I Keep Doing Without

[LadyKay]

Am I being unChrist like for feeling this way? If you think I am don't be afraid to say so. Other wise I would not have asked the question. But I feel I keep going without because others are always in need. I have 1 pair of jeans that I wear for everything! Just 1 pair.  I am running around with worn out pair of shoes. Anyway I know enough with the complaining. But my husband's grown child from his first marriage is always in need. She is 30 years old and does not work.  I just found out that he paid her electric bill for her, $160.00. There has been more stuff paid by us over the years as well.  I go without. Cause I feel that other things are important and other people come first. But I am tired of worn out shoes and my 1 pair of jeans that I had to sew a button on just  last month cause my button broke on it.  I am tired of having to go without because someone else is always in need. As a Christian should I be feeling this way? 

[GandalfTheWise]

43 minutes ago, LadyKay said:

Am I being unChrist like for feeling this way? If you think I am don't be afraid to say so. Other wise I would not have asked the question. But I feel I keep going without because others are always in need. I have 1 pair of jeans that I wear for everything! Just 1 pair.  I am running around with worn out pair of shoes. Anyway I know enough with the complaining. But my husband's grown child from his first marriage is always in need. She is 30 years old and does not work.  I just found out that he paid her electric bill for her, $160.00. There has been more stuff paid by us over the years as well.  I go without. Cause I feel that other things are important and other people come first. But I am tired of worn out shoes and my 1 pair of jeans that I had to sew a button on just  last month cause my button broke on it.  I am tired of having to go without because someone else is always in need. As a Christian should I be feeling this way? 

Sounds like a handful of issues being mixed together here.   Temporary help to an adult child in need for unexpected situations is one thing; an on going subsidy of a negative cashflow lifestyle is another.   One spouse making a monetary decision without consulting the other when it has effects on lifestyle is a problem.  Being ground down from over-ministering to others can be a problem; we have our limits.  Once we go beyond "my yoke is light and burden is easy", perhaps we are taking on too much.

I'm not sure this will help or not, but I ran across an interesting sermon this week about having our internal life in order.  He gave the example of when someone asks you to do something you really don't want to do.  How often do we feel like our options are to "say yes and be mad" or "say no and feel bad"?   He pointed out that often our negative feelings are often due to taking on burdens we are not meant to carry and some degree of self-deception.  "If I don't do it, no one else will." "I'm a bad Christian if I do not."  "It will mess up some relationships if I don't"   He made the great observation that we need to have a strong sense of "This is an opportunity from God to minister" or "This is a distraction that will divert time and resources away from where God really wants me to minister."   When we operate from this level, we are in a better to position to say yes or no without the attached negative feelings of guilt or frustration.  We are also in a position where our ministering to people will be much more effective.

So, I would not say you are being unChristlike  so much as this maybe being symptomatic that God might want to do some changes inside you or have clearer priorities for ministry.  

 

[Hidden In Him]

12 hours ago, LadyKay said:

Am I being unChrist like for feeling this way? If you think I am don't be afraid to say so. Other wise I would not have asked the question. But I feel I keep going without because others are always in need. I have 1 pair of jeans that I wear for everything! Just 1 pair.  I am running around with worn out pair of shoes. Anyway I know enough with the complaining. But my husband's grown child from his first marriage is always in need. She is 30 years old and does not work.  I just found out that he paid her electric bill for her, $160.00. There has been more stuff paid by us over the years as well.  I go without. Cause I feel that other things are important and other people come first. But I am tired of worn out shoes and my 1 pair of jeans that I had to sew a button on just last month cause my button broke on it.  I am tired of having to go without because someone else is always in need. As a Christian should I be feeling this way? 

Hmmm... you used the word "Christ-like," and my mind went immediately to "what would Christ do?"

Frankly, some may not like my answer here, but I don't see our Lord as having been in places of great material need. I see Him as having such matters covered so that He could fulfill the will of His Father. In other words, He was not so selfless as to deny Himself proper clothing. Moreover, He once told those who took offense to the woman who poured expensive ointment over His head, "The poor you will always have with you, and whenever you desire you can do good to them." (Mark 14:7). Notice He didn't say you must do good to them, but whenever you desire to. In other words, the poor are always going to be around, so we help them as much as we can and whenever we desire to, but not at the expense of our own needs in serving God.

Moreover, the scriptures teach that those who do not provide for their own households have disowned the faith and are worse than the unbelievers (1 Timothy 5:8). Is she a member of his household still? It would seem to me that you should come first if you are and she is not.

Now that having said, the issue becomes how to deal with it, and this is another matter. If you bring it up and he doesn't listen, you would need to be prepared to walk in forgiveness, so as to maintain the commandment to walk in love and do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That would mean praying for him that he eventually opens his eyes to see how he is sinning against you, but without holding any resentment.

Sounds like it might not be an easy fix, sister. As Gandalf said, there are and may continue to be several factors going on there at once. But are you sinning to think you are being cheated? No. I think you are being cheated. But you will need to deal with it wisely to remain faithful to God yourself, and hopefully turn things back in your favor at the same time.

God bless.

Edited April 13, 2018 by Hidden In Him

[GandalfTheWise]

31 minutes ago, Hidden In Him said:

Frankly, some may not like my answer here, but I don't see our Lord as having been in places of great material need. I see Him as having such matters covered so that He could fulfill the will of His Father. In other words, He was not so selfless as to deny Himself proper clothing. Moreover, He once told those who took offense to the woman who poured expensive ointment over His head, "The poor you will always have with you, and whenever you desire you can do good to them." (Mark 14:7). Notice He didn't say you must do good to them, but whenever you desire to. In other words, the poor are always going to be around, so we help them as much as we can and whenever we desire to, but not at the expense of our own needs in serving God.

Interesting thought I'm going to ponder on.

[Hidden In Him]

10 hours ago, GandalfTheWise said:

Interesting thought I'm going to ponder on.

Granted, Gandalf, I understand there were numerous OT scriptures stating that those who gave to the poor would be blessed, and also systems built into the law to help provide for them.

I was simply addressing specifically the issue of helping them at one's own expense, such as to not even have proper clothing, and this seems to go against the very promises of God for the believer (Matthew 6:28-30, 1 Timothy 6:8). 

But let me know what you think. It's usually interesting. 

[PledgedToGod]

   Thank you for your first post, Gandalf. I've often caught myself between the being mad or feeling guilty. You've shown it to me in a new light.

   LadyKay this is something I struggle with too and my first thoughts are always, "I need to do more, I'm being selfish if I don't." But recently a friend told me something that turned it all around: "You cannot pour from an empty cup."

    We are to take care of ourselves so that we can better care for others. I know that having time to renew myself better prepares me to serve others. As for clothes, our bodies are the temple of God, and I think having decent clothing is important. Pray to God to provide for your needs and expect and trust Him to. He loves giving gifts to His children if they would only take the time to ask in faith.

   Praying for you,

                   PledgedToGod

[LadyKay]

Well an update sort of to  this thing. This pass weekend I went out and bought myself a new pair of jeans and a pair of sweat pants. Ended up also having to buy clothes for my stepdaughter's daughter since she was spending the weekend with us and her mother did not send her with any clean clothes. But I said "nope! I am not going to put my stuff back." So I did not go without and neither did anyone else.  

[Debp]

Glad you got some new jeans and pants! 

[Wayne222]

On Monday, April 23, 2018 at 8:28 PM, LadyKay said:

Well an update sort of to  this thing. This pass weekend I went out and bought myself a new pair of jeans and a pair of sweat pants. Ended up also having to buy clothes for my stepdaughter's daughter since she was spending the weekend with us and her mother did not send her with any clean clothes. But I said "nope! I am not going to put my stuff back." So I did not go without and neither did anyone else.  

Hi you can always shop in a thrift store. I bout five pairs of really nice jeans and six t shirts and other stuffnts to wrar. The jeans were twodollars each. The shirts 99 cents each. So i spent just 20 dollars total. And the jeans are really nice. I alwaysshop like this l9l. I have a lot of clothes. Praise God he opens doors if we ask. 

[LadyKay]

43 minutes ago, Wayne222 said:

Hi you can always shop in a thrift store. I bout five pairs of really nice jeans and six t shirts and other stuffnts to wrar. The jeans were twodollars each. The shirts 99 cents each. So i spent just 20 dollars total. And the jeans are really nice. I alwaysshop like this l9l. I have a lot of clothes. Praise God he opens doors if we ask. 

The thrift store where I am at has nothing but junk.      Maybe. Just maybe there might be something that is good. But most of the time it is just junk and grandma clothes.   I go in there with hopes and dreams and leave with nothing feeling like I wasted my time.