ElizaOC Posted May 11, 2018 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 16 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/11/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted May 11, 2018 Hello, I am feeling frustrated with God (even though I know it's not his fault) to the point where I am struggling picking up my bible. I still am praying and reading a verse or two a day, but just feel SO angry. I attended a church who's leaders all have a strong footing in Calvinism and I didn't realize this until almost two years in. We were very involved in the church and reached a decision that it affected our ability to stay there, also we happened to be moving so it just worked out that it was time to move on. There were other issues too, but will try to keep it short Before that it was a fundamentalist church Before that and so on... I have had many unpleasant experiences in the church, the first one starting when I was a kid and had to leave the church I dearly loved because my father left after he was deeply hurt by the pastor ( we helped build the church and my father was a deacon) I feel disillusioned by the church. I understand that the church is where one or more believers in Christ are gathered in God's name and that nobody is perfect, that we all fall short of the glory of God. That being said, if a churches footing is on something other than a direct relationship with Jesus, the Holy Spirit won't let me stay. I am crushed because all I want is for my daughter to have constancy and a childhood with Christian friends and happy memories and I thought I had finally found that after all these years..but now just feel disillusioned. I was involved in so many different areas and really loved it and now that's over and I feel sad. I am not a devisive person nor is my husband and we left in peace, but I have been mourning for so long now. I know it's not about the church as much as it is my frustration with God. I feel like I'm reliving my childhood. Also, on top of it all, as I study the gospels and read Jesus words (both on my own and in theology) I feel so disillusioned by my place in the church and in the world. I feel like Jesus asks A LOT and it seems like a lot of the time people just choose to focus on the feel good verses. If we are supposed to give everything to Jesus and follow him, how come it feels like the image of the church today doesn't align with these words? I take what Jesus says so seriously, and I feel like I'm sitting alone with the gospels just freaking out. Like to the point that I haven't looked at them in 3 months. They are intense! I feel so alone with this intensity, and I'm finding it hard to pray because I'm pretty sure I'm frustrated with God about it. I know Jesus died on the cross so that our sins would be cleansed. But he said and did so much and I truly want to love and follow him, but it's just too much to take in! Definitely alone. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marilyn C Posted May 11, 2018 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 30 Topic Count: 266 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 13,197 Content Per Day: 3.49 Reputation: 8,495 Days Won: 12 Joined: 12/21/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/06/1947 Share Posted May 11, 2018 1 hour ago, ElizaOC said: Hello, I am feeling frustrated with God (even though I know it's not his fault) to the point where I am struggling picking up my bible. I still am praying and reading a verse or two a day, but just feel SO angry. I attended a church who's leaders all have a strong footing in Calvinism and I didn't realize this until almost two years in. We were very involved in the church and reached a decision that it affected our ability to stay there, also we happened to be moving so it just worked out that it was time to move on. There were other issues too, but will try to keep it short Before that it was a fundamentalist church Before that and so on... I have had many unpleasant experiences in the church, the first one starting when I was a kid and had to leave the church I dearly loved because my father left after he was deeply hurt by the pastor ( we helped build the church and my father was a deacon) I feel disillusioned by the church. I understand that the church is where one or more believers in Christ are gathered in God's name and that nobody is perfect, that we all fall short of the glory of God. That being said, if a churches footing is on something other than a direct relationship with Jesus, the Holy Spirit won't let me stay. I am crushed because all I want is for my daughter to have constancy and a childhood with Christian friends and happy memories and I thought I had finally found that after all these years..but now just feel disillusioned. I was involved in so many different areas and really loved it and now that's over and I feel sad. I am not a devisive person nor is my husband and we left in peace, but I have been mourning for so long now. I know it's not about the church as much as it is my frustration with God. I feel like I'm reliving my childhood. Also, on top of it all, as I study the gospels and read Jesus words (both on my own and in theology) I feel so disillusioned by my place in the church and in the world. I feel like Jesus asks A LOT and it seems like a lot of the time people just choose to focus on the feel good verses. If we are supposed to give everything to Jesus and follow him, how come it feels like the image of the church today doesn't align with these words? I take what Jesus says so seriously, and I feel like I'm sitting alone with the gospels just freaking out. Like to the point that I haven't looked at them in 3 months. They are intense! I feel so alone with this intensity, and I'm finding it hard to pray because I'm pretty sure I'm frustrated with God about it. I know Jesus died on the cross so that our sins would be cleansed. But he said and did so much and I truly want to love and follow him, but it's just too much to take in! Definitely alone. Hi Eliza, Thank you for sharing something so personal. Good & brave step. Now it seems to me you really are trying to work out what is of God and what is of man, his organisations etc which over the past few years have become controlling and teaching much error. I think you need to start very slowly and come to know the Lord personally in your everyday life and leave all your expectations and man`s expectations that have been put upon you. Go slowly, let the dust settle and the waters will come clear. I am at the moment going through the Bible in the blog area and I think you may be surprised at how it all focusses of Christ. We are told so many do this and don`t do that things that what really the Lord said to us, not to Israel, becomes clearer. all the best, praying, Marilyn. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blood Bought 1953 Posted May 12, 2018 Group: Royal Member Followers: 13 Topic Count: 48 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 6,726 Content Per Day: 2.88 Reputation: 6,258 Days Won: 5 Joined: 12/03/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted May 12, 2018 May I suggest a visit to this site to help you get a handle on things and get some relief and assurance in your walk with Christ...... get gods gift org. God bless you and know that many here are praying for you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BK1110 Posted May 12, 2018 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 22 Topic Count: 86 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 6,864 Content Per Day: 2.42 Reputation: 9,593 Days Won: 4 Joined: 07/18/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/10/1986 Share Posted May 12, 2018 12 hours ago, ElizaOC said: If we are supposed to give everything to Jesus and follow him, how come it feels like the image of the church today doesn't align with these words? Welcome to the apostasy, the first step on the road to Jesus' return. So many "churches" have turned away from sound doctrine and truly following God's will. All you can do is keep searching. Although this site isn't exactly a church, it's a good start. Get connected with believers here! You need encouragement from your brothers and sisters. And keep looking in your area for a local body of believers that truly teach and live God's word out. God will surely deliver you from this time of testing; pray daily for Him to do so, and to remind you of how trustworthy He is each day too! God bless you, sister! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizaOC Posted May 12, 2018 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 16 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/11/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted May 12, 2018 Wow, thanks everyone who has commented so far! It makes such a big difference to have the support of fellow brothers and sisters in Christ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Behold Posted May 13, 2018 Group: Mars Hill Followers: 7 Topic Count: 87 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 3,795 Content Per Day: 1.34 Reputation: 6 Days Won: 3 Joined: 07/30/2016 Status: Offline Share Posted May 13, 2018 (edited) On 5/11/2018 at 5:05 PM, ElizaOC said: Hello, I attended a church in the church fundamentalist church experiences in the church I feel disillusioned by the church. if a churches footing it's not about the church as much the image of the church Hey Sister ElizaOC, I read you clearly and posted the issue you have that is the root of your pain. Listen hon, your issue is not God, and your frustration is not with God. Your hurt and bitterness and frustration you feel is because a religious organization, a few of them, that are supposed to be representing God, really are not even close, and they have wasted your precious time and caused you to feel, at this point, a bit disillusioned.. So, = God is showing you what matters, and this is why you are being shown what does not, and its hurts a bit, to discover what we something think is so important, yet actually, its does not really matter at all. Listen, God loves you, and He is not interested so much with you being wholly and totally consumed with "church", as He is wanting something more important from you.... which is a CLOSE one on one, love relationship, with you. "God is Love" and that is why He died on a Cross, and that is what He is wanting back, from us.......OUR LOVE ElizaOC, .... God, didnt save you, so that you can spend all your time in a building listening to preachers preach while "devout" yawning ( Jesus Pin) wearing church members, who are dressed in BLUE, talk about "whats for lunch"......... Believe me.<. = Really..... So, my advice for you, is to spend a lot more time Loving God and fellowshipping with Him, and find yourself not a church, but a ministry that allows you , a smart and talented person, to offer yourself and your life, from a heart of Love, totally to God in a new way that allows you to become what you are destined to be, and that is not someone who just holds down a church pew. See, here is the thing......you have become alert to the fact that you are not one of the "many" who are "asleep in the Light". Good for you ! God help you to soon find your bliss in his House, <B>< Edited May 13, 2018 by Behold 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widor1 Posted May 14, 2018 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 140 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 105 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/10/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/20/1987 Share Posted May 14, 2018 Hi ElizaOC, I'm sorry you are feeling frustrated. I usually find for myself that the times where I don't feel like praying/don't want to pray are the times that I need to pray the most. God can handle your frustration, so it is ok to tell Him about it You are not alone in your feelings about the church. It is becoming increasingly difficult to find a local body that focuses on the word, a relationship with Jesus, and serving as an outpouring of the Holy Spirit. Don't give up searching, no matter how frustrating and hopeless it seems. They exist, and we need fellowship with other Christians. On 5/11/2018 at 5:05 PM, ElizaOC said: Also, on top of it all, as I study the gospels and read Jesus words (both on my own and in theology) I feel so disillusioned by my place in the church and in the world. I feel like Jesus asks A LOT and it seems like a lot of the time people just choose to focus on the feel good verses. If we are supposed to give everything to Jesus and follow him, how come it feels like the image of the church today doesn't align with these words? I take what Jesus says so seriously, and I feel like I'm sitting alone with the gospels just freaking out. Like to the point that I haven't looked at them in 3 months. They are intense! I feel so alone with this intensity, and I'm finding it hard to pray because I'm pretty sure I'm frustrated with God about it. I know Jesus died on the cross so that our sins would be cleansed. But he said and did so much and I truly want to love and follow him, but it's just too much to take in! Definitely alone. Maybe instead of focusing on the ways the church is failing, pray about God changing your heart, asking Him what YOU can personally do for His kingdom. Ask Him to remove your anger and frustration, and I promise you He will. Jesus said we must take up our cross and follow Him; set aside your disappointment, and pick up your bible. Keep looking for a local body that is following Jesus, and you will find one. Mat 7:7 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Mat 7:8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. James 4:8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you... Will be praying for you... God bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry 2 Posted May 17, 2018 Group: Senior Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 40 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 791 Content Per Day: 0.13 Reputation: 205 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/29/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted May 17, 2018 On 5/11/2018 at 4:05 PM, ElizaOC said: I am feeling frustrated with God (even though I know it's not his fault) to the point where I am struggling picking up my bible. I still am praying and reading a verse or two a day, but just feel SO angry. I wonder at the inner feelings of our Lord when He seemingly faced animosity everywhere He went? The Apostle Paul’s experience in 2Co 11:23. Are they ministers of Christ? (I speak as a fool) I am more; in labours more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft. and it continues in the next verses. Are you where God led you, and what do you suppose the purpose to be? Paul wrote for us to follow him as he followed Jesus (1 Cor 11:1). Doubtless there may be obstacles of doctrine, or severed spiritual walks in a place without hope of recovery, but if you can, examine the reason you may be the angel (messenger) sent to rescue hurting souls. The reward can be great eternally, the blessings and peace overwhelming presently. Blessings in Christ Jesus dear sister ElizaOC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still Alive Posted May 17, 2018 Group: Royal Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3,024 Content Per Day: 1.33 Reputation: 1,224 Days Won: 3 Joined: 02/05/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted May 17, 2018 (edited) There is a phrase: "Nobody comes out of seminary with their faith intact." That is, what is taught in virtually all churches is nothing more than "spiritual milk". When you get into solid food, it becomes almost a completely different thing. At first it is very frustrating, but then it becomes incredibly freeing. You are being like a Bee that just found out he has to go out and get pollen every day and is putting together an exhausting and incomprehensible schedule to make sure they don't disappoint the hive. The answer: Don't worry about it. Just be a bee and it will all fit. Be the person God created and do the best you can, knowing that dad won't write you out of the will if you scratch the car. But if you do scratch the car, fess up to it. And you WILL scratch the car. Jesus said his burden is light. I believe him. It is just us (and sometimes church leaders) that make it hard. And yeah, church can be a pain. Edited May 17, 2018 by Still Alive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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