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How do I forgiv and honor my parents when I feel that I am cursed because of them?


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My mom disobeyed God and married my dad and I seem to have got all of their negative character traits, as the oldest child(2 younger siblings who turned out fine and normal), severe mental disorder to the point where I am completely unable to work now, I am dependent on my mom who I am angry at and have a very hard time forgiving, I have been doing meds and therapy my whole life with nothing ever working or curing me, been severely depressed and hopeless and confused my whole life. I turned away from christianity partly due to the way my parents treated me and how much emotional abuse I suffered with both of them being christians yet i was traumatized by their behavior especially my dad's growing up. it didn't make sense to me. my parents both have mental disorders but are functional enough to work and be somewhat "normal". I'm not, my whole life has been really really miserable and I finally became a true christian and gave my life to Jesus on October 23rd of this year(I am 24), after coming out of the new age movement due to demonic experiences that Jesus saved me from, and finally understand christianity and the holy spirit in a way I didn't growing up christian(and then leaving my faith due to being confused and feeling abandoned by God or that God couldn't exist due to my mental disorder that no one understood or could tell me what was going on, I'm now diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, bipolar II, depression and anxiety)

 

I have been lead by the Holy Spirit to find a christian therapy that I think will cure a lot of my issues, it is a deliverance based therapy and deals with dissociation and alternate personalities and demons(which I have all of, and both of my parents do too although my dad has more of it and is more likely to get this therapy after I do if it is successful, my mom seems unable to recognize anything wrong with herself and has a lot of pride)

 

I think I am more angry at my mom than my dad, because of her pride, my dad is more damaged and messed up and caused more damage to me, but at least he is humble now and we have been emailing each other and working on fixing our relationship. I can't live with my dad, I live with my mom and am dependent on her right now because I'm barely surviving with the constant anxiety and depression and exhaustion from fighting wars in my mind non-stop my whole life. and I have a glimmer of hope with this therapy coming up, and my relationship with God and Jesus getting stronger every day. but I'm stuck on trying to forgive and not be angry, and I know how important it is. I am praying about it and would appreciate any advice, I really like this community and reading the testimonies is one of my favorite things to do on this site

 

oh, and one more question I have, how do you honor your parents when they are also Christian but try to instruct you to do things that you believe God DOESN'T want you to be doing, but they have different christian beliefs than you? and interpret the bible slightly differently, like all christians do because we all have different personalities and God has different roles for all of us in the body of Christ and different plans for all of us, and speaks to us through the Bible in different ways. so for example, my mom will see a bible verse and it will prove to her that she is right about something, but I will have a completely different opinion based on other bible verses, and I tend to be better at being less selective of single bits of text and looking at the bigger picture context of the scripture than she does in my opinion(trying to be humble)

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Forgiveness is not something you can necessarily put a timer on, depending on the offense some things take more time than others to get over.  It begins though with your way of thinking, or what scripture instructs us to do, renew our minds.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

This is something you should deliberately do each morning, by demanding of yourself forgiveness to those who have wronged you.  Start each day with this in mind, and if you feel yourself sliding toward resentment and anger, pray, and start again.  You CAN do all things through Christ.

 

4 hours ago, emilylovesjesus said:

how do you honor your parents when they are also Christian but try to instruct you to do things that you believe God DOESN'T want you to be doing, but they have different christian beliefs than you?

 

My suggestion here is this, discuss these issues, scripturally, and be certain which of you is correct.  Don't argue about it, but try to determine if your parents' beliefs are scripturally sound or not by talking through the issue and getting to the heart of why they believe as they do.  Context is important of course, but perhaps it only appears to you that your mother bases her beliefs on a single verse, when in fact she may just be using that one specific verse to support the context as she understands it.

Praying for you.

God bless

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Thank you so much for your reply. I have come to realize that we are all sinners because of Adam and Eve, and I have to take personal responsibility for the choices I made even if they were a reaction to trauma and not knowing how to cope and being very young and naive. God still holds us accountable for every single action and choice. the more I try to take personal responsibility for my own actions and choices the easier it is for me to forgive my parents. and I am realizing it's not just a one time thing it's an ongoing continual forgiveness even during times when certain emotions towards them are triggered, it's okay that they are triggered but I have to forgive when it happens so the anger, hurt, blame etc passes

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On 12/11/2018 at 10:06 AM, emilylovesjesus said:

oh, and one more question I have, how do you honor your parents when they are also Christian but try to instruct you to do things that you believe God DOESN'T want you to be doing, but they have different christian beliefs than you?

.

EXODUS.20:12 (NKJV) = 12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.

.

Those are 2 different issues. If you want to live long on this earth, ensure that your parents also live long, eg don't do anything to shorten their lives or that will kill them. That is the main meaning of honor your parents.

On Christian views, the 2 parties should just agree to disagree and be at peace with each other = no point prolonging the disagreements or arguments. Only God is all-right or perfect. .......

.

HEBREWS.12:14-17 = 14 Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: 15 looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; 16 lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. 17 For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears

.

God bless.

.

Edited by discipler777
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1 hour ago, emilylovesjesus said:

Thank you so much for your reply. I have come to realize that we are all sinners because of Adam and Eve, and I have to take personal responsibility for the choices I made even if they were a reaction to trauma and not knowing how to cope and being very young and naive. God still holds us accountable for every single action and choice. the more I try to take personal responsibility for my own actions and choices the easier it is for me to forgive my parents. and I am realizing it's not just a one time thing it's an ongoing continual forgiveness even during times when certain emotions towards them are triggered, it's okay that they are triggered but I have to forgive when it happens so the anger, hurt, blame etc passes

 

Dealing with trauma is no small matter, and I would encourage you to speak with someone who can counsel you regarding that.  Just know you have my prayers, as well as the prayers of others I am sure.  God wants to see you free from the bondage of this pain, and forgiveness is a process that will get you out.  Just know, there will come a day when you realize that it is finished, that your pain and anger has passed, and you will be filled with joy when that day comes.  Just don't lose heart, remember what the apostle Paul wrote, fight the good fight, and overcome evil with good.

God bless

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Hello. I can relate with you. I'm in the position of not being able to work, we have some similar mental disorders, and my upbringing played a part in that. Both parents were heavily into drugs and alcohol and did some pretty horrible things, though they both professed Christianity. My grandmother was closer to being a parent to me but she also developed dementia and had some personality changes after a stroke that made her pretty horrifying to deal with.

Anyway a couple of things to share with you based on my own experience.

You might not feel like you've forgiven anyone and you might not feel like your parents can be honored, but forgiving and honoring both tend to begin with choice. When thoughts come up about what they've done and how they've hurt you, you can choose not to dwell on them. Sure, thoughts can be very overpowering and run rampant so you might not always succeed in this, but what's important is that you're trying. You can choose to pray for them in those times. If it looks like an argument is coming on you can choose to try to nip it in the bud. You can choose to do something nice for them without being asked. Like I said it can be difficult, but when you think about it this is what we do every day. People have a sinful nature, but with God's help we can act against that and choose a better option.

I realize with you living with your mother this isn't necessarily an option for the foreseeable future, but sometimes forgiveness requires distance. If there's constant conflict or an ever present air of tension then the environment isn't very conducive to forgiveness. Environment isn't everything, of course. It's just one factor amongst many.

I do encourage you to continue with the therapy. Just know that it will take time. And as for honoring your parents when you have differing interpretations of scripture, Acts 5:29 does say "We ought to obey God rather than men." so if they're clearly contradicting the Bible there's that. For smaller things you can agree to disagree. You can also ask for support from other Christians by seeking out their perspective on the specific elements where you and your parents differ. Just make sure that people back their positions up with the Bible and be sure to read the surrounding verses for context. On the internet there are so many different perspectives available that a person can find support for just about any perspective on anything. Sometimes the perspectives can be pretty twisted so it's essential to weigh what you see and hear against scripture.

If it encourages you any I did eventually become friends with my mother in her final years. It didn't repair my personal issues any so far as I could tell but it was nice in its own right and it was the right thing to do.

 

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I'll just bullet point this:

1. Children are told to honor their father and mother. You are no longer a child. That doesn't mean you shouldn't "honor" them, but here is a good description of what that really means: https://www.gotquestions.org/honor-father-mother.html

2. You don't forgive people for them. You forgive them for you. Your parents did the best they could, even if they were drug addled or abusive or worse. See them as the little children they are, as we all are. I see it this way: We are ALL disobedient children on the playground. How does one, with an adult mind, not forgive a child on the playground for doing something wrong. They are just children, still learning. And we all are exactly that.

3. You are responsible for the person you are now, not your parents. Sure, they are the "cause" of some of your strengths and weaknesses, but that's old news and not relevant. You are who you are. Your fate is completely your responsibility, regardless of how you got here. That is empowering. Fix it yourself - with God's grace. Jesus meets you where you are.

4. Cast your eyes on eternity and view this world more as a "boot camp" or "training ground". You are here to learn and apply God's word, to obey Jesus' commandments and become purified. Stay on course. It is not about being "happy" or gaining riches or enjoying sports or anything like that. It's about gaining in understanding in his will for your eternal life - this live is absurdly short. 

Edited by Still Alive
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On 12/10/2018 at 9:06 PM, emilylovesjesus said:

My mom disobeyed God and married my dad and I seem to have got all of their negative character traits, as the oldest child(2 younger siblings who turned out fine and normal), severe mental disorder to the point where I am completely unable to work now, I am dependent on my mom who I am angry at and have a very hard time forgiving, I have been doing meds and therapy my whole life with nothing ever working or curing me, been severely depressed and hopeless and confused my whole life. I turned away from christianity partly due to the way my parents treated me and how much emotional abuse I suffered with both of them being christians yet i was traumatized by their behavior especially my dad's growing up. it didn't make sense to me. my parents both have mental disorders but are functional enough to work and be somewhat "normal". I'm not, my whole life has been really really miserable and I finally became a true christian and gave my life to Jesus on October 23rd of this year(I am 24), after coming out of the new age movement due to demonic experiences that Jesus saved me from, and finally understand christianity and the holy spirit in a way I didn't growing up christian(and then leaving my faith due to being confused and feeling abandoned by God or that God couldn't exist due to my mental disorder that no one understood or could tell me what was going on, I'm now diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, bipolar II, depression and anxiety)

 

I have been lead by the Holy Spirit to find a christian therapy that I think will cure a lot of my issues, it is a deliverance based therapy and deals with dissociation and alternate personalities and demons(which I have all of, and both of my parents do too although my dad has more of it and is more likely to get this therapy after I do if it is successful, my mom seems unable to recognize anything wrong with herself and has a lot of pride)

 

I think I am more angry at my mom than my dad, because of her pride, my dad is more damaged and messed up and caused more damage to me, but at least he is humble now and we have been emailing each other and working on fixing our relationship. I can't live with my dad, I live with my mom and am dependent on her right now because I'm barely surviving with the constant anxiety and depression and exhaustion from fighting wars in my mind non-stop my whole life. and I have a glimmer of hope with this therapy coming up, and my relationship with God and Jesus getting stronger every day. but I'm stuck on trying to forgive and not be angry, and I know how important it is. I am praying about it and would appreciate any advice, I really like this community and reading the testimonies is one of my favorite things to do on this site

 

oh, and one more question I have, how do you honor your parents when they are also Christian but try to instruct you to do things that you believe God DOESN'T want you to be doing, but they have different christian beliefs than you? and interpret the bible slightly differently, like all christians do because we all have different personalities and God has different roles for all of us in the body of Christ and different plans for all of us, and speaks to us through the Bible in different ways. so for example, my mom will see a bible verse and it will prove to her that she is right about something, but I will have a completely different opinion based on other bible verses, and I tend to be better at being less selective of single bits of text and looking at the bigger picture context of the scripture than she does in my opinion(trying to be humble)

My suggestions:

1) Add to deliverance therapy a Christian physician or qualified counselor who can help wean you off meds, gradually, carefully.

2) Honor your parents mainly by working on personal growth and Bible study. Also, try not to get angry at them. All parents would be honored by children who try to be kind to them while working to be better people themselves.

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On ‎12‎/‎10‎/‎2018 at 9:06 PM, emilylovesjesus said:

I am praying about it and would appreciate any advice

I would study the bible all you can, I have schizophrenia, and studying the bible has helped me a lot.

I would also, see about getting on government assistance, so you can be on your own, that also would help you a lot, I think.

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Thanks for all of your replies! I read them and took them to heart. I have been feeling more grace towards my parents. and I keep in mind too, that Jesus was rejected and abused and abandoned and violently tortured and all sorts of horrible things, and He forgave everyone. so I have no excuse, Jesus has been through it too. God has been working at humbling my heart and I've been seeing a difference the past few days especially :)

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