Marriage!

[jasonmc1583]

Hello, 

I'm new here but I really know what else to do. I talk to my friends, preacher, and whoever else I feel comfortable with. But I still have issues, no matter how much I pray or do whatever. A little bit of back ground... I was saved when I was just a little boy, but didn't really ever follow Christ. At least until about a year ago. But I met my wife in high school in 2000 and we dated until 2005 when we got married. We had our first child in 2007 and our second in 2008. Just like any couple we had ups and downs but we always tried to move past them. I didn't ever help the situation by not caring nor stopping to listen. I always would get upset and frustrated because I always felt it was the same thing over and over. It was always me who would do something dumb and get mad at her when she'd find out and not tell the whole truth. I always thought that it didn't matter that much and she'd just get over it. I didn't ever pshycially cheat but I did emotionally, I didn't care. I did love my wife but I had a horrible way of showing it. Even though Id always act like a fool she'd always do the right thing and try to bring me back to my senses, but I didn't listen! Back a few years ago things got pretty bad and we decided to separate and see where that went. Well I thought that was what I wanted then but she begged me to come home and I did. The next few years I kept the same feeling that I didn't want to be married and I was better off single. Well if you speak it long enough it'll come true! Back in September of 2016 she and I decided to call it quits. Then in June of 2017 I moved out into my own place. Not long after I moved out that's when my life was shattered! I found out a lot of things that I never would've imagined. I found her with another man and also found out that she had been sexually active with him and two other men. I cant tell you what that did to me!! At first I acted like a fool and I did some ridiculous things, things that Id never had done! After I settled down a little bit I turned back to God for help! I gave my life back to him and started to devote everything to him. I have asked him time and time again to help me understand and see what to do. I have learned that he'll tear you down to bring you back to him and that your relationship with him is more important than a marriage. I feel like that's what he's done! I try to talk to her and to hopefully get somewhere with her but she thinks she's "in love". She says that she's happy, he makes her happy and if it weren't Gods plan then why would she feel like she does. I get so frustrated with this situation and I want to act out and be a fool but I know that wont do anything. I forgot to mention that between the both of us we've lost everyone parental wise. She found her momma dead in her bed while her parents were going thru a separation themselves. I'm at a loss and I don't know what to do. I feel like God's telling me that we'll be back together one day. An I know that his timing is perfect and I have to be patient, I'm trying so hard! I continue to stay confused because I hear her and others tell me to just move on. I go back and forth trying to make sure that it's God telling me to stand for our marriage. There is always so much going on in my head that I cant hear him clear and I just want it to STOP! I sometimes feel like I need to move on but when I do I feel...guilt. I still have issues with lust and things like that. That makes me feel like.. well I know that I'm in no way ready for God to mend our marriage. But why do I feel he's telling me he will? I've gotten to the point with a lot of friends that they don't want to even talk to me. I don't have any family other than my kids, so I'm just left to sit and think and dwell. UGH.. I just want to know what to do and how to handle it all!! 

[Evgeniya]

Im sorry but i think it is too late and you really need to move on. If she is happy just let her go by praying to Jesus, pray about to let her go and about to find another woman. Whenever you feel bad continuously say "i bless her", when i was blessing people who i need to let go then it worked and i felt no anger no hate for them. God will show you so much of His Love to you, even you can find that love between humans is nothing comparing to His amazing Love ! She commited adultery, so you can be free and keep looking for another wife! Freedom with Jesus is wonderful, without Jesus freedom is a jail. Travel more, pray more so Lord will pull her out of your heart with no pain, leave the past behind you, Lord prepared smth wonderful for you in the future !

[Willa]

Many times God allows us to bear the consequences of our sins.  So no matter what happens with your relationship with her, things will work out for your good if you keep God the focus of your life.  Does she have custody of the children?  They should be your second concern.  Try to let them know that this all is not their fault and that you love them more than ever because God is now a bigger part of your life.  He is the source of genuine, unselfish love.  Spend as much time with them as you can.  Do things together and make good memories with them. Don't shower them with gifts.  You are what they need.  

 I would advise you to proceed cautiously with your ex wife.  She has been very hurt and now has made her own mistakes.  She needs time to heal as well as the will to do God's good pleasure.  So just pray that God's will be done in her life, and that He protect and save your children.

 

Psa 37:1  [A Psalm] of David. FRET NOT yourself because of evildoers, neither be envious against those who work unrighteousness (that which is not upright or in right standing with God).

Psa 37:2  For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.

Psa 37:3  Trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) in the Lord and do good; so shall you dwell in the land and feed surely on His faithfulness, and truly you shall be fed.

Psa 37:4  Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.

Psa 37:5  Commit your way to the Lord [roll and repose each care of your load on Him]; trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass.

Psa 37:6  And He will make your uprightness and right standing with God go forth as the light, and your justice and right as [the shining sun of] the noonday.

Psa 37:7  Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him; fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass.

Psa 37:8  Cease from anger and forsake wrath; fret not yourself—it tends only to evildoing.

Psa 37:9  For evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait and hope and look for the Lord [in the end] shall inherit the earth. [Isa 57:13c]

Psa 37:10  For yet a little while, and the evildoers will be no more; though you look with care where they used to be, they will not be found. [Heb 10:36-37; Rev 21:7-8]

Psa 37:11  But the meek [in the end] shall inherit the earth and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace. [Psa 37:29; Mat 5:5]

[missmuffet]

41 minutes ago, jasonmc1583 said:

Hello, 

I'm new here but I really know what else to do. I talk to my friends, preacher, and whoever else I feel comfortable with. But I still have issues, no matter how much I pray or do whatever. A little bit of back ground... I was saved when I was just a little boy, but didn't really ever follow Christ. At least until about a year ago. But I met my wife in high school in 2000 and we dated until 2005 when we got married. We had our first child in 2007 and our second in 2008. Just like any couple we had ups and downs but we always tried to move past them. I didn't ever help the situation by not caring nor stopping to listen. I always would get upset and frustrated because I always felt it was the same thing over and over. It was always me who would do something dumb and get mad at her when she'd find out and not tell the whole truth. I always thought that it didn't matter that much and she'd just get over it. I didn't ever pshycially cheat but I did emotionally, I didn't care. I did love my wife but I had a horrible way of showing it. Even though Id always act like a fool she'd always do the right thing and try to bring me back to my senses, but I didn't listen! Back a few years ago things got pretty bad and we decided to separate and see where that went. Well I thought that was what I wanted then but she begged me to come home and I did. The next few years I kept the same feeling that I didn't want to be married and I was better off single. Well if you speak it long enough it'll come true! Back in September of 2016 she and I decided to call it quits. Then in June of 2017 I moved out into my own place. Not long after I moved out that's when my life was shattered! I found out a lot of things that I never would've imagined. I found her with another man and also found out that she had been sexually active with him and two other men. I cant tell you what that did to me!! At first I acted like a fool and I did some ridiculous things, things that Id never had done! After I settled down a little bit I turned back to God for help! I gave my life back to him and started to devote everything to him. I have asked him time and time again to help me understand and see what to do. I have learned that he'll tear you down to bring you back to him and that your relationship with him is more important than a marriage. I feel like that's what he's done! I try to talk to her and to hopefully get somewhere with her but she thinks she's "in love". She says that she's happy, he makes her happy and if it weren't Gods plan then why would she feel like she does. I get so frustrated with this situation and I want to act out and be a fool but I know that wont do anything. I forgot to mention that between the both of us we've lost everyone parental wise. She found her momma dead in her bed while her parents were going thru a separation themselves. I'm at a loss and I don't know what to do. I feel like God's telling me that we'll be back together one day. An I know that his timing is perfect and I have to be patient, I'm trying so hard! I continue to stay confused because I hear her and others tell me to just move on. I go back and forth trying to make sure that it's God telling me to stand for our marriage. There is always so much going on in my head that I cant hear him clear and I just want it to STOP! I sometimes feel like I need to move on but when I do I feel...guilt. I still have issues with lust and things like that. That makes me feel like.. well I know that I'm in no way ready for God to mend our marriage. But why do I feel he's telling me he will? I've gotten to the point with a lot of friends that they don't want to even talk to me. I don't have any family other than my kids, so I'm just left to sit and think and dwell. UGH.. I just want to know what to do and how to handle it all!! 

Like I always say I am hearing only one side of a story and it is difficult to get the whole picture. I think the only thing you can do is to totally give this situation to God and then move on. Ask Him to guide and direct you on this. Give God control of your life 100%. Do not try to control your life yourself. See where God leads you. He has a plan for your life.

[SerenSunflower]

This is my response: if she hasn't married another man, it is still possible for the marriage to be saved. And it is God's will in general that a marriage should continue to exist. He looks at them as indissoluble unions. Which is probably why He is telling you that there is hope for you and her to get back together.

I could give you verses, but my advice to you is go buy this book and then follow it: Love Life For Every Married Couple . You can buy it at almost any bookstore. I built my marriage on that book, and not too long ago it restored our marriage. 20 years of marriage later, I can testify that God's plan for marriage works. And I say "I" because my husband has never read this book. I let it dictate how *I* was going to behave, and everything flowed from there. Don't give up hope! I believe you are hearing from God.

Edited January 2, 2018 by SerenSunflower

[Justin Adams]

All very good advice and good thoughts. 

It will be difficult as a man to forget the partners your wife had. It may cause you great worry and a tremendous amount of grief. She really 'married' those other men, so you have this difficulty that YOU will be in a substitutional relationship with all her partners as well as her if you re-unite. This is how the spirit world works.

If you feel guilt, that is Satan. If you feel conviction, then that is the Lord - with conviction ALWAYS comes a way to deal with it. Satan wants you to chase your tail. Just remember that fact.