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DaughterOfAKing

I have deep feelings for someone I shouldn't

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On 6/16/2018 at 8:18 PM, DaughterOfAKing said:

I'll try to make this as brief as possible.

A little under two years ago, I started talking to a colleague at work. At first, I was just simply attracted to his appearance but the more we started talking, the more my feelings developed. He comes from a Catholic background, he goes clubbing, drinks and he smokes marijuana. I can always resist the temptation to go clubbing (or pubbing should I say) but when I have been invited and I know he'll be there, I'll instantly agree to tag along. I left my job, the autumn of last year, he attended my leaving do and we were inseparable for the night, outside in the smoking area (I don't smoke by the way), next to each other in photos and on the dancefloor. 

I secured and left three positions after this job in question but I ended up returning to this same company office, a little over a week ago. The only difference is, I am now working in another department. My main problem is, I cannot stop thinking about him, he is constantly on my mind. I'm a little confused, I understand that God has a reason for everything he does but I don't understand why/how I ended back at the same company for my crush to resume. 

I understand that we must not be unequally yoked, in my mind as I am sure some believers have been in my position, I'm hopeful that he his relationship with God will blossom. I'm about 75% sure that the feeling is mutual (maybe not to my extent but there is some certainty he may feel the same way) I have prayed on it but what else should I do?

Was following all the responses, after reading your original Post, Sister.

You know, when we have deep and tender feelings for someone as you are describing, ...you can call it a crush......its very powerful......Its can be life altering and become an obsession.   It possible to go to bed thinking about it, then dream about it, then wake up and its all you think about all day...

And when we can get no relief or closure from our feelings, our desires, then this can be such a battle inside us, where we know what is right, and we see what is wrong, and we clearly comprehend the consequences, yet, we are just twisted into a knot with all these feelings that just persist and drive and demand.

Truly, Sister, the only way you could have resolved this so that you were not taken so deep within your feelings, was to let it go, in the beginning..   Stop it at the start.

You didnt, and believers seldom do.... and now this passion has become quite consuming, and you are in the middle and its very hard to let it go.   At this point, it has you, more then you have it.

I realize that when a person, a sister in the Lord comes to this forum, or any  Christian forum, there is always the tendency to start throwing  scriptures around and posting what might be more condemning  then actually helpful to you..      So, when i read what DavidA wrote to you, i was satisfied that you were given a perfect answer, upon first response.

Sometimes, Sister, you dont need someone to beat you with a Bible, as you are already beaten up emotionally by the situation.....What you need is to know that its all going to be ok.....and it will.

So,  if  we were in my office and we were talking this through, i would just suggest that you continue to realize that unless this person becomes a believer and follower in and of Yeshua, Jesus The Lord,  then any hope of you and them being happy together will not work, as light and dark do not make a happy romance, and certainly not a happy marriage...

And the other thing is this..... What is being harmed in you is not just feelings that you can't allow or release, but, your time is being stolen from you, by you being so consumed with this issue, and that is the devil.  As if he can't get you wrapped up with this person, in real life, then he'll happily keep providing you with situations with this person where your feelings keep getting stimulated (triggered) again so that you stay within a sort of perpetual emotional frustration, with the end result being,......."how much time have you spent and wasted on this situation"......as the Devil will gladly help you waste a few more years.....  He's all for it.

 

God bless,

 

 

<B><

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3 hours ago, Behold said:

Was following all the responses, after reading your original Post, Sister.

You know, when we have deep and tender feelings for someone as you are describing, ...you can call it a crush......its very powerful......Its can be life altering and become an obsession.   It possible to go to bed thinking about it, then dream about it, then wake up and its all you think about all day...

And when we can get no relief or closure from our feelings, our desires, then this can be such a battle inside us, where we know what is right, and we see what is wrong, and we clearly comprehend the consequences, yet, we are just twisted into a knot with all these feelings that just persist and drive and demand.

Truly, Sister, the only way you could have resolved this so that you were not taken so deep within your feelings, was to let it go, in the beginning..   Stop it at the start.

You didnt, and believers seldom do.... and now this passion has become quite consuming, and you are in the middle and its very hard to let it go.   At this point, it has you, more then you have it.

I realize that when a person, a sister in the Lord comes to this forum, or any  Christian forum, there is always the tendency to start throwing  scriptures around and posting what might be more condemning  then actually helpful to you..      So, when i read what DavidA wrote to you, i was satisfied that you were given a perfect answer, upon first response.

Sometimes, Sister, you dont need someone to beat you with a Bible, as you are already beaten up emotionally by the situation.....What you need is to know that its all going to be ok.....and it will.

So,  if  we were in my office and we were talking this through, i would just suggest that you continue to realize that unless this person becomes a believer and follower in and of Yeshua, Jesus The Lord,  then any hope of you and them being happy together will not work, as light and dark do not make a happy romance, and certainly not a happy marriage...

And the other thing is this..... What is being harmed in you is not just feelings that you can't allow or release, but, your time is being stolen from you, by you being so consumed with this issue, and that is the devil.  As if he can't get you wrapped up with this person, in real life, then he'll happily keep providing you with situations with this person where your feelings keep getting stimulated (triggered) again so that you stay within a sort of perpetual emotional frustration, with the end result being,......."how much time have you spent and wasted on this situation"......as the Devil will gladly help you waste a few more years.....  He's all for it.

 

God bless,

 

 

<B><

15

Wow, you and @Davida have been little gems, I mean you all have been but the last two posts have thoroughly touched me. In a way, I was aware of what you were saying in regards to how the devil plays games, sometimes it's just hearing it from other people that can create an impact.

God bless you both.

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5 hours ago, Billiards Ball said:

It's not just mutual feelings or unequal yoking here. If he was a Christian, born again, I'd say, "Bad company corrupts good morals, why date a drinker who goes clubbing and smokes pot?" Even if this fellow was saved, he's need to be more mature to date my daughter...

I completely understand where you're coming from, I guess I was making excuses to enlighten the situation. Excuses being that I am in a way just as bad, I struggle with honesty at times, impatience, anger (frustration may be a more appropriate term) and lust. You could say I was looking at it in the way of, "God sees all sin the same." Now that I am actually reflecting on this by writing it down, I see how incredibly silly my logic and reasoning is. 

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16 hours ago, DaughterOfAKing said:

I completely understand where you're coming from, I guess I was making excuses to enlighten the situation. Excuses being that I am in a way just as bad, I struggle with honesty at times, impatience, anger (frustration may be a more appropriate term) and lust. You could say I was looking at it in the way of, "God sees all sin the same." Now that I am actually reflecting on this by writing it down, I see how incredibly silly my logic and reasoning is. 

Good! You can see the way out now, better, because you are Daughter of a King! This relationship has to return to friends status (friends without ANY "benefits" of any kind!) until or if he repents and becomes a whole person. You need a whole, independent Christian to love.

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Hi DaughterOfAKing!

I'm glad your picking up on the great advice here, simply to add these verses you already knew about in your original post!

2Corinthians 6:14-18  Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?  (15)  And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?  (16)  And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.  (17)  Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,  (18)  And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

That being said, a few "real life" examples of a few marriages I've witnessed over the years, with one "Saved" and one not.
All of these couples with the exception of the young woman, knew what they were getting into. The young woman knew of these verses, but was fooled for a short season:

1. A Christian woman marries an unsaved man, figuring she will "get him saved" yet knowing good and well what the good Lord had to say on the matter. 25 years later, they are still together, he still is not saved. He commits adultery on her regularly. For now she is still married, and continues to pray for him.

2. Young Christian woman, 18, knows very little of the Lord, yet knows when she marries, that the man "should be" a Christian. For a short time dates an "UN-saved" man who would love to have her for a good time... So, still as an Un-Saved man, he professes to a Preacher he is now "Saved," and even gets baptized. Yet, as a false convert, he was just a dry sinner, coming up a wet one... A divorce follows a short time later when she comes home early one day, with another woman in their bedroom...

3. Christian woman marries an unsaved man, figuring she will "get him saved" yet knowing good and well what the good Lord had to say on the matter. 40 years into there marriage, and he still is not Saved. Their marriage has been a tough one, I prayed for them a number of times, and witnessed to the man of our glorious Savior Jesus Christ one day. Nothing but a cold "I know better than you" smile on his part. He dies. And unless he had a "death bed conversion," he goes on to an eternity in Hell.

I could go on with several others I know of, but I hope this too will give you some reflection.

DaughterOfAKing, Stand fast in the Lord, keep Him always as your first love, and trust Him for the outcome. :)
And continue to prayerfully renew your mind with His Word!

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On 6/19/2018 at 2:25 PM, Billiards Ball said:

Good! You can see the way out now, better, because you are Daughter of a King! This relationship has to return to friends status (friends without ANY "benefits" of any kind!) until or if he repents and becomes a whole person. You need a whole, independent Christian to love.

Amen, most definitely :) Thank you dearly and God bless you :)

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On 6/20/2018 at 6:05 AM, B3L13v3R said:


Hi DaughterOfAKing!

I'm glad your picking up on the great advice here, simply to add these verses you already knew about in your original post!

2Corinthians 6:14-18  Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?  (15)  And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?  (16)  And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.  (17)  Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,  (18)  And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

That being said, a few "real life" examples of a few marriages I've witnessed over the years, with one "Saved" and one not.
All of these couples with the exception of the young woman, knew what they were getting into. The young woman knew of these verses, but was fooled for a short season:

1. A Christian woman marries an unsaved man, figuring she will "get him saved" yet knowing good and well what the good Lord had to say on the matter. 25 years later, they are still together, he still is not saved. He commits adultery on her regularly. For now she is still married, and continues to pray for him.

2. Young Christian woman, 18, knows very little of the Lord, yet knows when she marries, that the man "should be" a Christian. For a short time dates an "UN-saved" man who would love to have her for a good time... So, still as an Un-Saved man, he professes to a Preacher he is now "Saved," and even gets baptized. Yet, as a false convert, he was just a dry sinner, coming up a wet one... A divorce follows a short time later when she comes home early one day, with another woman in their bedroom...

3. Christian woman marries an unsaved man, figuring she will "get him saved" yet knowing good and well what the good Lord had to say on the matter. 40 years into there marriage, and he still is not Saved. Their marriage has been a tough one, I prayed for them a number of times, and witnessed to the man of our glorious Savior Jesus Christ one day. Nothing but a cold "I know better than you" smile on his part. He dies. And unless he had a "death bed conversion," he goes on to an eternity in Hell.

I could go on with several others I know of, but I hope this too will give you some reflection.

DaughterOfAKing, Stand fast in the Lord, keep Him always as your first love, and trust Him for the outcome. :)
And continue to prayerfully renew your mind with His Word!

 

Thank you very much, I will pray for those behind the stories you mentioned. I guess being unequally yoked is an issue more common than we like to believe and it's not only an issue for the believer but for their children. I have heard a couple testimonies of those brought up in multi-faith families and they were in a confused state of mind, I guess God can still find a purpose in our mess but it is something that can be avoided. I don't know why I'm saying all of this when you know already lol.

Thank you for your message and God bless you :) 

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On 6/16/2018 at 8:18 PM, DaughterOfAKing said:

A little under two years ago, I started talking to a colleague at work. At first, I was just simply attracted to his appearance but the more we started talking, the more my feelings developed. He comes from a Catholic background, he goes clubbing, drinks and he smokes marijuana. I can always resist the temptation to go clubbing (or pubbing should I say) but when I have been invited and I know he'll be there, I'll instantly agree to tag along. I left my job, the autumn of last year, he attended my leaving do and we were inseparable for the night, outside in the smoking area (I don't smoke by the way), next to each other in photos and on the dancefloor. 

I secured and left three positions after this job in question but I ended up returning to this same company office, a little over a week ago. The only difference is, I am now working in another department. My main problem is, I cannot stop thinking about him, he is constantly on my mind. I'm a little confused, I understand that God has a reason for everything he does but I don't understand why/how I ended back at the same company for my crush to resume. 

I understand that we must not be unequally yoked, in my mind as I am sure some believers have been in my position, I'm hopeful that he his relationship with God will blossom. I'm about 75% sure that the feeling is mutual (maybe not to my extent but there is some certainty he may feel the same way) I have prayed on it but what else should I do?

I noticed you've already worked through the issue, so just thought I'd give you a word of encouragement. I've been there, and it can sometimes be much more than just physical attraction. Sometimes you just really hit it off with the person even though they're unsaved. The personalities just click in spite of it. The problem is this: It's only a matter of time before the infatuation starts to wear a little thin, and then the religious differences start to come more to the forefront... and eventually it creates a division, and ultimately things ugly, at least they did for me. I can't tell you for certain this would happen, but it's likely.

Just sharing with you from one who went through it.

Blessings in Christ.

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Hi DaughterOfAKing,

I keep on saying please and thankyou for everything when really I don't need to - I got this problem too and it makes you look vulnerable which also attracts the wrong guys (I am not gay but my husband is lol :)). Stop saying it and start reading Proverbs (wisdom literature) whilst praying for a spirit of wisdom - this will put you in a better place for relationships i.e. wiser and safer.

I am not having a go, I just want to help.

 

On the early posts, it was stated that by your pastor and another pastor that Satan also opens doors - this is correct so make sure that you wait for the guy that God has for you and you will both be blessed. That is the answer - follow it or your will end up with years that you will want to forget.

 

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