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Hi my name is Ella  am struggling at the moment with things having blasphemous thoughts , thoughts of doing  bad things i need to be pure  i must be pure for Jesus i must try to live a good life and listen to Jesus i want to learn more about him the only way i know how to do that is read the bible  i want to love Jesus but i think ill never be good enough never be sin free  but i must be Jesus took my sin for me and died on the cross  for me  for everyone 

i pray over and over  i have to pray because i need him in my life i want to be clean i not clean enough  i have sins in my heart i dont mean to have them there but there apart of me i cant get away from my sins keep me from Jesus 

i must be good i must be clean and pure 

i want my life to mean something at the moment am not living my life pure enough for Jesus 

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Ella, it's good you are praying and reading the Bible.  Reading the Bible will help renew your mind so you won't be so troubled by wrong thoughts.

Please take 1 John 1:9 to heart...If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Accept your cleansing from the Lord.   Know that you are righteous in Him when you have confessed your sins.  Learn to think and remember that you are cleansed.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

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From my favourite author....

As your conscience has been quickened by the Holy Spirit, you have seen something of the evil of sin, of its power, its guilt, its woe; and you look upon it with abhorrence. You feel that sin has separated you from God, that you are in bondage to the power of evil. The more you struggle to escape, the more you realize your helplessness. Your motives are impure; your heart is unclean. You see that your life has been filled with selfishness and sin. You long to be forgiven, to be cleansed, to be set free. Harmony with God, likeness to Him--what can you do to obtain it?

It is peace that you need--Heaven's forgiveness and peace and love in the soul. Money cannot buy it, intellect cannot procure it, wisdom cannot attain to it; you can never hope, by your own efforts, to secure it. But God offers it to you as a gift, "without money and without price." Isaiah 55:1. It is yours if you will but reach out your hand and grasp it. The Lord says, "Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Isaiah 1:18. "A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you." Ezekiel 36:26.

You have confessed your sins, and in heart put them away. You have resolved to give yourself to God. Now go to Him, and ask that He will wash away your sins and give you a new heart. Then believe that He does this because He has promised. This is the lesson which Jesus taught while He was on earth, that the gift which God promises us, we must believe we do receive, and it is ours. 

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Ella, you're right, you will never be good enough to be sin-free. But fortunately that is not the requirement. God knows you will continue to struggle and sin. He cares about your heart. Continue to pray for the strength to resist sin and temptation, and sincerely apologize when you mess up. God sent Jesus because we have no ability to be perfect on our own, not so that we could be perfect on our own.

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GET AN ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER -- visit communities that struggle with your particular vice -- don't try to conquer it alone, just as we need God's help, we can also reinforce each other.   

I find, in moments of temptation, thinking about "what would this person think of me if they saw me entertaining such thoughts?" helps tremendously, whereas, if you're isolated, you would not feel that you're letting someone down. Don't isolate yourself, pray constantly, seek others to help reinforce you.  

But we're ALL dealing with these things in one form or another, even the best among us, so don't let it keep you down. Don't give in, and even if you do, it's not the end of the world -- pick yourself back up and try again.  

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my heart is broken ...too much pain too many bad things that happened in my youth , i have a list of problems that seem to get bigger and bigger the older i get mental illness being the main problem I hear voice and see things on top of that i also have OCD , PTSD , depression and self injury and addiction and eating disorder i have for a very long time treated myself like am dirt because of things that happened when i was abused from a very young age and i have been abused by some family members right up until i got married to my husband 11 years ago  i no longer talk to my family i have friends who i love dearly and i stick with them most of the time i try and go to church every Sunday and i try and help out the  best way i can i dont work and my husband is my full time carer  i cant go anywhere on my own or be away from my husband for very long most of my time during the week is going to mental health drop in for people with mental health problems  am currently getting music therapy witch i find is helpful i have tried so many differant things to help myself i feel like am a lost cause most of the time

My vices i have so many i dont even know who to ask for help any more i feel that its too overwhelming for any one to take on  i also have times where i see my pastor once a month but i also see him out with our appointments  he runs some of the mental health drop ins so he always around most of the week  today i have an art group ...

Am on medication a lot of it and sometimes it can make me not so bright and a bit not so with it and its takes me a long time to understand something  the post i read the other day on another forum about Why Jesus died on the cross for us it was written in a way  that i could understand it i now understand what Jesus did for us  all  apart  of me wants to do more than what am doing at the moment i mean i help out at church cleaning cups and plates unsure what else i can do unsure if am able to do anymore  i feel i need to do something for Jesus but maybe what i need to do is try and fix myself first

The OCD I have i can have blasphemous thoughts and the feelings i need to be pure i also worry that am going to hell   because an abuser who was a man of the church said i was going to hell  this scares me more thann anything else and i cant seem to get it out my head its always there and sometimes i think he is  right but i know that Jesus loves me and i love Jesus  he always in my heart now more than ever  i know much of this isnt making much sense  to harped on about nothing to do with the topic  sorry 

it kinda helps to vent things out  :)

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3 hours ago, Ella said:

it kinda helps to vent things out  :)

 Venting things out to people who are willing to listen and hear all your tribulations and will be praying for you is indeed good for ones soul.. 

Yes we should desire to do things that are pleasing to God and we should desire to resist doing things that are not Gods will for us to be doing..

But God understand us better then we do and thus understands our weakness..

The salvation that comes through believing Jesus and trusting in the atonement Jesus secured to save us is a pure loving gift from God.. I cannot be payed for by our good deeds neither can it be lost by our sins..  It is secured by God for us whom believe and trust in what Jesus said and did for sinners like us.. :D  Now thats really good news that lifts the burden of fear off our shoulders and gives us true peace of mind..

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On 3/4/2018 at 4:20 AM, Ella said:

i want my life to mean something at the moment am not living my life pure enough for Jesus

Do not worry. Just trust and believe in Him, and you will be set free.

 

Reject all your sins, repent, and say: "Lord Jesus, please forgive me. I want to love you!"

 

And you will be free. Glory to God!

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Ella when you are alone (no people present) ... are you?

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Ella, I understand where you are coming from. I am a survivor as well. A supposedly godly man inflicted abuse on me that was decidedly ungodly. The two things you have to take to heart are that it was not your fault, you did nor said anything to make the abuser do that to you. He manipulated and lied to you PERIOD. And, no matter what negative effect that had on you, once you give it to God, that's it, it isn't yours any more. You may still be effected by your past, as we all are but, God understands and, He forgives when we give it to him through Jesus Christ.

 

Pray not only for yourself but, for your abuser. Forgive your abuser in your heart and, ask God to forgive him as well. We are all sinners, that's why Jesus had to die for us. Accept His sacrifice as your own. When you are tempted by sin, pray, command the tempter to get away from you in the name of God. 

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