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Desiring restoration with God


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Desiring restoration after being disobedient to what God asked to hand over to him(mainly a selfish heart) So much hurt has been caused on my part and finding it so hard to just look to Jesus. 

Like David “my sin is ever before me” and it’s hard to see anything else. 

Ive cried out to God for mercy, for forgiveness. But the pain feels so heavy. Feeling helpless. :(

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If you have confessed your sins to the Lord, then you need to accept and believe in His forgiveness and cleansing towards you.  God promises to do that...believe Him.  See 1 John 1:9.

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Good advice. My problem was self acceptance.

I had braved all kinds of adversity that was not my fault. (infant abuse, foster homes etc)

I then, much later, fell with a resounding crash. I was so upset, so angry, so really crazily mad at myself that I went into a rage that I remember vividly today. I was so disappointed in myself.

I am not sure but that was probably the reason my second relationship also failed. I put up with so much for so long thinking it was a kind of recompense. Kind of punishment from God.

To say I had PSTD would be an understatement. 

The thing was, the Lord had long forgiven me but my pride allowed my life to take on such a huge load of guilt and remorse that I completely lost track of what was truly real for a while. It nearly finished me I can say. Not a threat to subsume responsibility, but a very real belief that I had actually been a mistake. That being here was just a viscous game and that I was just somebody's laughable chess piece.

Then I learned differently. I will not say any more but that.

So FORGIVE YOURSELF. That is often at the core of problems like I read here from you Bonnie.

Peace.

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Remember that God's forgiveness is perfect. If He has forgiven you, you must forgive yourself. That doesn't mean you will never feel the pain anymore, because we are not perfect in our forgiveness like God is. But if we refuse to forgive ourselves when God already has, then we are essentially saying God is wrong and our standard is right and is higher and better than His.

God bless you!

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