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What is the biblical viewpoint on a child calling their mothers boyfriend daddy.

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I would say that you shouldn't be having the kind of relationship in front of her child that would cause the child to think that you are it's father. In other words, don't live with her. I wouldn't even show physical affection beyond anything more than what is appropriate. The goal, as always with children, is to protect them from the concepts of sin as much as possible. The more sin a child is exposed to, the greater their capacity to sin increases until their Sinful Nature is cut away.

The teaching is to protect your children from all forms of sin. Whoever causes one of God's little ones to sin, they are better off having a millstone tied around their neck and thrown overboard. Be very cautious with children; God takes them very, very seriously.

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On 3/30/2018 at 11:14 PM, Samiam@17 said:

What is the biblical viewpoint on a child calling their mothers boyfriend daddy.

A mother shouldn't have a child unless they are married.

A mother shouldn't have a boyfriend.

A divorced mother should stay single until the child is raised (if possible).

A mother should not have any potential husband around their child, until that man is married to her.   That doesn't mean you can't have the man introduced to the child, but you can't have the man around so much, that the child thinks he is his father, when he isn't even married to her yet.

Because if you keep bringing guys in all the time, and then they leave, you are doing damage to the child.

All of these are ideals.   The problem with a situation like this, is that once you end up in this situation, there is no non-messy solution.

The best answer is to not get into this situation to begin with.  But if this where you are at, then you aim for the ideals, and hope for the best.

Edited by LonerAndy
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1 hour ago, LonerAndy said:

A mother shouldn't have a child unless they are married.

A mother shouldn't have a boyfriend.

A divorced mother should stay single until the child is raised (if possible).

A mother should not have any potential husband around their child, until that man is married to her.   That doesn't mean you can't have the man introduced to the child, but you can't have the man around so much, that the child things he is his father, when he isn't even married to her yet.

Because if you keep bringing guys in all the time, and then they leave, you are doing damage to the child.

All of these are ideals.   The problem with a situation like this, is that once you end up in this situation, there is no non-messy solution.

The best answer is to not get into this situation to begin with.  But if this where you are at, then you aim for the ideals, and hope for the best.

Great job! After reading what you wrote, I realized that I had forgotten my own plan on my own sexuality/marriage life. The truth is this . . .

. . . I was living with my girlfriend during the time that I was actually saved. We were definitely sexual outside of marriage. But in the midst of my conversion and Holy Transformation, I realized that I had to leave her, though she was shocking perfect and our sex life was beyond shockingly good. But I had to leave it and walk away from it. I am a Slave to Christ, thus I left her. I had to obey, but I wasn't planning on the level of Sanctification that God was taking me through. I realized eventually that I cannot be intimate with anyone ever again, for that would be adultery.

Now, at age 52, I no longer think about ever having a girlfriend or marrying again. My God will not lead me into temptation, so I trust in Him that I will be just fine without a sexual relationship in this world. Let's face it . . . that's mostly what it's about, but I have come to accept that the only way I could ever be with a woman again, is if it were with my last, amazing and wonderful girlfriend. I do pray that God would give her to me, but He is in control over these things and I trust Him perfectly in this matter.

Remember, the body is made for the Lord and the Lord for the body. The human body is not purposed for sex; it just isn't. The body was created so as to be indwelt by the Holy Spirit; to be pure, whole, complete and blameless before God Almighty. We don't need sex anymore. We don't need physical gratifications through various forms of addiction that cause us to feel better. This Body is the Property of God; not ourselves. We must honor it with Holiness and Reverence. We are a Holy Temple, that is, if God is Truly Indwelling you.

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I won't procreate. Paul taught that we should be like him, which is single. Why? Because a True Christian's mission to to Serve the Lord, not the sexual capacity of our own bodies.

Why did God create Eve? That is a fantastic question, and the answer is that He did all that He has done to prove Himself to those around him in the Heavenly realms. Rulers, Authorities in Heaven, etc.

God created us to prove His Power first of all. The sub-context to the Bible is that of Spiritual Circumcision.

And as for Adam and Eve, it should be interesting to think about how they had no children until [after] they sinned. That, my friend, is really something.

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2 hours ago, maryjayne said:

why ever not? Are widows to remain alone? to have a husband, one needs a boyfriend first....................should a child be denied a good new father just becasue of the misfortune of the death of their biological father?

Likewise, why should a scriptural divorced mother be deprived of a husband? why should the child or children be denied a good step father to help them grow up knowing about a good father role model?

this makes no sense. There are many excellent step fathers and new fathers who love and care for children who are not their biological offspring. A healthy fatherly relationship is important for girls and boys growing up.

Courtship has to happen, how else will a mother know if the man she is getting to know will be a good husband as well as a good father? and a period of time for the children to meet and get to know a prospective father is also important, to let everyone adjust and see if it all works.

My second husband met my daughters frequently while we were courting, once we had established that we wanted to marry. If my daughters had not also got on well with him, and he related well to them, the marriage would not have happened.

Perhaps you are talking about a specific UK type of courtship model?

First, I don't know you and your specific situation.  I was answering very generally.  I even said specifically, that life is messy, and many times you simply have to do your best in the messy situation you are in.  There is no perfect answer, unless G-d himself gives it to you.

I apologize, because complex questions, require complex answers.  I'm not going to give trite snippet white-wash answers.  Also I'm going to give you the reasons why I came to the conclusions that I have come to.  Obviously this means the post is going to be long.

As for widows specifically, the Bible is very clear that the solution to sexual desire is to get married.  "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."  1 Cor 7:9

Again the ideals, are just that.  The best solution is not always the solution that works, in a our messy lives.  If a Widow wants to marry, and is burning with desire, then she should find a man, and marry him.

I would also suggest to not argue with people that have found singleness to be their way of life.  What works for him or her that remains single, is fine.  But there is no need to argue with them over it.  They are not going to understand people who burn with desire, when they themselves do not.

As for children and step parents....

This comes from experience over 20+ years.   Both in talking to people in blended families, and from marriage counsellors, and from books written on the subject.   I do not claim to be a Ph.D, but I didn't see a requirement for a Ph.D in order to give advice on the forum.     You can take it or leave it, as you please.

My experience is, blended families are a disaster.  I can generally tell that someone is in a blended family by the severity, and the types of problems people have in their families.  I can tell talking to kids, just by how they refer to their mothers and fathers, if they are in a blended family.   I will often ask, when did your mother marry your father?  And they look at me like, I hacked their facebook or something.

Again this is all generalities.... but a child relates to their step-father, differently than their biological mother, or biological father.  And the reverse is also true.   Same thing with step mothers.  Kids react differently to step-mom, than real mom and real dad.  

With these situations, the chance of a disaster is high, and the chance of success is low.    My parents church where I grew up, was very conservative.  They frowned very much on divorce and remarriage.    We had one lady who did this.   We refused to marry her, although she was still welcome in the church.   After her second marriage, the newly married husband, beat the snot out of her, and terrified her daughter.   After that divorce, her daughter found a boy friend, who after several months of dating her, started dating her mother.  This utterly destroyed her daughter again.   We never saw either of them again.

This is the kinds of crazy, that you see in blended families all the time.  People like to downplay it, but the reality is, every single time I've met someone who had an insane family story... 100%.  No exceptions thus far in my life, they have all been blended families.   All of them.

Again, I understand life is messy.  But my advice is... if you can wait until the kids are grown and out of the house before remarrying, then that is what I would advise to do.

And that's just one of the problems.   There is also a problem that parents don't love their kids equally.   The new husband is very much likely to love the kids he fathers with his wife, more than the kids from the previous husband.   And mothers tend to try and compensate for this by loving their first kids, more than the new kids.   And kids know this.  Again, I've met dozens of kids who say this openly to me.      In fact, have a co-worker right now, whose step-father tried to kick her out of the house, while her biological mother was out of town.

As a side note, there is a video on youtube by Andy Woodhull at Drybar comedy, who openly says all of this, and everyone laughs.  They laugh, because it's true.

Especially if your daughter is in her teens already, you need to be exceptionally careful, even beyond exceptionally careful about bringing a man into your home.  Because to that man, that is not a daughter.  Not to him.  That's just another women in the house, and it's a woman hitting her sexual and hormonal peak.   Boyfriends and step-fathers, sleeping with the woman's daughter, is far more common than you would ever want to know.

This is the reality.

Back to Widows.  My advice... marry another widow if you can.   Things are a bit better (ironically) for widows, because there is no ex-whoever somewhere.  So I can see that your chances are better with a widower.

However, with all of them... my advice remains, do not introduce the step-person to any of the children involved, until you are nearly ready to marry.   Nothing is more damaging than having a guy around, who is there long enough to have the child attached to him, and then he realizes he doesn't want to own those kids, and leaves.

As for boyfriends, the meaning of the word has drastically different meanings over a broad spectrum of modern society.   Someone you are considering to marry, is just that.  You would never call a future spouse, a boyfriend.  I would hope not at least.   Because what is the difference between a neighbor that is a boy, that is a friend, and this boy-friend you are planning to marry?

Allow me another example.  Look at mail-order brides.   Contrary to some suggestions, people who find a bride over seas, have the lowest rates of divorce of any marital group in the US.  I don't know about Europe, but here in the US, if you find a wife through a international dating site, you have the lowest levels of failure, and highest levels of marital happiness of any group.

Let me ask you, how many of these men, where telling everyone they had a girlfriend, during the time they found the woman, met her, dated her, and then married her?  None.   Even in my own life, not one of the women I know who got married, said they had a boyfriend.  They met their husband, and dated him, and then married him.

Boyfriend in our modern era, means a guy you are not married to, that you are wasting time with, sleeping with, often living with, and all the time, pretending to have some sort of dedication to.

I disagree with all of that.  You should never have a boyfriend ever.  You should be meeting only, and exclusively to determine if you are going to get married, and if you are not doing that, then you shouldn't do it.   I believe the primary reason why mail order brides have such a high success rate is simply because of the mentality of people going into.  They are not looking for a date.  If they wanted a date, they found find one cheaper, and easier on dumb phone apps like Tinder.

They are only there, to find a wife.  And the woman is only there to find a husband.  Because the expectations and goals are set from the start, the results are much higher for success.

That is what I suggest.  Find a husband, not a boyfriend.   Should only be dating for a short time.  If you are not moving together towards marriage, than you should stop moving together at all.

So that is my advice.

If you want me to clarify anything else, just ask.  It does not bother me to answer any questions.

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4 hours ago, LonerAndy said:

If you want me to clarify anything else, just ask.  It does not bother me to answer any questions.

You probably didn't know this, but the OP is from March 30th, 2018. They may never respond to what we've written today.

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Maryjayne . . . you gave my post a ? - What part of my post did you not understand? What I wrote of is the core of the Bible and is something you should be familiar with. So . . . what's up?

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On 3/30/2018 at 8:14 PM, Samiam@17 said:

What is the biblical viewpoint on a child calling their mothers boyfriend daddy.

It is worldly and it is sad. 

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On 2/15/2020 at 2:50 PM, anynmsfmly said:

And wish i could be a mail order, Bride,

To so!eone,

In the, States, lmbo

Beloved, if we truly believe Genesis 2:18:

  And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Then you are some man's Eve, created specifically for him, ...Father moved me 5,000 miles away from my comfort zone to a third world country for the Eve He had prepared for me and her Adam that He had created for her.

Pray and ask Him for your Adam without any "stipulations" whatsoever, and wait for Him to bring your Adam to you, ...or, ...God will call you to step out of the boat and in faith walk on water Rom 10:17, ...that means He will have to supernaturally-naturally take you to him (that's how it was with me), ...the only question is, ...how big is your God?

Lord bless and be encouraged dear one.

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