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I have the feeling of doubt about being saved(testimony included)


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I feel like I need to ask people for forgiveness, but I don't know what for. Meaning, I don't remember what I've done. 

I remember calling my sister names, but should I ask for forgiveness 10 years later? I've recently accepted Jesus Christ as my master and the savior who gave his life, that I may keep mine. 

I've always been loyal to my parents an honor them. But recently my uncle an elder of the church, said before I get married, I have to ask parents for forgiveness. But for what?

I've asked and cried for forgiveness Contemplatively(In my mind), after accepting Jesus. I felt deep guilt and wept. I'm not a vocal person, but see myself as a mind/thinker rather. So when I sing, I sing in my heart and pray in my heart, all throughout the day. Not because I feel I have to, but because I want to. My singing voice is absolutely garbage, and it annoys even me to hear it. Even talking I annoy myself. God probably doesn't want to hear a scratchy, out of tune voice praising him. I know I can do it better in my spirit. 

So I may as well give a bit of a testimony: I grew up in a strict Christian family. Which made me hate church and everything to do with it. Forced to go 5 times a week, 2 hours a service. I've always kept to myself, with a tough guy attitude, but inwardly loving. Always straight face, rare emotion display. I wasn't allowed to any non-Christian friends, so most of my child/young adulthood I was alone with my thoughts. No t.v., games, etc.  But after I moved out and turned to the sinful world, is when I felt free, and when I started slowly turning back. Not to Christianity right away. I gathered my spiritual thoughts about the world. I was mildly into meditation, philosophy, astral projection, etc. The typical nature-freak stuff. However up until about a week ago, at work I started listening to a Bible audiobook. I have 8 hours of spare time to listen, and after being bored of music and everything else. I finally decided to give the Bible a go. Which opened my eyes. I've read the Bible before, but never like this. I realized who Jesus was, and how amazing his gift was. My change wasn't immediate. I didn't jump up and shout, "I believe in you Jesus". But over a few days, reading each Biblical book, one after the other. I found myself believing. In my heart I genuinely said, I believe in you Jesus, you are my savior. Multiple times I repeated it in my mind(next paragraph I'll try to describe why and how my mind works). After that over the next few days, I asked for for the holy spirit. I begged for it, saying I need it God. For the past week, since I've been saved. I have not gone a day without shedding a tear. I'll listen to worship music, and I'll let my tears flow. I'll think about Jesus dying on the cross; I'll weep heavily. Last night, I wept the most when I cried to Jesus begging for forgiveness. I can barely write all of this without weeping as I am now. Listening to music and crying, I feel peace, and I want to cry more. Crying for repentance, it hurts my heart. My heart hurts now I as I write.

Today for 24 hours I dedicated my time to a fasting. No water, no food, only air(and the word of God). I dedicated this fasting to forgiveness. Forgiveness of my sins, and others. I bow, pray and ask for signs and forgiveness. But recently I've watched a video, where I realized the smallest sin will earn me the lake of fire. I want to make sure my soul is clean and pure. But I doubt, because I feel I need to ask forgiveness of others. But I don't know for what. Should I ask even if for nothing? Or have those sins been washed away? I have forgiven everyone (as far as I 'know' <_<).  

I feel like I have the Holy spirit, yet I doubt. I've never been this open-hearted. I've had a few 'mild-signs' over the past week. Those being, my body felt like it froze up for a few seconds, while I wept listening to praise music. Another time, my right hand was on my heart, while I laid in bed and wept for forgiveness. After about 15 minutes into my prayer, my hand went numb. Only the part of my hand that was on my heart. My other hand was on my stomach, almost equal position, so I don't see it being cutoff circulation. I get chills/bumps, not from being cold, but while listening to music usually or something spiritual related. After which tear up.  

My mind is dangerous and deep. Dangerous I say, because I feel I can think too deeply. Which can be a blessing and a curse. It makes people less humble and innocent. Which is making repentance extra hard for me. My mind thinks on multiple levels at once. This is hard to explain. Not multi-tasking, but very deep, all thoughts in my mind at once-comprehension. A probable contribution from being raised as a thinker. I believe it's partially aware-subconscious thought, interwoven with regular conscious. Meaning I think equally with my subconscious and conscious.

Even as I write this now, I question myself and try to think really deep, to make sure none of what I write here is out of pride. I sometimes feel I have sins in my heart that don't even have a name, or exist outside of my mind. Just being the way my mind works. I feel like I sin, and I don't know what to ask for forgiveness, as I don't know the name for the sin. I wish I was simple minded.

This is a lot, I vented half way through, but I hope someone has some encouraging words. If not, hopefully my testimony opens someones eyes.

May God bless all of your spirits.

 

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Welcome to Worthy :)

This is the welcome section,after 5 posts you may post in the forum :)

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Quote

In the Ascended Master Teachings, Ascended Masters are believed to be spiritually enlightened beings who in past incarnations were ordinary humans, but who have undergone a series of spiritual transformations originally called initiations.

May I ask you why you picked your profile name ?

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11 minutes ago, angels4u said:

May I ask you why you picked your profile name ?

I don't believe ascended masters are incarnations, that's leaning towards the Hindu and Buddhist view. Ascended Masters to me, are more like prophets in the Bible who have been enlightened and ascended to heaven.

As for 333, I included it as I've been seeing it my whole life. At least 4-5 times a day, in extra-ordinary instances. Where I definitely payed attention to it, as more than mere numbers. Ever since I was around 8 years old, up until now(in my 20's). 

This is one thing I've never doubted. And a simple way for me to know that is, even if a person looks for it willingly, they will most likely not find a three digit sequence, more than 2 times in a day(for over 15 years). I've tried looking for it, but it never shows up. Only when I'm unaware, my head will turn straight towards it unwillingly. 

Edited by AscendedMasters333
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Welcome.

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Ascended Masters to me, are more like prophets in the Bible who have been enlightened and ascended to heaven.

But you did not ascended to heaven ?

As for those numbers ,do you think they mean something to you?

 

 

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1 minute ago, angels4u said:

But you did not ascended to heaven ?

As for those numbers ,do you think they mean something to you?

 

 

No, that's why I put Master's', not Master. It's not personally specific. Just as you're not an Angel, yet your name has Angel in it.

From the research I've done, the numbers are a sign of angels or guides watching out for me.

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Welcome ... I moved this from the Welcome Forum as it was going far beyond saying Hi.

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2 hours ago, AscendedMasters333 said:

I feel like I need to ask people for forgiveness, but I don't know what for. Meaning, I don't remember what I've done. 

I remember calling my sister names, but should I ask for forgiveness 10 years later? I've recently accepted Jesus Christ as my master and the savior who gave his life, that I may keep mine. 

I've always been loyal to my parents an honor them. But recently my uncle an elder of the church, said before I get married, I have to ask parents for forgiveness. But for what?

I've asked and cried for forgiveness Contemplatively(In my mind), after accepting Jesus. I felt deep guilt and wept. I'm not a vocal person, but see myself as a mind/thinker rather. So when I sing, I sing in my heart and pray in my heart, all throughout the day. Not because I feel I have to, but because I want to. My singing voice is absolutely garbage, and it annoys even me to hear it. Even talking I annoy myself. God probably doesn't want to hear a scratchy, out of tune voice praising him. I know I can do it better in my spirit. 

So I may as well give a bit of a testimony: I grew up in a strict Christian family. Which made me hate church and everything to do with it. Forced to go 5 times a week, 2 hours a service. I've always kept to myself, with a tough guy attitude, but inwardly loving. Always straight face, rare emotion display. I wasn't allowed to any non-Christian friends, so most of my child/young adulthood I was alone with my thoughts. No t.v., games, etc.  But after I moved out and turned to the sinful world, is when I felt free, and when I started slowly turning back. Not to Christianity right away. I gathered my spiritual thoughts about the world. I was mildly into meditation, philosophy, astral projection, etc. The typical nature-freak stuff. However up until about a week ago, at work I started listening to a Bible audiobook. I have 8 hours of spare time to listen, and after being bored of music and everything else. I finally decided to give the Bible a go. Which opened my eyes. I've read the Bible before, but never like this. I realized who Jesus was, and how amazing his gift was. My change wasn't immediate. I didn't jump up and shout, "I believe in you Jesus". But over a few days, reading each Biblical book, one after the other. I found myself believing. In my heart I genuinely said, I believe in you Jesus, you are my savior. Multiple times I repeated it in my mind(next paragraph I'll try to describe why and how my mind works). After that over the next few days, I asked for for the holy spirit. I begged for it, saying I need it God. For the past week, since I've been saved. I have not gone a day without shedding a tear. I'll listen to worship music, and I'll let my tears flow. I'll think about Jesus dying on the cross; I'll weep heavily. Last night, I wept the most when I cried to Jesus begging for forgiveness. I can barely write all of this without weeping as I am now. Listening to music and crying, I feel peace, and I want to cry more. Crying for repentance, it hurts my heart. My heart hurts now I as I write.

Today for 24 hours I dedicated my time to a fasting. No water, no food, only air(and the word of God). I dedicated this fasting to forgiveness. Forgiveness of my sins, and others. I bow, pray and ask for signs and forgiveness. But recently I've watched a video, where I realized the smallest sin will earn me the lake of fire. I want to make sure my soul is clean and pure. But I doubt, because I feel I need to ask forgiveness of others. But I don't know for what. Should I ask even if for nothing? Or have those sins been washed away? I have forgiven everyone (as far as I 'know' <_<).  

I feel like I have the Holy spirit, yet I doubt. I've never been this open-hearted. I've had a few 'mild-signs' over the past week. Those being, my body felt like it froze up for a few seconds, while I wept listening to praise music. Another time, my right hand was on my heart, while I laid in bed and wept for forgiveness. After about 15 minutes into my prayer, my hand went numb. Only the part of my hand that was on my heart. My other hand was on my stomach, almost equal position, so I don't see it being cutoff circulation. I get chills/bumps, not from being cold, but while listening to music usually or something spiritual related. After which tear up.  

My mind is dangerous and deep. Dangerous I say, because I feel I can think too deeply. Which can be a blessing and a curse. It makes people less humble and innocent. Which is making repentance extra hard for me. My mind thinks on multiple levels at once. This is hard to explain. Not multi-tasking, but very deep, all thoughts in my mind at once-comprehension. A probable contribution from being raised as a thinker. I believe it's partially aware-subconscious thought, interwoven with regular conscious. Meaning I think equally with my subconscious and conscious.

Even as I write this now, I question myself and try to think really deep, to make sure none of what I write here is out of pride. I sometimes feel I have sins in my heart that don't even have a name, or exist outside of my mind. Just being the way my mind works. I feel like I sin, and I don't know what to ask for forgiveness, as I don't know the name for the sin. I wish I was simple minded.

This is a lot, I vented half way through, but I hope someone has some encouraging words. If not, hopefully my testimony opens someones eyes.

May God bless all of your spirits.

 

AscendedMaster's333, I understand your predicament. Here is my answer in as straightforward terms as I, with my lack of skill in being able to form perfectly understandable sentences, can manage:

You are wondering if you need to ask God to forgive you for past sins and etc. I am thrilled to tell you that He already has! 

He has forgiven you for all the sins you've committed in the past, all the sins you committed today, and all the sins you will commit in the future. 

How can you make this free gift of forgiveness "valid" in your life? Accept His gift to you. There's no cost on your part; Jesus already paid the price for your sins, and has forgiven you for each and every one.

I'm no expert, but thank God that we don't have to be experts, that we don't have to understand all the theology of things, to be able to understand that He's forgiven us.

I'm reminded of the sinful woman in Luke 7: 36-50. She was no learned biblical scribe or scholar, and yet she understood what Jesus was going to do for her. 

He paid for each and every one of that woman's sins, even those she committed after the fact. 

You don't have to remember your sins for them to be forgiven. Below is a passage from the book of Acts in the Bible that clearly says how one must be saved:

Read Acts 16

(29) Then he called for a light, ran in, and fell down trembling before Paul and Silas. (30) And he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

(31) So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.”

 

According to the verses above, all you must do is believe, believe that it's all paid for, in the bank. Paul and Silas didn't say, in reply to the jailer's question, "Oh, to be saved you need to confess all the sins you've ever committed" or "To be saved you need to do 100 good works." 

No, they say "Believe." That's it.

Now, once you believe there is a process of repentance, but that is not a listing off of sins so they'll be forgiven; repentance is a confessing of the sin, and turning away from the sin, asking God to give you strength so you do that sin no longer.

If you're basing your salvation off of your own actions, you're then depending on you to save you, instead of depending on God's completed sacrifice to save you. Make sense?

 

As for you calling your sister names those years ago, if you feel you must, ask your sister to forgive you for doing so (remember, God already has forgiven you for calling her names!). Even if she thinks it's silly, or unnecessary, make sure to tell her that it's been bothering you lately.

 

Thanks for reading my rather unclear, sloppy explanation.

I'll be praying for you, Ascended,

-Era

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4 minutes ago, Yowm said:

Welcome to Worthy AM333,

I would say seek forgiveness from others only if either your conscience is bothering you about the way you treated someone else before  or  if someone is seemingly holding a grudge against you for what you have done before being a Christian. Otherwise with God, it is a clean slate.   

Amen.

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