Autismmommy Posted October 16, 2017 Group: Newbie Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/16/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted October 16, 2017 I hope this is proper to ask here. I'm having trouble finding anyone I trust to be confidential to give me Christian insight on this issue. I'm a born again Christian married for many years, and the mother to a child with autism. There are strains and stresses in my life and marriage, as in any. Recently I found inappropriate messages that my husband sent to another woman, such as that he's attracted to her and if she ever feels the need to "sext" he's available, among other things, just that those were the 2 worst that I saw. He does not know I've seen the messages, and I'm definitely NOT in the habit of spying on him - just had a gut feeling that something was "off" due to his behavior when texting, and gave in to the temptation to check his messages. I'm not proud that I did, but now that I know I'm unsure of how to proceed. He's not easy to speak with about things that he may have done that hurt or upset me; tends to get very defensive and deflect. Of course, a part of me wonders if I'm overreacting, or if I'm right to be concerned. Any advice? The only previous advice I got was that I needed to be more open to his desires... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neighbor Posted October 30, 2017 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 18 Topic Count: 950 Topics Per Day: 0.35 Content Count: 13,532 Content Per Day: 5.02 Reputation: 9,029 Days Won: 6 Joined: 12/04/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/03/1885 Share Posted October 30, 2017 (edited) I won't give advice other than see a pastor well trained in marital counsel, and see a good marital lawyer first thing. Yet, I will reach back into history that I know about and share what one family did successfully to stop similar activity : They had someone in their group tell absolutely everyone involved with the people of the situation in any way at all, that they all know about it and that they demand it stop immediately. That took away the "thrill" and added responsibility and consequence to everyone's plate. The other men/women (plural) the other individual's families, everyone. The thrill was gone and the price to pay dear for all should it continue. The marriage was saved for years to come, - but eventually it did fail for other reasons. Thought for consideration but not advice: No, don't be more open to any degrading adventure yourself, for it is degrading activity that demands ever more degradation, as it never is being satisfied. I will pray for all involved, especially for your child that this harsh situation that is upon you all will not weaken you but instead will strengthen you, and will also defeat the evil that is hurting you. May God guide you, amen. Edited October 30, 2017 by Neighbor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted October 30, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,990 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,688 Content Per Day: 11.83 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted October 30, 2017 On 10/16/2017 at 3:36 PM, Autismmommy said: I hope this is proper to ask here. I'm having trouble finding anyone I trust to be confidential to give me Christian insight on this issue. I'm a born again Christian married for many years, and the mother to a child with autism. There are strains and stresses in my life and marriage, as in any. Recently I found inappropriate messages that my husband sent to another woman, such as that he's attracted to her and if she ever feels the need to "sext" he's available, among other things, just that those were the 2 worst that I saw. He does not know I've seen the messages, and I'm definitely NOT in the habit of spying on him - just had a gut feeling that something was "off" due to his behavior when texting, and gave in to the temptation to check his messages. I'm not proud that I did, but now that I know I'm unsure of how to proceed. He's not easy to speak with about things that he may have done that hurt or upset me; tends to get very defensive and deflect. Of course, a part of me wonders if I'm overreacting, or if I'm right to be concerned. Any advice? The only previous advice I got was that I needed to be more open to his desires... You definitely need to confront your husband on this. Does he brow beat you and use you as a door mat?Has your husband ever been abusive?Don't let him turn this around on you and tell you that it is your fault. Abusive men are good at that. Are you and your husband Christians? Do you want to continue a relationship with a man who is having sex with other women? That is something you will need to examine. First of all if you are a praying woman you need to give this go God. Second of all you need to see if he will open up to martial counseling if he indeed there is infidelity in your marriage. If he continues after that you may seek a legal separation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Butero Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 On 10/16/2017 at 6:36 PM, Autismmommy said: I hope this is proper to ask here. I'm having trouble finding anyone I trust to be confidential to give me Christian insight on this issue. I'm a born again Christian married for many years, and the mother to a child with autism. There are strains and stresses in my life and marriage, as in any. Recently I found inappropriate messages that my husband sent to another woman, such as that he's attracted to her and if she ever feels the need to "sext" he's available, among other things, just that those were the 2 worst that I saw. He does not know I've seen the messages, and I'm definitely NOT in the habit of spying on him - just had a gut feeling that something was "off" due to his behavior when texting, and gave in to the temptation to check his messages. I'm not proud that I did, but now that I know I'm unsure of how to proceed. He's not easy to speak with about things that he may have done that hurt or upset me; tends to get very defensive and deflect. Of course, a part of me wonders if I'm overreacting, or if I'm right to be concerned. Any advice? The only previous advice I got was that I needed to be more open to his desires... This is not as simple as it may appear. You violated his privacy, and as a result of that, you found he was doing things that were wrong. If he is looking to "sext," he is only another step away from cheating. I have no idea what has led to this. You mentioned that there are "strains and stresses" in your life and marriage. Are you saying that has led to some kind of neglect towards your husband? Because of how you came across this, I would not confront him. It will only turn into him accusing you of invading his privacy, and you accusing him of inappropriate relationships with other women, and you would both be right. Perhaps you could find a subtle way of starting a heart to heart conversation about your relationship. If there are things you think are contributing factors to the problems, see if you can resolve them and make them better. There is no question what your husband is doing is wrong, but if he hasn't crossed the line of actually cheating, it may not be too late to change the conditions to where it will not happen. Let me make it clear that I am not blaming you for this, but I did take note that you made that comment about "strains and stresses" which makes me think there may be more to this than what we see on the surface. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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