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Relationship with non-Christian


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About a year ago my dad introduced me to a young woman from China (my native country) who grew up there but is currently studying here in the USA. She just turned 25 this week, and her best shot at staying in this country for the long term is to marry someone with legal status here (otherwise, she may be forced to return to her native land within a year from now).

When I asked her about Christianity, she said she was not interested in converting. Here are some things I have gathered (in no particular order) in regards to her view on religion:

-Some of her (Chinese) university classmates took her to church events, and while her classmates mostly accepted Christianity, she felt that they looked upon her differently after they converted (she felt their attitude toward her was like "why haven't you converted?").

-She has stated that she would only convert to Christianity if she personally felt God (which she says hasn't happened).

-In conversation, no amount of theological arguments I present to her in favor of Christianity seems to have any effect on her

-She once threatened to cut off contact with me if I insisted on her converting to Christianity

-She has told me that if she were to try to convert to Christianity, she would be doing it for the purpose of locking in our relationship, not for the purpose of seeking the truth.

Now, because of her non-religiousness, and because I have yet to actually develop any romantic feelings for her (at least when compared to typical depictions of romantic feelings in books/movies/tv), I feel that I cannot in good conscience consider her anything more than a non-romantic friend. This upsets her in the sense that she wants me to consider her my GF. In addition, my parents have told me that if I simply abandon her on the grounds of her not being a Christian, I could potentially alienate her from Christianity even further, especially if she ends up finding a non-Christian BF and/or spouse.

When I went online to look up people's questions/answers on this kind of situation, I found that people have stated that if one insists on getting the other person to convert to the same religion as their own, then that would not be considered true love, as true love supposedly means accepting the other person for what he/she is in all aspects. I also found that people who convert to a particular religion primarily for the purpose of locking in a relationship with their significant other are less likely to stick with the religion they convert to compared to people who convert for the purpose of seeking the truth.

Now, I am at a loss as to how to proceed. I myself would want to officially stop this relationship, but my parents still want me to continue treating her as a non-romantic friend and keep trying to convert her, and also to keep trying to draw closer to her romantically (they consider her to be very capable on a personal level).

Aside from advice on this particular issue, I've also been wondering about what to do for other potential future relationships of this kind: upon meeting the other person, should I start by asking her if (1) she is a Christian, or (2) if not, is she willing to convert to Christianity, and then "screening her out" if she answers no to both questions?

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I think the Bible was very clear about yoking yourself to a non believer.    Also if you don't have a romantic attraction to her be careful.  Show her what a Christian is by your daily living as an example...…    be her friend, but keep looking for a long term mate.    If God wants her in your life it will happen but don't push it unless you really want it and just can't live without her...  

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 Okay; 

 What is the upside for YOU? 

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A Christian should seek to marry only another Christian because marriage is a spiritual union as well as a physical union.

She has no right to insist that you consider her your girlfriend.   It seems she has no interest in Christ.   You might just be friendly to her when you see her, but I wouldn't get too involved with her.   Dating leads to marriage usually so it's important that you only date other Christians.

Also, your parents should be more concerned that you should marry a Christian as this will lead to a happier marriage for you.   Christians that end up with an unbeliever suffer alot in their marriage.   Don't let your parents guilt you into doing dating evangelism.

Although this girl is not a harlot, the spiritual application is the same in the following verse which is talking about avoiding sexual sin:

Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ?  Shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of a harlot?  God forbid.  1  Corinthians 6:15

 

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I'll pray for your situation, and hope you also pray about it, too.  Don't marry someone just because she wants to stay in the country. I won't repeat the above comments about uneven yokes, etc., but remember that God has a perfect plan for each one of us, and it'll be revealed in His time according to His will.  So pray hard and follow His teachings and guidance.

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If both your parents and the girl are attempting to tie the knot between you two, my friend, you need a really good pair of scissors. Maybe some shears.

Her interest here is purely in remaining here in this country. Not God. Maybe you, a little bit, but still. To quote a Russian proverb, it is better to be slapped by the truth than kissed by a lie. The only way she would truly convert is if she did so of her own volition, and now that she stated that business about merely converting for the sake of the marriage, you would never know if she was being truthful or deceitful in her conversion.

I'd just walk away from it. She either marries some chump or she goes back to China. No harm done.

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Why does she want to be your girlfriend? It sounds like you have been getting intimate with this woman, which is going to turn on feelings in you that are of the world and will lead you to sin.

It is hard to be "just friends" with a member of the opposite sex unless there is 0 attraction on both sides. If you want friends you can surround yourself with Godly men. In regards to finding a wife, that can be your primary prayer, and God will make your path straight as you live for Him and what He wants you to do with your day.

Right now because you are not her husband, you have no business fantasizing about sexual relations, because you are unable to provide her with what God's design is for marriage.

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On 10/26/2018 at 2:43 AM, TML said:

About a year ago my dad introduced me to a young woman from China (my native country) who grew up there but is currently studying here in the USA. She just turned 25 this week, and her best shot at staying in this country for the long term is to marry someone with legal status here (otherwise, she may be forced to return to her native land within a year from now).

When I asked her about Christianity, she said she was not interested in converting. Here are some things I have gathered (in no particular order) in regards to her view on religion:

-Some of her (Chinese) university classmates took her to church events, and while her classmates mostly accepted Christianity, she felt that they looked upon her differently after they converted (she felt their attitude toward her was like "why haven't you converted?").

-She has stated that she would only convert to Christianity if she personally felt God (which she says hasn't happened).

-In conversation, no amount of theological arguments I present to her in favor of Christianity seems to have any effect on her

-She once threatened to cut off contact with me if I insisted on her converting to Christianity

-She has told me that if she were to try to convert to Christianity, she would be doing it for the purpose of locking in our relationship, not for the purpose of seeking the truth.

Now, because of her non-religiousness, and because I have yet to actually develop any romantic feelings for her (at least when compared to typical depictions of romantic feelings in books/movies/tv), I feel that I cannot in good conscience consider her anything more than a non-romantic friend. This upsets her in the sense that she wants me to consider her my GF. In addition, my parents have told me that if I simply abandon her on the grounds of her not being a Christian, I could potentially alienate her from Christianity even further, especially if she ends up finding a non-Christian BF and/or spouse.

When I went online to look up people's questions/answers on this kind of situation, I found that people have stated that if one insists on getting the other person to convert to the same religion as their own, then that would not be considered true love, as true love supposedly means accepting the other person for what he/she is in all aspects. I also found that people who convert to a particular religion primarily for the purpose of locking in a relationship with their significant other are less likely to stick with the religion they convert to compared to people who convert for the purpose of seeking the truth.

Now, I am at a loss as to how to proceed. I myself would want to officially stop this relationship, but my parents still want me to continue treating her as a non-romantic friend and keep trying to convert her, and also to keep trying to draw closer to her romantically (they consider her to be very capable on a personal level).

Aside from advice on this particular issue, I've also been wondering about what to do for other potential future relationships of this kind: upon meeting the other person, should I start by asking her if (1) she is a Christian, or (2) if not, is she willing to convert to Christianity, and then "screening her out" if she answers no to both questions?

It appears the writing is already on the wall. 

Do you apply the word to your life? 

I just feel this is christianity 101.  Where is the love in all this  mess your parents have encouraged on you? Are you currently reliant on your parents money to live? Seems like there is an unnatural hold on you! 

 Where is Gods wisdomin all this? Where are the men in your life that are seasoned older godly bible toting examples for you?  They would tell you to run for your life! Stand with Christ and on your own two feet.

What fellowship does light have with darkness ? . You are asking for huge problems if you are tied to this woman. . 

The gal needs a visa. You are the target.

Stop looking for a mate. Seek Christ with all your heart your mind and strength. Hang out with people like that. She will be there eventually. Anything forced will be a disaster.

If you do against Gods precepts or try to force love; it will be a living heck for you! 

RUN FOR THE HILLS !!  

 

 

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God has clearly stated it.  So do you obey God or obey your parents and what others say?  Do what your heart is already telling you.  Every true Christian has a marked change in attitude after being born again.  She would probably tell you that she had asked God to forgive her.  She would probably hunger for reading the Bible, praying, and attending a church, if not also being baptized. She will have a new tenderness, love and excitement about all things Christian.  You would definitely be able to tell.   

 2Co 6:14  ESV  Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

 2Co 6:15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?

 2Co 6:16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,
“I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
and they shall be my people.

 2Co 6:17 Therefore go out from their midst,
and be separate from them, says the Lord,
and touch no unclean thing;
then I will welcome you,                                                                                                                                  2Co 6:18and I will be a father to you,
and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
says the Lord Almighty.”

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Hey TML, I'm sorry but I have to agree with everyone else. You can be friendly with her but be careful that you don't develop feelings towards her. You're still young and you will meet many more girls in your life. This girl is bad news for you. If you were to marry her I'd bet you get divorced in 5 to 10 yrs. I was never married although I wanted to be, however neither was I ever divorced which I also never wanted. So I've had good and bad. At my age I know it's all God's will.

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