Hmh123 Posted December 9, 2017 Group: Members Followers: 2 Topic Count: 10 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 28 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 55 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/07/2017 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/25/1993 Share Posted December 9, 2017 (edited) I came to Christ when I was almost 24 years old but it is too late for me. Ive made so many mistakes that I can’t clean them up and neither can God. I dropped out of school at 20 and never went back. When I tried to go back at 22, it was too late and they said I had to come back at 24 when I’m not under my parents info. Everyday is the same for me. I wake up in the same apartment and do the same stuff. Go to work. I barely have any friends. By now, I’m supposed to have a multitude of friends from college, but I don’t. For years I chased the wrong things thinking I would find my answer. I was a stripper so I cried to god hoping I could become a bartender or a waitress. I never got any bartending Jobs. I got a waitressing job at a hookah bar and I actually left and was rude because I didn’t even know how I was going to pay my rent with 250 at the end of 2 weeks. I was actually super rude at that job. The guy said he was going to increase my pay and add in my tips, but that place didn’t get any business anyway, but still I should have been more grateful. Even little moments like that I was so ungrateful for and didn’t count my blessings, but I didn’t know what to do! I had moved out at 18 and now had rent to pay so I was constantly stressing over that. An atheist has had more of a god than me. I’ve just mad bad decision over bad decision. I have tattoos I don’t even want anymore that I’ll have to remove now. I already started the removal process, but it’s a pricey and long process. I have a flower on my arm. A tiny star on my pinky, a tiny moon on my right pinky and the pyramid sign on the dollar bill is in my left wrist and I have a large tat on my leg that I’ve been trying to remove I have dreams every night of what could have been and what should be of my life. I woke up from a dream seeing myself happy, smiling with other kids in their 20s or maybe I was with my husband being normal. Not to mention, I was also heavily into psychics, tarot cards and other sorcery, but I didn’t think it was “bad” because it was “white magic” such as crystal use. I can’t tell you how many times I visited the occult store and bought a certain crystal to help in a certain department of my life. Last night I read old journal entries from middle school and high school and I had Wicca symbols written everywhere Why is it so much easier for a kid to find/think of occult symbols than to just solely depend on prayer??? I even became friends with a psychic. BIG mistake. I also just recently realized that you can get a counselor for FREE through health insurance. There’s no need to pay a psychic and that’s why I hate myself cause I literally have lived under a rock for years with the mentality of you live and you learn which is DUMB because why not research and be SMART? And then you don’t have to fall into the traps of the world but again growing up I never considered myself evil and never understood the battle going on that we can’t even see. Speaking of my journal entries, I found an entry I wrote when I was 11. I wrote that my grandma thinks I’m mental and she thinks I’ll commit suicide one day. I wrote this at the age of 11! That entry actually makes me want to hold on a bit longer cause I wouldn’t even want her at my funeral. I wish I kept up more with my journals I totally stopped writing in them? I live with my mom now whom I was taken from at the age of 4. I can’t even sleep in because she’s always fiddling with plastic bags and opening zippers. She’s been working at the same retail store for 13 years. I wouldn’t call her a role model or anyone to go to for advice, but I was adopted and was ungrateful for everything I got because the family didn’t show me the love that I really wanted like acknowledging my existence by asking me how my day went. I always felt like the black shee. The lady who adopted me was old and all her kids were old enough to be my parents. Anytime I said anything to her, she would go back and tell everyone. I never had a mom to talk about important topics such as virginity, marriage,boys, college. I lost my virginity at 18 and then went on a rampage till like maybe 20. I got “over it” after a while but in the moment I remember talking to a friend and it was something about me I didn’t like but I didn’t know how to control my flesh. Of course at that moment, I didn’t use that terminology because then I definitely would have brought out my bible or started praying, but still I never actually REPENTED. I didn’t repent until just recently so now all my pay sins are just coming up like VOMIT and recently i’m thinking of things all over again feeling bad ALL OVER AGAIN. lately I am an emotional wreck. I’m not as bad as I was a couple weeks ago, but I’m pretty bad still. I went on YouTube and saw a couple who’s my age (24) and they are still virgins and that made me upset. I’m at the age where I realize everyone is getting married, has kids, or has a degree and had a career they like. I went to college for fashion, but that was really dumb of me because I should have just went to a BIG college and maybe just minored in college and majored in English? Idk I just jumped thinking I knew what I was doing and “god had me”. I was never the type to stalk the internet like I do now. The way I am now is how I wish I was then. I don’t talk to the family who adopted me anymore and they don’t talk to me cause they don’t have my number, but I don’t want to talk to them anyway. My sister married and got pregnant by my childhood bully. My life wasn’t bad, but once I became a stripper it’s like the world got into my head and I got used to things going wrong where I said inside “idc” so I kept moving forward until I smacked into a tree and I’m looking around like wow this is what I’ve done! Actually it’s more like Jesus turned the light on and I see all the mess I’ve made. I can’t even picture myself marriaged. I didn’t keep myself pure. I have tattoos on my body. I thought I loved myself until Christ showed me I had 0 respect for myself. Granted yea I know Jesus can fix everything but he can’t go back in time. The timing is all off now. When a person goes to college, that’s when they start their lives. I’m TWENTY FOUR. The age people are graduated or are ALREADY graduated and this is when I’m starting my life???? Come on dude I couldn’t have messed up anymore. I may not have committed suicide yet but I certainly crushed my spirit which is almost the same thing. When I go back, everyone will be 17,18,19... It’s not even like I’m morbidly depressed about everything. I accept it but I just don’t want to live with this anymore!! Why is it so hard to find Christians in real life other than the church? I already met a lesbian who basically said she doesn’t believe in god at work. Another 55 year old atheist and she even has a 25 year old daughter who is an aethist and has a career working with special needs kids. Like come on! That would give me even more of an incentive to believe in god? Edited December 9, 2017 by Hmh123 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAZARD Posted December 9, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 11 Topic Count: 320 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 6,830 Content Per Day: 0.84 Reputation: 3,570 Days Won: 1 Joined: 02/16/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted December 9, 2017 Hmh123 I came to Christ when I was almost 24 years old but it is too late for me. Ive made so many mistakes that I can’t clean them up and neither can God. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ God can and will fix anything for anyone if they turn to Him through Jesus. Hi Hmhn123, NEVER EVER GIVE UP. That's our adversary working on you. There was a woman, caught in the very act of adultery. The Scribes and Pharisees brought her before Jesus and said she must be stoned to death, but what sayest thou Jesus? He replied, John 8:7, So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. John 8:9, And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. John 8:10-11, When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? V. 11, She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. The Apostle Paul saId, "Were all sinners and Jesus said He came to save sinners, not the righteous." 1 Timothy 1:15, This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief. Paul here is saying that he was the worst of the worst sinners before being forgiven by God. My advice, do as I did many years ago, Get out of the sin business, turn to Jesus confessing your sins to Him and ask the Father to forgive you, "In Jesus Name" and you will be forgiven and get yourself a Bible and read a little each day starting in the New Testament, I started in John 1:1, and got to know about Jesus, then you can start a new life. Psalms 103:12, As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1to3 Posted December 9, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 22 Topic Count: 138 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 4,181 Content Per Day: 1.22 Reputation: 3,070 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/28/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted December 9, 2017 (edited) 4 hours ago, Hmh123 said: Why is it so hard to find Christians in real life other than the church? Hi Thank you for sharing of your life and such. Don't give up, Life can seem overwhelming at times and sometimes we may very well feel quite alone, but the truth is that in Christ you are no longer Alone. God so much wants to have a profound personal relationship just with you and Him alone. He wants to adopt you as His wonderful daughter, just beautiful in His eyes, because He chose you to know Him and for Him to help you. God your Father will help you, He will give you the strength , courage and wisdom that no other can give. Remember always what Christ Jesus said: I did not come for those who are well , I came for those who are sick, go and learn what that means. Matthew 9:12 11When the Pharisees saw this, they asked His disciples, “Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” 12On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”… Mark 2:17 6When the scribes who were Pharisees saw Jesus eating with these people, they asked His disciples, “Why does He eat with tax collectors and sinners?” 17On hearing this, Jesus told them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners. Luke 5:32 …31Jesus answered, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 32I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance. If you are drawn to God through Christ Jesus, then that is the best news. John 10:7-14 7 Then said Jesus unto them again, Verily, verily, I say unto you, I am the door of the sheep. 8 All that ever came before me are thieves and robbers: but the sheep did not hear them. 9 I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. 10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. 12 But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them, and scattereth the sheep. 13 The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine Christ Jesus our GOOD shepherd is here right here, right now, for you. He will refresh you, cleanse you and help you become the child of God you were always intended to be. When you don't feel worthy, remember these WORDS ALWAYS: 2 Corinthians 5 Corinthians 5New King James Version (NKJV) Assurance of the Resurrection 5 For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2 For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven, 3 if indeed, having been clothed, we shall not be found naked. 4 For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. 6 So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. 7 For we walk by faith, not by sight. 8 We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord. The Judgment Seat of Christ 9 Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him. 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad. 11 Knowing, therefore, the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are well known to God, and I also trust are well known in your consciences. Be Reconciled to God 12 For we do not commend ourselves again to you, but give you opportunity to boast on our behalf, that you may have an answer for those who boast in appearance and not in heart. 13 For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; or if we are of sound mind, it is for you. 14 For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; 15 and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again. 16 Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 18 Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. 20 Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God. 21 For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. Most importantly to always remember: 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 18 Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Don't worry so much about anything anymore, give it to God and He will help direct your path. Philippians 4:6-7 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Your loving Eternal Father truly would like to have a daily ongoing relationship with you. He is just waiting for you to converse with Him and He will respond back. Ask God to please help you to learn to trust in Him. He will show you how. You will be OK God has your back, just let Him help you and He will. Edited December 9, 2017 by 1to3 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTC Posted February 17, 2018 Group: Royal Member Followers: 18 Topic Count: 200 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 2,795 Content Per Day: 0.65 Reputation: 1,502 Days Won: 1 Joined: 06/25/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/26/1952 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Hi Hmh123, You are a very brave young lady. It's hard to be open and honest online, I know cause I do it all the time. Btw, I was born in Brooklyn, I believe it was Bushwick which is now totally different. Did you realize how amazing it is that you found the Lord? It's sad but too often God has to let us drive ourselves into the ground before we turn to Him. Even so, some people never do, or if they do it must be right before they die. Most of my family seems to have done this. It's terrible. This is why you are so special. The title of your post says you want to end it but I don't think you do. I've also learned that if it isn't God's time for us to go you'll just hurt yourself and make matters worse. I tried to end me in 2010, luckily God didn't let me hurt myself but I still don't know why He wants me here. I hope you know you aren't too old nor is it too late for you to do what God has planned for you. Honestly, 24 isn't old. If you want to go back to school you better go. When I was in collage we had several people there over 40, one in 1 of my classes. I didn't look down at her, no quite the opposite I admired her for coming back plus I learned she had a full time job as well as collage. Then I transferred and lost touch with her. But I tell you the truth, not 1 of us younger students ever mocked her nor made fun of her. So if you think God wants you in school you go back. You'll probably be more well known and well liked than you ever were. I want to be sure you know that when we come to Jesus not only does He forgive our sins but He wipes them from His mind. He said He won't even remember them. I believe it takes God to do that. I can't. You're right that God doesn't like tattoos. But I tell you don't worry about them and don't be burning your skin trying to remove them. Just don't get anymore since you now know God never wanted us doing that. I guess you've been reading the OT, I'm impressed. I read it 40 yrs ago but way too fast and I have problems with those names they used. Now it's on Biblegateway as an audio book which is better for me. Now I let someone else worry about how to pronounce those names. You probably know this too but I want to be sure. There's no such thing as white magic, any magic comes from the evil one and we don't do it. Sadly, that's what half my family got into a long time ago. One man, who was like a brother to me (I have no real siblings) this man wanted to live forever, or at least until 120. God blessed him with a wife, sons, good health, a pretty good job, some great friends, but he gave it all up to talk to spirits. I told him not to I even begged him not to. I kept telling him the devil is using him, but he thought I was the fool because I trust in Jesus. The devil's like the mafia, they help you but then they want something back. Well, the point is he died at 62 and I'm still here. I was right but I wish I wasn't right. Now I have only 1 relative left. She's doing the same things. I told her don't be trying to talk to spirits because they are not good. Now she's mad at me. I want to tell you another thing. All your life, take care of your health. I didn't and only a true miracle can fix me. This slump you are in will pass, I don't know when but it will. You have a strong mind and you have determination. Once you decide what you want to do with your life I believe God will help you and you'll do it. Look how far you've come already. Be well and stay strong with God. JTC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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