Should I leave my church?

[ytLiJC]

On 11/27/2017 at 7:59 AM, Sanctum said:

Hello everyone,

I joined this forum at the suggestion of a friend, because I'm grappling with a very difficult issue and can't tell what God's will is. Everyone I can turn to "in real life" has their own preconceived ideas and they're all based on different interpretations of the Bible.

First of all, a little background. I was raised in an evangelical megachurch, grew disillusioned as a teenager, and left the faith. Later I got to know a family online from a conservative Anabaptist faith, who helped renew my interest in God. I recommitted my life, researched Anabaptist beliefs including nonresistance to evil, and started wearing dresses and headcoverings. A couple of years later, I decided to move away from home and join a conservative Mennonite church.

The church was wonderful. Small and tight-knit, full of young families. Evidence of love and the Holy Spirit was everywhere. My family resisted because of the strict standards of the church, but they admitted that the people were lovely. 

Five years have gone by. I am now 26, still single and living with the minister and his wife. I have been very ill the last several years and could only manage a simple part-time job.

Now, here's the part that's troubling me. The church has strict "standards" and applications of Scripture, which I agreed to uphold when I was baptized, but which are now becoming constricting and keeping me stuck. Some of the standards, to give you an idea, include how to dress, down to the size of print on our dresses and the number of pleats in our headcoverings, and "plain" suit with no tie for men; no instrumental music; cars in only black, white or earth tones; no TV or radio (which I agree strongly with); no organized sports; no labour unions. Many of the standards are good and beneficial. The thing is, while people will say that they're not required for salvation, if you don't obey you have a spirit of rebellion, which calls your salvation into question, and you lose your membership in the church.

There are two standards that, in my case, are making things very difficult. In my church education is not encouraged past grade 10. I was public schooled and had a little college before joining; I dropped out for health reasons. Most people who have grown up Mennonite have learned a trade early on, and girls are mostly encouraged to either teach school or get married and raise a family. Neither is an option for me. So I'm stuck working at my part-time minimum wage job without opportunity to better the situation. 

The other standard involves insurance. The church teaches that taking insurance shows a lack of trust in God, and that the church should help each other. So we don't take any insurance that's not specifically required by law. House, car, crop insurance - nothing. We even get special exemptions from public health insurance (I live in Canada) and all our medical fees are billed directly to us.

Last year I spent a month in hospital and racked up a very large bill. The church paid almost all of it, and they have helped me other times as well. The problem is, while I'm grateful, I now feel indebted to the church without any way at all to pay them back. This has caused a lot of guilt and anxiety and ever since then I've felt myself starting to pull away from the others.

Part of my issues have involved deep depression (from a biological source) that tends to isolate me and make it hard to follow any regular rhythms in daily life. Recently my mentor, a lady from church that I trusted very much, told me to my face that I was a hypocrite because I admitted to not feeling joy in my Christian life and "going through the motions," and that I wasn't having personal devotions every day. That hurt. A lot. 

The thing is though, I think she might be partly right. I've learned during my time here to rely on the standards, to look right on the outside and hope it will filter inward. It hasn't, and instead the inward emptiness is starting to show through. I'm losing touch with God.

If I would leave the church, and possibly join the Baptist church in town, I could go back to school and do something with my life to help others, instead of taking and taking and never being able to give back. I'm beginning to believe that the standards might be okay for someone raised in the church, but in my case they're doing more harm than good.

And yet I love my church dearly. I love everyone there and would miss them terribly. It would never be the same if I withdrew my membership. And people in town, who know me as a Mennonite, would have questions I'm not sure how to answer without throwing the church in a bad light. Theologically I'm 100% Mennonite and would never quite fit in the Baptist church... but I never quite fit in the Mennonite church either.

I've prayed and asked advice and so far the struggle hasn't abated. I'm leaning toward going but it will be so, so hard. And didn't I vow at baptism to be faithful to the church? It's so confusing!

Anyway I'm sorry for the long letter here. Please pray for me if you think of it, or direct me to Bible passages that can help clarify this.

Thank you and God bless,

"Sanctum"

 

i can't tell you just to leave, but i can tell you what i have known; for example, to fully trust a person is not completely safe - i don't say every person will lie to you deliberately, but it is enough that someone mislead you unawares or due to ignorance on their part

what do i do?, i examine every thing and accept it as true or false only if it is fully proven to me to be true or false, then i testify to what i have found and reason/discuss until a satisfactory enough consensus is reached with the truth...

1 Thessalonians 5:21 (NASB) "examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good;"

Blessings

[missmuffet]

On 11/26/2017 at 9:59 PM, Sanctum said:

Hello everyone,

I joined this forum at the suggestion of a friend, because I'm grappling with a very difficult issue and can't tell what God's will is. Everyone I can turn to "in real life" has their own preconceived ideas and they're all based on different interpretations of the Bible.

First of all, a little background. I was raised in an evangelical megachurch, grew disillusioned as a teenager, and left the faith. Later I got to know a family online from a conservative Anabaptist faith, who helped renew my interest in God. I recommitted my life, researched Anabaptist beliefs including nonresistance to evil, and started wearing dresses and headcoverings. A couple of years later, I decided to move away from home and join a conservative Mennonite church.

The church was wonderful. Small and tight-knit, full of young families. Evidence of love and the Holy Spirit was everywhere. My family resisted because of the strict standards of the church, but they admitted that the people were lovely. 

Five years have gone by. I am now 26, still single and living with the minister and his wife. I have been very ill the last several years and could only manage a simple part-time job.

Now, here's the part that's troubling me. The church has strict "standards" and applications of Scripture, which I agreed to uphold when I was baptized, but which are now becoming constricting and keeping me stuck. Some of the standards, to give you an idea, include how to dress, down to the size of print on our dresses and the number of pleats in our headcoverings, and "plain" suit with no tie for men; no instrumental music; cars in only black, white or earth tones; no TV or radio (which I agree strongly with); no organized sports; no labour unions. Many of the standards are good and beneficial. The thing is, while people will say that they're not required for salvation, if you don't obey you have a spirit of rebellion, which calls your salvation into question, and you lose your membership in the church.

There are two standards that, in my case, are making things very difficult. In my church education is not encouraged past grade 10. I was public schooled and had a little college before joining; I dropped out for health reasons. Most people who have grown up Mennonite have learned a trade early on, and girls are mostly encouraged to either teach school or get married and raise a family. Neither is an option for me. So I'm stuck working at my part-time minimum wage job without opportunity to better the situation. 

The other standard involves insurance. The church teaches that taking insurance shows a lack of trust in God, and that the church should help each other. So we don't take any insurance that's not specifically required by law. House, car, crop insurance - nothing. We even get special exemptions from public health insurance (I live in Canada) and all our medical fees are billed directly to us.

Last year I spent a month in hospital and racked up a very large bill. The church paid almost all of it, and they have helped me other times as well. The problem is, while I'm grateful, I now feel indebted to the church without any way at all to pay them back. This has caused a lot of guilt and anxiety and ever since then I've felt myself starting to pull away from the others.

Part of my issues have involved deep depression (from a biological source) that tends to isolate me and make it hard to follow any regular rhythms in daily life. Recently my mentor, a lady from church that I trusted very much, told me to my face that I was a hypocrite because I admitted to not feeling joy in my Christian life and "going through the motions," and that I wasn't having personal devotions every day. That hurt. A lot. 

The thing is though, I think she might be partly right. I've learned during my time here to rely on the standards, to look right on the outside and hope it will filter inward. It hasn't, and instead the inward emptiness is starting to show through. I'm losing touch with God.

If I would leave the church, and possibly join the Baptist church in town, I could go back to school and do something with my life to help others, instead of taking and taking and never being able to give back. I'm beginning to believe that the standards might be okay for someone raised in the church, but in my case they're doing more harm than good.

And yet I love my church dearly. I love everyone there and would miss them terribly. It would never be the same if I withdrew my membership. And people in town, who know me as a Mennonite, would have questions I'm not sure how to answer without throwing the church in a bad light. Theologically I'm 100% Mennonite and would never quite fit in the Baptist church... but I never quite fit in the Mennonite church either.

I've prayed and asked advice and so far the struggle hasn't abated. I'm leaning toward going but it will be so, so hard. And didn't I vow at baptism to be faithful to the church? It's so confusing!

Anyway I'm sorry for the long letter here. Please pray for me if you think of it, or direct me to Bible passages that can help clarify this.

Thank you and God bless,

"Sanctum"

It would be difficult to leave the situation you are in . I think they would put a lot pressure on you. They are very legalistic. That is not biblical. You need to give this whole situation to God and tell Him what is on your heart. God does not answer prayers in our timing. If you are unhappy and do not have a good feeling about the Church you are in perhaps God is trying to tell you something.

[Gentle Heart]

As I read your post and the replies of many others the word "legalism" kept popping up. This is what the Word of God has to say about legalism in Colossians 2:20-23 "If you have died with Christ to the elementary principles of the world, why, as if you were living in the world, do you submit yourself to decrees, such as, “Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!" which all refer to things destined to perish with use)—in accordance with the commandments and teachings of men [religion]?  These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence."

Even true believers can be legalistic - it has a "form of godliness" that emphasizes a system of rules and regulations for achieving both salvation and spiritual growth. Is God interested in how many pleats or how big the print is on your clothing? Or does He care more about your heart, your walk, and your obedience? God's purpose and will for us is not in the outward but in the inward change.

It is sad that you have endured the kind of error that is so strict and demanding that God's grace seems to have been lost. Even when telling them you were leaving their unbending legalism judged your very walk with God and only God sees and knows your heart and your intentions. Many legalistic believers today make the error of demanding adherence to their own biblical interpretations and even to their own traditions rather than the Word of God all the while using the Word and twisting it to fit their needs. They may not intend to be judgmental or condemning but it is the result all the same.  The truth is that following this strict system of religion negates that God has given us liberty and grace so that we are no longer in bondage to the "law" but rather to Christ who is the fulfillment of the law. Following strict rules and doctrines is no guarantee of spirituality.

While I do not doubt that God used your time within this Church and you grew in your faith as well as had a close knit fellowship with other believers the fact that you are now questioning whether you should leave is an indication that God is leading you forward. So dear sister, do not worry what others will think or say and do not allow a false guilt or shame to keep you from being obedient to God and God alone. We are to please God above all others and we can only do that if we are obedient to Him.  Pleasing God is or should be, the goal of all believers. The requirements for all who want to please God are that they must seek God by faith, walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh, and walk worthy of our calling in obedience and submission to the will of God. These things may often be difficult to do especially when those we love and respect are judging us, but God wants us to please Him and the beauty of our desire to step out in faith is that He makes it possible for us to please Him because we do not do these things in our own power but by the power of His Spirit who lives in our hearts.

Ephesians 4:1-  says, "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.  There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called;  one Lord, one faith, one baptism;  one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."   It matters not what Church you go (as long as it is biblically based for your spiritual growth) but all believers belong to the body of Christ. You can continue to love and pray for those you leave and be the model of humility, gentleness, patience as you bear with however they choose to see you or treat you. Your testimony to keep the unity of the Spirit and to keep the bond of peace may fall on the deaf and blind, but in the end, we are all called to one hope. Praying for you! Peace and Grace!

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1 

Edited December 19, 2017 by Gentle Heart
added a scripture reference