MOLI963 Posted January 20, 2018 Group: Newbie Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/20/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted January 20, 2018 Hi. I am really heartbroken and I need advice. I am engaged to a Christian man, who is very good to me most of the time, but he can be very selfish at times and when I point this out and how it affects me when it happens, he gets very angry, and breaks up with me. Every single time there is conflict, he breaks up with me. Afterwards he always apologises and says that he did not mean it but even then it's like he doesn't realise how much it really hurts me. We have been engaged for over a year and I have noticed that every time I mention the wedding (for which we still don't have a date) he gets uncomfortable. The last time I asked him what he was waiting for he broke up with me as well and said I was pressurising him. Things got better and he started saying things like: "So when are we getting married, Love?", so he said things like that from time to time (to keep me at ease I suppose) but he never actually started discussing it with me or saving for it. Yesterday I told him that I suspect he is not sure whether he wants to marry me as he saves up money for a number of different things, but not for out wedding. He apologised and said he would start saving for that as well. It still bothered me that it's always coming from me and that there's no effort from his side. I carried on about it this morning (which I know I shouldn't have) but his words and his actions are just not matching up and I'm starting to feel like I might be wasting my time in this relationship, as he seems a bit scared to commit. And if this is the case, I need to get on with my life because if he is doubting it and just keeping me on a line, I probably shouldn't be in this relationship. I also mentioned something else to him that makes me a bit uncomfortable, but I need to explain the situation first. He has a four year old son with another woman, who lives in another country. Yesterday we found out that they (his ex girlfriend and son) are coming to visit us in three weeks for the first time ever. Over the past few weeks, when he has been speaking to his son (via video call) he has been mentioning how when his son comes to visit him, his son and his ex (the three of them) will have such a great time. No mention of me. So I told him that it kind of makes me feel left out and that it scares me a bit that we will be going back to the Garden Route when his son comes to visit. The Garden Route is about five hours from us and we are going there as his family lives there and he wants to spend the time with his son there so that he can also meet the rest of the family. The last time we went there, he wanted to move there. He told me to quit my job and start working for him and I did. When we moved, it felt like he shut me out. He was always with his family and I was left alone most of the time. I felt really lonely as I also did not know a single person there. After a while and a few arguments, he broke up with me and chased me away with no money, no job and no car. I came back to where we stayed before and had to start my life over. Eventually after a few months he came back and he says it was for me but I'm not convinced. He came back when the busy season started so I'm sure it was for his business sake. Anyway, I mentioned these things and he got really upset and told me that he was tired of me and that I couldn't go to work with him today. I asked him if I could please come with and he was just really mean. I cried and he broke up with me. He said that the thought if marrying me makes him nauseas. He said that he lied to me when he said he wants to marry me. He said that he is jeopardising his eternity because of me because I cause him to sin when I make him angry. As always, now he is very sorry and says he didn't mean it and wished he could take it back, but still won't allow me to talk about how it hurts me. It's like he just expects me to carry on like nothing happened after. I can't talk about how I feel because it seems to irritate him immensely. I love him so much and I have invested a lot in this relationship and if it's at all possible to help him see how much that hurts me I would like to try and save our relationship. And if there's anything I can do to make things better I am more than willing. But I fear I might be living in denial not wanting to accept the fact that he really just doesn't love me that much. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post wingnut- Posted January 20, 2018 Group: Royal Member Followers: 39 Topic Count: 101 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 7,673 Content Per Day: 1.32 Reputation: 7,358 Days Won: 67 Joined: 04/22/2008 Status: Offline Popular Post Share Posted January 20, 2018 Hey Moli, first off, welcome to worthy Communication is crucial to any successful relationship. Based on what you are telling us, I think it is in your best interest to get out now. It does not sound like a healthy relationship with a bright future to me. If a man loves a woman, commitment should not be an issue, the hesitancy to me is a red flag. Talking about his ex and their child and the three of them spending time together is a red flag as well. Saying that the thought of marrying you makes him nauseous is definitely a red flag. Lots of red flags waving around here to me, I think you already see them as well. God bless 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Justin Adams Posted January 20, 2018 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 26 Topic Count: 61 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 9,602 Content Per Day: 4.02 Reputation: 7,795 Days Won: 21 Joined: 09/11/2017 Status: Offline Popular Post Share Posted January 20, 2018 Sorry that you have been having such a hard time with this weenie of a man. If you do not want a life of strife, cut your losses and go! NOW. Blessings. 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Igor Evgen Posted January 20, 2018 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 168 Content Per Day: 0.07 Reputation: 182 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/15/2017 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/18/1951 Share Posted January 20, 2018 (edited) Hey dear, If you've come for a good advice, the above two are well worth to take. What I may add, kindly advise that man to get back to his ex and son. That way he'd resemble a Christian. Take care. Igor Edited January 21, 2018 by Igor Evgen second thought 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
da_man1974 Posted January 20, 2018 Group: Senior Member Followers: 25 Topic Count: 41 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 726 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 575 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/22/2010 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/30/1974 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I would seriously cut me lisses if i were you. He doesnt seem concerned about you or your feelings imho. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BK1110 Posted January 20, 2018 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 22 Topic Count: 86 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 6,828 Content Per Day: 2.43 Reputation: 9,555 Days Won: 4 Joined: 07/18/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/10/1986 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Frankly, he doesn't sound like marriage material. He doesn't even really sound like a true born-again Christian either. There are so many red flags in you post...and I'm sure you're aware of them because you mentioned them. When you get down to it, you know you shouldn't marry him, but you love him so you're trying to ignore those things, right? I would strongly advise you to look up Voddie Baucham's series on marriage and love on Youtube. Please heed this advice; look it up and watch it. You sound like you really need it. God bless! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Marilyn C Posted January 21, 2018 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 30 Topic Count: 265 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 13,128 Content Per Day: 3.50 Reputation: 8,461 Days Won: 12 Joined: 12/21/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/06/1947 Popular Post Share Posted January 21, 2018 17 hours ago, MOLI963 said: Hi MOLI, I hear your broken heart, and feel for you. I also agree with my bros, who have all given your great advice - flee. My concern is for you at the moment - broken heart, thinking you love him. May I say that you `love` what you think he is and it seems you are living together, so the physical intimacy is a very strong bond. To break that you need, I believe to repent and ask the Lord to break those soul ties. You are young and this young man is so selfish and controlling. This is not a life time contract of that behaviour you want to enter into. He will not change however much you cry, as he is all about himself. Ask the Lord to see him as he really is. Don`t make excuses for him - flee. praying, Marilyn. 3 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debp Posted January 22, 2018 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 52 Topic Count: 1,010 Topics Per Day: 0.15 Content Count: 12,205 Content Per Day: 1.79 Reputation: 16,281 Days Won: 92 Joined: 07/19/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted January 22, 2018 It definitely sounds like he is not a Christian, or if he is, he is a very carnal Christian. If I were you, I would drop him like a hot potato! If he gives you this much grief and sorrow now, what would marriage be like with him? Probably would be much, much worse. Break it off with him and, with the Lord's help, try to find a loving Christian man who will love and honor you....not give you hurt and sorrow. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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