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please delete this thread.

Edited by BloodofJesus
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A hidden danger in relationships that many Christians miss are "emotional affairs".   My gut feeling is that most times Christians commit adultery it is due to slowly being drawn into an emotional affair first.  Few Christians are aware of this and get caught without realizing it because the other person is usually a good and respectable person.  I think this is why pastors have affairs with their secretaries or people working closely together in the same ministry fall into this sin.  They don't wake up one morning deciding to sin; they simply fail to set boundaries on a friendship and inadvertently slowly build up an intimate emotional relationship.

An emotional affair is when two people spend a lot of time together (perhaps working together or being in the same ministry) and start to enjoy each other's company.  They talk a lot and become close friends.  They support each other and encourage each other.  And slowly, they start to develop very strong emotional bonds that should be reserved for a marriage.  What is confusing for many Christians is that this other person just seems like a "good friend", but there is something more to it emotionally than just that and they just can't put their finger on it.  Most Christians start out never even thinking twice about being nice to the other person and helping them out.  But it slowly grows into more than that over time.  For married Christians, the danger is that it becomes easier to talk to this other person than their own spouse.   The hard thing is that most people continue to view this person as a "friend" because they simply don't have any other word or category to describe them.  It's a person who is very nice and close and for lack of a better word, they are a "friend".

The problem is that these feelings do not go away very easily.  From my (limited!) understanding, the only good solution is getting apart and staying apart for the rest of their lives.  If that means a different job or moving, so be it.  It may never be healthy to renew the "friendship" again.  This is the type of relationship that could destroy a marriage years down the line.  At some point, all marriages hit low points and have struggles, running into that old "friend" at a low point in a marriage could result in them feeling more strongly for that "friend" than their spouse.

IF (and I emphasize IF) this is some form of an emotional affair your fiancé is in, the bad news is that the emotional bond probably won't go away very easily.  However, the good news is that once she is aware of this (and gets some distance from this particular man), she can probably avoid repeating this mistake in the future.  The fact that she felt uncomfortable is a very good sign to me.  Many good Christians have inadvertently not set proper boundaries on friendships with the opposite sex and found themselves basically falling in love with someone over a period of time.

This post is just my general understanding of what emotional affairs are.  I am NOT a counselor or pastor or expert on this stuff.  I only know what I've read and heard from other people's stories.  I would recommend talking to an experienced pastor or Christian counselor about this and explicitly ask about it for some practical advice about what to do.  I think that there is hope for your relationship being a good marriage, but I think a lot of work needs to be done first to completely resolve this before getting married.

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All have sinned; if she's repented then that is that. Anyone can fall to anything. If the repentance was true then you really shouldn't hold it against her; God doesn't, and we are called to be like Jesus.

To me, I would say the problem might be more that she's still close to the person, not that the kiss happened. If there were some kind of feelings there, then it would be best for them to go their separate ways to to put some distance between them so temptation is less likely to rear it's ugly head again.

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It is a hard decision, but if I see she is really interested to flee from evil and reject any shadow of it then I would feel better.

We do not have to flirt with temptation, if we are really committed we must cut it right from the start... But without submitting ourselves to God and the Holy Spirit this will not be possible; the flesh must be despised and ignored.

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!" - Luke 11:13

 

And loving for real, forgiving one another, helping one another, and seeking to be spiritually minded, reading God's Word and seeking God's help in prayer is a great help. Also, I believe that discussing about your "past adventures" (if any) is not a good idea and can bring unnecessary obstacles and feelings; a good idea is to forget the past and seek to live in Christ.

"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing." - John 15:5

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And what snake in the grass convicted you that it is wise to reveal deep dark secrets from the past that Jesus has covered  in his blood so that even God the Father does not have to look a them? You two have now caused each other to sin in your thoughts, about how you feel about each other.

Confess that sin before God, hug each other, and  promise to never ever listen to that snake again.

From there all other decisions  are to be based upon today and today forward only.

May God the Holy Spirit guide you both. Amen

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On 10/20/2017 at 9:31 AM, BloodofJesus said:

praise Jesus.
hello guys, Im engaged to a woman whom I believe is the one for me, I prayed and fasted from 2015 and finally got confirmation from God in 2017 January that she is the one.

A few days ago we decided to take a new step of disclosing past dark secrets which afect our marriage innthe future, hosnesty is important to both of us, we both were not saints in the past so I dont to come off as judgemental and self rightreous to ward her.

She told me that that before I was in the picture, she as a christian(holding a leadership position) kissed a married man who had cheated on his wife before and was confiding in her, they were friends, she told me it lasted less than a minute but then realized the wrong they had done and repented before God. she is still close and they are "friends".It simply doesnt make sense to me why she would still be really close to this guy, I know this man as well, they served together.

Truth be told I had suspicions about their relationships then, a gut feeling if you will, and it turned out to be true.

One of the principals I hold dear in my relationships is faithfulness and this just struck me, I couldnt sleep that night, I tossed through out the night.

The main fear tormenting and worring me is that she might repeat this "mistake" agian in the future with the same or probably another guy. I dont trust her as much as I did before, I told her this and she said she was hurt by it.

when I tried to explained to her my fears and insecurities about this issue, she got defensive and said I was being manipulative.

Dont get me wrong, if she had kissed a single guy then no problem or emebezzeled funds, it wouldnt have bothered me much. I know sin is sin.

This is the first relationship Ive been in with a woman, I love her and I know she loves me but I fear my heart will be broken in the future. I dont trust her as much as I did, I find it hard to move forward with this "obstacle".

Any advice and insight is highly appreciated.

God bless.

It was a choice that you and your fiancee made to each other to disclose your past. Was it mutual or were you pushing this more than she was? If you make that decision you have to be prepared to take in everything you hear and not be judgmental. She kissed a married man. It could have been a lot worse. Do you see signs now of her being fickle and flirting with other men or having a roving eye?Why are you so upset about this? You need to take a look at yourself and give this to God. Did you want her to be perfect? It is all about forgiveness. If you want a woman who is perfect you are going to be spending many, many more years looking if you ever do find her. A person should know someone very well before they take those vows because a lifetime is a very long time.

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God will give it back and tell you to man up.:mellow:

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Here is where you both made your first mistake;

Quote

'A few days ago we decided to take a new step of disclosing past dark secrets which afect our marriage innthe future, hosnesty is important to both of us, we both were not saints in the past so I dont to come off as judgemental and self rightreous to ward her."

.

 

Because;

Quote

"they realized the wrong they had done and repented before God."

.

 

What happened to;

Quote

"I prayed and fasted from 2015 and finally got confirmation from God in 2017 January that she is the one.

You seem to be to be coming off as judgemental and self righteous to ward her, something you said you did not want to do.

 

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deleted.

Edited by BloodofJesus
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On 10/21/2017 at 3:31 AM, BloodofJesus said:

praise Jesus.
hello guys, Im engaged to a woman whom I believe is the one for me, I prayed and fasted from 2015 and finally got confirmation from God in 2017 January that she is the one....

So what is wrong with God's confirmation?

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