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Abuse in marriage


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25 minutes ago, TheAimes said:

This post is filled with so much incorrect advice, that is completely not based upon Scripture. Please ignore this and read the other comments. Seriously, I don't think I've read a comment here before that literally made me sick to my stomach before but now I have.

Not sure what you find wrong. Eve IS Adam's daughter, for she was taken out of Adam, in Genesis, God remarks how women will pine for their husbands to rule over them. 

This is also a scientific thing, it is called Hypergamy, nurses pine for doctors, lawyers for juges. Women date UP to fulfill their desire to find their father in a male.

It is a fact without a doubt that men are like the rocks that must contain a woman's ocean. Therefor, men must act like Fathers to the women they marry and remain a stoic and as fatherly to them as possible. All of these things are stuff that you and all women look for in a male, for all of them demonstrates the masculinity in a male, you can no more not desire it in a male than a male not desiring the beauty in a woman. 

There is no world where women enjoy husbands that aren't as rocks.

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On 12/28/2017 at 1:21 AM, Debp said:

Women respond to love, not punishment from their husbands.  I agree you and she should seek counseling from a godly pastor.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it;... Ephesians 5:25

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.   He that loves his wife loves himself.   Ephesians 5:28

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.  Colossians 3:19

Likewise, husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.  1 Peter 3:7

This is sound advice, that women need to be loved from their husbands

BUT husbands need to feel*** respected*** from their wives.

And from your description, this seems to have been thrown out the window, in that she just does not seem to respect you.

Somewhere you may have stopped or never took the leading role? And if that is the case. she may have developed a resentment towards you for not being the leader of the family.

 

About what Opossum said?  I will only take from one quote:

1 hour ago, TheAimes said:

This post is filled with so much incorrect advice, that is completely not based upon Scripture. Please ignore this and read the other comments. Seriously, I don't think I've read a comment here before that literally made me sick to my stomach before but now I have.

Not sure what you find wrong. Eve IS Adam's daughter, for she was taken out of Adam, in Genesis, God remarks how women will pine for their husbands to rule over them. 

This is also a scientific thing, it is called Hypergamy, nurses pine for doctors, lawyers for juges. Women date UP to fulfill their desire to find their father in a male.

It is a fact without a doubt that men are like the rocks that must contain a woman's ocean. Therefor, men must act like Fathers to the women they marry and remain a stoic and as fatherly to them as possible. All of these things are stuff that you and all women look for in a male, for all of them demonstrates the masculinity in a male, you can no more not desire it in a male than a male not desiring the beauty in a woman. 

There is no world where women enjoy husbands that aren't as rocks.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is some truth in what opossum said:

  Scripturaly speaking" Men are to love their wives and women are to respect their husbands

Because when a woman feels loved by her husband she will respect him

and when a man feels respected by a woman he will love her .

Without love and respect , as the Scriptures mention, the marriage will not be a happy one.

Most women do look for the husband to take the lead in the family.

The wife is the mate, the helper, she too has and important role, but she needs to respect her husband

and the husband has to love his wife and use Godly wisdom towards her.

Do not ever use corporeal punishment on your wife. that destroy and deeply so.

For sure women like to test men, but usually during the courtship phase.  Any women denying this is not truthful. but women also have to use Godly discernment and Gods wisdom in dealing with her relationship with her husband. If she is reacting to her husband without Godly guidance, she is also going the wrong way by going her way and not following Gods way found in Holy Scripture

How a man reacts is how a women will respect the man or not.

But it is the man who is the one to take the lead.

Ephesian 5:25

24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her 26to sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,…

 

So  what opossum said about woman looking for the man to be the leader is correct.

However, the man has to use wisdom, (Godly Wisdom) How Christ would react,  and this if where being fatherly towards your wife comes into play and is required.

 

"It is a fact without a doubt that men are like the rocks that must contain a woman's ocean." lol

yes this is actually quite true, because women do test men and men must recognize this and if they are smart they can . This is where taking (higher road) is required to diffuse the situation,  doing so with kind and patient fatherly love. When the husband acts in love, the wife recognizes it and respects him."

 

Edited by 1to3
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36 minutes ago, 1to3 said:

So  what opossum said about woman looking for the man to be the leader is correct.

However, the man has to use wisdom, (Godly Wisdom) How Christ would react,  and this if where being fatherly towards your wife comes into play and is required.

 

"It is a fact without a doubt that men are like the rocks that must contain a woman's ocean." lol

yes this is actually quite true, because women do test men and men must recognize this and if they are smart they can . This is where taking (higher road) is required to diffuse the situation,  doing so with kind and patient fatherly love. When the husband acts in love, the wife recognizes it and respects him."

 

I still disagree with a lot of what they said and how it was said. I am single, I am certainly not looking for a "father" figure to be my husband. I agree that women do test men and look for one who is strong and can lead their home, but to say that women are seeking a "father" type and to suggest punishment (as Opossum did) is in my book incorrect and not found in scripture.

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12 minutes ago, TheAimes said:

I am certainly not looking for a "father"

Hi TheAimes,

well perhaps in understanding the context of :father figure" =Leader. = wise man= good father ?

That's how i see it.

 

Edited by 1to3
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Possibly, I still have issues with what opossum said and how it was said, but I shall leave it be; I don't get into the forum "wars" LOL

Y'all be blessed!

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Read Matthew chapter 22. In short, many are called, few are chosen. 

God calls whom he will to his grace. Being He is eternally knowledgeable he would know who would respond to the free gift of his grace and eternal salvation. And whom would not. That's God's knowledge. Ours is nowhere near as precise. 

We can meet people every day who profess themselves to be in Christ. And yet, as scriptures tell us, we will know them by their fruits. Your wife demonstrates her fruit to you for nine years. 
The scriptures warn against being yoked with an unbeliever. And rightly so I think. What does a righteous God loving person have in common with someone who is not so? 

If you have a church you're a member of suggest counseling with the pastor there. If your wife refuses the next move is yours. 

Imagine living your entire life the way you feel now and it only getting worse year after year until you die.  Sometimes God lets things get so bad in a marriage he did not bless that he leaves it up to us to decide if we really will follow his leading and get out. This way we can find the one he does mean for us to be with. That one will never catch our attention as long as we are behind the yoke we're trying to make work when it has no intention of doing so. 

 

God guide you and bless your steps. 

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47 minutes ago, Butero said:

1 Corinthians forbids you or your wife from withholding sex as punishment.  It states that you do not have control over your own body, but your wife does, and vice versa.  That is completely unbiblical advise.

Proverbs 21:19: "It's better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife..."

Women often use sex to assert authority over the male, and if the male gives in, then she has the power to control him. When the wife respects the husband and the husband loves the wife, then yes, they must be there for each other, but when there is no respect for the husband that is often because the husband isn't doing his duty as a man, to assert authority, to be a leading figure. Her ocean needs to break and part on his headland. That's what generates attraction for women.   

Wives must respect their husbands, but she can't respect her husband if she has authority over him. So it's better to be stoic for awhile as Proverbs 21:19 states to show her that she has no authority over him, that is when she might actually respect him. Husbands must act as rocks, at ALL times.

50 minutes ago, Butero said:

The husband is not a Father to his wife.  He is her head.

Eve was taken out of Adam; Adam is Eve's father because of this fact, just as a mother is the mother of the child that comes from out of her own flesh. This is why Adam has authority over Eve and why Eve has authority over the child. It's as you say -- the hierarchy of love -- God, Man, Woman, Child. Eve is Adam's daughter and women love to be protected and adored just as little girls are. God treats man as his son, man treats woman as his daughter, and woman treats the child as her child, and children treat puppies as their own children.

Women being treated like girls by their husbands also makes the women feel very young into old age -- they love it.

 

54 minutes ago, Butero said:

What is the purpose of lifting weights?

Because Men should not become complacent in their marriages -- women want their men to be MEN, to be strong, to protect them. As a male's strength goes, so does his confidence, and women will see that he is very much a man capable of protecting her and the children, this will increase the wife's desire for him. Men get very complacent and flat-footed in marriage all the time and it's an insidious poison that makes wives resent them. Plus there are lots of mental and health benefits to it, so everyone really benefits from it.

Work out everyday! it is WORTH IT.  

 

58 minutes ago, Butero said:

but leave punishments in God's hands.  

Not exactly sure what you mean here as a civilization can't have law and order without punishment. So I'm guessing you're referring to judgement of souls, in that case all judgement is punishment but not all punishment is judgement. Punishment is not inherently bad. You can't earn a woman's love by appeasing her and becoming a doormat, if you believe in patriarchy, you need to believe in the ability of men to assert themselves over women as a father asserts his authority over his children. This is what is means to love both women and children, you do not appease the child when he asks for ice cream every night, nor do you appease women that are quarrelsome.

 

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secretpossumcabal.....your advice sounds controlling and manipulative to me.  Similar to the silent treatment in some ways.  I don't think it would work.  Only God can change a person's heart.  For ourselves though, we can set good boundaries and not put up with abuse.  And if children are in this situation it will be worse if things don't change.  They learn either to abuse or to put up with abuse.  T o me, scripture is clear that we can divorce but only remarry if there was adultery.  I know God hates divorce but I really do think there are things He hates even worse.    

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7 hours ago, Butero said:

You seem to be saying that it is ok to violate scripture in some cases if the wife isn't doing right.  Women use this same argument to disobey their husbands.  They will claim that if the husband isn't living according to the Bible in all areas, they don't have to submit to their authority.  We are all accountable to God, so neither the man nor the woman has a right to violate scripture because the other isn't following God.  

God never refers to Adam as the Father of Eve.  Adam didn't give birth to Eve.  God removed a rib and fashioned Eve and said they shall be one flesh.  That is because the woman is part of the man, so when they are united in marriage, they both are complete.  The part of man that was removed is restored.  That is one reason why two homosexuals cannot have a Biblical marriage.  They cannot be one flesh.  They were two separate beings from the start.  

What you are teaching is not Biblical, but it is your own reasoning.  You have come to the conclusion the husband is like a Father figure to his wife, and you are comparing the husband wife relationship to a parent and child.  While the husband does have authority over his wife, just as strong as a Father over his children, he is not her Father.  It is a different relationship.  God instructs the husband how to behave and the wife.  We must follow the instructions he gave to us, and we aren't free to violate them if our spouse doesn't.  

Not anymore than proverbs Proverbs 21:19 is violating scripture. If it says that it's better to spend time away from a quarrelsome wife, then there must be rhyme to that reason, I would agree with that husbands and wives should be there "on demand" for each other, but quarrelsome women tend to weaponize sex, and a husband should avoid that pitfall if he's to have authority over her, I think proverbs addresses that. I don't think either passages are against each other.   

As a daughter is a part of her father; she came out of the man/woman. I'm repeating myself here but that's ebcause I believe the analogy is correct. The hierarchy of love creates a family dynamic, and it's that Hierarchy that will live on forever in heaven. We are as father's and protectors to women as God is our father and protector. Our relationship to them is like a smaller version of his relationship to us.    

How we love and treat women is a reflection of how God loves and treats us, while the bible doesn't outright state that Adam is Eve's father, the relationship is very much father/daughter because of the the blood tie of Eve being taken out of Adam, and as a child is taken out of the mother.  

1 hour ago, HikerMom said:

secretpossumcabal.....your advice sounds controlling and manipulative to me.  Similar to the silent treatment in some ways.  I don't think it would work.  Only God can change a person's heart.  For ourselves though, we can set good boundaries and not put up with abuse.  And if children are in this situation it will be worse if things don't change.  They learn either to abuse or to put up with abuse.  T o me, scripture is clear that we can divorce but only remarry if there was adultery.  I know God hates divorce but I really do think there are things He hates even worse.    


Men actually being allowed to be men is not manipulative, quite the opposite, what's controlling is women that weaponize sex, which is the main gambit that wives have over husbands. They often dangle it like a carrot. When a man becomes needy she losses a lot of respect for him because she then holds power over him (which leads to a dead bedroom anyways) When that gambit is denied, the authority of the male is asserted. Women do not like needy groveling men. Men that constantly appease their wives earn nothing but their contempt, wives must respect their husbands, but they cannot respect a husband that constantly appeases, for that husband is weak willed and doesn't know how to stand up for himself. 

Women want men, not boys.   

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I’m so sorry you’re facing problems in your marriage, Tony. I know how difficult and painful it must be for you. Have you ever considered talking with a couple counselor? Do you think that's something that might be helpful for you personally? Do you think your wife might consider going with you? I just said a prayer for you and your wife, asking the Lord to bring healing and hope to the situation you described. I know it’s not easy right now, but I urge you to stay strong. Sending prayers & wishing you well! 

 

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