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Struggling Marriage


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Hello all,

 

My husband and I have been together about 5 years and we have a 1 year old.  We have had a few issues with him lying and drinking.  When he drinks (which is very rare) he turns into a whole other person.  The other night he drank some alcohol late around 930 and said he just wanted to relax and get some work done because he normally works on the computer at night.  I woke up the next morning and he had left his phone on the counter and the alarm was going off.  I turned it off and noticed he had a new email asking for pictures... I scrolled down and saw he had messaged that person .  My heart sank.  He was looking in the m4m section on Craigslist and messaged multiple men.  I only saw one other message and then immediately went upstairs to confront him.  He hurried and deleted the messages and said he doesn't know what came over him or why he would do that.  He swears he isn't attracted to men but I feel there must be an underlying issue.  I said he wouldn't message men and be willing to act on it if he hadn't dabbled in that area before.  He is going to seek counseling but he can't meet with anyone until Tuesday afternoon.   I am hurt.  I don't know who to talk to.  I'm beyond embarrassed and feel disgusted.  I don't know what to to or how to move past this.  I keep seeing the 2 messages I saw over and over again.  I'm a stay at home mom and I just can't stop thinking about this.  Please if you have any advice let me know.  Prayers are very appreciated in this hard time.  Thank you...

Edited by Nkdjpd
No profane laungause is acceptable, no how it is written. Remove the quote.
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Praying for you!

Do you or the both of you regularly attend a local church? Are you connected with fellow believers? Now is not the time for either of you to try to go it alone. Your husband may need an accountability partner if he is struggling with any type of addiction, sexual or otherwise. As for the drinking, I'm sure many people have many feelings on it. Personally I don't, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it in moderation...but even if it's rarely, if he occasionally drinks enough to lose control of himself, that's a problem, certainly a sin; the fact that he does is rarely doesn't make it okay. He might need help with that as well if he can't avoid it.

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On 10/16/2017 at 2:58 PM, Nkdjpd said:

Hello all,

 

My husband and I have been together about 5 years and we have a 1 year old.  We have had a few issues with him lying and drinking.  When he drinks (which is very rare) he turns into a whole other person.  The other night he drank some alcohol late around 930 and said he just wanted to relax and get some work done because he normally works on the computer at night.  I woke up the next morning and he had left his phone on the counter and the alarm was going off.  I turned it off and noticed he had a new email asking for pictures... I scrolled down and saw he had messaged that person.  My heart sank.  He was looking in the m4m section on Craigslist and messaged multiple men.  I only saw one other message and then immediately went upstairs to confront him.  He hurried and deleted the messages and said he doesn't know what came over him or why he would do that.  He swears he isn't attracted to men but I feel there must be an underlying issue.  I said he wouldn't message men and be willing to act on it if he hadn't dabbled in that area before.  He is going to seek counseling but he can't meet with anyone until Tuesday afternoon.   I am hurt.  I don't know who to talk to.  I'm beyond embarrassed and feel disgusted.  I don't know what to to or how to move past this.  I keep seeing the 2 messages I saw over and over again.  I'm a stay at home mom and I just can't stop thinking about this.  Please if you have any advice let me know.  Prayers are very appreciated in this hard time.  Thank you...

Welcome!

It took a lot of courage for you to write this. I admire you for doing so.
 
There are many on here that will be able to give you good wholesome counsel.

All I can do is pray. I do understand how you feel though - try not to let it eat you up.

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Edited by Ana
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Hi 

This may be quite innocent it may be it is something that he has had issues with however I think it would be good to sit down and discuss this face to face for both of you to get everything in the open no secrets just plain truthfulness if this can't happen it's time to move on 

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Blessings & Welcome

Quote

Praying for you!

Do you or the both of you regularly attend a local church? Are you connected with fellow believers? Now is not the time for either of you to try to go it alone. Your husband may need an accountability partner if he is struggling with any type of addiction, sexual or otherwise. As for the drinking, I'm sure many people have many feelings on it. Personally I don't, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it in moderation...but even if it's rarely, if he occasionally drinks enough to lose control of himself, that's a problem, certainly a sin; the fact that he does is rarely doesn't make it okay. He might need help with that as well if he can't avoid it.

I will ask the same questions but I have to ask if you &/or he ae Christians.....this is the Outer Court which is for unbelievers,seekers & guests but I won't simply assume you are an unbeliever,I sent you helpful posting info in case you didn't know

Before I give any advice I would like to know if you and your husband know Jesus......He is the Beginning,He is the Solution,He is the Way ,the Truth & the Life

                                                                                                                         With love-in Christ,Kwik

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On 10/16/2017 at 11:58 AM, Nkdjpd said:

Hello all,

 

My husband and I have been together about 5 years and we have a 1 year old.  We have had a few issues with him lying and drinking.  When he drinks (which is very rare) he turns into a whole other person.  The other night he drank some alcohol late around 930 and said he just wanted to relax and get some work done because he normally works on the computer at night.  I woke up the next morning and he had left his phone on the counter and the alarm was going off.  I turned it off and noticed he had a new email asking for pictures... I scrolled down and saw he had messaged that person .  My heart sank.  He was looking in the m4m section on Craigslist and messaged multiple men.  I only saw one other message and then immediately went upstairs to confront him.  He hurried and deleted the messages and said he doesn't know what came over him or why he would do that.  He swears he isn't attracted to men but I feel there must be an underlying issue.  I said he wouldn't message men and be willing to act on it if he hadn't dabbled in that area before.  He is going to seek counseling but he can't meet with anyone until Tuesday afternoon.   I am hurt.  I don't know who to talk to.  I'm beyond embarrassed and feel disgusted.  I don't know what to to or how to move past this.  I keep seeing the 2 messages I saw over and over again.  I'm a stay at home mom and I just can't stop thinking about this.  Please if you have any advice let me know.  Prayers are very appreciated in this hard time.  Thank you...

What do you mean when you say "we" who is we? How many drinks does it take for him to change his personality? Alcohol can change a personality. That is the neurological effect that alcohol has on the brain. What do you think he is into? What did these messages tell you that he was into? If he is willing to seek counseling that is the first step and somewhat of a positive step. Make sure that he keeps that appointment. You should know the name of the person that he is seeing and call that person to make sure he is seeking that counseling. Your trust in this person is broken and that is a very hard thing to get past. Also if he has had contract with any of these men he could give you an illness.

First of all are you a praying person and a Christian? If that is the case you should give all of this to God and ask for direction and guidance. Next I would seek Christian marital counseling. You need to tell him that he needs to be accountable and that you will need access to his phone and all that is on it at all times.

If he continues to seek this very negative behavior of his you could get a legal separation. You would need to talk to your Pastor and ask him how you could proceed on this.

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