I pulled a knife on my brother last year. How do I punish myself?

[Chrysala1891]

I pulled a knife out on my brother last year. I didn't intend on actually hurting him but I was so angry that I pulled it out on him to take me seriously. Some time later, my parents found out about it and needless to say, I was shocked by their reaction. They treated me like I was a danger and threatened to call the police on me and told me, and I quote "get the f*** out of here".

I felt like they were overreacting and only my brother knew I wasn't serious in hurting him.

I was so angry at my parents that I have posted numerous questions about this topic on Yahoo Answers, recently contemplating on killing and destroying them, making them pay.

Then, I came to a much less violent alternative--falsify a police report about a murder I committed. So I could go to jail forever.

I wanted to deliberately ruin my own life, for what I did, for who/what I am, and because I could.

I still want to destroy my life, especially since I went to a orientation today on a Seasonal Job offer I got.

Edited September 20, 2017 by Chrysandra

[missmuffet]

23 minutes ago, Chrysandra said:

I pulled a knife out on my brother last year. I didn't intend on actually hurting him but I was so angry that I pulled it out on him to take me seriously. Some time later, my parents found out about it and needless to say, I was shocked by their reaction. They treated me like I was a danger and threatened to call the police on me and told me, and I quote "get the f*** out of here".

I felt like they were overreacting and only my brother knew I wasn't serious in hurting him.

I was so angry at my parents that I have posted numerous questions about this topic on Yahoo Answers, recently contemplating on killing and destroying them, making them pay.

Then, I came to a much less violent alternative--falsify a police report about a murder I committed. So I could go to jail forever.

I wanted to deliberately ruin my own life, for what I did, for who/what I am, and because I could.

I still want to destroy my life, especially since I went to a orientation today on a Seasonal Job offer I got.

Ask Jesus Christ into your life to be your Lord and Savior. You will not be sorry for that choice.

[Guest]

Phil 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Are you ready to seek Christ and be set free?

 

The ABC’s Of Salvation

A. Christ DIED for you – Romans 5:8
B. Christ PAID your sins in Full – 2 Corinthians 5:21, 1 Peter 2:24
C. BELIEVE(Trust In Completely) on Christ ALONE for salvation – John 3:16, Acts 16:31, Ephesians 2:8,9, 1 Cor. 15:1-4
Repent! For the kingdom of Heaven is at hand! Matthew 4:17

“For the wages of sin is death(Eternal Torment In Hell & The Lake of Fire); But the Gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ Our Lord”. Romans 6:23

IT IS THAT SIMPLE – THE GOSPEL TRUTH

[TheMatrixHasU71]

14 hours ago, Chrysandra said:

I pulled a knife out on my brother last year. I didn't intend on actually hurting him but I was so angry that I pulled it out on him to take me seriously. Some time later, my parents found out about it and needless to say, I was shocked by their reaction. They treated me like I was a danger and threatened to call the police on me and told me, and I quote "get the f*** out of here".

I felt like they were overreacting and only my brother knew I wasn't serious in hurting him.

I was so angry at my parents that I have posted numerous questions about this topic on Yahoo Answers, recently contemplating on killing and destroying them, making them pay.

Then, I came to a much less violent alternative--falsify a police report about a murder I committed. So I could go to jail forever.

I wanted to deliberately ruin my own life, for what I did, for who/what I am, and because I could.

I still want to destroy my life, especially since I went to a orientation today on a Seasonal Job offer I got.

Jesus does not want to see you destroy your life. The fact that you hate what you did is punishment enough. If you didnt feel that way then you wouldnt have a conscience. Jesus loves you. He took your sins upon His shoulders because He doesnt want you to perish. Accept Him into your life

[other one]

People do stupid things off and on all the time. I would admit this might be up toward the top of the list though......   make sure you are alright with your brother and just get on with your life.  Let God deal with your parents.

I don't know if you are a follower of Christ, but if you are ask him for forgiveness and it will be forgiven and no need for punishment for or by yourself... if you have not attained salvation you have a lot more of a problem than this.

Basically, get yourself right with Jesus, then your brother and get on with your life.. with all the things coming as history goes along you don't need this dragging you down. 

[Guest]

56 minutes ago, Sojourner414 said:

You don't have to destroy yourself, Chrysandra.; you're not worthless. As for "what you could become": there is another option...

...you could become what the Lord intended you to be.

Instead of seeking a way to "punish yourself" or "punish your parents", bring this to Jesus Christ. No, I'm not asking you to repent, not yet anyways. All I want you to do is to go to the Lord and tell Him about all of this. Tell Him how you feel, why you want to destroy yourself,  the whole nine yards. Tell Him the things you feel you cannot tell anyone else.

No, a lightning bolt isn't going to come down and fry you.

After that, I'd like to ask you to read Scripture. I know: probably not what you really want to do right now, but this matters Chrysandra and it's just one book in there, not the whole thing.

It's the Book of Romans. Don't worry which "version" of Scripture it is, but you'll have an easier time reading if it's not the King James Version ("thee" and "thou" aren't used in modern speech anymore).

I agree that reading romans is a good book Which btw, I never had a problem understanding kjv.  Let her decide what she can understand. The Holy Spirit can handle the kjv. lol

[Neighbor]

On 9/20/2017 at 7:23 PM, Chrysandra said:

I pulled a knife out on my brother last year. I didn't intend on actually hurting him but I was so angry that I pulled it out on him to take me seriously. Some time later, my parents found out about it and needless to say, I was shocked by their reaction. They treated me like I was a danger and threatened to call the police on me and told me, and I quote "get the f*** out of here".

I felt like they were overreacting and only my brother knew I wasn't serious in hurting him.

I was so angry at my parents that I have posted numerous questions about this topic on Yahoo Answers, recently contemplating on killing and destroying them, making them pay.

Then, I came to a much less violent alternative--falsify a police report about a murder I committed. So I could go to jail forever.

I wanted to deliberately ruin my own life, for what I did, for who/what I am, and because I could.

I still want to destroy my life, especially since I went to a orientation today on a Seasonal Job offer I got.

Okay, I am going to ask;

Do you still carry a knife?

 Do you still envision pulling it on someone to show you are serious?

If so do you think you have seen any error in your previous judgement to both carry a knife and to pull it on someone?

Seems to me that so far you are not doing well for yourself if you have a job offer and your reaction is to want to destroy anything, never mind wanting to destroy your life.

You may want to consider  turning all that around, turn it on it's head, and as everyone has been encouraging you to do, cry out for the Holy Spirit of God, turn about immediately, repent from your present course entirely, and ask of God: Where are you", "Please show me that I may be healed of the hurt within that makes me fearful and  gives me rages to the point of carrying  knife and threatening with it.!" Plea for the awareness of Jesus as your own personal savior and Lord.

Yes God does forgive, though men may be very slow to be so kind to you.

There is consequence for how each of us lives our lives! You have dug a deep hole with a knife, now you have need to fill that hole back in by changing immediately. Please begin to work at filling in that hole with love and make a new landscape, a beautiful landscape of love for others and for your maker in which you will then  reside. That is available just as everyone has told you, in God through Jesus by the help of the Holy Spirit.

Ask God, repent of your anger,  and if you still carry a knife as a crutch to get respect dump it today! You have need of a far stronger protection than any blade of metal can provide. You have need of Jesus whose very word which  the message of His deep deep love and sacrifice is stronger than any other two edged sword of mere metal.

There is a song a hymn that comes to mind as I type. It is called O The Deep Deep Love Of Jesus. The lyrics include a strong message that I think may be of calming benefit  for you as you do take that step to repentance and security in Jesus. Please please seek out this song on the internet " O THE DEEP, DEEP LOVE OF JESUS - Selah "

I am somehow led to think it may  be of comfort and benefit to you today. May God bless you, Amen.

Oh, the Deep Deep Love of Jesus

Audrey Assad

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus
Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free
Rolling as a mighty ocean
In its fullness over me

Underneath me, all around me
Is the current of your love
Leading onward, leading homeward
To your glorious rest above

Oh, the deep, deep love of Jesus 
‘Tis heaven of heavens to me
And it lifts me up to glory
For it lifts me up to thee

Oh, the deep, deep love of jesus 
Spread his praise from shore to shore
How he loves us, ever loves us,
Changes never, nevermore

Songwriters: Mark Ladd / Samuel T. Francis

Oh, the Deep Deep Love of Jesus lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

 

Edited September 23, 2017 by Neighbor

[TheMatrixHasU71]

On 9/20/2017 at 8:23 PM, Chrysandra said:

I pulled a knife out on my brother last year. I didn't intend on actually hurting him but I was so angry that I pulled it out on him to take me seriously. Some time later, my parents found out about it and needless to say, I was shocked by their reaction. They treated me like I was a danger and threatened to call the police on me and told me, and I quote "get the f*** out of here".

I felt like they were overreacting and only my brother knew I wasn't serious in hurting him.

I was so angry at my parents that I have posted numerous questions about this topic on Yahoo Answers, recently contemplating on killing and destroying them, making them pay.

Then, I came to a much less violent alternative--falsify a police report about a murder I committed. So I could go to jail forever.

I wanted to deliberately ruin my own life, for what I did, for who/what I am, and because I could.

I still want to destroy my life, especially since I went to a orientation today on a Seasonal Job offer I got.

Couldnt hurt for you to talk to a pastor or psychologist.

[Fidei Defensor]

If you were in the Middle Ages to Renaissance, drawing a knife on a brother is a very normal occurrence, especially for Plantagenets, Tudors, Borgias, and  other families like the Boleyns.  But in our Post-Geneva world its frowned upon. 

Your self destructive path is not unique. Many feel the need to self destruct. Look at our world.. people have lost hope. 

We who trust in Christ are not different in respect to weakness, self destructive tendencies, and sin, but we have One (Jesus Christ) who accepts these broken parts of us and who’s self destruction brought about our salvation on the cross.  We have our blessed hope in Christ (Titus 2:13), He gives us hope and as we share of despairing self. Christ isn’t looking for perfect disciples, but rather those who in their weakness need Him, to lean on and share their tormented side as much as the tidy one.  “Christ is God of Jacob The Liar and Israel the Chosen, one in same person. He is God of the Jacob side of us, The Liar, as much as the Israel, who we long to be!” (Furtick, Elevation). 

Christianity isn’t about pretending to be perfect, but taking our broken selves and letting Jesus broken body fill our broken nature, making us whole. We are weak, but thanks be to God he makes himself known in weakness, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

Edited July 10, 2020 by Fidei Defensor

[branchesofHim]

6 minutes ago, Fidei Defensor said:

We who trust in Christ are not different in respect to weakness, self destructive tendencies, and sin, but we have One (Jesus Christ) who accepts these broken parts of us and who’s self destruction brought about our salvation on the cross.  We have our blessed hope in Christ (Titus 2:13), He gives us hope and as we share of despairing self. Christ isn’t looking for perfect disciples, but rather those who in their weakness need Him, to lean on and share their tormented side as much as the tidy one.  “Christ is God of Jacob The Liar and Israel the Chosen, one in same person. He is God of the Jacob side of us, The Liar, as much as the Israel, who we long to be!” (Furtick, Elevation). 

Christianity isn’t about pretending to be perfect, but taking our broken selves and letting Jesus broken body fill our broken nature, making us whole. We are weak, but thanks be to God he makes himself known in weakness, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

Amen. Good truth. Shalom.