I used to be an atheist; here's why many won't reach people like me

[stillseeking]

Like the title says, I was an atheist previously.  For years, in fact.  I know a lot of Christians are born and raised that way, and I want to speak personally to some of the disconnect between those believers who were born and raised as such and the people they're usually the most frustrated they can't reach: atheists. 

I don't want this to be a super-long read.  The following are a few reasons why (many) of you aren't reaching people like me--people who are open to different opinions but are largely disgusted at how their being presented.  Do you catch yourself doing any of these?  I ask you in that case to pause, be mindful of it, and humbly consider this list of ineffective behaviors:

• Stating your interpretation of the Bible as gospel truth--especially concerning grey areas.  Many atheists and agnostics are far more informed about the Bible than you might expect.  They will question your interpretation.  Be honest about how you came to adopt the interpretations you did.  Even if they disagree with you, you'll both still walk away with mutual respect, and that's super important if you ever plan to follow up with them in any capacity whatsoever. 
• Speaking in any kind of accusatory manner.  You may be right that their behavior is sinful, but what's the point in rubbing that in their face when they don't yet believe in a holy God?  You've given them no reason yet to believe sin is even wrong. 
• Speaking in any way, of any thing, that is motivated by your own self-righteousness.  Be extremely honest with yourself about this.  If you think you've achieved "humble", then that's probably a sign to be more humble. 
• Failing to give people the benefit of the doubt when they ask questions or pose doubts.  Give them the benefit of the doubt that they're *not* just trying to be annoying/contradict you/win an argument/attack you.  If you assume everyone has bad motives, you'll start to believe this assumption even when it's not true, and furthermore, you'll lose the chance to win with kindness. 
• Force feeding people gospel information when they've made it clear they're not interested.  Talk to someone who IS interested.  Jesus never forced his message on anyone and in fact issued warnings to those who would choose to follow him. 
• Assuming your biblical interpretation is essential doctrine, or speaking to someone as if it is. 
• Treating the desire to prove using logic as some sort of horrible heresy.  There are plenty of logical arguments for God.  If you don't know any, point them to Ravi Zacharias or John Lennox videos and debates on Youtube (or whomever else you find influential).  The attitude that logic must be abandoned in order to follow God is not only ridiculous but incredibly off-putting to an intelligent person. 
• Accusing them of holding a position they don't, just because they question yours.  Example: "You believe in abortions?  Then you must be a new age feminazi!"
• Losing your patience for any reason, but especially because of: the content of someone's response, someone's emotions, someone's culture, someone just not matching your expectations

I hope this helps.  I'd also be happy to discuss what it's like actually BEING an atheist approached by Christians, what I found annoying, and what I found respectful and effective.  I'm putting this out there because it's been my observation that the way Christians usually approach atheists is horrible and not at all respectful and effective...and I'd like to help change that.  That's all. 

Edited July 3, 2018 by stillseeking
wording

[stillseeking]

Quote

this little word called 'sin' kept coming up...honestly, I had no clue what that word meant or referred to.

Good point.  Even to this day, talking to non-Christians, I also do catch myself more commonly using terms like "wrongdoings" or "evil".

[bryan]

7 hours ago, stillseeking said:

Like the title says, I was an atheist previously.  For years, in fact.  I know a lot of Christians are born and raised that way, and I want to speak personally to some of the disconnect between those believers who were born and raised as such and the people they're usually the most frustrated they can't reach: atheists. 

I don't want this to be a super-long read.  The following are a few reasons why (many) of you aren't reaching people like me--people who are open to different opinions but are largely disgusted at how their being presented.  Do you catch yourself doing any of these?  I ask you in that case to pause, be mindful of it, and humbly consider this list of ineffective behaviors:

• Stating your interpretation of the Bible as gospel truth--especially concerning grey areas.  Many atheists and agnostics are far more informed about the Bible than you might expect.  They will question your interpretation.  Be honest about how you came to adopt the interpretations you did.  Even if they disagree with you, you'll both still walk away with mutual respect, and that's super important if you ever plan to follow up with them in any capacity whatsoever. 
• Speaking in any kind of accusatory manner.  You may be right that their behavior is sinful, but what's the point in rubbing that in their face when they don't yet believe in a holy God?  You've given them no reason yet to believe sin is even wrong. 
• Speaking in any way, of any thing, that is motivated by your own self-righteousness.  Be extremely honest with yourself about this.  If you think you've achieved "humble", then that's probably a sign to be more humble. 
• Failing to give people the benefit of the doubt when they ask questions or pose doubts.  Give them the benefit of the doubt that they're *not* just trying to be annoying/contradict you/win an argument/attack you.  If you assume everyone has bad motives, you'll start to believe this assumption even when it's not true, and furthermore, you'll lose the chance to win with kindness. 
• Force feeding people gospel information when they've made it clear they're not interested.  Talk to someone who IS interested.  Jesus never forced his message on anyone and in fact issued warnings to those who would choose to follow him. 
• Assuming your biblical interpretation is essential doctrine, or speaking to someone as if it is. 
• Treating the desire to prove using logic as some sort of horrible heresy.  There are plenty of logical arguments for God.  If you don't know any, point them to Ravi Zacharias or John Lennox videos and debates on Youtube (or whomever else you find influential).  The attitude that logic must be abandoned in order to follow God is not only ridiculous but incredibly off-putting to an intelligent person. 
• Accusing them of holding a position they don't, just because they question yours.  Example: "You believe in abortions?  Then you must be a new age feminazi!"
• Losing your patience for any reason, but especially because of: the content of someone's response, someone's emotions, someone's culture, someone just not matching your expectations

I hope this helps.  I'd also be happy to discuss what it's like actually BEING an atheist approached by Christians, what I found annoying, and what I found respectful and effective.  I'm putting this out there because it's been my observation that the way Christians usually approach atheists is horrible and not at all respectful and effective...and I'd like to help change that.  That's all. 

These points are brilliantly stated and summarized.  They're well worth keeping and reviewing frequently.  Thank you.

[Adstar]

7 hours ago, stillseeking said:

• Speaking in any kind of accusatory manner.  You may be right that their behavior is sinful, but what's the point in rubbing that in their face when they don't yet believe in a holy God?  You've given them no reason yet to believe sin is even wrong. 

 

This one is a strange one.. If someone came up to me and told me in an accusatory manner that i had sinned against santa clause because i failed to leave milk and cookies out on the kitchen table for santa to have when he visited on Christmas eve i would not be getting the guilty feeling or feeling bad.. I would probably do well to hide my mirth and stop myself from giggling Why because i truly do not believe in santa... If a Hindu came up to me waving his finger at me telling me i had committed an abomination by eating beef i would not laugh but at the same time i would not feel even the slightest guilt for being a beef eater..   Now why don't atheists react in the same way to Christians who point out the standards of God to reveal to the atheist that they are a sinner needing the forgiveness of God through the LORD Jesus Christ?   See to me the very fact that they feel condemned and are fighting the feelings of guilt testify to the power of the Holy Spirit that is convicting them as they are hearing the standards of God..

The fact that they are having an emotional response either guilt or hate or what ever to the conviction being given runs contrary to their stated stance of not believing that God exists..  If they did not believe in God why should they care at all about another person revealing the supposed standards of a God that does not exist.. Just as i would not be bothered at all if a person started to try and make me feel guilty for failing to leave milk and cookies for santa...

Conviction of ones sins is a necessary part of the process of becoming aware of the need for forgiveness and the Redemption of the LORD Jesus Christ..  If a person is going to become a Christian they will need to be convicted before they see the need for a Redeemer.. So telling Christians to avoid convicting atheists is basically taking away one of the main needed processes of leading a person to Christ..

[Adstar]

Quote

Assuming your biblical interpretation is essential doctrine, or speaking to someone as if it is. 

What if it is essential doctrine?

Do you want people to speak to a lost person with an air of uncertainty?

Or with an air of confidence and conviction? 

If i was seeking God i would want to hear from a person who clearly really believes in their beliefs and is confident about stating their beliefs.. That way i would know i was not hearing from a wishy washy flip flopping Lukewarm person who has no real faith in what they are talking about..

[Adstar]

8 hours ago, Yowm said:

I'd also add, don't assume they know your lingo. I grew up unchurched under atheistic dad and an evolutionary school system. The first time I heard a Gospel discussion was when some college students were going at it with a blind evangelist on campus and this little word called 'sin' kept coming up...honestly, I had no clue what that word meant or referred to.

When i perceive i am talking to a person who has no idea about Christian ""jargon"" i will modify my words from sin to transgression or doing something against the will of God. I know a lot of Christians who where raised as church goers who have listened to preachers and read scriptures have no idea that other people do not know what the word sin and other Bible terms mean..

[Adstar]

2 minutes ago, Yowm said:

It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict, it is our job to give them the Word.

And the Holy Spirit convicts the hearer when the hearer reads or hears the Word of God...

So when a person hears ""thou shalt not steal"" the Holy Spirit will convict them by bringing them to remember the incidences they stole something off someone else and they will feel the guilt for their transgression..

[john1]

15 hours ago, stillseeking said:

Stating your interpretation of the Bible as gospel truth

I was driven away from God, by people who said you had to be married to have sex.

1 John chapter 2 verse 2

He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.
 

 

Matthew chapter 12 verse 30

"Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.
 

 

So Christians drove me away from God.

 

Ephesians chapter 2 verses 14-19
For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two. thus making peace and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. Consequently , you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household.

[Blood Bought 1953]

11 hours ago, Adstar said:

This one is a strange one.. If someone came up to me and told me in an accusatory manner that i had sinned against santa clause because i failed to leave milk and cookies out on the kitchen table for santa to have when he visited on Christmas eve i would not be getting the guilty feeling or feeling bad.. I would probably do well to hide my mirth and stop myself from giggling Why because i truly do not believe in santa... If a Hindu came up to me waving his finger at me telling me i had committed an abomination by eating beef i would not laugh but at the same time i would not feel even the slightest guilt for being a beef eater..   Now why don't atheists react in the same way to Christians who point out the standards of God to reveal to the atheist that they are a sinner needing the forgiveness of God through the LORD Jesus Christ?   See to me the very fact that they feel condemned and are fighting the feelings of guilt testify to the power of the Holy Spirit that is convicting them as they are hearing the standards of God..

The fact that they are having an emotional response either guilt or hate or what ever to the conviction being given runs contrary to their stated stance of not believing that God exists..  If they did not believe in God why should they care at all about another person revealing the supposed standards of a God that does not exist.. Just as i would not be bothered at all if a person started to try and make me feel guilty for failing to leave milk and cookies for santa...

Conviction of ones sins is a necessary part of the process of becoming aware of the need for forgiveness and the Redemption of the LORD Jesus Christ..  If a person is going to become a Christian they will need to be convicted before they see the need for a Redeemer.. So telling Christians to avoid convicting atheists is basically taking away one of the main needed processes of leading a person to Christ..

 

I agree.......people sometimes need to be “ jolted” from complacancy,ignorance, pride etc.Jesus was an expert at it......just ask the Pharisees who were told they were “ whited sepelchures” and “ blind guides”. Sometimes the truth hurts.A little fear can go a long way.It should not be to the point of needlessly driving people away, but as a former atheist, waking up to my lost condition and seeing that God could get along just fine without me were the motivators to everything that followed.A little “ good cop” and a little “ bad cop” is quite effective I think——- I know it worked in my case.

 

[bryan]

There's a lot of 'it depends' in both how people approach atheists and others, how they communicate, and whether it's a real dialogue.  In my case, after growing up in a church with many practices and beliefs far different from those in the bible, I didn't become an atheist.  I knew there was 'a God', but I decided that whatever god that church worshiped with all the evil things they did, I didn't want anything to do with them.  That drove me away from Christian churches for many years.  In fact, I'd do anything I could to convince others to avoid them as well so they could avoid going through those same evil practices.

My point here isn't to condemn any church, but to help people realize many 'atheists' may not be as one might assume.  In fact, assuming things about atheists instead of taking a few minutes to ask questions and actually listen is frequently a problem.  In the years that I was against Christianity, I personally encountered many of the things stillseeking describes.  What did that do?  I convinced me other Christian churches were likely just as evil as the first one, so I should stay away from them and keep trying to 'fight evil' as I had been.