From personal experience I can tell you it gets frustrating and even insulting.

Steve you are right too about when people calm that they understand when they really don't. But I think they say because they don't know what to say sometimes. If I was dying in a hospital and someone said they understand what I was going through then I would have doubts.  But the maybe they had a love one in that situation and understood from that. It's hard to say. God bless.

[Steve_K]

8 hours ago, Intercessor Ginger said:

 I think this is very good advice. Unless you have experienced exactly what the person is going through you probably don't know how they feel.  Most of the time when we are hurting, we need someone to sit next to us, and just be there ....you don't have to say a lot of deep things,  just your presence and physical touch is very healing and supportive to someone hurting. I think this is one of the reasons that people gain such support from their pets . The pet will just sit there and be a loving presence.

My best friend's dad died suddenly. I sat with him all afternoon at the funeral home. and didn't say hardly anything. He's never forgot that.

[missmuffet]

30 minutes ago, Steve_K said:

My best friend's dad died suddenly. I sat with him all afternoon at the funeral home. and didn't say hardly anything. He's never forgot that.

Just being with someone even if you do not say anything can be a powerful comfort.