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A Testing I Can Only Just Survive

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Marilyn, very wise words! Gosh, how I wish people would just be themselves! But you are right, and thank you so much for your advice. I've been vulnerable not just as a new Christian, but because of my own lack of fellowship, this is something I will be working on in the future.

Thank you so much, God bless :th_praying:

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Distressing time for you. I have been rejected and disowned by my family in the US. I worked and provided many years, but on retirement it all went downhill. I do not understand it all but just faded quietly away since it was obvious I was not doing the kids any good and having fights over them is just not good for them.

Families or proposed families are a strange way to sift peoples' thoughts and intents. Often it can border on extreme stress; that is a real killer of any good emotions. 

Some good advice is here for you. Just know that you are not alone in the trust/broken trust issue that somehow comes back to bite us in the most unexpected ways.

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You might never even know the whole real story of what is going on at his end.  But you can know one thing dear sister........that God is faithful and that He is working all these things together for your good.  It might even be that He knows this marriage would not have been in your best interests.......I know it's not easy, but you just trust Him.  It's not about what we deserve, it's about what the Lord wants to work in your life........remember what the bible says about trials and suffering.......be not surprised at the painful trial......the Lord chastises who He loves as sons.......who has suffered in the Body is done with sin.......if we suffer with Him we shall also be raised with Him.........and be assured that this has not caught the Lord by surprise.  Trust Him, trust Him, trust Him....He is working things out that we know not of.  Keep on keeping on with the Lord, do what you need to do in the practical realm of things, and you will realize later that He IS walking with you through this trial, right through it.  Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers them from them all.  And you will later on be rejoicing to see the fruit that grows from it in your life.

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On 3/25/2018 at 9:18 AM, BibleBunny said:

I've never really posted anything on a forum, but I find myself very much alone and confused right now. I was saved in June 2015, never having been brought up as a Christian or even knowing many Christians through my life. I live in the UK and there is a somewhat 'stuffy' image of The Church, although perhaps that is just my thinking. Christ came to me through a dream, my heart was changed and I had been going though what felt like spiritual attacks through others and some strange experiences! Anyway (that's another story), God got me! He saved me and I am forever His!

I met a man after that and he was very good to me, he too is a Christian, I honestly felt like it was God given I prayed for support the night before he contacted me, it felt like an answer to prayer. We were friends for a while, he lives in America. Through it all he seemed very genuine, he is the son of a Pastor, we prayed on the phone everyday, we became more than friends and after a few years, having met a number of times, me going there and him here, we got engaged. There were some tough times, he has misrepresented himself, we got through it, I forgave him and we moved on. Three years on, and 280 days into our visa application for me to move over to America on a fiance visa, he has a huge melt down. He tells me of all his sins, things I never thought he would be involved in (mostly of the flesh, I wont go into detail). I could and can forgive him. But now, as he has been divorced he says he will not marry me. In his repentance he feels he should not be breaking anymore commandments. He says it's against scripture, I can't argue with that, it's Gods word. But I have sold my flat. I have sent everything I own over to him, bar three suitcases and my paperwork (for the visa), I have temporary accommodation until the middle of May, we had planned all this hoping the Visa would be through by then. Of course now it wont, I am not going to be married, I will not be his wife, I will not be able to start a new in America. Which is a huge change of plan, a huge and difficult change to get my head around. I am being tested. Beyond anything I thought could happen, I had complete faith that it was Gods plan for me to be in a new country with someone who would love me.

How he is even capable of dropping me like this I do not know. We never argued, we've got on well, same humour, a sharing of faith and it felt completely genuine. I am going to have to get a job in the next six weeks (money is not the best for me), I wasn't working as we were just going to get through the visa and then I could just move when we got it (stupid of me, I know). I am living out of suitcases, my heart is broken, and on top of that he has told me he has cancer, he has an operation on Tuesday to remove a stage 2 tumour, its colon cancer. He's pushed me away when I would have drawn closer. What else can I say other than that?! Without becoming too distraught and incoherent.

Honestly I cannot comprehend most of this, my emotions are everywhere and I have to pull everything back together, on my own, I was going to find new friends in America, the UK has not been kind to me. This test is very tough on me, especially as a new Christian, I feel angry, upset, sad, heart broken and pure despair. I know that God is working, and perhaps I will come out the other end ok. He was my only Christian friend, would anyone have any advice? Or could someone pray for me? It's my birthday today.. I'm 42! This shouldn't happen to a 42 year old woman! I feel ridiculous as well as distraught.... and tired, very, very tired. 

Hi,  You have touched my heart so much.  Usually I think of a lot to say, but this time I will for now just let you know that I am praying for you.   You have learned a lot of difficult things about this one you have loved.   From experience I do know that Jesus loves you so much, and He will be healing your heart.   In His tender care, you will be finding better things but it is so hard I know.   I request for you an awareness of His love for you, a touch today especially, and that He will give you Scriptures.  

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On March 25, 2018 at 12:11 PM, Hidden In Him said:

Greetings, BibleBunny.

My sense is that maybe the cancer thing has him so discouraged that he's afraid he would be a burden on you instead of a husband, and the rest is just a cover. I could be wrong, but that would seem to make sense of it all. 

But I wouldn't consider it as a "test from God." A test, most certainly, but not one your Heavenly Father wanted you to go through, just one that you may have to. He always wants to bless His children with all good things in Christ Jesus, so here is what I suggest: Every time your heart and mind thinks about anything that would bring you down, cast that care on the Lord Jesus Christ, even if it means doing it a hundred times a day for a while. Trust your fiancé to the Lord, that whatever he is doing and thinking will come under submission to God, and live by Philippians 4:8 where your own thinking is concerned.

Coming from a 54-year old, 42 is still young in my opinion, LoL. Tell Him in prayer that you trust Him to provide for you, and put food on your plate, and tell Him repeatedly. This is a step of faith, but it will calm your own nerves as well as remind Him of His promises. And if you trust Him you will see Him begin moving in your life as never before.

What I mean is this: View this is an opportunity, not a test. It is an opportunity to trust God in situations you've never been in before, and watch Him go to work on your behalf miraculously, which will bring joy to your heart and greatly increase your faith. But again, cast your cares upon Him; ALL of it, and trust in Him that He will take care of you; your heart, your mind, your welfare, all of it. 

As for the UK, I have other Christian friends in the UK, so I know how it is. The spiritual climate is a little tougher over there, and they don't take your faith very seriously. But let what God is about to do in your life become a testimony of why they should, in that He provided for you in a situation that might have been more than others could have recovered from, and you came through it stronger than ever.

I know doing these things is harder than saying them, but this is what the good fight of faith is about; it will require a strong effort. But seeing the victory at the end of it all will make it all worth it.

God bless you in Christ Jesus, and if today wasn't a good day then you treat yourself to something nice for your birthday tomorrow, or next week, when you're back in the mindset to celebrate the wonderful person God made you and everything you have going for you, and everything He is going to do in your life in the future.


This is such an awful thing to go through, personally I had been thinking that the rest of the business (divorce, sinning in the flesh, etc. insofar as the things he told you) were the legit things...but when I got to the cancer part, I had to kind of wonder at that one, but that's just me- and I'm certainly no expert on any of it, for sure. However...I can say this, having been through some pretty horrific things like this myself, that God is watching out for you, He really is. He's aware of your situation, He knows that your heart was genuine in your feelings and trust of this person, in other words, He knows the situation from beginning to end, and every detail of every feeling/emotion in it for both parties, you and him. I can also say this with the utmost confidence...having been through a really rough, rough time such as you're going through (not exactly the same, but pretty darned close...I won't go into detail, though- suffice it to say? I totally understand...) I know for a bonafide fact that God is faithful...and He is going to bring you through to something better that He has planned for you, even though you are devastated and can't hardly believe that anything good could come of your mistrust and devastation, and it most definitely doesn't feel like it now. You are on the road to where God is leading you and He is walking ahead of you, and even though the way seems dark, believe that He has your hand, and that He isn't going to lead you into a bad place. Frightening, and scary as it is? And believe me, I know....God is faithful, even when we don't understand (which seems to be most of the time, lol). Hang on to Him with everything you have. Proverbs 3: 5, 6 - Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding...acknowledge Him in all of your ways, and He WILL direct your path!  

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On 3/29/2018 at 11:04 AM, Mystic_Pizza said:

You are on the road to where God is leading you and He is walking ahead of you, and even though the way seems dark, believe that He has your hand, and that He isn't going to lead you into a bad place.

Amen! Well-said Mystic :emot-highfive:

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Go see him. Yes! Go!

I think he has pushed you away as he doesnt want you to suffer with him during this hard time in his life with his illness.

Just go. Dont say anything to him.

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On 3/27/2018 at 4:49 AM, BibleBunny said:

Thank you for your replies, I have given a great deal to this relationship, including the roof over my head, I would not have done anything like that had the relationship been anywhere near rocky. I do understand that he is pushing me away, I have spoken to him about it, and asked him not too. I'm a pretty straight forward person, I do my best and I don't chastise or shout about things. Love can heal these rifts, but I think a lot of pride and stubbornness is at work here. I'm dealing with someone who I no longer recognise because of the lies he's told me. I have forgiven it all, but now I think God is revealing his true nature.

Despite my requests to find out what hospital he will be going to he won't tell me. It would have been nice if I could a least know where he will be if something bad happens, I am very concerned because I care. He also will not let me talk to any of his family, he had sent me an email address for his brother a while ago, in case anything ever happened to him, I emailed it, just to ask if he could let me know that my partner is ok after the operation (they are always in contact), the email address bounced back, I don't think it's real. I tried the phone number too, but I have had no answer.

We're talking about someone I have a joint US account with, I'm on the rental contract for the house in America, I've not exactly been a 'sideline'. Even in the visa process you write letters with your intend to marry, and prove the relationship with pictures and many many visits.

His other sister is going there to look after him, he has told me he has told her about me many a times. I asked him for her phone number so she could let me know how the operation went. He has avoided giving it to me. He does all this while telling me he loves me?! That's confusing. Sorry to vent, I just think perhaps God is showing me just how devious this man is, and it's rather scary, let alone emotionally taxing, given the illness, the messages of love, the rejection and him 'hiding' me like a dirty secret at the same time.

I'm not perfect, but I don't think I could do to anyone what he's doing to me right now. This is how homeless people are made. I'm glad God is showing me the truth, it's rather brutal, and at the same time I want him to be ok. He will want me to be his best friend at the end of this, it's becoming more and more clear, that I am not respected, that his idea of love is very far from mine. I've never known someone to be so good at lying! I am giving all this to God, I need to find a good job, perhaps God wants me to finally put myself first? I honestly don't know. Please do pray for me.

Thank you for listening!

Hello biblebunny, I've been reading your situation but you know what? Uncomfortable feelings actually indicate you’re on the right path. Really a comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there. And I can see the pain in your words. I remember a time years ago when I was married and I had this loving christian Aunt that told me no, this guy wasn't for me but I was young and I thought if it didnt work out, the divorce would take care of it. (Boy, was i wrong) It would of saved me all the heartache and lifes issues and with having a child as well, and working, etc., had I listen to my Aunt and not married.  Looking back, God had His hand in it, growing me through the pain and at the same time i learned alot about having a husband, seeing life thru both sets of eyes. Even though we weren't seeing the same dreams and hopes in life. I thought how did I not see this coming? A life lesson. I had alot to learn. I truly believe it was part of my path in life.

The often-quoted phrase about when you are comfortable with life, you have ceased to grow as an individual. Therefore, experiencing uncomfortable feelings is actually a sign that you are going through a period of change, and in your case a heartbreak on top of it all. 

I think you already know from mentioning earlier in your post...that God was revealing this guys true nature. An eye-opener.  Count this as a blessing in disguise. I'm sure with all of the betrayals you felt, was just tip of the iceberg of what might lay ahead that you had to encounter, such dishonesty and disrespect.
You are the only person who can be held accountable for the life you  choose to lead. If you want to turn your dreams into a reality, it is you who will have to take control and make it happen.

The fear only grows when you reach the inevitable conclusion that you have no choice but to enact change if you are to quell the discontent that is brewing in your heart.
Enjoy the ability to be with yourself. Get creative. Take classes and pick up a hobby that enriches your soul.
Another person is not going to cure you from loneliness. It might even exaggerate those emotions. You have to learn to entertain yourself and enjoy the childlike moments that are fragments of your wholeness. 
Hope this helps some.
God Bless you, and praying for you. God is there with you, always.
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