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Sui idealations


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i cant sleep. mom implied how she wants us all to have a happy thanksgiving and enjoy it. did she say that to anyone else? i feel blamed. feel confused and abandoned always. 

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so now im struggling witht he fact that my mother wants me to have a relationship and reconciliation with my father as well as my sister.

i feel like i am being blamed for something i never started. 

i feel like she is being immature about this and thats in the highest respectful way possible i can try to hope for something good about this :(

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so i am trying to do more devotions while it is closer to christmas. i feel like i ruined the rest of the year. i still have thoughts of thoughts of self harm and stuff. 

i recorded a song on sunday. i felt good after that.

but mostly i wish i wasnt me or anything. 

 

yesterday i tried to reflect a passage from Exodus 14 about myself and my situation.

i am not sure if i am just going too far with trying to desperately look for anything. i dont believe every passage applies to any and every situation. it is also about context.

here is my reflection any how.


i think of how it would have been better if i kept certain secrets to myself and not gone through what i am going through now. as i face fear, uncertainty and triggers i feel it was better for me before i had them hit me again strongly. 
yet if you read exodus 14 you notice the israelites (God's chosen) wished the same. they were brought out of slavery in egypt yet wandered before they got to the promised land. they faced hardships. they wished they were back in slavery but God thought them ungrateful. this is something i am thinking about considering everything i am going through. i should not wish my secret was still only with me and some friends online. i can choose to trust God that i will reach my healing.

 

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1 hour ago, preciouspearl said:

yesterday i tried to reflect a passage from Exodus 14 about myself and my situation.

DEUTERONOMY.8: (NKJV) 

1 “Every commandment which I command you today you must be careful to observe, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land of which the Lord swore to your fathers. 2 And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. 3 So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord. 4 Your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. 5 You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the Lord your God chastens you.

6 “Therefore you shall keep the commandments of the Lord your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him. 7 For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, that flow out of valleys and hills; 8 a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and honey; 9 a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing; a land whose stones are iron and out of whose hills you can dig copper. 10 When you have eaten and are full, then you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land which He has given you.

11 “Beware that you do not forget the Lord your God by not keeping His commandments, His judgments, and His statutes which I command you today, 12 lest—when you have eaten and are full, and have built beautiful houses and dwell in them; 13 and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and your gold are multiplied, and all that you have is multiplied; 14 when your heart is lifted up, and you forget the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage; 15 who led you through that great and terrible wilderness, in which were fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty land where there was no water; who brought water for you out of the flinty rock; 16 who fed you in the wilderness with manna, which your fathers did not know, that He might humble you and that He might test you, to do you good in the end— 17 then you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gained me this wealth.’

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Hi, thanks for reaching out. It takes a lot of humility to break your silence. You sound very depressed. Let God mend your (currently) broken spirit. You are not a burden, don't ever call yourself that. You are a child of God

Edited by GodPrincess
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