tony tee Posted December 24, 2017 Group: Newbie Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 4 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/05/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted December 24, 2017 My wife prides her self on her organizational skills she plans the day carefully which can be a good thing. However, what is really going on is not good because it does not release the kingdom – righteousness peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. But it is just a means to control anxiety. She is also quite abusive towards me, she is disparaging, controling, and discussing things with her often feels like being in a verbal battle. After just over 9 years of marriage I’m very close to seeking seperation and probably a divorce. My wife has been a Christian for about 39 years, in terms of spiritual groth she has not got past year one and she is not open to progress. Any helpful suggestions would be appreciated. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secretopossumcabal Posted December 28, 2017 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 207 Content Per Day: 0.09 Reputation: 188 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/15/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted December 28, 2017 Stand your ground, set the law. Women do not like pushovers, do not let her manipulate you. Don't be complacent in your marriage, demonstrate to her traits that show that she is very lucky to have you. Show but don't tell, start working out, lift weights, and lastly -- this is the hard part -- DO NOT have any bedroom activities with her until she changes. Shut down any and all of her advances, do not "feed" into her drama, when she pushes you, do NOT respond, remain as stoic and as cool as possible. You will be surprised to see how much this can flip a switch inside of her brain. Remember in the Adam-Eve relationship, Eve is Adam's daughter, so when a wife is throwing a tantrum, you basically have to act like her parent. Remain as cool as possible, do NOT get angry. Hold your frame. Do not go towards the opposite either and appease her, stay as cool as possible -- patience here is key. Men are like rocks on the shore, and she's basically like a wave that is trying to break you in order to test you. Women often unconsciously test their men to see if they are firm, this is what she is doing and most women will end up doing that in one form or another. Become a rock, as that is what Adam failed to do at the very beginning, muddy marriages ultimately have their roots traced to this. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted December 28, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,990 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,688 Content Per Day: 11.83 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted December 28, 2017 On 12/23/2017 at 7:28 PM, tony tee said: My wife prides her self on her organizational skills she plans the day carefully which can be a good thing. However, what is really going on is not good because it does not release the kingdom – righteousness peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. But it is just a means to control anxiety. She is also quite abusive towards me, she is disparaging, controling, and discussing things with her often feels like being in a verbal battle. After just over 9 years of marriage I’m very close to seeking seperation and probably a divorce. My wife has been a Christian for about 39 years, in terms of spiritual groth she has not got past year one and she is not open to progress. Any helpful suggestions would be appreciated. I am hearing one side of this story. I usually don't like to come to a conclusion until I have heard both sides of the story. Have you sat down with your wife and told her exactly how you feel? Have you been through marriage counseling? You say that your wife does not have a lot of fruit when it comes to being a Christian. Are you a born again Christian? Have you been taking the relationship you have with your wife to God in prayer? You come off here as quite judgemental. You do know that if you separate from your wife or get a divorce it will not be a biblical divorce. Why did you marriage this woman to begin with? Do you have children? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debp Posted December 28, 2017 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 52 Topic Count: 1,014 Topics Per Day: 0.15 Content Count: 12,271 Content Per Day: 1.79 Reputation: 16,330 Days Won: 92 Joined: 07/19/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted December 28, 2017 Women respond to love, not punishment from their husbands. I agree you and she should seek counseling from a godly pastor. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it;... Ephesians 5:25 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:28 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Colossians 3:19 Likewise, husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ps37 Posted December 28, 2017 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 200 Content Per Day: 0.09 Reputation: 268 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/01/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted December 28, 2017 Having been through difficult issues in marriage (some ongoing still) I can only offer this: Jesus did not love us and sacrifice Himself for us because we were worthy of His love and sacrifice. He loved us and sacrificed Himself for us so that we might become worthy. I try to live out Ephesians 5:25-27 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washingwith water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. Love her and sacrifice for her so that she may become the woman God wants her to be. Not easy by any means, and I would never pretend it is. I still struggle. We, as husbands, must do as we are commanded by the Lord, and trust Him to protect us and shield us as we follow His commands. Trust Him, that as you follow His commands, He will do a work in your wife. God bless you. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HikerMom Posted January 1, 2018 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 94 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 81 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/31/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted January 1, 2018 (edited) I agree with naominash. But have you prayed regularly about it? Just as encouragement I want to tell you that I was a very unhappy person when I married. I know I was controlling. No one could please me. I was angry and took it out on every one around me. I know it isn't an excuse, but I did grow up in a terribly abusive, alcoholic home. I've worked through all of it with God's help and my husband and I have a terrific marriage. He did finally put up some boundaries that forced me to rethink my behavior. It humbled me and I slowly began to change. I strongly believe you cannot change another person. My husband putting up boundaries made me think. But I still had to choose to humble myself and change. You can't force your wife to do it. But you can set boundaries and call her out as naomi said on her abusive behavior. Henry Cloud has some great books on boundaries and I think he has one on boundaries in marriage. I would try to get counseling for sure even if you have to go alone so that you can get help setting boundaries. It is the loving thing to do for her. I am so glad my husband did that for me! Saying a prayer for you this morning! Edited January 1, 2018 by HikerMom 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HikerMom Posted January 1, 2018 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 94 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 81 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/31/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted January 1, 2018 Saying a prayer for a soft heart for your wife this morning! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Estrella Posted January 2, 2018 Group: Senior Member Followers: 26 Topic Count: 33 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 813 Content Per Day: 0.24 Reputation: 1,002 Days Won: 1 Joined: 03/11/2015 Status: Offline Share Posted January 2, 2018 On 12/28/2017 at 9:24 AM, secretopossumcabal said: Stand your ground, set the law. Women do not like pushovers, do not let her manipulate you. Don't be complacent in your marriage, demonstrate to her traits that show that she is very lucky to have you. Show but don't tell, start working out, lift weights, and lastly -- this is the hard part -- DO NOT have any bedroom activities with her until she changes. Shut down any and all of her advances, do not "feed" into her drama, when she pushes you, do NOT respond, remain as stoic and as cool as possible. You will be surprised to see how much this can flip a switch inside of her brain. Remember in the Adam-Eve relationship, Eve is Adam's daughter, so when a wife is throwing a tantrum, you basically have to act like her parent. Remain as cool as possible, do NOT get angry. Hold your frame. Do not go towards the opposite either and appease her, stay as cool as possible -- patience here is key. Men are like rocks on the shore, and she's basically like a wave that is trying to break you in order to test you. Women often unconsciously test their men to see if they are firm, this is what she is doing and most women will end up doing that in one form or another. Become a rock, as that is what Adam failed to do at the very beginning, muddy marriages ultimately have their roots traced to this. I can hear the clock ticking. Disaster waiting to happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aimes Posted January 2, 2018 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 26 Topic Count: 35 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 6,734 Content Per Day: 2.78 Reputation: 8,345 Days Won: 21 Joined: 08/29/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted January 2, 2018 On 12/27/2017 at 7:24 PM, secretopossumcabal said: Stand your ground, set the law. Women do not like pushovers, do not let her manipulate you. Don't be complacent in your marriage, demonstrate to her traits that show that she is very lucky to have you. Show but don't tell, start working out, lift weights, and lastly -- this is the hard part -- DO NOT have any bedroom activities with her until she changes. Shut down any and all of her advances, do not "feed" into her drama, when she pushes you, do NOT respond, remain as stoic and as cool as possible. You will be surprised to see how much this can flip a switch inside of her brain. Remember in the Adam-Eve relationship, Eve is Adam's daughter, so when a wife is throwing a tantrum, you basically have to act like her parent. Remain as cool as possible, do NOT get angry. Hold your frame. Do not go towards the opposite either and appease her, stay as cool as possible -- patience here is key. Men are like rocks on the shore, and she's basically like a wave that is trying to break you in order to test you. Women often unconsciously test their men to see if they are firm, this is what she is doing and most women will end up doing that in one form or another. Become a rock, as that is what Adam failed to do at the very beginning, muddy marriages ultimately have their roots traced to this. This post is filled with so much incorrect advice, that is completely not based upon Scripture. Please ignore this and read the other comments. Seriously, I don't think I've read a comment here before that literally made me sick to my stomach before but now I have. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravindran Posted January 2, 2018 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 11 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 496 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 398 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/18/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted January 2, 2018 As many stated, this is one side of the story. Not trying to put down the post by any means. Probably talk with your pastor. Hope you both attend the same Church and have a pastor who can deal with this situation. It is better to talk with someone who knows both of you personally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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