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Has anyone here stopped attending church? If so, what or indeed who was it that put you off? 

Also, how do you cope without the fellowship and support? 

I am increasingly disillusioned and disappointed in people and am praying for solutions before i just withdraw from church altogether. Hopefully it will not come to that - i pray. 

 

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The problem i often find when people say they are tired of the "people" in the church, is first, unrealistic expectations. They expect the people in the church to be these perfect angels, who never do any wrong, and forget that these people, are just like you and I, sinners who are not perfect, and are all at different walks in their faith, so yes they, like us are going to mess up, and cause others pain-sometimes by making selfish decisions and sometimes inadvertently, as well. 

And sometimes it is better to find another church if the church you are in is truly not following christ, but if your having issues with people hurting you everywhere you go, maybe its time to reevaluate yourself, and make sure that your not part of the problem.

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1 hour ago, naominash said:

I disagree that we are all sinners. Christians are saints. The reason I say that is because I don't think it's unrealistic to expect Christians to act better than a regular unconverted sinner. 

Well Naomi, we ARE all sinners. Jesus was sinless, Christians just (ideally) sin less. We are forgiven, if we are true believers, but that does not mean we are not sinners. Yes, we are saints. That means that we are set apart to be different from others, set apart for God's purposes, to do His will.

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. 

With regard to attending church and the like (for the original OP), fellowship is what we are supposed to do. Accountability to others, is good for us. We learn from other, they learn from us. We help others in need, and they help us. We are to gather together, not forsaking such gatherings. If a local church has issues, is it best to run from them, or to see what we might be able to do, to help it get better?

I am not a normally social person, I could easily be a hermit. However, it is better for myself and those I am in contact with, if I involve myself with others, so I do "churchy" stuff, 4 days a week, and hang with other Christians, one way or another most of the other days as well, at least a little and I generally put in 20 or more hours a week here as well.

There are many thing that we do as believers, because they are what Jesus asks. We help the sixk, the poor, and other needy people. We love others, not just our family, not just our neighbors, not just strangers, but even out enemies. We evangelize, we get baptized, we partake of the Lord's  supper. We are not made to do these things, Christians who fail to do them, are being disobedient. Obeinces, is what shows whether we are followers of Christ, or just hearers and not doers of the word.

As the late (and great) theologian John Stott observed:

"An unchurched christian is a grotesque anomaly. The New Testament knows nothing of such a person. For the church lies at the very center of the eternal purpose of God. It is not a divine afterthought. It is not an accident of history. On the contrary, the church is God's new community."

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1 hour ago, naominash said:

I disagree that we are all sinners. Christians are saints. The reason I say that is because I don't think it's unrealistic to expect Christians to act better than a regular unconverted sinner. 

 

When we become Christians, we are a new creation with regenerated hearts. While we aren't perfect, if we always hurt other Christians and don't make amends, we should examine ourselves.

A person who hurts others should be confronted, respectfully, but without mincing words.

Romans 3:23 far all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. 

Romans 7:19-25 King James Version (KJV)

19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

20 Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.

22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:

23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.

24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

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13 minutes ago, naominash said:

Im not saying we don't sin. I'm saying sin is no longer who we are (Romans 8:1-2).

We should expect people to sin but we shouldn't lower the standard of how Christians should act toward each other. Because we're saints in spirit and only sinners in the flesh.

 

Your missing my point, if we sin, we are sinners. We are covered by the grace of God, but we still make bad decisions and hurt other people, both intentionally and intentionally.

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Just now, naominash said:

I have no issue with those statements. Earlier you said the problem with people who are tired of church is unrealistic expectations. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is the OP doesn't necessarily have unrealistic expectations if she wanted a loving community (hence my saint argument) Wanting people to treat you right and expecting perfection are two different things. 

I wasnt necessarily accusing anyone, just making an observation, and that is we do still struggle with our sin nature, and that we need to recognize so does everyone else. Even in your statement here, see there is no difference, at all, between wanting people to treat you right and expecting perfection from others. Both are centered around a "me" perspective.

And im not saying that to point fingers or accuse, wanting to be trrated right and feeling like you belong are part of being human. Theyre fundamental human needs, everyone wants to feel loved, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

What we often do though, is go about getting it wrong. And i dont know the ops story, i dont know yours, but i can say from people i do know and observed, as well as from my own personal experience is that we as humans often times go about it all wrong. We go into a church expecting our needs to be met, and then we seek to fill others once ours are met. And often, that doesn't work because everyone else is following the exact same principle, and what ends up happening is no ones needs get met.

Instead, we should follow Jesus example, and go in and put others needs ahead of our own, even in place of our own, with no expectation of getting anything in return. Even if it means forgiving the unloving and those who hurt you over and over. Put ourselves aside. If everyone did that, then everyones needs would be met. It often, in fact it almost always, takes a lot of time, prayer, and hard work, and unfortunately to many people dont want to-nor even know how to, but its the only way for a church to properly function.

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Guest PinkBelt
3 hours ago, Melinda12 said:

Has anyone here stopped attending church? If so, what or indeed who was it that put you off? 

Also, how do you cope without the fellowship and support? 

I am increasingly disillusioned and disappointed in people and am praying for solutions before i just withdraw from church altogether. Hopefully it will not come to that - i pray. 

 

I left my last church because of it's over enmeshment with politics. They were also hostile to the poor and outgroups. Many leaders were dishonest, authoritarian and hypocritical. I was raised in this church so it was very hard for me to break free but I finally did so for my own spiritual and mental well being. I am looking for something new, but not pressed to do so on any deadline. 

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3 hours ago, Melinda12 said:

Has anyone here stopped attending church? If so, what or indeed who was it that put you off? 

Also, how do you cope without the fellowship and support? 

I am increasingly disillusioned and disappointed in people and am praying for solutions before i just withdraw from church altogether. Hopefully it will not come to that - i pray. 

 

Hi, I have stopped a few different times.  Generally not attending has been a bad move on my part! 

It is impossible to be a church of one, as it makes for lousy fellowship, and little opportunity to be of service to my Lord Jesus.  So I get over myself, and my hurt feelings, or disappointment, and get back to worship and learning from those gifted of the Holy Spirit to pastor and to teach.

I'm guessing each of us have had a need to step back and access what we are doing. I find I do better when I dig in to participate within some ministry and work in one.

 I kinda like the line that if I found a perfect church I couldn't go there, for it would then no longer be perfect.

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4 hours ago, Melinda12 said:

Has anyone here stopped attending church? If so, what or indeed who was it that put you off? 

Also, how do you cope without the fellowship and support? 

I am increasingly disillusioned and disappointed in people and am praying for solutions before i just withdraw from church altogether. Hopefully it will not come to that - i pray. 

 

I stopped attending Church when i left the catholic religion..

I read the Bible and could not attend or be a catholic anymore because catholicism is not Christian..

I never did find a Church that is in 100% alignment with the Word of God so i never joined any other denomination..

I attend a number of internet sites like Worthy and that's where i get my fellowship and witnessing opportunities..

I do not allow my relationships with fellow faulty human beings to get in the way with my relationship with my Perfect LORD Jesus Christ..  I observe way to many people pointing to the faultiness of other people for their giving up on God..  We can be despised and hated by all the world around us.. Shunned and rejected.. But that will never justify anyone in walking away from God..  If the world is against you then make like Noah and keep following God..

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This is proving incredibly helpful to me. The perspectives. What i am trying to gauge is how to deal with people at church, to find patience and understanding. I get so disappointed because people are not as enthusiastic as i am. They annoy me ! Yet my first task is to be aware of myself, my numerous faults! Humility is vital. I want like minded people in my life but often feel they are so few. Back to the Bible is always my answer to myself. Put myself right first, pray for guidance. I like this forum, people here are honest and direct. It's what i need.  

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