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Anyone have a difficult relationship with their mother?


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When I hear other women talking about how their mom is their best friend, I get a mixture of sadness and anger...and then a weird sense of guilt because I i wouldnt want my mom to know I fet that way.  I have never felt that "best friend" relationship with my mom, never gave her details about a date, or even talk much to her about things that are bothering me.  She always blows things out of proportion or criticizes me.

 

Can anyone relate?

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Hi Sister,

  I had a good relationship with my mother but with my father I was much like you. Actually both of them are long gone but I hear other men speak of their fathers with love and respect but I can't. I studied psychology as a young man but my father died before I could learn what his problems were. He was a good guy up until I was 10 and then he changed. Looking back, I think my parents bought a house that was too expensive which then lead to sexual/relationship issues which my father blamed on me. Of course that doesn't make sense but most people aren't logical. Had my father lived past my 23rd year I would have figured out what his problems were. I did learn that when we understand why people are the way they are then they hurt us less. So maybe you can try and figure out what happened in your mother's life to make her the way she is.

In my life God gave me 2 other older men who provided me with much of what my father didn't. One was a therapist and the other was my 1st boss after collage. These men helped me feel better about myself and taught me life lessons that should have come from my father. I bet God will do this for you too. In truth. I still wish I had a good father but these other men taught me a great deal and for that I'm grateful.

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Thanks...it's weird because my parents both do anything for us.  She is helpful and such.  But she's also very aggravating in the way she criticizes things I do and focuses on her problems..."nobody knows what this is like", etc.

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On 8/7/2018 at 6:20 PM, PrayinginPa said:

Thanks...it's weird because my parents both do anything for us.  She is helpful and such.  But she's also very aggravating in the way she criticizes things I do and focuses on her problems..."nobody knows what this is like", etc.

That's wonderful that your parents do anything for you, and that your mom is helpful.   I know it hurts to be criticized but maybe try focusing on the good she does.   Also, gently explain your feelings when she criticizes you unfairly.   And like JTC said, something must have happened to make her that way.  Anyhow, the Bible says to honor our parents so that's what we should do.

My dad died when I was 25.   Now my mom has been homebound since 2005.  She just sits in the rocker all day, watches the aquarium, cat and TV.   Before she was homebound she always had good spiritual insight and would share with me.  She still reads her Bible and prays, but she doesn't communicate much with me.   So that's just how it is now....some things we just need to accept in this life.

PS....Does your mom know the Lord?

Edited by Debp
Added P.S.
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On 8/7/2018 at 6:20 PM, PrayinginPa said:

Thanks...it's weird because my parents both do anything for us.  She is helpful and such.  But she's also very aggravating in the way she criticizes things I do and focuses on her problems..."nobody knows what this is like", etc

Edited by Debp
Double post removed.
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My mom is my mom. She takes care of my necessities and asks me how I am occasionally or if I need anything (I live on my own now).  She was never a "best friend" kind of mom.  She has always been what she is--a parent.  She's not a touchy or affectionate mom either.  She wanted her kids to be independent and self-sufficient when my siblings and I became adults.

For a few years, she and I didn't get along because I was too mischievous and troubled my family, but God answered my prayers about improving on our relationship soon after I believed, and now she's more caring than ever and we talk often.

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My family isn't especially close. I don't really open up to my family either, as we just simply don't. Many of my family members are so distant that i'd say we are family only by blood, and beyond that, there isn't anything there. 

Me, i'm a bit on a somewhat different side of the spectrum. Recently, one of my family members has expressed wanting to get to know me. My grandma. I don't know if it's old age or what, but she wrote me saying that if I ever did want to go visit her, she would enjoy it as she would like to get to know me. However, she is one of the family members I spoke of. We've spoken so little and know so little of one another that, honestly... I don't think I really even want to know her. Part of me wishes my family had been and could be more "normal," but it's been such a length of time that I doubt it to be possible. 

So, I can't really relate, but I can offer a thought. Perhaps she reacts so strongly because she also wishes to be close/closer to you? If you gave it a go, it might be awkward at first, but i'd think the two of you could salvage your relationship. Better to do it sooner rather later, lest you end up like my own family.

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Thanks everyone.  I appreciate your thoughts!

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I was just remembering my childhood friend and her mom.   I don't think they were particularly close, but when my friend's mom got Alzheimer's, my friend still visited her mom regularly.  Her mom was in a nursing home and didn't know my friend was her daughter.  Her mother just thought Paula was some nice lady visiting her.   I really thought my friend, Paula, took care of her mom well until the end finally came.

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On ‎8‎/‎7‎/‎2018 at 3:15 PM, PrayinginPa said:

When I hear other women talking about how their mom is their best friend, I get a mixture of sadness and anger...and then a weird sense of guilt because I i wouldnt want my mom to know I fet that way.  I have never felt that "best friend" relationship with my mom, never gave her details about a date, or even talk much to her about things that are bothering me.  She always blows things out of proportion or criticizes me.

Can anyone relate?

My mother passed away in 1998 aged 82. She was widowed 22 years earlier when I was 22. As a vicar's wife and mother of 6 children she did her best, but from my point of view as number 4 in the family, she periodically made my life hell with her unrealistic expectations and unreasonable demands. God has given me insight into the dynamics of the type of religious culture I was bound up in while my parents were alive and released me from the bitterness that my mother's destructive episodes of criticism and mismanagement of my affairs caused me.

In comparison with some of the dysfunctional family units I have been made aware of I think I may have got off lightly, even though my siblings agree that at times our emotionally challenged mother could be a nightmare. 

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