Where is Jesus. I need a friend and never got one

[JesusIsLord92]

I’ve heard many times before that you are either hot or cold with God as the Bible says, otherwise God will spit you out....which is hell. It doesn’t matter if you are saved or not you have to always have fire for God. Well, I always worried about this in the past and as one of my posts mentioned in the past I tried very hard to be a Christian all the time and became obsessed and miserable. I felt 100% God telling me this. I felt it whenever I slipped and read a comic and felt God’s anger and correction. I tried hard to be as Christian as I could. I do believe I was saved as I felt something inside me which kept me away from reading comics (example there were other things) or doing certain things or buying things. I felt confused. If I did slip sometimes he’d send health attacks. I never felt clarity from God. Sometimes I had such confusion on things and He never clarified it. 

 

I’ve fallen from the faith a lot lately and so obsessed with self and full of sin such as diet obsession, food, my own wishes and desires, selfishness, idolatry, pride, jealous, jealously, I act like a child, I’m ungrateful, I’m unforgiving, bitter, disobedient to God, hateful, faithless and whatever else. I have lied a few times under pressure. I am obsessed with ME. I’ve lost a lot of love and feeling for others. I am a miserable, depressed and lonely young woman. 

 

I tried to avoid sin as much as I could as one sin gets you into hell. So I kept to that I got from Christian videos and others. I always felt lead by fear. 

 

I just don’t understand this because I worked so hard with God. I fell away because I felt nothing from God. I felt no strength, no love and no strength in God’s word

I fell away also as I couldn’t find the strength to be obedient and when I disobeyed I always felt anger from God. I felt on a constant anger and growling direction from God. 

 

I want to come back but feel no desire or anything to come back. I have a past rich of emotional pain and hurt inside. I know I’m to forgive but unsure how because I know the verses...  but then what! I have prayed.   

I just don’t understand why I need to do this all on my own. God isn’t helping? I’m asking and can’t find any of my own inner strength. I’m asking why He won’t help me heal my past. I need to heal it to go forward in my spiritual journey. I didn’t realize I hadn’t healed or forgiven yet. I don’t understand why God can’t hold my hand and be my friend. I know I’m selfish and so self absorbed, I need His help. I’m so hurt inside and where is Jesus my friend? Where is HE?! I had a sad childhood and suffered bullying and abandonment and rejection and so much pain 

 

Yesterday I went on a walk and called to God to show me Himself or speak to me. Nothing happened. I know God doesn’t work on asking I just don’t get it. 

 

What do I do...I’m exhausted out and have given up ages ago. 

Edited January 17, 2018 by Steve_S
Removed youtube link.

[shanee]

Hello...Hope  this might help(NIV)

 

God Disciplines His Children

4 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”[a]

7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

 

o and if you are worried about hell for sins you can always repent.(NIV)

 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

[ScottA]

You are under the wrong impression.

Life is not a journey, it's a story...and so "it is written." As such, your story, is your story. So write it.

Stop being who you were before you knew what things were all about. Everyday is a new day. Be what you want to be. Do what you want to do. But know this first...that this is God's story too - first, actually: History is His story. So...if you write your story according to His liking, that's good, and if you don't, that's not good. But you are not God, and neither are the people who are all around you near and far. So, relax, you don't have to be perfect in this life. Just do your best...I mean - this is you expressing who YOU are. This is your 15 minutes, your day in the sun - have some fun, enjoy yourself...and do yourself proud (that kind of pride is not a sin). This is you saying, "I am." ...I am _________ (fill in the blank)...it's forever.

[Igor Evgen]

...you have to always have fire for God...

Shalom Jes,

This line of your letter is the right one. Good for those Brethren around here who love the doctrine of "Fire Baptism."

Reading your letter, I just wonder, do you have any friends? Who is he you communicate with? This is the one of the first (bit paraphrased) Questions of GOD in the Bible. Please, find a Local Church which has Small Groups for Communion of Saints and join such a Communion, OK? Or else, as very good alternative, find some Christian Ministry to busy yourself with the Works of GOD. I believe, that's the Life to live.

GOD bless you.

Igor

[OneLight]

It sure sounds like you believe you can keep yourself from sinning?  We cannot do such as our righteousness are as filthy rags.  Only the work of the Holy Spirit within you can change your heart and mind.  Also, remember that while we are still in this flesh, the desires of the flesh will always be there, only He can give us the strength to say no to sin and yes to His Righteousness.  Learn to trust in Him and not in yourself.

[4LdKHVCzRDj2]

10 hours ago, JesusIsLord92 said:

I don’t understand why God can’t hold my hand and be my friend. I know I’m selfish and so self absorbed, I need His help. I’m so hurt inside and where is Jesus my friend? Where is HE?!

Please, the Lord just wants that you hear His voice and He loves you so much... That we are writing this for you on His behalf, it is not me or some random people in the world.

The truth is that you need to surrender to Him, repent and welcome Him to your heart. So that He can start living in you.

Because He came for the sinners, for the sick, for the tormented, for the imperfect, so He can heal them.

"Jesus answered and said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.
I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance." - Luke 5:31-32

 

And as you said you were believing, but you have been lost, then the Lord desires to have you back much more.

"And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them,
‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’
I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents
than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance." - Luke 15:6-7

 

The Lord is calling you today, just come. No one is too sinner to Him, He came to save us.

"for the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." - Luke 19:10

[Justin Adams]

I am not surprised you are exhausted. I am just reading this.

There are some great answers above for you to consider. If I were in your shoes right now I'd get a latte and go sit someplace quiet and warm and just chill out a little.

Steve removed a YouTube link so you might want to watch a couple that I can suggest. But for now:

1) relax
2) you'll never be perfect so quit trying to be
3) calm your mind/soul with something really banal (not comics, not TV)
4) when you get negative thoughts, say out loud - OK here is another one for you Lord Yeshua (Jesus).

I was once in a situation a little like yours. I saw/felt/knew just for a few minutes the Lord accompanying me on a walk in the English countryside. He did not say anything. He was just there. And he did NOT disapprove or anything like that. He just spent a little time walking with me. Then He was gone. I cannot forget that short while. It has stayed with me.

[BK1110]

You seem to believe God is some cruel taskmaster ready to rain suffering and judgement the moment you make a single mistake. That is not the freedom we have in Christ. We needed His salvation because we cannot live a perfect, legalistic life. You need to let go of your fear. If you are saved then the Bible says God is your father, and the word used is like "daddy." The picture is a kind, loving father with small children. Not the kind who screams and beats them with each tiny infraction. The kind who lovingly reminds them of the right way. The kind who you turn away from evil for the sake of pleasing, not out of fear and terror.

[Evgeniya]

You know what, i used to think too much like you do. Find yourself a job which takes at least 10 hours of your time , then you wont think about such crap, dude work ! Make money, move to your dream ! Do something, stop OVERthinking, God loves those who do something

[Marilyn C]

On ‎17‎/‎01‎/‎2018 at 3:34 PM, JesusIsLord92 said:

 

Hi JesusIsLord,

Sounds like you were taught a pile of rubbish. `Being on fire` sounds like doing a lot of things man says. You would be so worn out, and actually quite discouraged as you (or any of us) can`t be `on fire` as man would try and tell us to be. `On fire` tends to mean, going to all the meetings, doing all the so -called right things and in the end you (or us) turn out to be a religious bigots.

You have been sold a lot on false expectations, bro. God is not like that and does not expect that. He works with us and teaches us about Himself, (look around you at creation) and then also helps us to a step at a time over come our wrong attitudes and behaviours. Just concentrate on one thing at a time which HE will highlight, (not a list) and with the Lord`s help you will learn to be an overcomer.

all the best, Marilyn.