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HikerMom

My journey through insomnia--a journal!

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This week I have had some rough days but yesterday I really feel that I turned another corner in this journey.  I have been off from work for the summer.  So on a bad day, it is easy to dwell on things and not force myself to get up and function.   But it is also easy to swing the other way and begin to get so busy as to avoid thinking of it.  Neither way is helpful.  

So I decided to force myself to get up and function so as to limit how much time I allow myself to feel sad over this.  I had a good day.  And then the usual anxiety in the evening.  I kept focusing on the verse about how our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  I can see how sometimes I focus so hard on a verse such as this that I am trying to calm myself so I can sleep---and that always backfires.  Somehow it was ok though.  For the first time, as I was able to focus more on the eternal, I found myself able to accept this more.  And I asked God to make me at peace with whatever happens.  I don't know if I will be there again tonight, but I KNOW that is where God is trying to get me and He WILL finish this work He has begun in me.

Last night the fears of different terrible things happening to my kids came into my brain.  God helped me to focus on the eternal plans though rather than the temporary difficult and terrible things that could happen.  And He gave me peace about those possibilities in that way.  And He gave me rest last night.  So I know that if I don't sleep tonight, it is because He is still doing His work in me.....

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When I don't get sleep, I usually get a lot of prayers done in my head. so that's the one good thing abotu insomnia, they are an opportunity to turn darkness into light, which is no easy feat. But I sometimes have 5+ hour nights which are utterly exhausting and taxing on the spirit.  

I used to take benadryl to help me go to sleep, but it gave me nightmares, weird thoughts, and lowered by sleep quality significantly. Ever since getting off Benadryl and other sleep meds I've been sleeping MUCH better... I usually fall asleep after about 2 hours in bed, It used to be much worse, but like you say sleep meds are no long term solution.  

But how grateful do you feel the next morning when you actually go to sleep! Thank God for each one of those, as they are very precious. I know that feeling very well. Good quality restful sleep is too important.   

Anyways, be sure not to expose yourself to blue light some hours before sleep, (monitors, television), if you're using a computer there is usually a setting to enable the "night light" to go on at certain hours, which changes the monitors blue light into red/orange, and don't drink any caffeine 4 hours before bed as I read it takes about 4 hours for caffeine to flush out the system.  

"We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. 4 Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses;5 in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; 6 in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; 7 in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left;8 through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; 9 known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; 10 sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything. -- 2 Corinthians 6:3-10

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Sorry to hear of your struggle Hiker Mom.

I liked what Opossum said about the time you can't sleep to think, pray upon the Lord.

Sometimes what I do before bed is that, I read the bible and meditate on the things read and kind of speak to God also who is our Eternal father who cares so much about us all, and I tell Him what is on my mind and I ask Him also for help concerning what is troubling me, then I release it into Gods hands and Trust that He has all under control.

Learning to trust God is also something that I learned to do as i seeked to get closer and closer to God. with every little step of faith and trust I place in God and His word, He is very faithful to respond back . That is how we find out more and more that truly our Christian walk is an ongoing relationship with Him. And like with any close loving relationship there is a symbiotic back and forth communication happening along with faith, faithfulness and trust towards one another.

I also sometimes listen to audio cassettes on spiritual topics. They kind of help to lull me to sleep on nights where I find it hard to get to sleep.

Praying for you Hiker Mom and that God help you to release yourself into a good noght sleep, handing over all your fears and concerns onto Him and Letting Him  take care of you.

God Bless;

1to3

A song I like to share:

God Will Take Care of You (Martin) | Civilla D. Martin
  1. Be not dismayed whate’er betide,
    God will take care of you;
    Beneath His wings of love abide,
    God will take care of you.
    • Refrain:
      God will take care of you,
      Through every day, o’er all the way;
      He will take care of you,
      God will take care of you.
  2. Through days of toil when heart doth fail,
    God will take care of you;
    When dangers fierce your path assail,
    God will take care of you.
  3. All you may need He will provide,
    God will take care of you;
    Nothing you ask will be denied,
    God will take care of you.
  4. No matter what may be the test,
    God will take care of you;
    Lean, weary one, upon His breast,
    God will take care of you.

 

If you google this title on you tube you will get the hymn song.

God Will Take Care of You - Hymn

 
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Thanks to both of you for the concerns!  What a great song 1to3.  Praise songs really help me right now...so I will definitely add that one to my list!!

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Yesterday morning I had made a determination not to give in to self-pity any longer.  I have told God often how much insomnia hurts, but I really felt that I needed to make sure I was not allowing myself to feel pity for myself any longer about this.  I went on a hike with friends in Glacier Park, but that morning and on the way home from the park I felt so much depression.  When I got home, I spent time asking God to give me peace no matter my circumstances.  After a good cry and asking for peace I felt much better.  I did some singing and it lifted my spirits so much. 

Reading a wonderful book called, "Hind's Feet on High Places."   It is a theology of suffering.  Last night I read chapter 12.  In this chapter, the main character called "Much-Afraid" begins singing praises to God in order to drown out the voices of her enemies--Fear, Bitterness, Resentment, Pride and Self-Pity.  

Thankfully I slept really, really well last night.  But God is in charge, and I know I can't MAKE sleep happen.  So I am determined to not have self-pity to the best of my ability.  I find that singing praise songs really does help me hang on and sometimes really brings me hope.   

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I do believe God is beginning to really heal me.  About 3-4 days ago I experienced another day of such deep depression over this.  I decided to sing praises again and what relief.  Such peace.  1to3 I used your song once as well.  God has shown me that there is a way to peace in all circumstances.  Not that He will necessarily change the circumstances unless it is His will.  But that peace may be found in any circumstance of life.  I do believe that He wants to heal this completely in His time....It is all about fear.  Fear of His will.  This is about a surrendering to whatever His will is for my life.  

Philippians 4:6-7.  The decision to praise Him in all circumstances is vital to our peace.

 

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