talking to someone in a coma

[turtletwo]

I am hoping to see my mom for the first time since she went into a coma last Friday. Does anyone know if those in this state can hear you speaking to them and touching their hand? I welcome your replies. And if anyone has encountered this personally or through loved ones who awakened and were restored...please share your stories. I have never met anyone who experienced this and true stories may be encouraging...

[turtletwo]

What could I say to her that might be comforting to her? Trip to see her is coming up fast ( Saturday) so any suggestions would be appreciated.

I thought maybe reading her a few scriptures. Please share some Bible verses you think could help bring her peace. Thanks.

[JTC]

I don't have personal experience with this but I've often heard that some people in comas are aware of what's happening around them. It just occurred to me that maybe the person wouldn't remember immediately but might later on. Please let us know.

I think you can always read her Psalm 23. It also might depend on her diagnosis. When my mother was hospitalized with terminal cancer I read her the scriptures that say there's no sadness in heaven nor tears of sorrow, and anything as that would have made her less scared to die. But if your mother is expected to recover I wouldn't read these. My mother had also been very religious all her life. God was a part of her life since she was a little girl. So how your mother feels about God should guide you in choosing scriptures. But you can't go wrong with Psalm 23 and maybe 25 also.

[turtletwo]

Thanks JTC for the comment and the good scripture suggestions.

[Melissa7]

Let me begin by saying that my heart goes out to you and your mother, turtletwo. I read your previous post about pulling the plug but didn't feel comfortable leaving a comment then.

Absolutely, I believe that people in a coma or a vegetative state can hear loved ones speaking to them. Studies that measure brain waves have shown this to be true, as well as testimonies of hospice care workers, family members, and psychologists. I also have my own story to share in a moment.

I researched this, and found that people who are in a coma due to brain trauma (which can occur due to heart attacks, like your mother), usually stay in the coma-state for two to four weeks. If they don't awaken, they then move into a vegetative-state coma, where their eyes can open & close. In these two coma conditions, their brains are still working. They can often hear and sense things going on around them, but are unable to respond.

After reading this, and knowing that you made a promise to your mom, I think you should give her at least four weeks to respond before even considering pulling the plug. Never mind the doctors! If insurance will cover it, or you can afford it, I would consider putting her into some type of convalescence home, as opposed to the hospital, where she can receive palliative care.

Back to the hearing: Yes! You should talk to your mother and touch her if you want. She will hear you, and that will comfort her. I would caution you to never speak with doctors or others about her condition at her bedside. Leave the room and shut the door to discuss medical issues.

Sit close beside her bed, near her head, and speak gently, directly into her ear. No need to shout though - she will be able to hear you in a soft voice. I would say that any Scriptures that are uplifting would be suitable. If she liked to read certain types of books/novels, you could read those too. Reading the local newspaper (nothing graphic or sad) to her is another idea. Finally, aside from telling her you love her, praying with her, etc., you might find a radio and set it near her head, tuned into the kind of music she likes. Or better yet, you could place earbuds in her ears. You know your mom and her tastes better than anyone else, so just put on your thinking cap and find ways to let her hear sound!

 

My Experience:

My dad died from COPD and had dementia for the last years of his life. When he was in a nursing home, receiving Hospice care and dying, my mother called the entire family to come visit him. I remember taking one look at him, and, hearing his agitated breathing, just knew it was his time to let go. I had previous experience working in nursing facilities, and I also think the Holy Spirit was prompting me. The rest of the family was leaving and I told my mother (dad's spouse of almost 50 years) to go home...knowing that she wouldn't see him alive again.

When everyone had left, and it was just the hospice nurse and myself in the room, I got to work. I turned the lights down, sat on my dad's bed and began to speak softly into his ear. While doing this, I was holding his hand and gently stroking his hair. I told him that mom had left, and that me and my brother would always look after her. I spoke of private things that needed to be said between us. I prayed the Lord's prayer with him and also prayed to Jesus for him. As I talked to my dad, his breathing relaxed and his agitation calmed. Finally, after about 20 minutes, he passed away.

The hospice nurse said it was the most amazing thing he had ever witnessed. He praised me for speaking in such a soothing voice. And he said that my dad hadn't shown the usual signs of immediate death, like mottled feet. But I knew. Somehow, deep inside, I knew that my dad was frightened and fighting death. So I did my best to help him pass peacefully. 

It was truly a moving experience, one that I'll likely never have again. I feel that God was there with us, and that it was his gift to my father and myself...two stubborn souls that were too alike for us to get along when he was well.

 

I apologize for this being so very long, turtletwo. But I KNOW that my dad heard me. And I know that your mother will hear you! So please, absolutely DO speak with her! No matter what the Lord has planned for your mom, you can help her to feel less lonely and isolated while in her coma.

My thoughts are with you, God bless you both 

 

[Mary8]

Dear Turtletwo,

First, I am praying that your mother will be restored by the Lord.  

I have a sweet memory to tell.   My 90 year old Mother had been injured in a fall, and I flew out to see her in the hospital, and we visited for several days, then she grew much quieter and ceased eating.   I was allowed to sleep in a hospital bed near her, so realized what was happening.   I sat near her.  She had loved to play piano and have me sing with her for hours during our whole lives together.    I decided to sing to Mother, every song I could think of, hymns, love songs, and did so for hours, and she was unresponsive and still.    When I quit for a few moments and just sat by her,  her eyebrow went up and I knew she was letting me know she wanted me to continue singing to her, so I did.    She died some hours later, quietly, and went to be with the Lord.

A little side note, I had thought of singing Doggie in the Window, and thought, no, I didn't care for that one, thought of it again, didn't sing it.    The next morning at my sister's house, I said to my sister, What is this little ceramic thing?    She said, take off the lid.    I did, and it played, Doggie in the Window.

Bless you as you think of Scriptures to speak to your Mother.

Edited March 15, 2018 by Mary8

[frienduff thaylorde]

36 minutes ago, Yowm said:

Don't underestimate the power of God's Word entering the ear of an individual even in a coma. I've heard many positive results of even reading Scripture to them. God's Word has creative power.

Exactly yowm.       The HOLY SPIRIT is all powerful.    Even a babe in the womb could leap for joy when it heard the mother of Christ greet Elizabeth.  YEAH  < JOHN LEPT

He heard even inside of elizabeths womb.       YOU SPOT ON .  

[Guest Butero]

3 hours ago, turtletwo said:

What could I say to her that might be comforting to her? Trip to see her is coming up fast ( Saturday) so any suggestions would be appreciated.

I thought maybe reading her a few scriptures. Please share some Bible verses you think could help bring her peace. Thanks.

Let her know you love her, are there for her, praying for her and looking out for her.  That should help her to be at peace.  Scriptures are good.  

My Grandfather was in a coma and dying.  He was 90 years old and lost.  My cousin witnessed to him and pleaded with him to accept Christ. My aunt was with him after that, holding his hand.   She asked if he accepted Jesus and he squeezed her hand.  She wanted to make sure so she asked him to squeeze it twice for yes and he did.  The doctors claimed that was impossible because of brain damage from a lack of oxygen.  They don't know everything.  My Aunt still speaks about a peace that seemed to come over his face that wasn't there before.  I believe he heard every word they said to him and got saved.  

I was there when my Grandmother died.  She was 94, and had an infection caused by germs from a feeding tube.  The only hope for her was a respirator.  She left no instructions about her final wishes, and the decision was left up to my Father about what to do.  Because of her age, her weak heart and the advise of the doctors, they didn't make any attempt to use machines to keep her alive.  I had to watch her die while everyone just stood around.  She seemed to be struggling to hold on with all her might and I wanted to help her, but couldn't.  It wasn't my decision to make, but I felt certain, knowing her, that she would have opted for the respirator to at least give her a chance to recover, but help never came.  I watched her take her last breath.  

On top of the fact I was powerless to do anything for her, I was concerned for her soul.  She was a lifelong Catholic.  Years before she died, I had tried to get her to accept Jesus as her Lord and Savior and I wanted to make sure she was saved.  All she did was talk about how she was unhappy that her family had all left the Catholic Church and that she liked her religion.  I went to her funeral, and it was the strangest thing I had ever seen, very cult like.  The Priest would say a few words, and then there were women from the church she attended that would say "Hail Mary's."  This went on through most of the service.  It was a very sad event.  

My other Grandfather, who was Catholic, died of lung cancer.  He had been a smoker.  Back in those days, they automatically did everything to keep you alive.  His condition was hopeless.  He was in severe pain.  His heart had stopped and they were able to bring him back and put him on life support.  He eventually died a very prolonged and painful death.  Nobody was told his wishes in advance.  My Father's decision towards my Grandmother was influenced by that event, but her situation was different.  Who is to say that once the infection was treated, she couldn't have recovered enough to live without the respirator for a couple of more years at least?  I think the feeling was over quality of life, because she couldn't swallow food without a feeding tube.  Much of my feelings about her was over the fact I knew her well enough to feel confident she wanted to live as long as possible, and the fact I felt she was lost.  

If we live long enough, we will all be faced with these kind of situations.  I always try to keep in mind the person and what I feel they would do if they could speak for themselves.  

 

[Guest Butero]

7 minutes ago, Yowm said:

That speaks volumes.

The change in attitudes seemed to come in the 80's with this "death with dignity" movement and push for living wills to not go on a respirator.  I remember asking a spokeswoman about a living will to have all possible methods including life support used, and she said they automatically do that if you don't have a living will, but even then, I could see that as time went by it would be the other way around.  The push from doctors would be to end your life if you didn't have the quality of life they thought you should, as though life itself wasn't valuable.  I was working in radio back then, and we had to do public affairs programming a certain number of hours a week.  That is how this topic came up.  

[frienduff thaylorde]

1 hour ago, Butero said:

The change in attitudes seemed to come in the 80's with this "death with dignity" movement and push for living wills to not go on a respirator.  I remember asking a spokeswoman about a living will to have all possible methods including life support used, and she said they automatically do that if you don't have a living will, but even then, I could see that as time went by it would be the other way around.  The push from doctors would be to end your life if you didn't have the quality of life they thought you should, as though life itself wasn't valuable.  I was working in radio back then, and we had to do public affairs programming a certain number of hours a week.  That is how this topic came up.  

This death with dignity is also an agenda.    But I wont speak of it here .     In all honesty when my time is up ,  I will be free from this body and present with the Lord.

And I am so firmly convinced that Only GOD knows and allows any to die.    That he is in all control.   And that means I don't even worry about any of this concerning ME.

Meaning also ,  and you can bank on this fact ,   meaning that say if I were in the worst of shape and on some machine and they could do all to save me

IF my time is up , their is truly nothing they can do .   But if it aint up   ,   They could unplug me and BAM I would not die.   That is how fully persadued I am THAT

GOD has me and is in control.