Jump to content
IGNORED

Marriage After Infidelity


Recommended Posts


  • Group:  Newbie
  • Followers:  0
  • Topic Count:  1
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  1
  • Content Per Day:  0.00
  • Reputation:   1
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  06/17/2018
  • Status:  Offline

I'm looking for good material online to help my husband and I overcome years of infidelity in our marriage, as well as numerous deceptions, alcoholism, depression, and anger management. Podcasts, articles, seminars, books... anything helps.

God bless.

  • Thumbs Up 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Diamond Member
  • Followers:  23
  • Topic Count:  7
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  1,000
  • Content Per Day:  0.37
  • Reputation:   1,655
  • Days Won:  1
  • Joined:  11/27/2016
  • Status:  Offline
  • Birthday:  12/08/1950

Hi Priscilla

Firstly, I am so glad you have come to this forum because there are wonderful Christians here who can give you good advice.  Can I ask if you and/or your husband are Christians?  If not, I can tell you without reservation - and some people think I am too straightforward, but I will tell you anyway - Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth and the Life.  You may have heard it many times, and it is the truth.  HE IS THE ANSWER FOR THE WORLD TODAY (and always has been).  His Word will give you answers, and He will lead you into all truth, if you will but trust Him, and pray, believing in Him, asking His forgiveness, repenting of your sin and asking Him to take control of your lives.

If you are Christians, then you need to go to Him and pray.  Ask Him to lead you to a Bible believing, Bible teaching church where people in ministry can pray with you and help you to learn how to trust God to lead you both into a place where you are healed and trust each other again.  In all this you must be absolutely genuine in desiring God's plan for your lives, which is only ever good, better, best.

As a committed Christian for a long time, I would never send you to secular sources as they do not have the mind of God in order to help you.  They rely on their own intuition and secular/worldly education systems that do not involve Godly counsel.

Seek God fervently and follow His commandments.  I know there are other people here who can give you more advice.  Welcome to Worthy ☺️

  • Thumbs Up 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Worthy Ministers
  • Followers:  26
  • Topic Count:  61
  • Topics Per Day:  0.03
  • Content Count:  9,602
  • Content Per Day:  4.02
  • Reputation:   7,795
  • Days Won:  21
  • Joined:  09/11/2017
  • Status:  Offline

I agree with Sister. Steer clear from the psyche self-help deep pit. If you find counsel, make sure its foundations are not Jung or Freud and the like (both Gnostic Occultists).

As Christians, anything and everything may be forgiven and put behind you. However, it is hard for us humans to 'change'. Only the Lord Yeshua (Jesus) can effect lasting change, and even then the adversary will often come back and oppose us and bring to remembrance things that God has forgotten.

Just beware of 'quick-fixes'. And find some believers that are not Cessationists and that will pray with and for you.

Edited by Justin Adams
  • Thumbs Up 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Worthy Ministers
  • Followers:  68
  • Topic Count:  185
  • Topics Per Day:  0.04
  • Content Count:  14,204
  • Content Per Day:  3.35
  • Reputation:   16,629
  • Days Won:  30
  • Joined:  08/14/2012
  • Status:  Offline

When our lives revolve around God and not around ourselves, life becomes orderly, good and pure.   He meets the longing in our hearts for real intimacy and fulfillment.  We must allow Him to lead and direct our lives.   When we offer Him control, we stop trying to control and manipulate others to meet our selfish needs.  He brings beauty out of the ashes of our lives.  The goals of our lives becomes to serve Him and to serve others as we grow in God's holy love for mankind.  

  • Thumbs Up 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Worthy Ministers
  • Followers:  22
  • Topic Count:  86
  • Topics Per Day:  0.03
  • Content Count:  6,828
  • Content Per Day:  2.43
  • Reputation:   9,555
  • Days Won:  4
  • Joined:  07/18/2016
  • Status:  Offline
  • Birthday:  11/10/1986

Look up "Love and Marriage" by Voddie Baucham on Youtube.

As good as online resources may be, you two need counseling from a strong, experienced pastor.

  • Thumbs Up 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Members
  • Followers:  0
  • Topic Count:  3
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  54
  • Content Per Day:  0.03
  • Reputation:   14
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  06/19/2018
  • Status:  Offline

There is a good short article on issues that arise from sex outside of marriage, and how to overcome them.

I hope it is allowed to link it?

 

http://s211290890.onlinehome.us/public/Tracts/TRACT - sex premarital.pdf

-dwh

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Diamond Member
  • Followers:  3
  • Topic Count:  5
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  1,502
  • Content Per Day:  0.67
  • Reputation:   662
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  02/05/2018
  • Status:  Offline

On 6/17/2018 at 7:14 PM, PriscillaRaziel said:

I'm looking for good material online to help my husband and I overcome years of infidelity in our marriage, as well as numerous deceptions, alcoholism, depression, and anger management. Podcasts, articles, seminars, books... anything helps.

God bless.

The beginning for this is with Jesus Christ. You and your spouse need to trust Him for salvation.

Second, confess your sin to one another, asking Jesus for the strength to utterly forgive.

Third, admit to one another/confess that you did all the things you did because you hated and resented one another.

Fourth, vow to be "all in" this time in marriage. That is, to love one another from the heart, unreservedly.

A lot can heal VERY SURPRISINGLY FAST in these areas if you do so. And, to strengthen still more, confess to one another areas not included above, like financial deception, insecurities, concerns at work, etc. Be sinners together who are confessional about sin. Then watch as God begins to rebuild your team quickly.

But all hinges upon the assurance that you've both sincerely trusted in the horrible death Jesus suffered, and His glorious resurrection, to save your souls.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Worthy Ministers
  • Followers:  0
  • Topic Count:  897
  • Topics Per Day:  0.19
  • Content Count:  9,621
  • Content Per Day:  2.03
  • Reputation:   5,821
  • Days Won:  9
  • Joined:  04/07/2011
  • Status:  Offline

On 6/17/2018 at 6:14 PM, PriscillaRaziel said:

I'm looking for good material online to help my husband and I overcome years of infidelity in our marriage, as well as numerous deceptions, alcoholism, depression, and anger management. Podcasts, articles, seminars, books... anything helps.

God bless.

Google...

Prayer...

Rebuilding trust.

Patience.

Depression, anger, deception, alcohol, drugs, insecurity, etc. IMHO the past (pre-infidelity) trauma or wrong turn in life needs to be revisited and gotten the blazes over (if any real recovery is to be realized and you move on with your lives).

God bless!

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Royal Member
  • Followers:  24
  • Topic Count:  40
  • Topics Per Day:  0.02
  • Content Count:  1,459
  • Content Per Day:  0.61
  • Reputation:   2,377
  • Days Won:  2
  • Joined:  08/23/2017
  • Status:  Offline

On 6/17/2018 at 6:14 PM, PriscillaRaziel said:

I'm looking for good material online to help my husband and I overcome years of infidelity in our marriage, as well as numerous deceptions, alcoholism, depression, and anger management. Podcasts, articles, seminars, books... anything helps.

God bless.

One thing I'd advise is prayerfully asking for God's guidance as to the root(s) of problems.  My observation is that some things (which are bad in themselves) are often symptoms of something deeper that usually goes unrecognized.  Unrelated to marriage, I spent years getting frustrated at work with ever rising stress levels until one day I simply hit the point of physical collapse.  My doctor recommended seeing a counselor so I met with a Christian counselor.  I had one session where he basically gave me a book to read (SOS: Help for Emotions by Lynn Clark) and told me to make another appointment in a month or so after I finished the book if I thought I needed to.  As it was, I didn't.   I suspect he probably immediately saw what was going on but knew I had to see it for myself.   Much to my surprise, over the next week or so, I realized I had deep-seated anger.  Panic attacks, burnout, feeling depressed, were all symptoms.  If I had been angry at people, I would have immediately known something was wrong.  But I was mad at systems, organizations, and problems that I was not in a position to fix.  In other words, I had spent years eating myself up inside worrying about things I could not control.  I had mistakenly considered unproductive misplaced anger as being virtuous things like caring and passion.  It is this type of root problem (in my case anger at things I couldn't control) that can overflow and cause a lot of problems in our lives.  As anger and stress left my life, I dropped about 40 pounds of weight without having changed my eating or exercise habits.  Over the next year, I also realized I had forgotten it was normal to comfortably sleep through the night on most nights.  Even my dreams changed from mostly being some variation of what happened during the day to random weirdness.

Willard Harley (a Christian counselor and author) has a site called marriagebuilders.com.  I've read one of his books (His Needs, Her Needs) and a few of his articles and found them insightful and helpful.  He seems to give some good advice based on much experience counseling couples with marital problems.  As a caveat, I've not looked at his site much.

While often not directly related to marriage, many of the books by John and Staci Eldredge can be helpful for getting a better grasp on a healthy Christian view of masculinity and femininity.  I've read most of his books (and re-read a few many times).  His writing comes from the perspective of being a counselor and helping people to see themselves as the unique individuals that God created them to be.

I've also known a number of people in person (including one family member and a few close friends) that have been ministered to effectively and deeply through the Transformation Prayer Ministry.  Their web site is at http://www.transformationprayer.org.  The founder Ed Smith is a pastoral counselor who spent years ministering to women who had suffered traumatic abuse.


This is something that is going to take time and effort and patience. It's a journey that God is going to take you on for the rest of your lives.   This is not a goal of "in 1 year we will have fixed our marriage" but rather a process of "a year from now, we will be closer to God, become freed from some things binding us, and be closer to each other" that will be an ongoing process for the rest of your lives.  On a day by day basis, we often may not see a lot of change, but over months and years, walking with God changes us.

 Based on many testimonies I've heard from people in similar situations, my guess is that God is going to do some unexpected healings in areas of your lives that you were not expecting and in unexpected ways.  Sometimes God does something that results in an instantaneous healing from something that has been there for decades.  Other times it is something that is slowly changed over time.   Some parts of this journey will require different things.  A few parts might be things that you and your husband need to do individually, some parts are things you will need to do together, and and some parts are things you need to do with someone (maybe a counselor, a pastor, other couples, or a small group) alongside of you.  The main thing is that you learn to walk more closely with God and come to see yourself (and your husband) through God's eyes as the unique individuals He has created you to be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...