guineapigmom Posted September 20, 2017 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 4 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/20/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted September 20, 2017 Hello all, I am new here and look forward to meeting everyone. I'm 29 and have been married to my current husband for 3 years. I love him dearly and he is such a loving and patient husband and child of God. He should have left me several times over but continues to love me and try to help me overcome my struggle with adultery. My first marriage ended because of an affair, not because he wanted it to end, but because I did. Most of the time it is emotional adultery and flirtatious behavior, some adulterous thoughts, but there has been one physical one. And yes, my husband knows about all of this. Every time I think I have gotten to where I can beat this, I fall right back down. I am so tired of hurting my husband, who absolutely does not deserve this and I feel deserves better than me (he says he knows what I could be and what God wants me to be). I don't WANT anyone but my husband, but I keep finding myself wanting the attention and fun of flirting. And no, my husband does not do anything to cause my behavior. He is a loving, attentive husband and ALWAYS puts me first, even before himself, in everything. This is within me. I don't necessarily want to have sex with these attractive guys, but I enjoy the attention. I always have, even as a young girl. (I had boyfriends in second grade. Don't know if that's abnormal or not). My last adulterous behavior was within this last week and my husband, still, wants to help me overcome this, bless his wonderful soul. So, I have decided that I will not go anywhere without him. I will tell him of any thoughts and any behavior that may happen, as hard as it might be (I always feel like it will make it worse if I tell him). That's all well and good. But work is the trouble area. I have no plan of attack for there, and most of the time, that's where this sin has been hitting me! I know I get bored easily. I always have, in anything. I enjoy new, exciting, different.....and I know that that is part of my downfall, but I have no idea how to overcome it. My heart hurts, my soul is heavy...I know God has forgiven me, again, even though I absolutely DO NOT deserve it, but I am still depressed. Brothers and sisters in Christ, I desperately need help. If anyone has experienced this or is experiencing this same thing, it would be great to hear from you. Love in Christ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BK1110 Posted September 20, 2017 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 22 Topic Count: 86 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 6,853 Content Per Day: 2.42 Reputation: 9,579 Days Won: 4 Joined: 07/18/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/10/1986 Share Posted September 20, 2017 Are you seeking the council of a good, Christian marriage counselor? Or maybe a pastor with experience in these things? Have you asked Christian friends to keep you in their prayers? This may sound extreme, but does your husband work, and is his salary not enough to support you both so that you won't have to work and put yourself in that environment? Praying for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Estrella Posted September 20, 2017 Group: Senior Member Followers: 26 Topic Count: 33 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 813 Content Per Day: 0.24 Reputation: 1,002 Days Won: 1 Joined: 03/11/2015 Status: Offline Share Posted September 20, 2017 I would suggest changing your workplace. Perhaps get into social service line or a job that will help put you away from those type of temptation. But never stop working or even if you stop, make sure you get yourself occupied with something because i know all too well that "an idle mind is a devil's workshop"too. Staying home is not advisable for those who gets bored and restless easily because that's where it all starts too. Instead, channel your energy and attention to those unfortunate souls who needs love like the orphans or elderly people like in old folks home. I mean these are just suggestions but see what is applicable. But since you pointed out that your workplace is a major source of temptation, i would recommend you to switch jobs. Dont be discouraged. The fact that you are even seeking for help and advice is a good start for some transformation. I do salute your husband for being man enough to still love you and help you. He chose to not "criminalize"you but instead he sees you through Jesus's eyes where he sees that you are probably struggling within and in need of compassion and empathy. They say true love conquers all. He has certainly displayed it, from what you have described him. I would certainly encourage you sister to honor and respect him. Show others that he is your man and you are his only. And kudos to you that you are making some changes of telling him everything, being honest and making an effort of being transparent. I pray you will experience the renewal of the mind and heart by the power of the Holy Spirit. In Jesus's name. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amazing Horse Posted September 20, 2017 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 364 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 80 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/02/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted September 20, 2017 8 hours ago, guineapigmom said: Hello all, I am new here and look forward to meeting everyone. I'm 29 and have been married to my current husband for 3 years. I love him dearly and he is such a loving and patient husband and child of God. He should have left me several times over but continues to love me and try to help me overcome my struggle with adultery. My first marriage ended because of an affair, not because he wanted it to end, but because I did. Most of the time it is emotional adultery and flirtatious behavior, some adulterous thoughts, but there has been one physical one. And yes, my husband knows about all of this. Every time I think I have gotten to where I can beat this, I fall right back down. I am so tired of hurting my husband, who absolutely does not deserve this and I feel deserves better than me (he says he knows what I could be and what God wants me to be). I don't WANT anyone but my husband, but I keep finding myself wanting the attention and fun of flirting. And no, my husband does not do anything to cause my behavior. He is a loving, attentive husband and ALWAYS puts me first, even before himself, in everything. This is within me. I don't necessarily want to have sex with these attractive guys, but I enjoy the attention. I always have, even as a young girl. (I had boyfriends in second grade. Don't know if that's abnormal or not). My last adulterous behavior was within this last week and my husband, still, wants to help me overcome this, bless his wonderful soul. So, I have decided that I will not go anywhere without him. I will tell him of any thoughts and any behavior that may happen, as hard as it might be (I always feel like it will make it worse if I tell him). That's all well and good. But work is the trouble area. I have no plan of attack for there, and most of the time, that's where this sin has been hitting me! I know I get bored easily. I always have, in anything. I enjoy new, exciting, different.....and I know that that is part of my downfall, but I have no idea how to overcome it. My heart hurts, my soul is heavy...I know God has forgiven me, again, even though I absolutely DO NOT deserve it, but I am still depressed. Brothers and sisters in Christ, I desperately need help. If anyone has experienced this or is experiencing this same thing, it would be great to hear from you. Love in Christ First you want to make sure that you have Holy Spirit inside of you because without it you have no power over sin. Gospel is here : 1 Corinthians 15:1-4 1Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand; 2 By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain. 3 For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; 4 And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures: According to scriptures is so important that it's mentioned twice . Scriptures said that Jesus Christ will die for your sins and bear your punishment , paying it with his own blood at the cross and then rising from dead third day proving that he is God . You can find prophecy fullfilled by him here http://www.accordingtothescriptures.org/prophecy/353prophecies.html If you believe in Jesus Christ , you are saved and you get Holy Spirit , it's not of works Ephesians 2:8-9 but free gift and you get it the moment you believe. You are now sealed with Holy Spirit Ephesians 1:13-14 and he will help you overcome sin . Pray to God that he will help you overcome that sin and give you stength to overcome temptation to flirt . You have to do your part of job aswell , I would start with removing all people who i flirt to from phone or turning off phone for few days if you can do it . Do not use computer for few days aswell . Every time you think about somebody just go hide somewhere and start praying Our Father Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GandalfTheWise Posted September 20, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 24 Topic Count: 40 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 1,459 Content Per Day: 0.60 Reputation: 2,377 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/23/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted September 20, 2017 10 hours ago, guineapigmom said: Hello all, I am new here and look forward to meeting everyone. I'm 29 and have been married to my current husband for 3 years. I love him dearly and he is such a loving and patient husband and child of God. He should have left me several times over but continues to love me and try to help me overcome my struggle with adultery. My first marriage ended because of an affair, not because he wanted it to end, but because I did. Most of the time it is emotional adultery and flirtatious behavior, some adulterous thoughts, but there has been one physical one. And yes, my husband knows about all of this. Every time I think I have gotten to where I can beat this, I fall right back down. I am so tired of hurting my husband, who absolutely does not deserve this and I feel deserves better than me (he says he knows what I could be and what God wants me to be). I don't WANT anyone but my husband, but I keep finding myself wanting the attention and fun of flirting. And no, my husband does not do anything to cause my behavior. He is a loving, attentive husband and ALWAYS puts me first, even before himself, in everything. This is within me. I don't necessarily want to have sex with these attractive guys, but I enjoy the attention. I always have, even as a young girl. (I had boyfriends in second grade. Don't know if that's abnormal or not). My last adulterous behavior was within this last week and my husband, still, wants to help me overcome this, bless his wonderful soul. So, I have decided that I will not go anywhere without him. I will tell him of any thoughts and any behavior that may happen, as hard as it might be (I always feel like it will make it worse if I tell him). That's all well and good. But work is the trouble area. I have no plan of attack for there, and most of the time, that's where this sin has been hitting me! I know I get bored easily. I always have, in anything. I enjoy new, exciting, different.....and I know that that is part of my downfall, but I have no idea how to overcome it. My heart hurts, my soul is heavy...I know God has forgiven me, again, even though I absolutely DO NOT deserve it, but I am still depressed. Brothers and sisters in Christ, I desperately need help. If anyone has experienced this or is experiencing this same thing, it would be great to hear from you. Love in Christ There are two steps to something like this. The first is taking steps to mitigate the damage to prevent as many long-term consequences as possible. It sounds like you are actively doing that. The second is trying to find the root cause(s) of this. Why do you want or need or crave the attention so badly? Until that is dealt with, you are probably going to struggle with this. I'm not a counselor or anything, just someone who has read a lot and observed a lot of people over the years. I'm just going to toss some things out as food for thought and meditation. Sometimes, the behaviors that have our attention are symptoms and not the real problem. Sometimes the real problem is buried deep within us and we cannot see it for what it is. We can do many things to reduce a fever, but until an infection is dealt with, the fever will keep returning. Sometimes we have spiritual wounds inside of us that affect us. This could be from emotional hurt from abuse or neglect or deep loss or grief. The sort of things that either keep us awake at night or the sort of things we bury away and refuse to think of. These are things that God needs to take us on a path of healing. Often, we may need to forgive someone for something. Sometimes we need to realize being a victim was not our fault. Sometimes it would be helpful to talk to an experienced Christian counselor or pastor for some things. Sometimes we have spiritual lies embedded into our hearts. There is a world and enemy that hates God and hates every beautiful creation He has made and does not want any human being to become what God wants them to. We often end up with lies and accusations embedded deep within us that we are not what God created us to be. At times when we are young and spiritually vulnerable, those lies get stuck inside of us and become reality for us. You are worthless. You are stupid. You are ugly. You are clumsy. You can't do anything right. You'll never amount to anything. God hates you. You deserve everything that happens to you. No one could ever love you. You deserve to be alone. What start out as accusations and lies start to become parts of our identity as we believe and accept them. I am worthless. I am stupid. etc. Sometimes, we need to let God shine His light and truth inside of us to see these lies for what they are and reject them. I'd suggest praying that God would show you what He wants to change inside you. Maybe a few questions to ask yourself and prayerfully consider. When do you remember first feeling this way as a child? How do you feel without attention? Do you struggle with negative feelings of some sort ( for example, feeling worthless or ugly or stupid or lonely)? Do you have any particular phrases that you constantly repeat to yourself? (Here are few real ones I've heard people talk about. I'm a loser. No man could ever love me. God made me stupid. I don't know what I'm doing.) Are there particular scenes in movies, books, songs that you hear, paintings that you see, whatever, that cause an unexpected strong emotional reaction that catches you by surprise? Sometimes those types of things unexpectedly put a mirror to our face and something inside of us peeks out at us. Sometimes these are positive things, the person God created us to be stirring to life and trying to break out of the masks we put on. Sometimes these are negative things, the pains and lies that are buried inside that sneak out. Ask God to bring to your attention to what He wants to work on. Sometimes we may need to talk to a Christian counselor or pastor for assistance in this. God created you to be special person made to reflect His glory in a way unique to you. You need to learn to walk closely with God as that person He created you to be. You need to learn how spiritual disciplines (such as Bible reading, prayer, meditation, getting together with other Christians) work best for you. I suspect you may be like me and need to move from season to season with such things. Some people can get onto the same spiritual schedule for these things for decades and grow. I can do something (e.g. bible reading) in an intense way for perhaps 4 to 6 months and then I don't get much out of it anymore. Then I need to move to the next thing. Over the years, I've learned how to follow God's leading as to next thing I need to be doing to grow. Learning to embrace variety has helped me grow. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted September 20, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,990 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,688 Content Per Day: 11.83 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted September 20, 2017 19 hours ago, guineapigmom said: Hello all, I am new here and look forward to meeting everyone. I'm 29 and have been married to my current husband for 3 years. I love him dearly and he is such a loving and patient husband and child of God. He should have left me several times over but continues to love me and try to help me overcome my struggle with adultery. My first marriage ended because of an affair, not because he wanted it to end, but because I did. Most of the time it is emotional adultery and flirtatious behavior, some adulterous thoughts, but there has been one physical one. And yes, my husband knows about all of this. Every time I think I have gotten to where I can beat this, I fall right back down. I am so tired of hurting my husband, who absolutely does not deserve this and I feel deserves better than me (he says he knows what I could be and what God wants me to be). I don't WANT anyone but my husband, but I keep finding myself wanting the attention and fun of flirting. And no, my husband does not do anything to cause my behavior. He is a loving, attentive husband and ALWAYS puts me first, even before himself, in everything. This is within me. I don't necessarily want to have sex with these attractive guys, but I enjoy the attention. I always have, even as a young girl. (I had boyfriends in second grade. Don't know if that's abnormal or not). My last adulterous behavior was within this last week and my husband, still, wants to help me overcome this, bless his wonderful soul. So, I have decided that I will not go anywhere without him. I will tell him of any thoughts and any behavior that may happen, as hard as it might be (I always feel like it will make it worse if I tell him). That's all well and good. But work is the trouble area. I have no plan of attack for there, and most of the time, that's where this sin has been hitting me! I know I get bored easily. I always have, in anything. I enjoy new, exciting, different.....and I know that that is part of my downfall, but I have no idea how to overcome it. My heart hurts, my soul is heavy...I know God has forgiven me, again, even though I absolutely DO NOT deserve it, but I am still depressed. Brothers and sisters in Christ, I desperately need help. If anyone has experienced this or is experiencing this same thing, it would be great to hear from you. Love in Christ Perhaps you have a sex addiction. I think you need to ask Jesus Christ into your life to be your Lord and Savior and ask for forgiveness of your sins. God can't be mocked. We ask for forgiveness but then we try our very best to not commit that sin any longer. We can not continually ask for forgiveness and repeatedly commit that sin over and over. If you have not gotten therapy for your issues that would be something you should consider. You may lose this husband that you have now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guineapigmom Posted September 21, 2017 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 4 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/20/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 21, 2017 6 hours ago, Davida said: I guineapigmom, ready for some Tough Love? or some dr. phil ? if not then u better pass by my response to you. So, little sister, brace yourself. I am not going to give you a pass on this or sympathy. As Christians we are told to repent which means turning away ....and to resist Temptation and it means exactly that-> Resist it with effort. That is up to each of us, it requires first making the decision to Stop and then prayerfully and actively enforcing it by our will power and our actions. I don't mind tough love, everybody needs it at some point, but I hope you don't mind my being blunt back to you. First, I'm not looking for a pass or for sympathy. I'm looking for help, a plan of attack that gives me some sort of a layout in my mind. I do believe I said something of the sort in my original post. Perhaps some emotional growth is required, because history repeats itself and you have had one failed marriage If you are sincerely sorry for committing this behavior, it is important Not to give yourself a pass, or mentally giving yourself excuses ( "I get bored, I like new, exciting and different things, it's my downfall"..etc..) or allowing yourself to continue this sinful , hurtful behavior because you know that your kind loving , perhaps too forgiving husband will forgive you & not immediately divorce you. As I said previously, I am not looking for a pass, or giving excuses. I am looking for help forming a plan of attack, something specific I can keep in my mind. Those "excuses" that you say I give, are not excuses. They are a possible cause, as I am looking for the root cause of this, why I feel compelled to this behavior, and I most certainly do not "just because" my husband will forgive me. Also, I don't believe he is too forgiving. Yes, he most certainly has the right to divorce me, many times over, but my husband sees more than most people. He is a very wise follower of God and he loves as Christ loves. Do you feel Christ is too forgiving? He sees what God wants me to be and wants to help me get there. Have you considered humbling yourself & going to your Pastor with your husband and receiving spiritual counselling? Perhaps you also need Christian counselling from a female counsellor to get to the root of this? I think your husband needs counselling also, because imo, he should not be accepting this behavior from you. What if you became pregnant? and children were in this situation would you recklessly be betraying them also? This is a serious thing you are doing that causes nothing but suffering to others and to yourself. I am considering it, and have contacted a Christian counselor. I do believe it could be very beneficial for me, and am in the process of setting up an appointment, but in the meantime, I was hoping I could benefit from others' experiences. You say he shouldn't be accepting this behavior. As I said earlier, he loves as Christ loves. He forgives and continues to help me, as Christ does. I think you are playing with fire and it is just a matter of time before this marriage is destroyed. It is not fair what you are doing to your husband , so I cannot completely accept that you hate hurting him as much as you love the ego boost that you get by manipulating men around you. I'm sorry that you think that. How is it you think I'm "manipulating" men?? I feel I have to tell you, that you are not a hapless victim in this, this is not something that is just happening to you from the outside circumstances, it is you, who each time have chosen to violate your spouses Sacred Trust & the Sacred Covenant of your marriage that you made in the sight of God. If you want to stop , you have to be brutally honest with yourself & act maturely and responsibly seek professional help if you need it if this is related to your family of origin. I never said I was a victim in this, and if I implied that, I apologize. I also never said it's "just happening from outside circumstances". If you go back and reread my original post, I believe I said "this is within me". So, I do agree with you there, that it is me. On the surface, it is like stealing candy....you just enjoy the thrill you get of flirting with those who are not your husband & your ego is being puffed up by these interactions admittedly and that is more important to you then hurting your husband or any level of guilt your might have, or that it is a Serious sin, in the eyes of GOD. You truly think that that is more important to me than what God and my husband think? Doing this at work is acting unprofessionally. Have you considered the unseen victims in your behavior-the women & family in these men's lives? God doesn't forget about them. Do you only flirt with single unattached men? Because if these men are involved with another woman or married you are tempting them to be unfaithful and stealing the attention that is meant for the women that are in their lives and threatening the security of their own families. Don't get me wrong - I do not give these men a pass on their behavior but you are purposefully acting as a seductress to them like Jezebel. Here's a little counter message for that ego boosting-there are really a million women that are quite capable of doing the same thing you are doing, if they would have no code of ethics to stop them. So is this really such an achievement for you & worth the ego boost that you are giving it? The men that you flirt with are also not cherishing you or loving or respecting you. I appreciate your post and realize that you were trying to help, but I really feel that you make some assumptions where you should be asking instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guineapigmom Posted September 21, 2017 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 4 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/20/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 21, 2017 19 hours ago, BK1110 said: Are you seeking the council of a good, Christian marriage counselor? Or maybe a pastor with experience in these things? Have you asked Christian friends to keep you in their prayers? This may sound extreme, but does your husband work, and is his salary not enough to support you both so that you won't have to work and put yourself in that environment? Praying for you! HiBk110, I actually just got in contact with a Christian counseling service yesterday, and I'm hoping to set up the appointment before work tomorrow. In the meantime, I appreciate yours and everybody else's advice. I really want to have a solid plan of attack in my mind, which includes prayer, of course. My husband doesn't work, as he is disabled. I make some money through being his caregiver, but needed to work a little extra to pay off a couple bills. I have been talking to him about quitting, for this reason, and so I can spend time with my son on the weekends. Thank you for your prayers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1to3 Posted September 21, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 22 Topic Count: 138 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 4,174 Content Per Day: 1.22 Reputation: 3,070 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/28/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted September 21, 2017 There is such a thing as lustful spirits. They want your soul. The three last posters give you some very insightful suggestions. but really what you are dealing with is a serious spiritual problem. Untreated, you will loose your husband, you will further loose yourself, and you will end up quite alone and miserable. Looks go you know, and if you have found a wonderful husband, they don't come around that easy. Men have breaking points and usually when a man decides a marriage is over, he usually is not turning back. I think you have been hurt, traumatized in your past and this allowed for sin to make its home in you and with it have come spirits of lust. Of yourself, you can do nothing, you need God to rescue you from this. You need God to deliver you from this bondage and the spirits of lust that have latched unto you. what you have is now like and addiction. And this addiction is out to steal, kill and destroy you. Basically it wants you dead. The good news is that God can help you and deliver you. But its your choice to choose him or choose your addiction. The sad part is when we are young we think we have time, but the truth is this time does not last and what you build in your youth is what makes your future. You can build something beautiful with your husband for a lasting future or you can continue in your addiction and watch as everything you ever truly cared about is gone. I pray for you in the Blood name of Christ Jesus, that you seek Him to deliver you from satans lure and death trap. Because what you are in right now is a deadly trap that wants not only to destroy your life but your soul. I pray God give you the maturity to see this clearly, because without this realization, you are on a downward path to nothing and that includes loosing out on Gods love for you now and for eternity. Dear Father God, you know this young ladies heart, you know her past, you know her hurts, you also have given her a seed of faith to find You so that You can deliver her from of all that is seeking to destroy her. Father in the blood name of Your only begotten son Christ Jesus, free her of all demonic spirits of lust and addiction right now , cleanse her right now and Father God , please protect her Father God from all evil .Amen! amen! Amen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Estrella Posted September 23, 2017 Group: Senior Member Followers: 26 Topic Count: 33 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 813 Content Per Day: 0.24 Reputation: 1,002 Days Won: 1 Joined: 03/11/2015 Status: Offline Share Posted September 23, 2017 On 9/20/2017 at 2:30 PM, HisFirst said: *deleted mine - - you have wonderful advice here from others. Why must you delete what's on your mind? I read your comment. What you said has its truth... do not feel what you have said was less significant than others. *Hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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