sensitivity

[creativemechanic]

something  I created based on personal  experience and a sermon I heard afterwards. basically  as a longtime single person it's kinda irritating to hear married people float about how  great their marriage is continually in front of you. While nothings wrong with that and people should  show appreciation  for their marriage and spouses,sometimes  they inadvertently go overboard. I've been in situations  where being the only single person and have married persons start lengthy debates about marriage,loving their spouses etc. initially it wouldn't be too their sex lives much but then it'd happen repeatedly over several days. Not only are they rubbing what you don't have in your face but excluding persons in the group. 

I thought I was just being bitter or over sensitive til a recent visiting pastor preached about  weighing our words  before we say them. basically he said sometimes  when people  are going through things we  inadvertently hurt them by talking about whats great in our lives in front of them making them wonder why can't I be blessed.  Good point. again I'm not sayingmarried people can't  praise their spouses or express happiness for them but everything in moderation and time and place 

[creativemechanic]

2 hours ago, Cobalt1959 said:

So . . . people that are married, and happy about it are not supposed to talk about the subject around you because you are single?  This is less a problem of people being insensitive and more a problem of being on the other side and being too sensitive.  We cannot expect people, anyone, to continually be trying to figure out every single thing that might bother someone else.  That is unrealistic.  The Pastor's message would have been more aimed at words that are deliberately critical and harmful rather than a subject like this.  

re-read the message under the  the pictures. I specifically pointed both o your points out in that part

[bryan]

Bragging: excessively proud and boastful talk about one's achievements or possessions.

People brag about their career, how much money they have, their truck, their house, and more.   Bragging about material wealth around someone that's poor or just lost their job can hurt them.    Bragging about a marriage can have the same effect.   Imagine hearing someone bragging about their 'trophy' wife around someone who's wife was killed a few months earlier.  How about bragging in the same manner around someone who just went through a hostile divorce? 

That said, there's a difference between bragging and other comments.  One may be proud of their kids in an accomplishment, or thankful their spouse cooks for them each evening.  It's generally not hard to tell if a person's intent is to brag.

[missmuffet]

15 minutes ago, bryan said:

Bragging: excessively proud and boastful talk about one's achievements or possessions.

People brag about their career, how much money they have, their truck, their house, and more.   Bragging about material wealth around someone that's poor or just lost their job can hurt them.    Bragging about a marriage can have the same effect.   Imagine hearing someone bragging about their 'trophy' wife around someone who's wife was killed a few months earlier.  How about bragging in the same manner around someone who just went through a hostile divorce? 

That said, there's a difference between bragging and other comments.  One may be proud of their kids in an accomplishment, or thankful their spouse cooks for them each evening.  It's generally not hard to tell if a person's intent is to brag.

Bragging is bad. It is a sign of pride which got Satan kicked out of heaven.

[Willa]

In todays age of failing marriages it is refreshing to hear about the ones that are thriving.  

Before we had children I was always stuck with the mothers boasting about their kids, so I can relate to your feeling so left out.  But I didn't feel envious.  I just had nothing in common with them.  A 5th wheel.  Doesn't your church have a singles group?  We have one for over 25 and one for college age.   Perhaps you could start one.  

[4LdKHVCzRDj2]

4 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

While nothings wrong with that and people should  show appreciation  for their marriage and spouses,sometimes  they inadvertently go overboard. I've been in situations  where being the only single person and have married persons start lengthy debates about marriage,loving their spouses etc. initially it wouldn't be too their sex lives much but then it'd happen repeatedly over several days.

I have passed through similar situations and feelings... I know, sometimes bad and sad thoughts comes to mind.

We are alone and single, sometimes depressed and not with the life we desire to have.

 

Bad feelings and thoughts should not be accepted when they come but rebuked, we should be happy with happiness of others... It must be good to see them happy and realized with their marriage and life. I know the evil tries to flood our minds by making us questioning a lot of things.

 

I recommend you to keep focused on God's Word, praying, and trust in the Lord; he cares for you. Throw away your worries, seek His help, and ask Him to teach you each day.

I know it may not be easy, but the Lord Jesus can do it. Believe and trust, God's plans are greater than ours.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

[creativemechanic]

1 hour ago, Willa said:

In todays age of failing marriages it is refreshing to hear about the ones that are thriving.  

Before we had children I was always stuck with the mothers boasting about their kids, so I can relate to your feeling so left out.  But I didn't feel envious.  I just had nothing in common with them.  A 5th wheel.  Doesn't your church have a singles group?  We have one for over 25 and one for college age.   Perhaps you could start one.  

nah but i wouldnt call it singles. something about that label makes it seem demeaning or marginalising. Like so married couples have a group for them  so  well make something for you too. single people coulld mean male femal from 20 - 99. apart from singleness heres not much common ground

[Sower]

6 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

something  I created based on personal  experience and a sermon I heard afterwards. basically  as a longtime single person it's kinda irritating to hear married people float about how  great their marriage is continually in front of you. While nothings wrong with that and people should  show appreciation  for their marriage and spouses,sometimes  they inadvertently go overboard. I've been in situations  where being the only single person and have married persons start lengthy debates about marriage,loving their spouses etc. initially it wouldn't be too their sex lives much but then it'd happen repeatedly over several days. Not only are they rubbing what you don't have in your face but excluding persons in the group. 

I thought I was just being bitter or over sensitive til a recent visiting pastor preached about  weighing our words  before we say them. basically he said sometimes  when people  are going through things we  inadvertently hurt them by talking about whats great in our lives in front of them making them wonder why can't I be blessed.  Good point. again I'm not sayingmarried people can't  praise their spouses or express happiness for them but everything in moderation and time and place 

For the life of me, the world has turned into a society of victims.  Why is it wrong to have enthusiasm, maybe even bragging about how God has blessed me with one cool wife, (Pro_5:18  Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.) with great God fearing kids,  and neat grand kids, all dozen of them.  God has blessed me beyond measure. This is GOD"S doing. I don't apologize for Him and His blessings. Get a life. Really. A new life. If it is difficult listening to a bunch of old married couples enjoying talking about their neat kids, or  homes finally with a back yard for the children to play, diapers, college costs,  just wait around a while and you will then hear about the other side of the coin, about the serious years of financial  struggle,  marital problems, about the couple who could not have children, about the widows and widowers losing their spouse too soon. That's what MARRIED people do. You might want to get with other people who are like minded, but not try to change married people to your liking. If you don't like your situation, change it. Don't begrudge others their happiness. (You probably wont be around when tragedy and tears are flowing) Marriage is hard work. Kids are hard work. Supporting a family is hard work. Responsibility for the whole family is more than hard work, it's scary at times. (Then I think about how easy life was to be single.....) It's good for couples to get together sometimes (not enough times) and share the years of being together as husband and wife, the laughter and the tears, how God has brought us through it all,  sharing our joy.
 

"basically  as a longtime single person it's kinda irritating to hear married people float about how  great their marriage is continually in front of you."
Be happy for them, then  go find the singles crowd.  Don't play the victim.
 

"Not only are they rubbing what you don't have in your face but excluding persons in the group".
That would be wrong if that was what they were doing, and not what you just perceived they were doing. It probably felt like it, either way.
 

"I'm not saying married people can't  praise their spouses or express happiness for them but everything in moderation and time and place"
Rom_12:15  Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

Why don't you change the the last box dialog above to one of the three "victims" to read: " hey guys, are yawl tired of hearing about money and cars (and grand kids and diapers) What say we cut out of here and head down to the beach and have some fun, then talk about how we might get a college education(1) and make a bit more money(2) to buy a nicer car(3) and then could afford to get married(4) and have a family. 

Php_4:8  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

 

 

 

 

[Annette]

16 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

something  I created based on personal  experience and a sermon I heard afterwards. basically  as a longtime single person it's kinda irritating to hear married people float about how  great their marriage is continually in front of you. While nothings wrong with that and people should  show appreciation  for their marriage and spouses,sometimes  they inadvertently go overboard.

12

Hi CreativeMechanic,

A good thought. I do think that it is something that is good to be reminded of and to be mindful of in most situations.

As a married person, I have been in a room with other couples and have been uncomfortable with the details of the conversation.

And of course, some of us (speaking from experience) who are more sensitive than others and at times we have to ask God for the wisdom to know what we need to take to heart and what we need to let go of. 

Blessings  

 

[creativemechanic]

19 hours ago, Gary Lee said:

For the life of me, the world has turned into a society of victims.  Why is it wrong to have enthusiasm, maybe even bragging about how God has blessed me with one cool wife, (Pro_5:18  Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.) with great God fearing kids,  and neat grand kids, all dozen of them.  God has blessed me beyond measure. This is GOD"S doing. I don't apologize for Him and His blessings. Get a life. Really. A new life. If it is difficult listening to a bunch of old married couples enjoying talking about their neat kids, or  homes finally with a back yard for the children to play, diapers, college costs,  just wait around a while and you will then hear about the other side of the coin, about the serious years of financial  struggle,  marital problems, about the couple who could not have children, about the widows and widowers losing their spouse too soon. That's what MARRIED people do. You might want to get with other people who are like minded, but not try to change married people to your liking. If you don't like your situation, change it. Don't begrudge others their happiness. (You probably wont be around when tragedy and tears are flowing) Marriage is hard work. Kids are hard work. Supporting a family is hard work. Responsibility for the whole family is more than hard work, it's scary at times. (Then I think about how easy life was to be single.....) It's good for couples to get together sometimes (not enough times) and share the years of being together as husband and wife, the laughter and the tears, how God has brought us through it all,  sharing our joy.
 

"basically  as a longtime single person it's kinda irritating to hear married people float about how  great their marriage is continually in front of you."
Be happy for them, then  go find the singles crowd.  Don't play the victim.
 

"Not only are they rubbing what you don't have in your face but excluding persons in the group".
That would be wrong if that was what they were doing, and not what you just perceived they were doing. It probably felt like it, either way.
 

"I'm not saying married people can't  praise their spouses or express happiness for them but everything in moderation and time and place"
Rom_12:15  Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

Why don't you change the the last box dialog above to one of the three "victims" to read: " hey guys, are yawl tired of hearing about money and cars (and grand kids and diapers) What say we cut out of here and head down to the beach and have some fun, then talk about how we might get a college education(1) and make a bit more money(2) to buy a nicer car(3) and then could afford to get married(4) and have a family. 

Php_4:8  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

 

 

 

 

Uh... no... You just turned that from North straight to south... Why would i want to hear about the bad times in anyones marriage? Or change them?

Like i said   nothings wrong with it, just in excess, time and place. I never said im trying to change them  or that they  shouldnt do it. but in general , we should be mindful of whos around us and what we say, - would you like someone to continually  talk about what they have and you dont in front of you?

Some context tho- i actually went on a trip to do some work  with other christians. I was the only unmarried man. And practically every day for  like four days or so, at different places, a long conversation  was struck up about their marriages, loving their wifes etc. Initually I didnt mind, because , its not all about me and i shouldnt expect them to divert their conversation just for me. But then after the 3rd time, it started to get irritating. Basically  we got so much to talk about but youll keep going back to that, not only rubbing it in a persons face , but repeatedly excluding them from the conversation.

 

And it doesnt only apply to marriage, it can be almost anything. I witnessed a situation where2 women were pregnant at the same time.however, one had a miscarriage and the other gave birth in the same week and people congratulated  the one who had the baby in a public way that the other woman could see. Again, nothing wrong, but time and place...