.

[Jayne]

32 minutes ago, KAC said:

I don't know. It's all very confusing. I've been a Christian my whole life and never ever considered going down this road. How could it just come from out of the blue? You guys really think something like this could indicate that I was never a Christian to begin with? That my whole life is a lie?! I can't talk about this with anyone I know. I have no where to turn but prayer, which is probably for the best. I am ashamed. That I ever let something like this happen to start with, that I was so wrapped up in a moment that I lost myself, that I have potentially ruined my Christian witness. It was obviously wrong, but my love for her is not about that. That was a mistake. The Bible lists a whole bunch of things that will prevent someone from entering the kingdom. Doesn't it mean if you continue in those wrong things? I understand why everyone says breaking off the friendship altogether is the only option. I just don't have friends outside my family normally and I hate that one mistake, even though huge, should destroy a friendship forever. I know it's a big deal though, I can never get that day out of my mind.

Of course this does not mean that you whole Christian life is a lie.  It just means you have made a terrible mistake.

We all make them.  We repent and move on.  The Apostle Paul said that sexual sins are different from other sins because they defile our bodies and our beings members of Christ in a terrible way.

Hear what he says in 1 Corinthians 6:13-20 to a group of men - church members who were having sex with prostitutes.  These are immature Christian men who really don't know what makes that so bad. In fact, they have a man in their church who is having sex with their step-mother and no one seems to be doing anything about it.

This in essence is what he tells them.

• You get hungry, you eat.  Our stomach and food and the desire to fill that empty hunger gains will be destroyed one day.
• It's not the same with sexual immorality.  You can't say, "I want sex, so I'll just take from whom I want to".  Why not?
• Our bodies [in their whole being] are made for the Lord and the Lord for the body.  Just like God raised up Jesus, he will raise up  one day.
• Our bodies make up a membership of Christ and should we take those members and make them one-flesh with prostitutes?  No!
• Sex makes you one-flesh, one whole entire being with the person you have sex with, but you are joined spiritually to the Lord.  You and other Christians are one-spirit with him.
• RUN from sexual sins.  All other sins are outside the body, but sexual sins are against the body, itself.
• Don't forget ....remember....your body [in it's entirety] is the temple of the Holy Spirit that been bought and paid for.  We don't belong to ourselves anymore.    Glorify God in both your body and spirit.

This one-flesh principle of something that you don't hear preached on much.  "All other sins are outside the body but sexual sins are against the body, itself.

What does that mean?

It mean that because sex creates a one-flesh unity and Christians are one-spirit with Christ and their bodies temple of the Holy Spirit - that immoral sexual behavior brings not just you, but the body of Christ and the body [temple] into that immorality.  Maybe I didn't express that well, but Paul is warning that sexual sins damage much more than we could imagine because of how sex represents a unity - a holy unity.

I truly believe that's why the devil targets human beings with sexual temptation so much.  

 

 

[Guest shiloh357]

7 hours ago, KAC said:

Problem. I am a Christian heterosexual married woman. I have children. I've been married the majority of my adult life. I have recently met a woman who I consider a super close kindred spirit. She is also married and her marriage is good.  It's like we are the same person almost in two different bodies. We are so attracted to one another that we stepped over the boundaries and had a sexual encounter. We both knew it was wrong and vow not to go there again. Can we still be friends? Can we get past this error in judgement? My friend sees a therapist that says we had an affair, cheated on our spouses, and should never see each other again. But seriously, this woman is like the missing piece to my puzzle, I feel like I cannot live without her. Like we are spiritual sisters. I need her. We have stopped speaking tonput some distance between us and try to go back to an appropriate place. But I can't stand not speaking to her, I feel like I'm suffocating. I know we can have an appropriate friendship. What can I do?

Yes, you need to end the relationship with here and cut off all contact and then you need to repent in dust and ashes for what you have done.   Take it to the Lord confess it and repent of it.  It is not a mere, "error in judgment."  It is an abomination and God hates it.   

The feelings you have for this woman are the feelings you should be having for your husband.  You need to direct those feelings to him.   He should be the one whom you can't live without.

[BK1110]

I wouldn't go that far. Sinning does not mean someone was never a Christian. We all fall sometimes. The fact that you're burning inside because of it could be said to be proof that you are a Christian; someone who was not would probably not be so bothered by doing what you did.

But I would strongly advise that you cut things off completely with this woman. The way you feel about her is how you should feel about your husband. If you don't, then you might need some marriage counseling with him with a serious, well-trained pastor.

[KAC]

On 2/23/2018 at 4:43 PM, Yowm said:

I'm glad you are not here trying to justify your action and of course God's forgiveness extends to the contrite and repentant as His goal is restoration to Himself.

 

 

Edited March 6, 2018 by KAC

[ScottA]

9 hours ago, KAC said:

Problem. I am a Christian heterosexual married woman. I have children. I've been married the majority of my adult life. I have recently met a woman who I consider a super close kindred spirit. She is also married and her marriage is good.  It's like we are the same person almost in two different bodies. We are so attracted to one another that we stepped over the boundaries and had a sexual encounter. We both knew it was wrong and vow not to go there again. Can we still be friends? Can we get past this error in judgement? My friend sees a therapist that says we had an affair, cheated on our spouses, and should never see each other again. But seriously, this woman is like the missing piece to my puzzle, I feel like I cannot live without her. Like we are spiritual sisters. I need her. We have stopped speaking tonput some distance between us and try to go back to an appropriate place. But I can't stand not speaking to her, I feel like I'm suffocating. I know we can have an appropriate friendship. What can I do?

Marriage between a man and a woman as God has defined it has been revealed in these last days to be an example of God's love for us and His plans to be One with us and we with Him. The example roll of the man portrays God, and the example roll of the woman portrays the Church, His bride.

All of which makes homosexual relationships and marriage either God/God, or Mankind/Mankind - either way, it's a death sentence.

[KAC]

.

Edited March 6, 2018 by KAC

[ScottA]

26 minutes ago, KAC said:

I appreciate the honesty and wisdom here, thank you. I have a lot to think about and pray over. It's a very depressing place that I'm in. I'm alone. I'm on no contact with the friend and I can't tell my husband. The marriage was bad before this... this would destroy it completely. My friend believes in God but she never claimed to be a Christian, only me. I knew better, I let it happen. I'm responsible and now we're both suffering. I understand why people kill themselves just to end the torture and agony in their mind of having messed up their life beyond repair. You can never unsee the things you've seen, can never erase the memory of what you've done. There's no one I can tell. I imagine this must be what drug addiction feels like. Something you crave and think about every second of every day even though you know it will kill you.

When I was at the end of myself knowing that I had arrived in my downward spiral at the place where people take their own life, I cried out to God and told Him I would not - and He answered. It is He who is our husband, the rest is just the role we were assigned. But what we do, we do by choice, and it is accredited to us, it becomes us - it is us. 

[Sister]

2 hours ago, KAC said:

I appreciate the honesty and wisdom here, thank you. I have a lot to think about and pray over. It's a very depressing place that I'm in. I'm alone. I'm on no contact with the friend and I can't tell my husband. The marriage was bad before this... this would destroy it completely. My friend believes in God but she never claimed to be a Christian, only me. I knew better, I let it happen. I'm responsible and now we're both suffering. I understand why people kill themselves just to end the torture and agony in their mind of having messed up their life beyond repair. You can never unsee the things you've seen, can never erase the memory of what you've done. There's no one I can tell. I imagine this must be what drug addiction feels like. Something you crave and think about every second of every day even though you know it will kill you.

KAC

I can understand what you are saying.  I also shamefully confess that I did abominations when I fell a long time ago.  There are all types of abominations and lust is a very strong one.  If it is mixed with feelings it becomes even more dangerous and changes who we are and what we were created for.  Lust is something that can return in an instant without warning, and can take over our whole being.

My only advise is don't let flesh be your right arm.  In other words, don't trust in man or in this case woman to fulfill your needs, or to lean on.  You were put into temptation, and this is why this woman was sent to you - for this very purpose.  The devil is always hard at work night and day to make us fall.  She may of been your best friend or your soul mate, but it doesn't matter, ...all was leading up to this, and the devil knew what he was doing.   He picked the right person for you to connect with and his hand was on it all the way.  Sorry for being blunt but this is why we are to not yoke with unbelievers.  If you go back to yoking with her, you will be put into temptation again, best to avoid it.  You will get over her.  Life will go on.  Train your spirit not to dwell on her, and get her out of your thoughts.  Don't ponder on what you think you are missing, but ask Christ to strengthen you and to keep you away from her if you are serious about repenting, for that spirit is around her.

Remember this scripture;

 Matthew 5:29   And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

  Matthew 5:30   And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

[Debp]

2 hours ago, KAC said:

I appreciate the honesty and wisdom here, thank you. I have a lot to think about and pray over. It's a very depressing place that I'm in. I'm alone. I'm on no contact with the friend and I can't tell my husband. The marriage was bad before this... this would destroy it completely. My friend believes in God but she never claimed to be a Christian, only me. I knew better, I let it happen. I'm responsible and now we're both suffering. I understand why people kill themselves just to end the torture and agony in their mind of having messed up their life beyond repair. You can never unsee the things you've seen, can never erase the memory of what you've done. There's no one I can tell. I imagine this must be what drug addiction feels like. Something you crave and think about every second of every day even though you know it will kill you.

It seems you are truly repentent and sorry for your actions.  So now if you have prayed for forgiveness of this sin, you must realize that the Lord has truly forgiven you and washed your sins away.   Receive Christ's righteousness in place of your sins....He took your sins away.  I would also meditate on the word of God so it becomes a part of you... don't dwell on what happened!    Instead renew your mind through the word of God.

Remember 1 John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

[GandalfTheWise]

9 hours ago, KAC said:

There is no justification or excuse. I know it was wrong. Restoration is the word I was looking for. My friend and I are on "no contact" with each other so that we can spend time alone with God and our own families. My hope is that God can restore the friendship eventually and we can go back to an appropriate place together. Does anyone think that's possible, or am I  fooling myself? I love her like a family member. I wouldn't completely cut out a family member for falling. There was alcohol involved on that day and many poor decisions were made. And although I'm ashamed now I enjoyed it at the time! We both know and admit it was all wrong. 

Here's what I know. I have looked at people's sins and judged them harshly in the past, thinking to myself"I would never do that!" God has humbled me through this and I know now how easy it is to fall. I feel like that may be the only positive about this. Aside from that it feels like a lose lose. If I cut off the friendship I've lost the best friend I've ever had. If I stay friends with her there are risks I can't foresee. I lose no matter what.

Few Christians simply wake up one day and do something stupid or sinful.  We slowly let our selves drift and suddenly catch ourselves hitting some rocks.   

My sense is that most Christians catch themselves in situations like this simply by not being wary.  When we are in a rough situation (say our marriage is not going well), we naturally gravitate toward those giving us comfort that we enjoy talking to.  An emotional bond just starts to grow over time until it reaches unhealthy and imprudent levels.   Speaking from a Christian man's perspective, the biggest relationship danger that most Christian men face when their own marriages are in a rough patch is a nice woman who treats them respectfully, makes them smile, and is supportive of them when they are having a bad day. This person goes from being a few minutes of a high point in their day to becoming a friend and then a confidant.  This will slowly turn into an emotional affair and if not stopped will eventually turn into a physical one.   My sense is that few Christian men start off one day deciding to have an affair but rather that they just slowly develop a strong emotional connection (over the course of months or years) with another woman without realizing it.  One of the biggest telltale signs of this is that a man in this position has no comfortable word to describe her, she's not a spouse nor a girlfriend nor a mistress, she's a "good friend", "just a friend", or "a friend".  A second telltale sign is that she becomes a confidant that he shares intimate information with.   Part of his relationship with her is a healthy one that decent caring people have for each other; however, part of it is also unhealthy in that he is starting to develop strong intimate feelings for her which are only appropriate for one's spouse.  Men in such situations often do not realize that they have fallen into an emotional affair until a physical relationship starts and they realize with a shock that something is wrong.   Most men end up extremely conflicted because this other woman is usually a nice person (or they never would have become friends and become attached to them) who is close to them, but at the same time they are aware that there is a very unhealthy aspect to this closeness.

The issue is this, strong emotional (and physical) relationships do not just disappear.  Often, it takes a long series of negative experiences for us to become frustrated with someone and lose the strong ties.  Separation and time can lessen those bonds somewhat, but those bonds will probably quickly build back to their original levels or even stronger if contact is restored.  There is no going back to the way things were.  A part of one's emotions are now tied up with that person for many years, probably decades, to come.  The only way to deal with this situation is to cut ties.  I know of one marriage counselor that will recommend that a man do whatever it takes (including changing jobs or even having the family move to a new town) to create enough separation that he will not be around the other woman again.

I think that there is a strong possibility that after a time of separation from this woman that the original bond and attraction will resurge to even stronger levels than it was before.  If I were reading these same posts from a man, I would be saying that he had fallen in love with this woman and perhaps now loves her more than his wife.  I'd advise him to cut all ties and work at his relationship with his wife again.

I'd strongly suggest seeing a good Christian counselor for work on your marriage and whatever other things might be going on in your life.  I'd guess that problems and frustrations in your marriage and other things in your life to some extent helped set the stage for this situation.  If you do not work on those things, you are susceptible again.  Right now, this woman is probably a way of dealing with some problems in your life.  Until these things are resolved, I'm not sure it will ever be healthy to reestablish close ties.  Indeed, if you try, you will probably end up in a terrible yo-yo of being strong attracted, then realizing something is wrong and separating again, and then being attracted again.   I'd also suggest joining a women's prayer group or bible study to develop some healthy relationships  (with proper balance) with other women.  Frankly, my guess is that it will be years before you are in a position to resume a relationship with this woman with the proper boundaries and only after other aspects of your life have changed.

I think that this whole situation is largely a symptom that there has been some spiritual neglect of something in your life or something that God wants to and needs to work on in your life.  Sometimes there are things we neglect that cause us to weaken spiritually.  Other times there are simply wounds and bondages we bring into our Christian life from before being saved that God needs to heal and free us from.