Emotionally Tired of Being a Black Woman

[MorningGlory]

13 hours ago, Darian86 said:

MorningGlory, thank you for taking the time to read my question. What kind of stung me was this response. My history may not be the same as yours and you may not fully understand how it affects me or my race today. But just becuase I personally wasn't invovled in that time era, doesn't mean that makes it less important or that 'that was then, this is now' (which I'm not accusing you of anything).  When I look at the lines in my hands, I see my ancestors. I AM my ancestors and I care for them even if I didn't know them or aren't alive today.

As I've stated, traces of it really do lurk. After they were freed, that still didn't make it any better for the slaves because they were banned to work at certain places. Then you had the civil rights which was in my parents' time, and then we're still trying to get out of oppression. For example, my grandmother had to march in the streets to protest for rights. This is my DAD's mother. Very close. My grandmother was also raped by a white man but they chased her out of town when she tried to get justice for it. This is my DAD's mother. Not very long ago at all. I have a woman on my mom's side who never knew her age becuase she wasn't considered human to have a birth certificate. My dad was stopped and repeatedly asked by a cop if he had a gun in the car, when clearly, my dad answered 'No' every single time. This wasn't long ago. This was right within my living family. This is why there is a lot of depression I am living with because being black seems dangerous and lures people to for whatever reason, to have this intense urge to mistreat me. I get that we all have problems, but you have never walked in the shows of a black person to truly understand. It is a daily struggle. DAILY. 

I do believe you, Darian, but the point of my response was to point out that times have changed. Yes, there IS still racism but that doesn't define YOU and what you can make of your life.  Jews have been persecuted more than any other ethnic group but it hasn't stopped them from going forward, has it?

I have never been a black person, that's true, but I can empathize enough to tell you to thwart the haters and make the best of the life God gave you.  I wish you only the best and in that I am sincere.  You're very articulate, Darian.  Use that gift to make a difference as Condoleeza Rice has done, coming from nothing and becoming a very important figure in American history. She's a role model, not just for black women, but ALL women.

[Darian86]

25 minutes ago, MorningGlory said:

I do believe you, Darian, but the point of my response was to point out that times have changed. Yes, there IS still racism but that doesn't define YOU and what you can make of your life.  Jews have been persecuted more than any other ethnic group but it hasn't stopped them from going forward, has it?

Thank you for responding. Racism should not define me, yes, but it defines my experience or my rights. It's easier said then done to forget about the haters. I've tried not to let it define me my whole life, but there comes a time where I'm tired of fighting the N word, or tired of fighting that I'm ugly, or tired of fighting extra hard. After a long period of time these things start to make you go crazy the more you encounter them. I'm less likely to be approved for a loan because of my skin color. I'm less likely to be taken seriously because of my skin color. I'm less likely to be treated the same because of my skin color. I'm less likely to receive justice in court if someone does m wrong. I'm less likely to be welcomed in a certain neighborhood because of my skin color. I may stopped numerous times by the police for my skin color. I have to work twice as hard compared to a white person or any person just to make it halfway. Are Jews having these problems today, because last I checked they aren't treated like I am or like my father and sister? People can claim the world hates them, but they seem to have some supernatural protection where no one can touch them. Definitely not the same for black people. I hate being compared to the Jews because our problems are not like theirs, or theirs not like ours, and we're a different people.  We can't act or react like them. That's almost like telling a victim who suffered the same or near-same crime you suffered, but telling them you didn't let it affect you; so why aren't they acting the same as you?

I feel like nobody is hearing me when I say these things, like I'm voiceless and it's all just in my head, or making the problem bigger than it is. The stuff happening on TV with social media, or agendas and propagandas going on, I feel like we are very much going back to the 60s and that stresses me. I don't like to be compared to the Jews, because even when they have been persecuted they are still a lot higher in preference over any black person any day. As I've said, we are at the bottom of the barrel in every aspect.

To everyone that has responded so far, thank you for at least trying, but I don't think anything is going to work. This is just too much of a huge problem that not a few words or paragraphs would fix. I tried though. This is physcially and mentally exhausting. Thank you.

[ytLiJC]

On 1/16/2018 at 11:45 PM, Darian86 said:

Hello, everyone. I am extremely new to this site. I've searched around for various Christian forums just hoping somebody can help me. I don't mean to offend anybody or bring any type of discomfort to this forum. I especially hope I get no violations. This is a really heavy issue on my heart. I am extremely at the end of my rope with depression and anxiety, but what makes it all worse is how the world views me in this dark body God gave me. I have asked God why this color? Why not make me Asian or Native American? I tried telling myself that He made me black because it pleased him. Why should he care what the world thinks, or form me in the matter what would fit society's standards? I've tried convincing myself that God does not cater to how poorly we human beings view each other. Racism wasn't His fault. He is a supreme being over the created. I've tried convincing myself that only his thoughts about me matter. I've tried looking at the big picture that one day, all of us will unite with him and experience the real TRUTH about EVERYTHING. But none of this convincing is working.

Deep down, I know there is nothing wrong with my skin color, or the hair texture that I have, or the physical features. If there was no racism or the harsh systems against my people, I would be able to walk down the street proudly. However, when you live in a world where DAILY, somebody is reminding you that your skin color is a problem, it starts to get to you...for years and years and years and years. It's like beating up a dog everyday where the dog will eventually think it did something wrong. Social Media is a terrible and evil tool for people to manifest their true feelings about me and my race. I have seen so many cruel things, such as:

1. African't (word CAN'T) as if we can't do anything. As if it's in our DNA to fail, or that we need extra help, or that we're born to suffer.

2. It is believed we aren't civilized. No matter how nice I am, or how wide of a smile I put on my face, I will always be regarded as another black animal. I know I tend to fool people once they hear me speak or experience my personality. I always hope that the mugshots shown on the daily news about a murder or robbery isn't of my race because what one black person does, the rest of the black people are also at fault for it. We are not individually judged, but judged as a whole.

3. We have dirt and less developed countries

4. Slavery was our fault (and even if we were handed over by our brothers and sisters, that still does not excuse the terrible unspeakable things that happened to us.) And even when it was 400 years ago, traces of it are still affecting us today. My ancestors didn't get to own businesses or have land passed down through their generation of future families. I was never able to relate to white folks who talk about the family lineage or how far down the they count their family ancestry. I can't. My history is silent, yet it screams of blood.

5. I am guaranteed at least once a month to see somebody say I'm ugly (not directly), or black women are the least desired all over the world, that their own men don't want them, whether it's to an Indian man, Asian man, White man, or even African man. Men of various races always obsess and desire a White woman. it is NEVER ever ever ever ever anybody that looks like me. And I'm not saying I need their approval, but, it will just feel nice to know that I may look beautiful to somebody every once and a while. I will never or hardly ever in my life see a man of any race say something decent about me. We're not on billboards. We're not on TV with commercials glorifying our skin or looks. When I was a kid white Barbie dolls were heavily emphasized in commercials. The other minority dolls only showed up right at the end of the commercial. I broke my mother's heart when I told her to take back the black doll she gave me. We're never even in video games where we can enjoy cool characters. And if we are in video games, we have very insignificant roles. In movies, we're always portrayed in a very stereotypical ways.

6. Other black people make it harder to be black. Like the Mugshot I just spoke of. I can name so many problems, like falling into gang relations, or having an obnoxious loud attitude, or have terrible customer service in various employment. Some stereotypes are unfortunately true, but it affects m as well.

7. We have the worst health issues. High blood pressure, diabetes, heart diseases, mental illness, Sickle Cell, Lupus, and STD crisis; one of the least healthiest people on the planet.

8. We are regarded as less worthy.

9. Everything a black person does is a big deal. While I get that our names may sound funny, we can't even create our own names without ridiculing. No one ever questions why Asian people have the names the have, or the Arabs, and Indians, and other races of people, but if it's a black person, we need to just have white names. What about owning a business. Black businesses are perceived as low quality. Mexicans and Asians can whip up a business and people will flock to them like crazy. We're not allowed to have a bad day or express anger because if we do, we're being violent, or it's the 'uh-oh, and angry black man/woman!'

10. We are not welcomed anywhere on the planet.

11. We are a totally misunderstood race of people.

12. Racial tensions drive me crazy. Just the insensitive and lack of willingness to even understand a black person's place or their situations. We're told to 'get over it' or 'it's your fault', or 'stop playing the victim', or 'you're looking at things at a wrong perspective'. I am going mad. Nobody understands us, nor do they want to. We are the loneliness race on planet earth. No matter how much we shout and cry and plead, nobody hears us. Nothing changes.  Not even God will do anything. Black people fill up the churches like crazy and can be some of the most God-fearing people, yet we're still severely oppressed

I am emotionally tired. I feel like I just want to go sleep and never wake up. My depression and anxiety have gotten so bad that my body doesn't feel the same anymore. Sunday night I cried to God so hard that I could barely breathe. What was He thinking to even create me? I feel so terrible because I grew up with a wonderful childhood to two of the most amazing parents and a high-spirited family, but they have no idea I'm saying these things. Suicide feels really nice, but it will crush the people around me. I'm 31 years old, and suicide has been chasing me for years and it is constantly getting closer and closer.  I read the bible and I pray, and it doesn't work, or the healing isn't coming fast enough. What can I do in this impossible world where everyday somebody or something lets me know that my skin color will always be an issue? How can anybody or even God expect me to be sane? What can I do? How can I get out of this struggle?

Somebody please help me. How can the bible speak to me with this impossible struggle? A throb is in my throat right now...

 

concepts such as black woman, homosexual, autistic, etc. haven't come from the true God, but they are a result of the activity of spiritual lawlessness as well as of other iniquities - what i can advise you is, be yourself as one of the human beings created by Him and don't follow world models

Blessings

Edited January 20, 2018 by ytLiJC

[Lavender]

Hi Darian.  I'm from New Zealand so I have no personal experience of witnessing what you are talking about other than seeing things on the news.  It must be exhausting for you to deal with these things.  Some people are more sensitive to things than others and maybe you are one of them and that's completely fine.  (I'm a sensitive person).   I would suggest that in addition to praying and talking to God that you share your feelings with others like a family member, close friend, member of your church etc.  Don't go through it alone.  It might also be good for you to have a break from social media that's negative.  If you like reading then books can be a great way to escape into a different world to give yourself a break.  I also find Christian music to be uplifting.  If you are feeling extreme depression or suicidal thoughts please reach out to someone or an organization that can help (I don't know what groups are available in the country that you live in). Hugs to you.

[Debp]

Darian, perhaps it is the part of the USA you are from that has given you and your family these bad experiences?  You are from the South, aren't you?

Please try to remember that you are a child of God through our Lord Jesus.   Love your enemies, pray for them, overcome evil with good.   It might be difficult, but doing these things can help replace the hurts you have suffered.

God bless you and lift you up.

 

[Wayne222]

      I think it's hard to be alive in this world today. There will always be some racism in the world. Our self worth has to come from God and not from the way we are treated. If he says we are in the beloved and that's what the bible says then we are off if we look to the world for value. Our value is only from God. If he gave up his son then will he not give us all things? Look to God for your value as a person. I am white but where I work the blacks and white hang out together. The suffering of this age is not worthy to be compared to the glory to come.

[secretopossumcabal]

Racism is not something that can go away, as it's an extension of tribalism; if a family harbors preference for their own, that will reflect in a race, because a race is an extension of a family, people are nicer to those that remind them of family, blacks are also guilty of this, as is every other race as it is perfectly natural. The sad truth of the matter is that to destroy racism is to destroy the blood-tie that binds a people together, meaning that it will never go away for as long as we're on earth.  

The truth of the matter is that humans are creating another tower of babel in globalism and that is riling racial tensions up, you know as they say, a good fence makes a good neighbor, that is being done away with to turn man against man. Borders are being destroyed in order to bring about the destruction of civilized humanity. 

There is a saying Diversity + Proximity = War, which is manifesting, racial tensions are not getting better they are getting worse, this is a product of the evil one, people are happier when they are with their own kind, when they're allowed to assert beauty standards based on their own kind. 

Additionally -- here is some tough love -- but you are lamenting that the world is not changing for you. You're not God, you're not going to be able to undo paradise lost out of this condemned world. If you're going to act like a victim you will be a victim, he who lives by the sword shall die by the sword. The serenity prayer should help you let go of trying to pull paradise out of this world:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can; 
and wisdom to know the difference.

You need to let go of the things you cannot change, you will be happier. There is no saving this world beyond Christ, it is doomed, we're aiming for the next one. The best any one of us can do is put a band-aid on the gaping wound that this planet has, and that will certainly not amount to much. Only Christ can do anything to fix it, and he most certainly is not you or I.

My advice is to not to get sucked into the "social justice" farce, who continuously seek the opposite of the serenity prayer in an age of affluence and opulence, in no era in all of time has there been an age where it's better to be black than in the modern west, this is the trap of Egalitarianism. Satan tried to assert true equality with God, knowing that it will end in defeat, if you seek true equality with the other races, you will fail, for once you stamp out one hill, 100 more pop up. This is a sinister trap that Satan has laid out for the foolish ones who think it prudent to follow him on that angry spiral into hell. 

You have to let go of some things.

 

[1to3]

I think we live in a dark world and there does not seem like we can change the world, but we can with Gods help, get healed from this world and live apart from this world.

Prayer : Father God, thank You for today, thank You for Your plan of Mercy and Grace through Your only begotten Son Christ Jesus, Father God I come before You in the name of Christ Jesus,

I realize that I have judged___-so and so-_________________, and I have made inside me a root of bitterness. I am sorry for this, and i don't want that awful thing anymore.  ___-so and so-________________, i forgive you for (the offense ).  Lord  God almighty, I ask You to forgive me for this root of bitterness. Forgive me for taking Your place as the Judge.I ask You to come into that place in me, remove that ugly thing from me and wash me clean with Your Holy Redeeming Blood, cleanse me in every place where that bitterness existed. I ask that You come into that place, to fill all those places with Your presence, with Your Holy Spirit. Dear Father God, i ask that You would bless ___-so and s0-___________ with You plan of Mercy and Grace. Amen! Amen! Amen!

 

So many people ache and hurt when they can be healed and freed once and for all, enclosed is a christian video that gives good biblical insight into the root of bitterness and how important as a christian it is to be freed from them within ourselves. You can find this title , christian message on youtube:

Dark Roots..... Bill Schnoebelen

 

Edited January 23, 2018 by 1to3

[LightShinesInTheDarkness]

On 1/18/2018 at 12:40 AM, Darian86 said:

MorningGlory, thank you for taking the time to read my question. What kind of stung me was this response. My history may not be the same as yours and you may not fully understand how it affects me or my race today. But just becuase I personally wasn't invovled in that time era, doesn't mean that makes it less important or that 'that was then, this is now' (which I'm not accusing you of anything).  When I look at the lines in my hands, I see my ancestors. I AM my ancestors and I care for them even if I didn't know them or aren't alive today.

As I've stated, traces of it really do lurk. After they were freed, that still didn't make it any better for the slaves because they were banned to work at certain places. Then you had the civil rights which was in my parents' time, and then we're still trying to get out of oppression. For example, my grandmother had to march in the streets to protest for rights. This is my DAD's mother. Very close. My grandmother was also raped by a white man but they chased her out of town when she tried to get justice for it. This is my DAD's mother. Not very long ago at all. I have a woman on my mom's side who never knew her age becuase she wasn't considered human to have a birth certificate. My dad was stopped and repeatedly asked by a cop if he had a gun in the car, when clearly, my dad answered 'No' every single time. This wasn't long ago. This was right within my living family. This is why there is a lot of depression I am living with because being black seems dangerous and lures people to for whatever reason, to have this intense urge to mistreat me. I get that we all have problems, but you have never walked in the shows of a black person to truly understand. It is a daily struggle. DAILY. 

 

I'm going to reply to this with the "authority" of someone who happens to be both black and female---because I find that sometimes, people consider what you say more when they feel like they can relate to you and you to them---not because I place any significance on "race".

 

Firstly, I very much sympathize with your pain and respect your personal experiences. 

 

I'm going to give you two probably unpalatable but potentially very beneficial pieces of advice, some of which others have already given you.

 

The first piece of advice is to focus on Christ, instead of yourself. He is our identity as Christians, and more and more of Jesus is the only beauty that matters to God. What matters to God is what should matter to Christians, and what should preoccupy us; and His perspective on all things should be ours as well. This gives us comfort and peace and keeps our minds on the right track---as well as our motives, attitudes, and conduct. Not doing this produces the opposite effect (which is what the demons want), as you yourself seem to be experiencing.

 

The more God renews our minds as believers to be like His own, the fewer earthly attitudes and concerns we have. This includes being concerned about race, popularity, politics, human esteem, ancestry, worldly success, entertainment, physical appearance, and even having a long life. None of these things are God's concerns. We can find out by reading His Word what is important to Him, and I would suggest keeping your focus on that with His help and making that your all consuming passion and pursuit. This will pay off, both now and for eternity, and will make you a much happier person and a much more fruitful and effective Christian. Keeping your present focus will not.

 

There are plenty of things wrong with the world and with people (as there are plenty of things wrong with each of us); and if we choose to focus on that---on what's wrong with the government, what's wrong with our neighbors, what's wrong with corporations, what's wrong with the food supply, what's wrong with society---we're not focusing on the things God wants us to be focused on, and therefore, not making the best use of the time---or becoming more like Him and richer in Him as we could and should be.

 

This world is destined for fire; we're sojourners here---just passing through. What this world is and does or thinks about us should not concern us, apart from our calling as Christians to bear witness to Christ and to call people out of the world and into Him. So long as we have peace before the Lord that He is pleased with us because we are doing what pleases Him, that's all that's important.

 

So that's my first and primary piece of advice to you. Keep your eyes and your mind on the Lord and His Word, and off of yourself and other people. Then you will have peace about yourself, and be able to love and serve others as God wants you to---regardless of what they think about you---just as Jesus Himself did, and His apostles also.

 

(Have you noticed that there are virtually no physical descriptions of any of the saints in the New Testament? We have some descriptions of Old Testament saints (this one was beautiful, that one was strong, or tall; this one was handsome), but not of the saints in the New. We don't even have any description of what Jesus looked like during His earthly ministry. There's a reason for this: Because that's not the way God sees or what is important to Him. But what we do have descriptions of is the character and actions of these people, which is what God focuses on and esteems.)

 

My second and last piece of advice relates to the first one, and that is this: Stop thinking of yourself as a black person and start thinking about yourself as a Christian first, and as an individual second. (What do you think God wants your identity to be?) All people are individuals, they are not a group. Apart from physical characteristics I don't have any more in common with another black person than I do with a white or Asian or bi-racial person, based solely on the body God gave me. I know nothing about them other than what they look like unless I get to know them: We may have much in common, or we may not. Race has nothing to do with it. 

 

I see people through God's eyes. When God refers to "Man" in the Bible, He's referring to the human race, to mankind. It's all one to Him. We're all made in the image of God, we all have the sinful nature, and Jesus died for all of us. (I myself am far more burdened by my sinful nature than I am by being black!)

 

Tribalism may be natural, but it isn't spiritual. 

 

I hope this helps.

The Lord be with you.

 

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.  (1 Corinthians 13:11 ESV)

 

If then, you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. (Colossians 3:1-4 ESV)

 

...You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. (1 Peter 2:9, 10 ESV)

 

And they sang a new song, saying, "Worthy are You to take the scroll and to open its seals, for You were slain, and by Your blood You ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and You have made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they shall reign on the earth." (Revelation 5: 9,10 ESV)

 

Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is. (1 John 3:2 ESV)

 

Do not let your adorning be external---the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear---but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:3,4 ESV)

 

"...And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors...For if you forgive others their trespasses,  your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:12,14,15 ESV)

 

 

 

 

Edited January 25, 2018 by LightShinesInTheDarkness
type-o

[1to3]

1 hour ago, LightShinesInTheDarkness said:

(Have you noticed that there are virtually no physical descriptions of any of the saints in the New Testament? We have some descriptions of Old Testament saints (this one was beautiful, that one was strong, or tall; this one was handsome), but not of the saints in the New. We don't even have any description of what Jesus looked like during His earthly ministry. There's a reason for this: Because that's not the way God sees or what is important to Him. But what we do have descriptions of is the character and actions of these people, which is what God focuses on and esteems.)

Bravo! thank you sister for your share, it speaks truth, Gods truth, just what heals the soul. Thank, it also spoke to my heart and what not to fret about as their are terrible things happening in this world but nevertheless our focus should always be on Christ.

God Bless!

1to3