Agonizing Over a Problem With a Pastor

[Heart2Soul]

6 minutes ago, pg4Him said:

I will do this in a minute when I have the authority in a situation. In this case, we are total outsiders, and I can’t confront things on the pastor.

I do believe that God orders our footsteps and He may have ordered yours to this very place for this very reason....sometimes it takes an outsider to see what is really happening....

[Heart2Soul]

I want to intercede and pray for them...what is the name of the church? not any members or pastor...just the church...

[BK1110]

13 hours ago, pg4Him said:

Church leaders tell us over and over that it's a sin to criticize pastors. 

This is basically the opposite of Biblical teaching. Pastors are to be held to extremely high standards, and you are well within your rights to leave and seek a better place or worship if this place is not doing what it should be.

Read this, and examine this pastor against the Biblical requirements. Does he stack up? http://www.acts29.com/biblical-qualifications-of-a-pastor/

I'll also say this; the church's true purpose is spreading the gospel. Does this church and it's members do this? Do they seem to care about reaching out? Or do they just gather, go through the motions, and hope new people just show up? Do you sense a hunger and desire for the gospel and sharing the gospel, reaching out to the community, or is this just a gathering of robots who say and do the "right" things?

[pg4Him]

12 hours ago, Heart2Soul said:

I do believe that God orders our footsteps and He may have ordered yours to this very place for this very reason....sometimes it takes an outsider to see what is really happening....

I definitely hear what you're saying. Please believe me that as it stands now we don't have much capability to act. I don't want to say its name in public. If you want to pray for it, just call it PG's church.

[Heart2Soul]

6 minutes ago, pg4Him said:

I definitely hear what you're saying. Please believe me that as it stands now we don't have much capability to act. I don't want to say its name in public. If you want to pray for it, just call it PG's church.

Okay, sister, well one of my favorite things to do is spiritual warfare and intercessory prayer and prayer knows no boundaries nor recognizes any distance....I will also pray for you as well that God will give you a clear instruction as to His Will and Plan for you in this town and church.....God Bless!

[pg4Him]

2 hours ago, BK1110 said:

This is basically the opposite of Biblical teaching. Pastors are to be held to extremely high standards, and you are well within your rights to leave and seek a better place or worship if this place is not doing what it should be.

Read this, and examine this pastor against the Biblical requirements. Does he stack up? http://www.acts29.com/biblical-qualifications-of-a-pastor/

I'll also say this; the church's true purpose is spreading the gospel. Does this church and it's members do this? Do they seem to care about reaching out? Or do they just gather, go through the motions, and hope new people just show up? Do you sense a hunger and desire for the gospel and sharing the gospel, reaching out to the community, or is this just a gathering of robots who say and do the "right" things?

Thank you for this perspective. I'm always afraid of being too harsh on a pastor. I never want to be picky. But sometimes it's just a fact that leaders can get in over their heads.

The church will host community events here and there to reach out, but that's about it. Sunday mornings are pretty much a boring routine.

[thomas t]

On 17.4.2018 at 10:28 PM, pg4Him said:

we asked a local friend if we could join her church.

Dear pg4Him,

every church has problems. This is at least my impression. You asked a normal or quite normal one if you could go there - their problems were there already before you joined.

 

In the Bible there was one example when the pastor got critizised for a personal thing: Numbers 12, it went wrong. In that Bible passage Moses got critizised for something that was established long before he met with those criticizing him (my own interpretation of Numbers 12).

 

Regards,

Thomas

 

 

[ForHisGlory37]

On 4/17/2018 at 1:28 PM, pg4Him said:

Hello everyone. I'm a long-time member who pops into Worthy when I have the time. I'm a strong believer who has done my best to support the body of Christ for many years.

Now I'm having a major problem, and I hope my fellow Christians can help. I'm trying to keep this anonymous.

We recently moved to a new town. In need of a new church, we asked a local friend if we could join her church. She was excited for us to join. On our first visit, we were slightly disappointed to find a very small church (I mean like 10-12 members) which had used to be much larger before it started dying out. Everyone in leadership was older than 45. Very conventional, very repetitive, and very very routine.

We're not the sort of people who reject small churches because they're small. We are not "customer" type members who want a church to please us. We believe in serving where we are needed. The pastor kept saying he was praying for growth, and he said that we seemed to be an answer to his prayers, so we agreed to stick around and see if we could help.

By help, I don't mean that we want to teach a class or sing on the worship team. I simply mean that we wanted to make some friends, get involved in some fellowship, and labor where we might be needed.

Unfortunately, in the past several months since, we've come to see why this church can't grow. There is so much immaturity that it's stunning. The pastor and his wife get into arguments during worship practice, then they talk about each other before service, and they're still in a bad mood during service. I've actually witnessed the pastor's wife come stomping into the fellowship hall, complaining about the pastor to another member, and start slamming dishes while she set up coffee and donuts. This should give you some idea of how the sermons go.

This is the church's behavior across the board. There is always some petty spat going on between members, and it usually leads to some new childish policy. Church members come together for 2 or 3 hours Sunday morning, go through a well-worn routine, and then leave. We've invited people out to lunch, and we got no takers. When we asked about setting up a home group, we got a list of excuses that people were too busy or couldn't go across town. All these months later, we are no closer to having real friends there.

We're not being fed, we have no friends, we feel like we're surrounded by children, and we never know when we're walking into another soap opera. And we can certainly forget about teaching a class or singing on the praise team because the old members are doing just fine without us.

Church leaders tell us over and over that it's a sin to criticize pastors. I am sure that this pastor is depressed and overwhelmed. The last thing we want is to judge him. But what are we supposed to do? He's always too busy to meet with us. If we just stop going, we're quitters. If we tell him he may need counseling, we're critical.

How do you take someone aside for a (loving) conversation about a problem when they're too busy for coffee, too overwhelmed for more bad news, and probably unable to do change anything? 

That is very discouraging Pg, but you can help by just praying, maybe getting to the church way before anyone gets there and praying for the church, the pastor, the people, rebuking and binding and casting out the spirit of oppression, spirit of strife.  praying can break those strongholds.  There is a strongman definitely there, but he can be taken down!   We pray against this oppression Father! In the name of Jesus! 

[other one]

I can only tell you what I think I would do.....   I would tell the friend that invited you the whole thing you are experiencing and ask them for some help....   if no help comes, I would just find another place to worship...     Unless you are really being driven by the Holy Spirit to fix the church I would leave.....   and if I was being instructed by the Holy Spirit I'd be open to everyone there and either let it fix itself or get asked to leave.....   and I have been in that position in the past. 

[GodPrincess]

Hi, thanks for sharing. Sounds like a dysfunctional parish, and it's not healthy. This is definitely the reason their fanbase dwindled. Is there another church in your area or community? Are you planning to move again in the future? I don't advise you to revisit the church, as you've done your part being a blessing and it didn't suffice. Move on to a better church that will appreciate you more. In the meantime, maybe just have simple gatherings with family and colleagues