Testimony Saved by Jesus Christ
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I'm in an odd situation, one that led me to this forum to begin with.
Recently, I've been trying to use a prayer journal and pray for specific individuals. In that time, I've felt a very strong desire to pray for an individual that I used to be infatuated with, whom I have not been in contact with in some years.
The problem: back then, I idolized and lusted after this person. I genuinely placed them before God in pretty much every area of my life. Ex: he was on the worship band, so I stared at him during worship. He was funny, so I always thought of his jokes during church services. I would be so upset on days that he wouldn't talk to me, but I rarely ever prayed. (I know, I'm ashamed just thinking about it.)
God told me in no uncertain terms that this person was not the one for me, even when I was still trying to hold on.
Back to the present: I am actively trying to stop thinking about this person, and though it's taken some time, I've been mostly successful. I've been more focused on growing in my relationship with God than ever before, and I'm almost always in prayer. I have felt a call to pray for that person, their walk with Christ, their resistance to temptation, finding a community of believers, and so on.
However, I do not trust my intentions. I don't know if this is truly God moving on my heart to pray for this person, or if this is me trying to stay attached to this person through prayer.
If this is God's will, I don't want my fears to stop me--especially if this person really is wrestling with their faith. However, if this is just my flesh, I don't want to let myself fall back into old patterns of sin (lust and idolatry).
So I guess my question is, is this God or my flesh talking? What advice would you give me on handling this situation?
I have asked God for confirmation on whether or not this is Him. I have also asked a family member, a couple people who are more spiritually mature than me, and a couple friends. Now I'm asking for your input.
Please help! Thanks!
I'm seeking the Lord to be Saved.
PLEASE PRAY TO LORD JESUS, most Importantly, FOR MY SALVATION! To save my SOUL. PLEASE ASK HIM TO REMOVE EVERYTHING HINDERING MY SALVATION AND THAT I MAY BE TRULY BORN AGAIN BY HIS GRACE.
Please pray to HIM that I may truly surrender All of myself to HIM ONLY completely and forever and To let me trust in HIM alone To Save me, for the Lord JESUS to do HIS will completely upon me ,and to give me Eternal life and baptize me with the HOLY SPIRIT . Please pray to HIM to completely cleanse me of all my pride and self righteousness and all my sins and hidden Sins and to give me true repentance and humble me. To help my unbelief and give me true saving faith on Christ alone (Hebrews 12:2) and true repentance from Godly sorrow which leads to salvation and to remove all the worldly sorrow (despair, self pity, unbelief, etc) and cause me to be truly born again in CHRIST. To clear all my doubts & confusions & question and fill me with His truth Only and completely & that I may live by the Truth. And that I may be rapture ready.
Please pray that He would strip away All my arrogance, idols Completely and forever and deliver me from all my sins and bondages to sin, take all the confusion away and point out every in me that I'm ignoring or not able to see (Psalm 139:23-24) . Please pray for the softening of my heart and removal of all indifference, to not let any indifference take over me and that I may always submit to the Holy Spirit and never resist or ignore HIM and harden my heart.
Also, I can feel the enemy's intense attacks, &trying to implant sins and unbelief and sinsans such things in my mind.
Have you ever thought if there's someone meant for you out there? 👩❤️👨 Does God predestine our partner? Is there something such as a soulmate? Or is it something people made up?🤦♂️ It's an interesting question I've been having overtime and I felt the need to share some of the things learned, some through study, some through other people's experiences and some through revelation!!!! You can check it out by clicking here for more of an indepth look and if you have any questions, by all means, don't hesitate, feel free to ask!! 🙃
1. My Life Before Christ
Before I found my true love, Jesus Christ, I was full of lust and perversion, proud, sadistic, angry, vengeful, argumentative, disrespectful to my family, manipulative, self-hating, apathetic towards life, anxious, God-hating, brute, depressed, black metal loving, Christian hating, evolutionist, Jesus Christ denying Satanist.
To give a quick back story, when I was 11, I had an experience with an entity. At the age of 13, I became obsessed with aliens and UFOs to the point I sought contact. After succeeding, I had several disturbing experiences with what I now know to be demons; I thought they were aliens at the time.
At the age of 14, I learned about Tarot, and got my first deck at 15. It was at that point I got into "New Age", experimenting with channeling, believing I was an indigo child. At the age of 17, I left the "New Age" and ventured into Vampyrism. Half a year later, I delved into Crowley and briefly looked into Satanism.
Near the end of my 17th year, I decided I'd become a LaVeyan Satanist when I was 18; the age I considered myself a legal adult. Six months into my eighteenth year, I became a Theistic Satanist. I stayed in that for a number of years, branching off into generic dark occultism, then to Atheism, and finally as a result of several supernatural experiences to Theistic Luciferianism.
During this time, I experienced numerous nightmarish manifestations. However, I was too blinded by pride, stubbornness, and a lust for power and knowledge to care of the end road.
I knew I was going to Hell, I knew Hell was real, I knew Satan hated me, and I even went so far as to tell God Himself to scrape off my name from the Lamb's Book of Life.
Towards the end, I began building a Luciferian order, gathering members, building doctrine, and so on. It was at this point that I knew I was far beyond the point of no return.
2. How I Came to Jesus Christ
God saw it fit to take the things I was obsessed over, the things I worshiped, and shatter them so completely, I could never pick up the pieces. Everything I believed in, He destroyed. Everything I loved and which I would escape into, He obliterated. Nothing remained.
At the time, I didn't know God was responsible for doing this and ended up lost in a two-week long depression of the likes I had never experienced before. I literally cried when I would look up at the sky, so I kept my eyes to the ground, secluding myself in the darkness of my room as much as I was able.
Once the depression turned into a tolerable numbness, I told Satan I had no interest in lying about things anymore for him. I told him I was simply, "done" with all the deception and didn't care that I was breaking my oath and my contract, nor of the consequences of doing so; I was fully prepared to lose everything.
With that, I walked away from Luciferianism, deciding that while I was still going to Hell, I could at least do some good in the world. I felt so hopeless, so confused, and so lost, though I knew not to expect forgiveness from God, though I apologized to Him anyways, leaving it at that.
I took everything occult I owned, shoved it in a bag, and to the landfill it went. I deleted all my files, destroyed my organization, renounced everything from my past, and moved on.
One week later, despite how unworthy and disgusting I felt about who I was and what I had done, I repented fully to God. Two weeks from that point, when I was still 33 years old, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I prayed that I would come to know and love Him.
3. My Life With Christ
The lord has transformed me. Where I was full of lust and perversion, The Lord has caused disgust and nausea to well in me at the very thought of my prior perversions. Where I once championed pride, The Lord has brought me down to show me humility. Where I was once sadistic, The Lord has shown me mercy and compassion. Where I was angry, The Lord has shown me joy. Where I was vengeful, The Lord has made me detest vengeance. Where I was argumentative, The Lord has been teaching me patience and longsuffering.
Where I was disrespectful to my family and elders, The Lord has blessed me, healing the wounds I caused, teaching me respect and patience. Where I was manipulative, The Lord has shown me service. Where I was self-hating, The Lord has shown me that I'm made in His Mighty Image. Where I was apathetic towards life and nature, The Lord has shown me the beauty of both, for He made it all. Where I was God-hating and unloving, The Lord has planted and watered a seed which is growing into love.
Where I was brute, The Lord has shown me grace. Where I was depressed, The Lord has showered me with peace. Where I was confused, The Lord has shown me knowledge and has lit my way. Where I loved chaotic music, The Lord has turned me to harmony. Where I hated Christians and sought to divide them, The Lord has converted my heart, blessing me with a need to bring unity. Where I was an evolutionist, The Lord showed me the truth of Creation. Where I denied Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ has redeemed me. Where I was a Satanist, destined for Hell, Jesus Christ brought me to the wonderful and precious knowledge of His saving Grace.
Praise His Mighty Name! Thank you, Jesus, for showing me that even as far as I fell, You were there, always, and you never stopped loving me.
For the unbelievers reading this, know that Jesus Christ is real and so is His Power and Authority. Know that He can save you as He saved me if only you ask Him. Know that He can transform your life and give you real purpose, real love, and real knowledge if only you will turn to Him.
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