Looking for people who can relate with this

[TechEnthusiast]

I am single, have no car and its unlikely I will get married. Up until recently I have been incredibly socially awkward. The churches that I have been to don't seem to have anything real for singles. It seems like a place where people who are socially acceptable, have families, and have money go to congregate.  You are told that you are accepted because you have Repented and trusted in Jesus.    You are then left mostly alone and left to fend for yourself. You have to figure out how to find "YOUR PEOPLE". The thing is I thought that your local church was supposed to be your family. Often I feel very very lonely to the point of emotional and physical pain, but they have families and other responsibilities and we are somewhat spread out and I have no car. I feel very very neglected by the people I love and the church that I love(It has taken me a long time to find a church).  It just seems like everyone wants a family, but the truth of the matter is that if you have a family you choose that because it will take most of your time. Do even the best Christians want their best life now and not even know it? In reality you get to have a true church family if you are good at being social, have money, have a car, and have a lot of things in common with the people who go to your church. Other than that you will be relegated to Sundays and Bible studies. won't leave out my friend who gives me a ride to work, but that is not the norm and before I got a job I lacked a job, car, social skills, any type of skills, I was left alone and no one felt at all responsible for the man who had not very much to offer.

[Hidden In Him]

Well, the first thing I would have to say is that Christianity is definitely NOT all smiles and roses for everyone, no matter what age group. Even in marriage there can be a loneliness there you don't see, including among those whom you currently think may have it all together. Loneliness can be characteristic of even the greatest servants of God on occasion, so what you want is to let that loneliness drive you into even closer relationship with the Lord. And certainly don't view yourself as some sort of outcast from the Lord's servants, because I can promise you that's not the case. If anything, it means you are in very good company.  

Here. I found a brief article that might help. I won't cite the entire thing, but the beginning reads as follows:

"Every now and again in times like these, I think of the prophet Elijah, anxious and fretting in a cave, so depressed he could barely eat. He was fleeing from Queen Jezebel, who sought his life. As Elijah looked to his beloved Israel, he saw a rather discouraging portrait of fellow Jews who were either too confused or too fearful to resist the religion of the Baals required by Jezebel. He seems to have felt quite alone. Perhaps he was the last of those who held the true religion, or so he thought and felt. In the cave, Elijah pours out his lament:

And there he came to a cave, and lodged there; and behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and he said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 10 He said, “I have been very jealous for the LORD, the God of hosts; for the people of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thy altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away” (1 Ki 19:9–10).

And But God will have none of this despair or complaining, and says to Elijah:

And the LORD said to him, “Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus; and when you arrive, you shall anoint Hazael to be king over Syria; and Jehu the son of Nimshi you shall anoint to be king over Israel; and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah you shall anoint to be prophet in your place. And him who escapes from the sword of Hazael shall Jehu slay; and him who escapes from the sword of Jehu shall Elisha slay. Yet I have seven thousand in Israel, that have never bent the knee to nor bowed to Baal, nor kissed him with the mouth” (1 Ki 19:15–18).

Edited March 24, 2018 by Hidden In Him

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Always remember your dealing with fallible human beings.. Humans find it hard to relate to others who are very different from them.. I know because i am in the same kind of boat as you.. But i accept that most people feel awkward around me in real life not knowing the right way to go about relating to me..  Some are cool,, they are relxed and confident to just initiate contact and let it go where ever it goes.. But most people are not like that.. If i want to have more interaction with people it is I who has to go out of my comfort zone and do my best to initiate something..  That's very hard to do if you are on the introverted side of things..

I am pretty well self contained for the most part .. Happy to spend time alone with God and meditate ( think about not the new age or eastern religion concept of meditation ) on the word of God..  So i do not need much human contact at all..   From reading your post it seems that you desire more fellowship with other Christians..  You probably need to take some time to listen to people and find out what it is that they are passionate about and get involved in it so that you have something to found and maintain a relationship on..  Establishing that foundation will allow you to start to discuss other things with the person more you your liking..

[patrick jane]

48 minutes ago, TechEnthusiast said:

I am single, have no car and its unlikely I will get married. Up until recently I have been incredibly socially awkward. The churches that I have been to don't seem to have anything real for singles. It seems like a place where people who are socially acceptable, have families, and have money go to congregate.  You are told that you are accepted because you have Repented and trusted in Jesus.    You are then left mostly alone and left to fend for yourself. You have to figure out how to find "YOUR PEOPLE". The thing is I thought that your local church was supposed to be your family. Often I feel very very lonely to the point of emotional and physical pain, but they have families and other responsibilities and we are somewhat spread out and I have no car. I feel very very neglected by the people I love and the church that I love(It has taken me a long time to find a church).  It just seems like everyone wants a family, but the truth of the matter is that if you have a family you choose that because it will take most of your time. Do even the best Christians want their best life now and not even know it? In reality you get to have a true church family if you are good at being social, have money, have a car, and have a lot of things in common with the people who go to your church. Other than that you will be relegated to Sundays and Bible studies. won't leave out my friend who gives me a ride to work, but that is not the norm and before I got a job I lacked a job, car, social skills, any type of skills, I was left alone and no one felt at all responsible for the man who had not very much to offer.

I can relate. I have never been married and I always knew in my heart when dating that this wasn't the one, every time. I tried to "accept" some as maybe the one but I always knew in the back of my mind that it wouldn't work. I'm almost 50 now and I stopped looking and caring about companionship. In my opinion it can be overrated. I don't need sex to be joyful and thankful, that's overrated as well, IMO. I can't believe how much some folks obsess over it. 

In addition, I enjoy my free time and my time alone. I don't "socialize" and I fellowship on several forums, sharing the gospel and studying scripture so I don't attend church. Most churches do not teach the gospel of grace delivered by Paul and they are playing songs for 15 minutes then talking about how they need some more money to do this and that. I find the sermons lacking as well, too much repetition and no true message.

In a nutshell, I am content and lack nothing in the material world. I'm happy and relationships are hard work. I choose to live my life single and I am not the least bit yearning for anything. Up until a few years ago I was still hoping and looking, even though I never go anywhere. I don't work anymore so I spend my time learning, trying to post scripture, edifying others and trying to put information out there for folks to be aware of, like warnings for Christians and unbelievers alike. I simply do not feel like I'm missing anything in my life.

There were absolutely times when I yearned for a wife and a family but it just wasn't in God's plans for me. I don't count anything out and I'm not against myself possibly finding true love nut each year it's less and less likely. I'm very honest and I don't find the same quality in other people that I meet.

[secretopossumcabal]

Don't look at the things that other people have -- most everyone will lose everything and then they will die. Don't hold on to this life, this life is destined for all the ways of the earth. As Christians we're not supposed to be all about this life. It's hard, and it sucks, yes, but we're in a better spot than the people of this world which cling on to their fortunes for dear life, knowing full well that at some point they wont have the energy to hold on anymore. 

It may be that God does not intend you to have a family in this life, for your own good. As Hidden In Him said, the loneliness is often what guides people to him. Does anyone have a compass that points to God without having any of the associated pain? His absence is what brings people to him, the more absence the stronger the bond. Be content in what you have right now -- don't look at what other people have. Most people are secular, and many can taste all the great joys of the world -- family, wealth, pleasure, but all of them shall and will lose it all. Not even the closest love-bond can survive this world without God, so it's better for you to know God at the foremost than to have all the pleasures of this world.  

Be content that your reaction to loneliness is to find holiness, most people would have a much darker reaction. You're in a good spot, we all are we if genuinely seek him, we've just got to hold on and take it a day at a time. It's a war of attrition and this world is tying to take that spark of innocence that God had placed within you away, don't let this world snuff the light out. The more lonely this world makes you feel, the more you should pray. 

Turn your pain to prayer to the point where it has become your default mode of thinking.        

[Debp]

8 hours ago, TechEnthusiast said:

I am single, have no car and its unlikely I will get married. Up until recently I have been incredibly socially awkward. The churches that I have been to don't seem to have anything real for singles. It seems like a place where people who are socially acceptable, have families, and have money go to congregate.  You are told that you are accepted because you have Repented and trusted in Jesus.    You are then left mostly alone and left to fend for yourself. You have to figure out how to find "YOUR PEOPLE". The thing is I thought that your local church was supposed to be your family. Often I feel very very lonely to the point of emotional and physical pain, but they have families and other responsibilities and we are somewhat spread out and I have no car. I feel very very neglected by the people I love and the church that I love(It has taken me a long time to find a church).  It just seems like everyone wants a family, but the truth of the matter is that if you have a family you choose that because it will take most of your time. Do even the best Christians want their best life now and not even know it? In reality you get to have a true church family if you are good at being social, have money, have a car, and have a lot of things in common with the people who go to your church. Other than that you will be relegated to Sundays and Bible studies. won't leave out my friend who gives me a ride to work, but that is not the norm and before I got a job I lacked a job, car, social skills, any type of skills, I was left alone and no one felt at all responsible for the man who had not very much to offer.

I'm so sorry for your loneliness and resulting pain.  I am a senior citizen and single, content in that.  However, the last several years I have experienced two good churches going extremely liberal and I had to leave after many years.  Then the third church (young Koreans) were very nice Christians but the leadership was legalistic and refused me communion unless I joined their church!    This hurt me deeply, where I actually got physically ill and was unable to keep attending there.

So I am glad you found a church that you love.   Have you talked to the pastor about your feelings?  It might help.  Also, are there any volunteer activities you might join with others at your church?   God bless you.

[Hidden In Him]

36 minutes ago, secretopossumcabal said:

Don't look at the things that other people have -- most everyone will lose everything and then they will die. Don't hold on to this life, this life is destined for all the ways of the earth.

I was thinking about this again this afternoon while walking in the park. Somehow the topic came up about growing older, and I commented that the above is why you invest yourself in the things of God. People who invest in the things of this world start feeling like everything is passing them by by the time they reach their mid-fifties, whereas as I still feel like I have my whole life ahead of me because all my goals have been and still are spiritual. All they have to encourage themselves with are things like grandkids, and even then the grandkids may not be able to spend a lot of time with them. What next? Grow old in a nursing home, with family members who are still chasing their own lives and don't have time to come see you? Better to invest yourself in Christ and have purpose in Him until the day you die. You can still be a blessing to people everyday, and have a true reason for being that gives your life joy and meaning, both now and forever. 

Edited March 24, 2018 by Hidden In Him

[Hidden In Him]

9 hours ago, TechEnthusiast said:

I am single, have no car and its unlikely I will get married. Up until recently I have been incredibly socially awkward. The churches that I have been to don't seem to have anything real for singles. It seems like a place where people who are socially acceptable, have families, and have money go to congregate.  You are told that you are accepted because you have Repented and trusted in Jesus.  You are then left mostly alone and left to fend for yourself.

I should point out, too, TechEnthusiast, that the closer you get to God the more He transforms you into someone who is of great benefit to others, and this attracts others to you.

So try not to let yourself continue to focus on your loneliness. It has the opposite effect. Not that you would not be cared for by true Christians, but they will care for you even more if you focus on being a blessing to them as they are to you. There will still be times of loneliness along the way, but in time you "fill out" in Christ to such an extent that you are always needed somewhere, because you can always be a blessing to someone. 

[4LdKHVCzRDj2]

9 hours ago, TechEnthusiast said:

I am single, have no car and its unlikely I will get married.

Trust me, you can, if you believe. I am still single for so many years, and I am not that hopeless.

Well, at least I stopped being depressed about it... Thanks to God!

 

9 hours ago, TechEnthusiast said:

Up until recently I have been incredibly socially awkward.

I suffer with this too. It is hard thing to live with. But thanks to God, I have been making progress.

 

9 hours ago, TechEnthusiast said:

You are then left mostly alone and left to fend for yourself. You have to figure out how to find "YOUR PEOPLE".

Yes, it is hard. I did not find friends yet. Again, thanks to the Lord Jesus I have been joyful in such state.

 

You are pretty much like me, I am amazed. I'm begging for friends, but people do not want to be my friend.

But I am not depressed about it anymore, thanks to the Lord Jesus... You need to know Him more.

 

And obviously, if you believe, you can be more socially acceptable.

 

God bless you in Jesus' name!

[Marilyn C]

17 hours ago, TechEnthusiast said:

I am single, have no car and its unlikely I will get married. Up until recently I have been incredibly socially awkward. The churches that I have been to don't seem to have anything real for singles. It seems like a place where people who are socially acceptable, have families, and have money go to congregate.  You are told that you are accepted because you have Repented and trusted in Jesus.    You are then left mostly alone and left to fend for yourself. You have to figure out how to find "YOUR PEOPLE". The thing is I thought that your local church was supposed to be your family. Often I feel very very lonely to the point of emotional and physical pain, but they have families and other responsibilities and we are somewhat spread out and I have no car. I feel very very neglected by the people I love and the church that I love(It has taken me a long time to find a church).  It just seems like everyone wants a family, but the truth of the matter is that if you have a family you choose that because it will take most of your time. Do even the best Christians want their best life now and not even know it? In reality you get to have a true church family if you are good at being social, have money, have a car, and have a lot of things in common with the people who go to your church. Other than that you will be relegated to Sundays and Bible studies. won't leave out my friend who gives me a ride to work, but that is not the norm and before I got a job I lacked a job, car, social skills, any type of skills, I was left alone and no one felt at all responsible for the man who had not very much to offer.

Hi TechEnthusiast,

Can understand some what. I didn`t marry till in my 3o`s and was thus single amid married couples. Eventually in our town the singles (Christians) got together once a month and had a meal, an evening with different ones playing music, also going to a bowling alley, etc. Over time other people came to different events and yes, I met my future hubby there.

So perhaps you and another can start a small group and it may grow. Good for fellowship bro.

Marilyn.

BTW the group was made up of all denominations.