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God's Mirror/Sharing my Testimony!


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Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man unto whom the LORD imputeth not iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no guile. When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long. For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer. Selah. I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah. (Psalms 32:1-5/KJV)
 
I have been studying about David and his consequences for his sins, that He  confessed a year later before God and Nathan the Prophet. When David kept silent about his sins his spirit and body would groan all day everyday. God's hand of displeasure was heavy upon David. His body had no strength he felt so drained from the guilt that kept replaying within his conscience continuously without ceasing until David finally confessed. Nathan's parable was the mirror in which the true enormity of the king's sin was held up to his face.
 
As I examine myself through David's story. I also tried to hide many sins from others. Especially, the ones I was sinning against. I recognize now none of my confessions were confessed right away. I couldn't sleep for years... There were many sins that I kept a secret for years. I would distracted myself from truly allowing the heaviness of the guilt to take over me. I learned to cope with my evil deeds by  drinking, watching porn, masturbating, and seeking for attention from strangers online. I would involve myself in my families problems, and find fault in every situation that they shared with me. I would judge others for the same sins I was committing like David did. I had no mercy on what I felt they deserved, and I did not hold back my mouth from my judgement towards them. Some how it did not hit me the same way it hit David. I was committing the very same sins that others were, but I was so lost in my own sick delusion of being righteous in my own eyes I could do no wrong.
 
I cheated in ALL my relationships. I betrayed people's trusts. I would try to find fault in the Godly people God sent my way, because of deep rooted jealous towards their discipline and commitment towards God. When they would try to correct me I would get defensive. Instead of receiving the correction and becoming a better person from it. I would become argumentative and very disrespectful. My pride destroyed my relationships, my reputation and my ability to see the truth for what it really was. I finally confessed my sins after so many months and years, and lost ALL that was good in my life. They were more disappointed in me taking so long to confess my sins, than the actually sin itself. I was so scared on how others would view me, that I tried so hard to masquerade as this close to perfect Christian. When in reality I was such a phony, and a hypocrite. It took me 12 years of sowing evil deeds to finally look at myself in "God's Mirror" and face the truth about myself. The hardest reality of it all is the results of my sins, and how most people rather love me from a far. It hurts to my very core, and the tears are limitless.
 
I take full accountability for my actions, and I deserve what's coming my way...I just hope that someone can learn from my mistakes. If you have someone good in your life stay faithful and loyal to them. If someone trusts you with something personal going on in there life. Keep it and never share it. The most important lesson I urge everyone to do is DON'T KEEP YOUR SINS TO YOURSELF. Confess them right away...Secret sins will eat you alive, and your consequences for keeping it longer than you should have may be harder and longer to bear with...
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