Our feelings show what we Really believe

[GandalfTheWise]

I ran across a message by Ed Smith yesterday.  It is one of the few sermons I'm going to go back and listen to again.  He made some accurate observations about how Christians actually behave at times.  This is one of them.

He made an interesting distinction between "head belief" and "heart belief".  (He used different terms for these.  I decided to use these terms to avoid some confusion.)   He pointed out that when we feel negative emotions (fear, hurt, anger, frustration, disappointment), it is often because our head belief and heart belief do not match up.  One example he gave was this, how do we feel if we lose a job?  We can read many Bible verses about God caring for us, loving us more than sparrows, providing our daily bread, meeting our needs through His riches in glory, etc, which is head belief.  The real test of what we really believe in our hearts is whether we sleep easy at night or lay there worrying about things.   To the extent we believe that yes God is willing and able to meet my needs, we'll rest easy and not worry;  to the extent that we believe that God is either unwilling or unable to meet our needs, we'll worry and lose sleep.

He also observed that many of our most negative emotions come from heart belief in lies.  The remedy is for the Holy Spirit to make God's truth come alive to us in some way that we become convinced of the truth.  (I'm now introducing my take on things and not repeating what he said.)   Often, our approach is to memorize Bible verses, repeat things to ourselves, and in general try to use head belief to make up for heart belief.  When we are worrying about a lost job, memorizing every verse about God's providence is for the most part feeding our head knowledge.  The real issue is that our heart believes something false.  That false heart belief might be something like "God is punishing me" or "I'll be lucky to ever find another job" or "God cannot really take care of me, I must take care of myself", or "My wife and family think I'm a loser now".   There is frequently some core belief we hold (often without recognizing) that is the real source of our negative feelings.  It is not until God shines His light onto that particular false belief that we are holding that we can resolve this.  The very same situation (e.g. job loss) can produce strong negative feelings in people for different reasons.

Another interesting example he gave is having negative reactions when someone asks us to do something we do not want to.  Our choice often seems to boil down to "say no and feel bad" or to "say yes and feel mad".   (Again, my take and elucidation on this now.)   Having only negative feelings reveals something wrong inside of us.   We may falsely believe "I need to do this for people to like me", "I need to do this to be a good Christian", "I cannot trust anyone else to do things right so I have to do it myself", or some such other things.  Instead of making our choice based on a heart belief conviction of "this is an opportunity God has placed before me" or "this is a distraction away from the path God has for me" in which cases or yes and no will be accompanied by neutral or positive emotions, the presence of strong negative emotions indicates we've got some sort of mismatch between head belief and heart belief.  Having only the options mad or bad as reactions indicates something is wrong inside of us.  As he noted, this surge of negative emotion in response to a person or situation often reveals problems inside of us.  For example, having only the options to feel bad or mad when asked to do something we do not want to is not the fault of the person asking us.  It is revealing a problem within us.  

This is something I'd sort of been aware of for some time, but he explained it fairly clearly and succinctly.  When someone makes us angry or frustrated, we should ask ourselves what is wrong inside of me that I am reacting that way.

I'll be blunt and perhaps step on some toes now.  A post or response to one of our posts can cause a strong reaction such as anger or hurt or frustration.  Why?   What is it that wrong heart belief inside of us that leads us to that reaction?   Perhaps things like, "I cannot trust anyone else to save this site from error", "People will think less of me because of what someone said", "God wants to smite me if I believe the wrong thing", "God only conditionally loves me so I have to be careful", "God is not capable of helping me to change", "People suck", "All Christians have something to hide", "All <fill in the blank> have something to hide", "God really cannot change someone, I need to step in", "God likes me more than that person", "God cannot protect me or others from that person", or a multitude of reasons that we don't recognize or admit to ourselves.

When what someone else says or does triggers a strong negative reaction, it usually signifies something is wrong inside us.  When our internal reaction to "error" or an "attack" (as we see it) are feelings that are predominantly calm, gentle, patient, kind, and caring, we are in a position to positively help and contribute.  When our internal reaction to "error" or an "attack" (as we see it) contains anger, frustration, or other negative feelings and causes us to want to immediately fire something off,  it's probably indicative that there is something wrong inside of us.   We are then not responding from a position of God's leading and ministry but rather a position of doing something to try to reduce our own negative feelings.

Other people's posts and responses do not cause our negative feelings and reactions, they reveal what is inside us.  Often, those things reveal false heart beliefs or problems inside of us that are negatively affecting us.

 

Reactions?  thoughts?  confessions?     (Some of the examples of false beliefs given above were in my life at one time.  Some were things I've observed other people admit to at times.)  

[Annette]

Hi Gandalf,

I am replying quickly now. I hope to come back to this.

We were just discussing a similar idea last night. So great to get the opportunity to read your thoughts on it.

The basis of what we were reading was asking us if our actions match up to what we say we believe. I liked one phrase that came about in the discussion, and that is that God made us in His image, and not us who made God in our image (or the way we want Him to be).

God bless.

[Neighbor]

Well I certainly don't want to follow my  "feelings". If I do that I am much like a jellyfish on the tides of the oceans, going to and fro without purpose other than to feed myself as the moment brings food in range of my mouth.

I do want to follow the discipline of rational thought built upon  the foundation of the wisdom of the Bible and the experiences of practice.

My feelings will submit to and be under authority of my rational thought led by the word of God and the enlightenment of that word through the Holy Spirit.

Will my feelings be in synch with  rational thought? Not always. Does that mean there is something wrong with me? I don't think so. Feelings are near instinctive reaction without much thought if any. That is fine for immediate safety in dangerous situations, but it is not to rule over longer term situations.

What I feel may not be what I believe.

[GandalfTheWise]

13 minutes ago, Neighbor said:

Well I certainly don't want to follow my  "feelings". If I do that I am much like a jellyfish on the tides of the oceans, going to and fro without purpose other than to feed myself as the moment brings food in range of my mouth.

I do want to follow the discipline of rational thought built upon  the foundation of the wisdom of the Bible and the experiences of practice.

My feelings will submit to and be under authority of my rational thought led by the word of God and the enlightenment of that word through the Holy Spirit.

Will my feelings be in synch with  rational thought? Not always. Does that mean there is something wrong with me? I don't think so. Feelings are near instinctive reaction without much thought if any. That is fine for immediate safety in dangerous situations, but it is not to rule over longer term situations.

What I feel may not be what I believe.

I think I need to clarify the terms I am using for things.

I am using "head knowledge", "head belief", "intellectual belief", "and "rational thought" fairly synonymously.   I am using "heart belief" more in line with the biblical usage of kardia (heart) as the center and source of our whole inner life including thinking, feeling, and volition.   I'm not using the idea of the head is rational and can be trusted whereas as the heart is only about unthinking and uncontrolled emotion.

I'd liken head belief to looking at a musical symphony score and heart belief to going to a concert, or head belief to reading an obituary or marriage announcement in contrast to actually going to a funeral or wedding of a loved one.  As I am using the terms, head belief consists of facts and opinions we deal with on a mostly detached level whereas heart beliefs are the deepest convictions we hold that shape our choices and actions.  Head belief consists of telling ourselves that the bungie rope is perfectly safe and will stop me from hitting the ground as we try to convince ourselves to jump.  Heart belief (which very well may follow a few successful jumps ourselves) is cowabunga I want to jump!  A heart belief that bungie jumping is safe is reflected in enjoying it and anticipating it; a head belief only that bungie jumping is safe is reflected by fear and trepidation.   Head belief is telling ourselves while lying awake worrying that God will provide all our needs whereas as heart belief is sleeping soundly convinced we are in our Father's arms.

I do not believe it is a matter of being guided by our emotions or feelings (which as well said in the quoted post are unreliable guides), but rather that our emotions and feelings are often indicators of what is happening inside of us.  Strong negative feelings can often be an indicator that our head belief does not match our heart belief.

I would completely agree that our feelings and reactions often do not match what we rationally know we should be believing.  I would go a step further and then say that this disagreement between feelings and rationality means that I am not fully convinced of the truth of what my rational mind believes.  It's my sense that it often requires God's active intervention in our lives in some manner that moves us from rationality only to being fully convinced so that our entire being follows that belief.

[Neighbor]

Interesting, thanks very much for a different insight.

 I suspect humans are quite different from each other in that regard. I have been trained from my youth to suppress feeling,  substituting efficiency. My training forced that. I could not be of assistance to a person if I became emotionally involved. My absolute duty  was always to stay calm matter of fact and to give choices and guidance that are compassionate but not emotional, and not sit and cry along with  a person that is suffering.

 And so perhaps I am more inclined to do that particular learned technique in much of life's situations as life comes at me.

 I think I learn the rules of Christianity and then apply it. That leading any emotions, and not emotions leading the way of applying Christianity. I do not see that the two must be  in synch, one must give way to the other. But that is just me. It may not be for anyone else at all, less of course you worked for me at our responsibilities. Then it would be an absolute must for you. As your efficiency and your job would depend upon it.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

2 minutes ago, Neighbor said:

Interesting, thanks very much for a different insight.

From the imitation is the sincerest form of flattery category:  Interesting, thanks very much for a different insight.  

[enoob57]

Mind > will > emotion... We are to reason with God alone through His Word and setting our will toward reasoned directives. The emotion is such a willy nilly to surface reaction and cannot be trusted to make decisions on. 

[GandalfTheWise]

@Abby-Joy

I never had deep chronic trauma in my life.   However, there were two lies that seemed to be constantly hammered into me.  "You do not know what you are doing" and "You are not a real man."   Over time, I had come to believe those and I had internalized them as "I really don't know what I'm doing" and "I'm not a real man."    I never called myself a man, I called myself a guy.  I never called myself a man of God, I was a Christian.  I could never bring myself to call myself a man.  I also never stand up for myself in any situation where there was the least bit of conflict. 

One night (during a time God was doing a lot of stuff in my life), I was sitting quietly in prayer.  There was one event that happened to me in high school that I felt like God wanted me to deal with in some way.  As I sat there, I just simply remember what happened.  Basically, I had an abusive HS football coach that was trying to get me to quit the team, and one practice he singled me out to embarrass me and physically pound me.  He left me in a particular tackling drill letting the entire team get free shots at me.  A few hits to my helmet had hit my glasses to my nose and I had a streaming bloody nose and was crying after awhile.  (Why I stayed on the team the rest of the season I'll never know.)  It seems like after each hit, he'd come up and start cussing at me about how I wasn't doing it right and how I'd stay there until I did.   At that point, in prayer, I really wasn't sure what was up, but I felt like I heard God asking if I wanted to see that whole event through His eyes.  I said yes and started thinking about it again.  At once, I realized, the reason I had a bloody nose was that the idiot coach had no clue how to teach proper tackling technique.  I remember thinking to myself, "I do too know what I am doing!!  I had a bloody nose because he was teaching me wrong!".  I also then realized, I had hung in there and took the worst that a team could inflict on me and I was still standing there waiting for more.  Instead of being a man and facing me himself, he had a bunch of other people do it for him.  I remember thinking something to myself like I'm no wimp, I *am* a man.    In that instant, my heart rose up and completely rejected those two lies.    Another side effect of this, was that time on the football field was the last time I had ever cried publicly for decades.  After that prayer time, I found myself comfortable both feeling and expressing emotions that I had kept bottled inside and never let out.  Within a few weeks, my wife and teenage daughters started commenting about how different I seemed.   A couple weeks later, I was consoling a coworker who'd just lost a family member and actually felt comfortable shedding a few tears myself.

That was one of the most transforming perhaps 10 minutes of prayer time in my life.  It was simply God shining some light on a few lies that had held me in bondage my entire life.  When I started that prayer time, I had no clue the bondage I had been in my entire life up to that point.  My relationship with my wife changed because I was no longer depending on her approval to be a man, I was already a man.  My professional career changed, I was willing to stand up as the expert in the room and tell people (tactfully) when they were clueless.  I found that my emotions were no longer unwelcome annoyances that hindered me, but were something God intended to be one of my greatest strengths in ministering.

I've heard many people tell similar stories.  I think God uses many different ways to shine His light and truth into our lives to make lies and bondages apparent.

[Hidden In Him]

4 hours ago, GandalfTheWise said:

When what someone else says or does triggers a strong negative reaction, it usually signifies something is wrong inside us.  When our internal reaction to "error" or an "attack" (as we see it) are feelings that are predominantly calm, gentle, patient, kind, and caring, we are in a position to positively help and contribute.  When our internal reaction to "error" or an "attack" (as we see it) contains anger, frustration, or other negative feelings and causes us to want to immediately fire something off,  it's probably indicative that there is something wrong inside of us.   We are then not responding from a position of God's leading and ministry but rather a position of doing something to try to reduce our own negative feelings.

Excellent post.

My strongest negative reactions have always come in dealing with those who showed a significant level a education in the scriptures, yet who were deluded by falsehood in some way. The higher level of eduction and intelligence made them extremely difficult to persuade (having a better ability to find weaknesses in my arguments, scrutinize verses I used, redirect to huge, convoluted arguments of their own, or worst of all, use debate tactics on me). Those showing total obstinance against and refusal to hear anything that contradicted their opinions have always brought out the worst in me... or at least they did until I realized this was my weakness. 

I began dealing with this better by just recognizing it was a weakness of mine and staying on guard against it. But that isn't really enough. Holding one's tongue yet being irritated is only solving half the problem, and still leaves one vulnerable to temptation. So I think the primary question becomes, "What promises of God deal with my particular situation? What verses imply that one day this situation will be set straight?"

For me, I think the promise that falsehood will one day no longer be allowed to be championed as the truth was found in Matthew 5:19:

"Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven." In other words, even among those who truly belong to Him, those who taught accurately will one day be recognized for having done so, whereas those who taught falsely will likewise be recognized for having not, despite assuming they were.

The trick, however, is in remembering the specific promises of God that apply to our individual situations, so as not to forget them when the Devil comes rearing his ugly head again, LoL.      

Edited April 11, 2018 by Hidden In Him

[Hidden In Him]

20 minutes ago, Abby-Joy said:

I have had many similar experiences in prayer time when the Lord revealed to me what was at the root of my beliefs. 

Example: 

I struggled with a deep seated belief that I was bad/unlovable, dirty ... even to the point of feeling that I would contaminate someone just by loving them... it wasn't blaring 24/7, but would creep up at times when triggered by a random situation.  At the core was a belief that my love was tainted, dirty, etc. 

During a prayer time in 2007 (age 35), I was taken back to an incidence of abuse at age 2.  There were many, but this one in particular, I was laying on the floor in much pain, crying, unable to move. Stemming from there, many many other similar instances.... and my child's heart could not understand why this person I loved was hurting me.  Yet, I still loved him ... and I would tell him almost daily that I loved him ... and still receive abuse in return.  I formed a belief that I must be bad, sick, messed up to love someone who did those things to me... and that my love was tainted. 

What the Lord revealed to me... as if to the heart of that bleeding child ... was this...

I saw the huge black dirty mess (abuse, trauma, etc) and there was a light that shone out from the midst of it.  That light, was the love ... it was the love that God Himself placed in my heart for my father, and it came from Him!! It was not dirty or bad ... my love was given from God.  He placed it there to give me hope ... the love .... wow, my heart still weeps, but now with such a deep gratitude of His goodness and what He has done!!!  

At age 13, I came to give my heart to Jesus and He's been working on me ever since, brother!!  God enabled me to express HIS LOVE to my father, over the period of years from 1987 (when I was saved) until 2005 when my father was dying of cancer.  That gift of love was what kept me through so much ... and was what enabled me to reach out to my father and extend forgiveness, and God's love ... and that is what brought my father to Jesus a few months before he passed away on Thanksgiving Day of 2005.  

He is truly an amazing God.. our true Father!  Oh, I can relate story after story, brother .... God is good!!! 

 

Glory to God Almighty! If I could have voted several "Praise God"s to that one, I would have filled an entire page with them, LoL.

Thanks for sharing!

@GandalfTheWise Same to you, brother. Wonderful testimony of the power of God. I find He has to bring us ALL back to our childhood in a sense, to the very heart of who we are, so as to create anew in us what we were designed to be from the very beginning. 

Edited April 11, 2018 by Hidden In Him