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Sinner_of_Christ

Suffering with transgender&homosexual thoughts?

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I am a 23 year old female. I've been struggling with my gender and sexuality since I was around 13 years old. I "came out" as gay in highschool. I "came out" as "transgender" a few years after that. I started dressing like a male around that time. I cut my hair short. I wore really baggy male clothes to hide my feminine figure. I even bound my chest.

Everyone in my family knows me as a transgender. They know I like male stuff (Like video games, sci-fi, and fantasy stuff). They started calling me my "preferred name" a few months ago. 

I don't want to be known as a transgender or lesbian anymore. I want to be a woman. A godly woman. A woman who wears women's clothes, and covers her head like women are told to in the Bible. I believe pants were made for men. And, 99% of women's pants are too tight and not modest at all. 

I want to be a modest woman. I want to start wearing skirts and dresses. I want to grow my hair out. I dont want to sin like this anymore. Is there anyone here who has been suffering the same as me? I really need help right now. I feel so lost.

I prayed to God for help, but, so far, nothing's happened. Well, I don't think anything's happened. I've been watching people's testimonies on YouTube, of ex-transgenders and ex-homosexuals. I think that is God's way of telling me that what I am doing is a sin. Is it? Do you think so?

I've never acted on my homosexual thoughts, but I have watched porn before, and I feel really ashamed, guilty, and disgusted at myself for doing so. I believe masturbation and pornography is a sin, but I can't stop. I'm addicted to it. 

Please, anyone, help. Any ex-transgenders or ex-homosexuals, preferably women, on here? I would really like some advice on what to do about this situation. Thanks in advance, God bless, and sorry that this post is so long! ♡ 

 

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Welcome, and praise God for the work He has done in your heart already!

Continue to repent of sinful activity and thoughts daily as needed. But when you do repent, you must leave it there at the cross and move forward; beating yourself up will only do you harm. And I would advise you not to worry about small things like clothing choices; there's nothing wrong with a woman wearing pants of jeans. I think there's a line that shouldn't be crossed, but it's a pretty obvious one, in terms of modesty. Don't worry about restricting yourself to extreme levels.

Are you attending a church? People with addictions cannot go it alone. I would seek out a strong, Bible-teaching church to get connected to. Perhaps try getting a meeting with the pastor and asking him for help in dealing with your addictions; his reaction should tell you if the church will likely be un-Godly and judgmental in it's treatment of you. You need to get connected to other believers who will love and accept you, but also hold you accountable and not turn a blind eye when you need help.

God bless you!

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Welcome. I once attended a Leanne Payne seminar in Holland. She has since died but has a wonderful ministry that may help you get a really good handle on this. She published many books and has a US organisation.

http://ministriesofpastoralcare.com/ 

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i myself have been sinning this way , i dress male changed my name legally to a unisex name ...i know am sinning and i will go to hell

unsure how to stop this 

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7 hours ago, Ella said:

i myself have been sinning this way , i dress male changed my name legally to a unisex name ...i know am sinning and i will go to hell

unsure how to stop this 

if you think that then i would repent.the Bible says...

(KJV)

1Jn 1:8  If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 
1Jn 1:9  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 
1Jn 1:10  If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 

 

 

i would keep reading /listening to the Word for deep Wisdom.this helped me with Lust.It showed me that sometimes what you think is beautful is just the opposite.And that basicly if God is not in the picture it is   a waist of time.

Edited by shanee
added more and (KJV)
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The thing with sexual immorality is that it can change the mind. We can see this in science where there is proof that, in people who are addicted to such things, they have dulled activity when it comes to the 4 chemicals that affect joy in a person (dopamine, seratonin, endorphins, and oxytocin). A more normal person goes bowling and it makes them happy because of the chemical release. Someone addicted also goes bowling but walks away from it feeling slightly dissatisfied because their brain isn't able to release as much of said chemicals. That is how a person becomes ensnared by it; the only way they can experience relief and joy is by engaging in it.

However, I would argue that the change can also come from the practice. It starts out rather innocently enough, but as sure as the sky is blue, someone gets bored of the same adult material over and over. In time, the viewer starts to look elsewhere, perhaps starts to look at... The weird stuff. It is a slippery slope, and I feel as though many people end up where they'd really rather not be. The only way to cure it is pretty much "cold turkey". Given enough time, your brain will adjust to the lack to stimulation and will reform itself.

Yes, I am speaking from personal experience. I made the mistake of trying to apply psychological ideas to my own self-treatment; namely, that by punishing yourself, you can teach yourself not to do something. My way to do this was to induce vomit. I had a system in place. If I engaged myself in an inappropriate way that day, I would shove my fingers down my throat. If I had far too many sexual thoughts (initial limit set at 15) and I exceeded my limit, vomit would be induced. In the end, all I did was stress myself out and become even more entwined by my vices.

The other posters are correct; you must pray for the strength to fight it, and repent when you are unable to. The change is never immediate, and it will not be easy. Baby step by baby step, with time and effort, you will find yourself changing. I can't make any claims to be free of my own immorality, but i'm certainly not near where I used to be. You merely have to make the choice and follow through with it. Uphold your decision and do not give up.

I wish you the best of luck, God bless.

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      Billiards Ball: Id say my guilt comes from the her hope for the first kiss at the alter, and I have given away what should be my future wives. Not to mention the other. thank you for your incite.
      ##
      To All : I am going to start this relationship the right way, my biggest concern is to not hurt her. I don't want to hold something back she would wish could have been taken care of in the beginning. I don't want to keep secrets from her. I also don't want to tell her unnecessary information that would hurt her. I want to know where that line is. Should I just tell her, "I'm sorry, I have had my first kiss" and leave it at that? Do I dare ever mentioning the other thing?
      I have been praying about this all day, I will be talking with her again this evening.
      Thanks for your feedback.
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