Equippers Posted October 9, 2018 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 138 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 1,214 Content Per Day: 0.50 Reputation: 1,163 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/28/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted October 9, 2018 i want to keep this brief. my father has essentially slandered me to my specialist by passing off many of his own assumptions as facts and exaggerated things that has got me on the path i am on. he and my mother also lied as well, which got me on the path i am on now, where the doctor lied and put me on this medication that might be harming me and gives me no benefits. today i just had another conversation with my father where he told me he decided to call another family meeting with my specialist where he intended on doing the same thing again i feel like i had enough, but my father got all the power now as long as the specialist is willing to lend a willing ear to whatever he wants to say. i am so sick of my father hurting me like this, and part of me want God to make him pay for what he is doing to me... but my question is this, clearly everything happened to me because God allows it, but at this point i struggle to find any good in it as what is happening to me is hurting me a great deal and is destroying my future as we are speaking right now....... maybe God has abandoned me.... years ago i have had blasphemous thoughts (derogatory) thoughts about the Holy Spirit, i feel like God has cut me off and allows me to drift like a deadwood in a busy current, letting whatever forces just tears me apart...... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marilyn C Posted October 9, 2018 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 30 Topic Count: 266 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 13,194 Content Per Day: 3.49 Reputation: 8,494 Days Won: 12 Joined: 12/21/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/06/1947 Share Posted October 9, 2018 Hi Equippers, I think you need to just let people help you. It seems you are very reactive against most people who are trying to help you. And these times are when we learn to trust God, through the trials and difficulties of life. God understands what you are going through, however you seem to be holding onto the wheel of your life, as it were and not letting God help you or others help you. I would say, stop stressing and start appreciating the people who want to help and start working with them and not against them. Praying Marilyn. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tzephanyahu Posted October 9, 2018 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 69 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 1,625 Content Per Day: 0.79 Reputation: 2,033 Days Won: 1 Joined: 09/10/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted October 9, 2018 Shalom Equippers, When we feel far from God, and there is no obvious reason, you should assume that you are being tested and refined. God may want to prove your heart to Him, or prove something to you. Stay strong. the Bible is your anchor point in these stormy seas. Your love for God and trust in his faithfulness must be paramount at times like these. He won't abandon you if you fail to do this well, don't worry. But whatever you do, don't give in to the darker side of you that is clawing at you to pull you down and away from God. He sees everything, he knows everything. If it is happening, there is surely a beautiful reason behind it that a human mind cannot possibly fathom. You may see why tomorrow, you may see why in 10 years, you may never see why. Just stay true to God, follow the Messiah's ways and trust in God's wisdom. It won't be totally applicable to you, as it's mainly written for non-believers, but I think you may find real peace in reading these three stories, which deal with understanding God when things seem to be falling apart. faithandtheword.com/book-a/idb/heart/roots/ He loves you! Love & Shalom 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equippers Posted October 9, 2018 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 138 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 1,214 Content Per Day: 0.50 Reputation: 1,163 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/28/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted October 9, 2018 19 minutes ago, Marilyn C said: Hi Equippers, I think you need to just let people help you. It seems you are very reactive against most people who are trying to help you. And these times are when we learn to trust God, through the trials and difficulties of life. God understands what you are going through, however you seem to be holding onto the wheel of your life, as it were and not letting God help you or others help you. I would say, stop stressing and start appreciating the people who want to help and start working with them and not against them. Praying Marilyn. hi Marilyn thank you for your reply i really appreciate it i think you are right, i think some of those people in my life are indeed trying to help me. my parents included. it is just that they have no idea what they are doing, and they won't listen to me when i tell them to stop for example, the current drug i am on. i have been on it for two months now, and i have not experienced anything positive with it, instead i suffers from insomnia and possibly cognitive impairment as result of it.The thing is a good doctor who has his patients best interest at heart would listen to patient's feedback and work with the patients to adjust or change medications that is not working. i was doing much much better on mine old drugs. i can personally vouch for that , i was much happier, and did not experience side effects, it was much better for me than the current one. so i do want to work with them, but a working relationship has to be based on honesty and trust, trust they are doing what is best for me and so far that has not happened. i don't want to fight them but what they are doing to me is hurting me, that is why i am reactive to it.... my father told me today his intention is tell the doctor my bathroom is very dirty, which is not true, it is untidy with clutters on the vanity table and bench tops, i am a guy and i don't keep everything perfectly tidy. my father need to have realistic expectations, but more importantly, falsely exaggerating things is not helping me, but quite the opposite. i want to have a good relationship with my father but it is him who keep doing things to hurt me. recently i spoke with a counselor with experience in mental health, as i was describing things, he pointed out to me what my parents is doing is not healthy or helpful to me. they have unrealistic expectations, and when i don't meet those expectations they pathologize it and goes to the doctor and start exaggerating again, with this doctor , he does listen to my parents with a bias, and he then turn around by putting me on a more toxic medication, that is not helping me and make it difficult for me to work with them which i desperately want to do! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debp Posted October 9, 2018 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 52 Topic Count: 1,016 Topics Per Day: 0.15 Content Count: 12,291 Content Per Day: 1.79 Reputation: 16,355 Days Won: 92 Joined: 07/19/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted October 9, 2018 1 hour ago, Equippers said: hi Marilyn thank you for your reply i really appreciate it i think you are right, i think some of those people in my life are indeed trying to help me. my parents included. it is just that they have no idea what they are doing, and they won't listen to me when i tell them to stop for example, the current drug i am on. i have been on it for two months now, and i have not experienced anything positive with it, instead i suffers from insomnia and possibly cognitive impairment as result of it.The thing is a good doctor who has his patients best interest at heart would listen to patient's feedback and work with the patients to adjust or change medications that is not working. i was doing much much better on mine old drugs. i can personally vouch for that , i was much happier, and did not experience side effects, it was much better for me than the current one. so i do want to work with them, but a working relationship has to be based on honesty and trust, trust they are doing what is best for me and so far that has not happened. i don't want to fight them but what they are doing to me is hurting me, that is why i am reactive to it.... my father told me today his intention is tell the doctor my bathroom is very dirty, which is not true, it is untidy with clutters on the vanity table and bench tops, i am a guy and i don't keep everything perfectly tidy. my father need to have realistic expectations, but more importantly, falsely exaggerating things is not helping me, but quite the opposite. i want to have a good relationship with my father but it is him who keep doing things to hurt me. recently i spoke with a counselor with experience in mental health, as i was describing things, he pointed out to me what my parents is doing is not healthy or helpful to me. they have unrealistic expectations, and when i don't meet those expectations they pathologize it and goes to the doctor and start exaggerating again, with this doctor , he does listen to my parents with a bias, and he then turn around by putting me on a more toxic medication, that is not helping me and make it difficult for me to work with them which i desperately want to do! Equippers, I really feel for you. It's not easy when people are messing around with your brain with those medications. This is just an idea....why not print what you just posted above and show it to your doctor? Or even others that might be able to help you? You write very well.... perhaps what you wrote could give some clarification to your doctor? The Lord still loves you, remember that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billiards Ball Posted October 9, 2018 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,502 Content Per Day: 0.66 Reputation: 662 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/05/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted October 9, 2018 3 hours ago, Equippers said: i want to keep this brief. my father has essentially slandered me to my specialist by passing off many of his own assumptions as facts and exaggerated things that has got me on the path i am on. he and my mother also lied as well, which got me on the path i am on now, where the doctor lied and put me on this medication that might be harming me and gives me no benefits. today i just had another conversation with my father where he told me he decided to call another family meeting with my specialist where he intended on doing the same thing again i feel like i had enough, but my father got all the power now as long as the specialist is willing to lend a willing ear to whatever he wants to say. i am so sick of my father hurting me like this, and part of me want God to make him pay for what he is doing to me... but my question is this, clearly everything happened to me because God allows it, but at this point i struggle to find any good in it as what is happening to me is hurting me a great deal and is destroying my future as we are speaking right now....... maybe God has abandoned me.... years ago i have had blasphemous thoughts (derogatory) thoughts about the Holy Spirit, i feel like God has cut me off and allows me to drift like a deadwood in a busy current, letting whatever forces just tears me apart...... Specialist what? Doctor? Psychological counselor? Start with biblical truth about you and all persons, and then proceed. Jesus was ripped to shreds on the Cross for all our sin, including some past thoughts about the Spirit. No one is perfect, not even religious OCD sufferers! If you trust Christ, He switches His crucified, resurrected perfection with your imperfection to save you. Over time, you can be sanctified, and in the End, you will be perfected morally, to be with Him forever. Trust Jesus to save from past, present and future sin, today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marilyn C Posted October 10, 2018 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 30 Topic Count: 266 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 13,194 Content Per Day: 3.49 Reputation: 8,494 Days Won: 12 Joined: 12/21/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/06/1947 Share Posted October 10, 2018 15 hours ago, Equippers said: hi Marilyn thank you for your reply i really appreciate it i think you are right, i think some of those people in my life are indeed trying to help me. my parents included. it is just that they have no idea what they are doing, and they won't listen to me when i tell them to stop for example, the current drug i am on. i have been on it for two months now, and i have not experienced anything positive with it, instead i suffers from insomnia and possibly cognitive impairment as result of it.The thing is a good doctor who has his patients best interest at heart would listen to patient's feedback and work with the patients to adjust or change medications that is not working. i was doing much much better on mine old drugs. i can personally vouch for that , i was much happier, and did not experience side effects, it was much better for me than the current one. so i do want to work with them, but a working relationship has to be based on honesty and trust, trust they are doing what is best for me and so far that has not happened. i don't want to fight them but what they are doing to me is hurting me, that is why i am reactive to it.... my father told me today his intention is tell the doctor my bathroom is very dirty, which is not true, it is untidy with clutters on the vanity table and bench tops, i am a guy and i don't keep everything perfectly tidy. my father need to have realistic expectations, but more importantly, falsely exaggerating things is not helping me, but quite the opposite. i want to have a good relationship with my father but it is him who keep doing things to hurt me. recently i spoke with a counselor with experience in mental health, as i was describing things, he pointed out to me what my parents is doing is not healthy or helpful to me. they have unrealistic expectations, and when i don't meet those expectations they pathologize it and goes to the doctor and start exaggerating again, with this doctor , he does listen to my parents with a bias, and he then turn around by putting me on a more toxic medication, that is not helping me and make it difficult for me to work with them which i desperately want to do! Hi Equippers, We all feel for you bro, and we all know what it is to go through different trials and difficulties, so you are not alone in this. Now a few practical things I would suggest. I know that medicine can take 3 - 4 months to actually help, so give it a bit more time. People would be monitoring this and after that time then you can assess the situation. Getting yourself all stressed only makes you and the situation worse. I actually think that those looking after you may feel like they can`t cope and have you given to the care of an institution. That is the last thing you would want ay? So... let people see and hear that you are working with them - tidy up your room, vacuum and dust it, for what you see it not what your mother (& father) see. They are your carers and need to see you are pulling your weight, trying, even if you don`t worry about such things THEY do and THEY need your help too. We all have to work in with others and can`t have it all our own way. The more you complain and stress, and pull against those trying to help, the more damage you are doing, showing that you are not, in their minds able to cope in daily life. So...head down, do some work and show people you do appreciate them by helping THEM. Get your focus off yourself and your life will improve somewhat. Assess the situation in another couple of months. Grin and bear stuff as we ALL do. Praying, now go and DO helps for others. Marilyn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equippers Posted October 10, 2018 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 138 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 1,214 Content Per Day: 0.50 Reputation: 1,163 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/28/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted October 10, 2018 2 hours ago, Marilyn C said: Hi Equippers, We all feel for you bro, and we all know what it is to go through different trials and difficulties, so you are not alone in this. Now a few practical things I would suggest. I know that medicine can take 3 - 4 months to actually help, so give it a bit more time. People would be monitoring this and after that time then you can assess the situation. Getting yourself all stressed only makes you and the situation worse. I actually think that those looking after you may feel like they can`t cope and have you given to the care of an institution. That is the last thing you would want ay? So... let people see and hear that you are working with them - tidy up your room, vacuum and dust it, for what you see it not what your mother (& father) see. They are your carers and need to see you are pulling your weight, trying, even if you don`t worry about such things THEY do and THEY need your help too. We all have to work in with others and can`t have it all our own way. The more you complain and stress, and pull against those trying to help, the more damage you are doing, showing that you are not, in their minds able to cope in daily life. So...head down, do some work and show people you do appreciate them by helping THEM. Get your focus off yourself and your life will improve somewhat. Assess the situation in another couple of months. Grin and bear stuff as we ALL do. Praying, now go and DO helps for others. Marilyn. Hi Marilyn thank you for your reply again, i appreciate it i just want to say i am not against changes, Marilyn, thank you for pointing out i need to show by mine action my willingness to help out, which i have already started doing. to be honest, the biggest issues that facing me right now, as you know, is my health, specifically cognitive impairment, i don't know what is going on, but it is scary to see things declining steadily. so with the drug, it is not just whether or not it is working, that is not mine biggest concerns right now, it is to have people listen to me and take me seriously when i tell them about my symptoms of cognitive impairment, and be willing to help..... have i told you i will be failing all my papers this semester because of the cognitive impairment issue? not only that i am scared that the issue might become permanent? i am scared Marilyn, try to put yourself in mine shoes. your reading comprehension is declining, you don't know how much further it will decline, you have no idea if it will be permanent or not, will there be other complications, you are also failing your papers, but more importantly, if this whole thing becomes permanent, it will impact on your future because you won't be able to return to University anymore and get a qualification so you have have a decent job to support yourself etc ,i feel like i am starring into a dark hole here. if it is the side effects of the medication, then it is frightening for someone who is experiencing it, the whole idea we should continue the medication or even up it simply because of mine father's pathologizing is frightening to me....... i don't know if you are parent yourself (i didn't see any posts of yours where you mentioned it). but let say you have a son who is a bit untidy, and instead of communicate with him to make a change, because it is not uncommon for a guy to be a bit untidy, you pathologize it and decided it must be the sign of his illness and then keep going to doctors to get the doctor to up the dosage of medications that has some pretty serious short term and long term and life long side effects, is that the way to go? this becomes a vicious cycle that will only harm me significantly in the end. my intention is not trying to be defensive or smart here, Marilyn, i am genuinely scared because this whole issue with untidiness is a manifestation of my parent's mentality, and they will keep doing this with the help of the doctor, what will become of me? the kind of drugs we are talking about here is no child's game........ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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