Boy Trouble

[Chrisy]

This advice is 4 a friend. she is always looking for male attention and boyfriends so she always ends up feeling used and dejected. What advice should i give her? 

[GandalfTheWise]

On 6/29/2018 at 12:47 PM, Chrisy said:

This advice is 4 a friend. she is always looking for male attention and boyfriends so she always ends up feeling used and dejected. What advice should i give her? 

I'm not sure any simple advice will help much.  This may be something that will require a lot of encouragement and spiritual and emotional healing and growth over time.  Often, compulsive and ongoing destructive behaviors have root causes that need to be healed and addressed to really produce any change.  If she is insecure, lonely, feels ugly or stupid, feels unloved, or something like that, which then results in her enjoying whatever attention she can get in whatever manner it occurs, it's unlikely there's any simple advice will do much. If that is what the situation is,  God is going to have to touch her heart and help her see herself as a beautiful creation of His.  This might be a situation where much prayer and discernment about what the real issue is may be required to see any significant changes.

My wife and daughters (now adults) liked the book Captivating by Stasi Eldridge.

[Chrisy]

8 hours ago, Sojourner414 said:

BTW: if all else fails, A Taser works wonders... ?

You're not serious are u????

[dr3032]

Guys tend to be more attracted to visual appeal, so I agree with the idea of purposefully not putting much effort into beauty and more of that effort into covering up. It also makes me worry that you say "signs" of disinterest. It's best to be straightforward and direct with things if possible, and even then, many guys look at women like prizes to be won. Even if a woman doesn't seem all that interested, he is trying to make her interested. Best to just nip it in the bud.

However, it would seem to me that the primary issue would be the bad feeling of turning them down. In my experience, such a feeling occurs because of any possible connection to the person. One, I felt bad because we were such close friends but that is all I saw them as. The other, I had feelings there, but their interest was purely physical and such a relationship would have done neither of us any good. The first one was a denial of another's hope, whereas the second one was a denial of my own hope. The way i've dealt with it is realizing that it simply wasn't meant to be. It hurts the first couple of times, but eventually, it simply becomes the way things are. That feeling needs to be let go.

As for your friend, I would say that she doesn't need to make herself "available" for the sake of male attention. After all, that's the only male attention she's going to get, out and about that way. It's difficult as a woman, cause lots of guys won't give a woman the time of day if she doesn't allow that kind of casual encounter. However, none of those guys are worthwhile so she wouldn't want them anyway. She has to learn how to be alone and go without male attention. The saddest thing that can happen with an investment is for it to be squandered; it is best to place it where it belongs, whether it be with herself, or waiting for just the exact right guy to come along.

Edited July 1, 2018 by dr3032
Slight wording alteration

[Chrisy]

For the first time in a long while i like a boy. He's been my friend since i was new at school and i feel like i've known him forever. We had a huge fight and he was the person who asked for forgiveness when i was the one at fault and since then i started appreciating him and before i knew it i fell in love. Any idea on what i should do? I like him but i don't want to date against my family's wishes or ruin our friendship. I don't know what to do and I'll appreciate any advice given.

God Bless