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I recently started dating a guy who seemed perfect and too good for me. We have been spending every day together getting to know one another for about a week. He is new to town so we have a lot we don’t know about one another but he seems to be very open and honest about everything. We were making plans to go to a movie over text and he asked if I wanted to come over to his place after (for the first time) and he said he wouldn’t make an sexual advances. I was really happy he clarified this and it gave me the impression that he was being upfront on the fact that we would not be having sex together while dating. He then asked over text what my thoughts on sex in a relationship are and said if I was too uncomfortable we could drop it. I told him that I thought sex was great in a marriage. To which he replied “sweet, do you have any questions for me?” I said the same one he asked me. He then said he thought sex was important in a relationship however if one wants to wait that the other should respect that and hope that they get married and he would do that if I actually wanted it. My interpretation was that he was okay with premarital sex. It totally freaked me out because I believe sex is for marriage and so far he seemed to be a great christian guy. I actually started crying and didn’t text it for a bit. I wrote back to him saying that we have different beliefs and that we are not a match for each other but I wish him the best. He then realized that I was wanting to break up with him and he tried calling me twice but I ignored his calls. After I made my stance clear he says it was all a misunderstanding and that he believes the same as me and that he was just testing the waters because he didn’t want me to dump him if he said he didn’t want to have premarital sex. He says he won’t bring it up again and is trying to move on like it never happened but I can’t move on without this settled. So I cancelled our plans and he says I’m over reacting. I’ve l gone over the wording in his texts a lot and my first impression still sticks with me though I wonder if I jumped the gun and am ruining things with what I thought could be someone I could spend the rest of my life with. 

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32 minutes ago, Jane1234 said:

I recently started dating a guy who seemed perfect and too good for me. We have been spending every day together getting to know one another for about a week. He is new to town so we have a lot we don’t know about one another but he seems to be very open and honest about everything. We were making plans to go to a movie over text and he asked if I wanted to come over to his place after (for the first time) and he said he wouldn’t make an sexual advances. I was really happy he clarified this and it gave me the impression that he was being upfront on the fact that we would not be having sex together while dating. He then asked over text what my thoughts on sex in a relationship are and said if I was too uncomfortable we could drop it. I told him that I thought sex was great in a marriage. To which he replied “sweet, do you have any questions for me?” I said the same one he asked me. He then said he thought sex was important in a relationship however if one wants to wait that the other should respect that and hope that they get married and he would do that if I actually wanted it. My interpretation was that he was okay with premarital sex. It totally freaked me out because I believe sex is for marriage and so far he seemed to be a great christian guy. I actually started crying and didn’t text it for a bit. I wrote back to him saying that we have different beliefs and that we are not a match for each other but I wish him the best. He then realized that I was wanting to break up with him and he tried calling me twice but I ignored his calls. After I made my stance clear he says it was all a misunderstanding and that he believes the same as me and that he was just testing the waters because he didn’t want me to dump him if he said he didn’t want to have premarital sex. He says he won’t bring it up again and is trying to move on like it never happened but I can’t move on without this settled. So I cancelled our plans and he says I’m over reacting. I’ve l gone over the wording in his texts a lot and my first impression still sticks with me though I wonder if I jumped the gun and am ruining things with what I thought could be someone I could spend the rest of my life with. 

My recommendation is to trust your instinct and flee.

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The truth has been revealed that morally you two are incompatible as he does not consider God first in this matter… the way is hard and few there be that find it!

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It sounds like his excuses are lies, but even if the excuse he gave is true, that means he was more concerned with whether you would break up with him than if you believed that pre-marital sex was wrong. If he were truly following God in that regard, while he might be disappointed, he would not wish to stay in a relationship with you if he did find out you were okay with pre-marital sex, if you see what I mean.

Frankly just the fact that he would invite you to his home, just the two of you, before marriage is a red flag. If nothing else, it shows a carelessness. A man should lead in the issue of keeping you both from sexual temptation before marriage. Being alone together in a situation like that can only lead to strong temptation.

I think your instinct to flee is correct. At the very least, you should take a step back to "friends" while he does some serious praying and learning about what is acceptable before marriage and how boyfriends/girlfriends ought to behave. I'd recommend you listen to some teaching on the subject from people like Voddie Baucham and John Piper, and you can hopefully have an opportunity to introduce him to that teaching as well.

God bless!

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At most I would tell him he is welcome to meet you for church but that is all.  Keep it public.  Ask him eventually to a church group activity like a potluck.  I wouldn't even get in the same car with him.  Just meet him there.

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On 11/21/2018 at 4:52 PM, Jane1234 said:

I recently started dating a guy who seemed perfect and too good for me. We have been spending every day together getting to know one another for about a week. He is new to town so we have a lot we don’t know about one another but he seems to be very open and honest about everything. We were making plans to go to a movie over text and he asked if I wanted to come over to his place after (for the first time) and he said he wouldn’t make an sexual advances. I was really happy he clarified this and it gave me the impression that he was being upfront on the fact that we would not be having sex together while dating. He then asked over text what my thoughts on sex in a relationship are and said if I was too uncomfortable we could drop it. I told him that I thought sex was great in a marriage. To which he replied “sweet, do you have any questions for me?” I said the same one he asked me. He then said he thought sex was important in a relationship however if one wants to wait that the other should respect that and hope that they get married and he would do that if I actually wanted it. My interpretation was that he was okay with premarital sex. It totally freaked me out because I believe sex is for marriage and so far he seemed to be a great christian guy. I actually started crying and didn’t text it for a bit. I wrote back to him saying that we have different beliefs and that we are not a match for each other but I wish him the best. He then realized that I was wanting to break up with him and he tried calling me twice but I ignored his calls. After I made my stance clear he says it was all a misunderstanding and that he believes the same as me and that he was just testing the waters because he didn’t want me to dump him if he said he didn’t want to have premarital sex. He says he won’t bring it up again and is trying to move on like it never happened but I can’t move on without this settled. So I cancelled our plans and he says I’m over reacting. I’ve l gone over the wording in his texts a lot and my first impression still sticks with me though I wonder if I jumped the gun and am ruining things with what I thought could be someone I could spend the rest of my life with. 

You made the right decision... 

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