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LeslieAnn

How to set boundaries with verbally abusive Christian mom

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Manic-depressive adult with a wounded spirit over mother's cruel and divisive words that only seek to belittle and shun.

Necessary to forgive, necessary to set boundaries but words sting!

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32 minutes ago, LeslieAnn said:

Manic-depressive adult with a wounded spirit over mother's cruel and divisive words that only seek to belittle and shun.

Necessary to forgive, necessary to set boundaries but words sting!

Verbal abuse can be worse than physical abuse. You need to pray for your mom. You need to forgive your mom. That does not happen overnight and if you pray to God He will help you with that. It is necessary for you to let go of the hurt, anger and bitterness. If you have not seen a Christian Counselor that would be something to think about.

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God bless you!

Look up Voddie Baucham's message on forgiveness on Youtube, it can be transformative for you. Remember God's love for you through your mother's words!

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Most definitely talk to an understanding pastor.    Sometimes it's good to talk these hurts out...

In the meantime, besides forgiving her, try to overcome evil with good.  God bless you.

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On Monday, January 29, 2018 at 7:54 PM, LeslieAnn said:

Manic-depressive adult with a wounded spirit over mother's cruel and divisive words that only seek to belittle and shun.

Necessary to forgive, necessary to set boundaries but words sting!

    That is hard to bear. But God knows what she is doing. If your Mom does not hear you then don't listen to her words. She is out of order not you. If she is saved God will work with her to bring change. But you should go on with your life and not dwell on her if she is like this. 

 

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It's possible to rebuke unkindness without also being unkind.  Do you live with (or close to) your mother?  I can tell you from experience that it IS possible to honor father and mother even when they themselves are setting a terrible example.  I am nowhere near perfect at this myself BTW.  I have difficult relationships with both of my parents, who are divorced and a thousand miles apart. 

We are challenged to forgive abusive parents--a challenge that others will never face.  Forgiving someone who wrongs you whom you never expect to see again is one thing, but forgiving someone who will continue to wrong you over and over at every opportunity is another thing entirely.  However, no matter how much they continue to wrong us, we know that God continues to forgive us as we wrong him daily with our sinful thoughts and actions.  Forgiving the wrongs of my parents has given me a better perspective of what God is doing for me and for each of us in continuing to forgive us time after time. 

That said, honoring your parents does not necessarily mean giving them all of your time.  Conversations can be kept short, and when things get out of hand, have a few possible ways of quickly exiting should the need arise.  I've even flat out said things like, "I have asked you many times now to please stop ___.  This conversation doesn't seem to be helping either of us.  I'm going to hang up now.  Perhaps we can talk more later."  And then, I hang up.  Prolonging something like that doesn't help you OR them. 

Then, again, forgive them.  Willingness to forgive them honors both God and your parent. 

Another thing worth mentioning is that God's authority still trumps your parents' authority.  If they ask you to do something which is against God's will, then listen to God and not those who oppose him. 

This is general advice, but we could go into specifics if you want to (or are comfortable) talking about more specific situations.  There is absolutely no pressure here to do so. 

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Thank you for your Christian advice!  It is unsettling how as my mother has gotten older she is more self-centered, manipulative and domineering.  I have trouble with setting boundaries with her due to intimidation and being "bulldozed" by words.  Sometimes her words are shockingly cruel and there is no response that I can even think of; I'm caught that off guard! 

Still seeking too!

Edited by LeslieAnn

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