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Friend or Enemy, Frienemy


JTC

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This is more of a lament than a question but I wonder how many other Christians are surrounded by these kind of people? In fairness some are not like this. I have 2 scriptures to go along with my comments.

Luke 17:1  And he said to his disciples, "Temptations to sin are sure to come, but woe to the one through whom they come!"  ESV

Matt 18:7  "How terrible for the people of the world because of the things that cause them to sin. Such things will happen, but how terrible for the one who causes them to happen!"  NCV

Many other versions translate the word sin as stumble or offense. I wanted sin so I choose the ESV & NCV.

I have a frienemy who delights in doing this, which IMO makes it worse. If he was a Christian I'd tell him, privately, what he's doing. But he is Jewish and I thought he was 1 of the serious Jews. He has told me he worries about his soul. Since I'm 15 yrs older he once asked me to put in a good word for him with God after I die. (as if)      He's my pharmacist so I can't always avoid him. He's both helpful and nasty. My body is sensitive to many drugs and with certain meds I need a certain brand or the same brand every month. Chain pharmacies sell what is given to them and private pharmacies sell whatever they got at the lowest price. But this man will usually get me what I need. All generic drugs were supposed to be the same but they aren't.  Yesterday I went into his store and he exploded at me. (he had no reason) I simply went in to pick up a script. Most of the time I take this man's cruelty in stride. But yesterday he got to me. First I became angry which is dangerous. The anger lead to my thinking about bad things that could happen to him. I didn't wish them on him but just thinking he would deserve it is a sin. Not being able to get angry at him leads me to turn the anger inward and I do things that can hurt me. Sometimes I get depressed. And he seems pleased with himself that he hurt another person. I'm sure he does this to others as well as me, such as his children. If I ever do say something to him I should do it using a Jewish rule or axiom, but I can't think of any? Apparently I don't know Judaism as well as I wished. Any ideas?

The worst thing is this happened yesterday and I still haven't purged it from my mind. Quite honestly he causes people to sin far too often. As owner of 1 drug store and a partner in another I think part of this is a power trip. But I can see on his face that he enjoys this, that's not good. He's also big on taking the specks out of other's eyes meanwhile he has planks in his own eyes. But all my scripture references are NT and he thinks the whole NT is trash. Although he hasn't read the OT either. One of his partners is Born Again and that man tries to convert the pharmacist.

I know he's worried about his relationship to God but I don't know what to say to him to help him.

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Purely just NT references? NT is nothing without OT, just as OT is nothing without NT.

Judaism, even though it has been altered over time by rabbinic influences and changes, is still a fair bit of the OT. In particular, the ten commandments; Love thy neighbor as thyself. Even if much of the OT deals with the law (what you do) rather than with love and forgiveness (what lies within your heart), love is still made mention of.

Take for instance, the book of Jonah. He was the only OT prophet sent directly to the gentiles. He was sent to Ninevah, Assyria (rather forcibly by a whale) and prophesize that in 40 days, Ninevah would be overturned. Believing Jonah, the citizens of Ninevah repented of their ways, wearing sackcloth and fasting. When God witnessed them repenting of their ways, he had compassion and did not destroy Ninevah.

However, this angered Jonah. "Isn't this what I said would happen when I was at home?," He said, "That is why I was so quick to flee to Tarshish. I knew that you are gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in love, and relent to send calamity." At this, a vine grew over Jonah and a gourd grew from it. Jonah liked this, as the gourd protected him from the sun. Then a worm came along and ate through the vine, destroying the gourd and making Jonah upset again, as the sun on his head made him weak. God asked of him, "Do you have a right to be angry at the vine?" and Jonah responded, "I do, and I am angry enough to die". God explained to Jonah that he was angry over a vine that he neither grew nor tended. If Jonah cared so much about a gourd on a vine, how much more did God care about Ninevah, a town of 120,000 people, who did not know right from wrong.

In this, we see not only God's future plans for the gentiles, but an exposition of the commandment "love thy neighbor as thyself". Jonah did not have compassion for the Ninevites, for he saw God as belonging to the Israelites. The commandment extended beyond the Israelites, to encourage the Jews of old to have the same manner of compassion and love towards the gentiles, as well as one another.

As for your acquaintance, I don't know what to tell you regarding his anger, as according to your words, he took joy in his rage. However, if he is concerned about his relationship with God, I would urge him to seek out God for himself. If the door is open, he need only pass through it. It is a bit worrisome, even as a Jew, that he isn't entirely familiar with the OT - it seems he is of Jewish ancestry, but might be considered more of an agnostic. Then, if he does seek out God, then it can call attention to his lacking of love. For he can only change if he wishes to change, and if he does not desire change, then no amount of words or tact will move him.

Edited by dr3032
Messed up a bit
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1 hour ago, dr3032 said:

As for your acquaintance, I don't know what to tell you regarding his anger, as according to your words, he took joy in his rage. However, if he is concerned about his relationship with God, I would urge him to seek out God for himself. If the door is open, he need only pass through it. It is a bit worrisome, even as a Jew, that he isn't entirely familiar with the OT - it seems he is of Jewish ancestry, but might be considered more of an agnostic.

I doubt that this man is an agnostic. A nominal Jew fits him better. I also have no idea how familiar the average Jew is with the OT. Once I met a woman in a Bible study who admitted she had never read any of the Bible. She blamed this on having to work so much. This pharmacist spends most of his waking time in his store. But he is a work-a-holic. He sounds like everything he knows about the OT comes from the 1950's movie "The 10 Commandments" which he watches every year. He's still in his rotten mood that started last Fri. Yesterday I asked him if his Christian business partner is still trying to get him to accept Jesus. His reply was that you people (us Christians) don't seem to realize that Jesus as well as His apostles were all Jewish. I quickly responded that yes we do. At that, he said then all of you should become Jews. I know he was trying to justify why he won't accept Christ as God or become a Christian. I wasn't sure how to answer the comment on we should all become Jews, and before I could try he changed the subject by making some nasty remarks. Nevertheless, I know he thinks about God.

Edited by JTC
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Why do you allow his anger to make you feel bad ?   We as Christians are as loved by God as His people, the Jews, after all we were called by Gods own son . If you adopted a child would you love him or her less than a child from your own seed ?  When a child is born to you you get what you are given, when you adopt you get to chose 

Why not just ( even if silently ) pray for him when he gets angry and praise God that you do not have to be lost like him ? At least that way his words will have no power to hurt you  YOU cannot change his heart only God can call him to do that but you CAN pray for him and not allow his anger to hurt you 

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On 12/22/2018 at 4:41 PM, JTC said:

This is more of a lament than a question but I wonder how many other Christians are surrounded by these kind of people? In fairness some are not like this. I have 2 scriptures to go along with my comments.

Luke 17:1  And he said to his disciples, "Temptations to sin are sure to come, but woe to the one through whom they come!"  ESV

Matt 18:7  "How terrible for the people of the world because of the things that cause them to sin. Such things will happen, but how terrible for the one who causes them to happen!"  NCV

Many other versions translate the word sin as stumble or offense. I wanted sin so I choose the ESV & NCV.

I have a frienemy who delights in doing this, which IMO makes it worse. If he was a Christian I'd tell him, privately, what he's doing. But he is Jewish and I thought he was 1 of the serious Jews. He has told me he worries about his soul. Since I'm 15 yrs older he once asked me to put in a good word for him with God after I die. (as if)      He's my pharmacist so I can't always avoid him. He's both helpful and nasty. My body is sensitive to many drugs and with certain meds I need a certain brand or the same brand every month. Chain pharmacies sell what is given to them and private pharmacies sell whatever they got at the lowest price. But this man will usually get me what I need. All generic drugs were supposed to be the same but they aren't.  Yesterday I went into his store and he exploded at me. (he had no reason) I simply went in to pick up a script. Most of the time I take this man's cruelty in stride. But yesterday he got to me. First I became angry which is dangerous. The anger lead to my thinking about bad things that could happen to him. I didn't wish them on him but just thinking he would deserve it is a sin. Not being able to get angry at him leads me to turn the anger inward and I do things that can hurt me. Sometimes I get depressed. And he seems pleased with himself that he hurt another person. I'm sure he does this to others as well as me, such as his children. If I ever do say something to him I should do it using a Jewish rule or axiom, but I can't think of any? Apparently I don't know Judaism as well as I wished. Any ideas?

The worst thing is this happened yesterday and I still haven't purged it from my mind. Quite honestly he causes people to sin far too often. As owner of 1 drug store and a partner in another I think part of this is a power trip. But I can see on his face that he enjoys this, that's not good. He's also big on taking the specks out of other's eyes meanwhile he has planks in his own eyes. But all my scripture references are NT and he thinks the whole NT is trash. Although he hasn't read the OT either. One of his partners is Born Again and that man tries to convert the pharmacist.

I know he's worried about his relationship to God but I don't know what to say to him to help him.

Matthew 5:44,"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
[45] That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
[46] For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
[47] And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?"

This is the best advice I can give you.

In peace

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11 minutes ago, UnprofitableServantJames said:

Matthew 5:44,"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

Thanks James, I just did this yesterday. When I think of the look on his face yesterday, as well as other times he explodes, I can almost see something evil superimposed over his face. I guess since he's a nominal Jew who totally rejects Jesus it's not hard for a demon to take him over. I think even demons might behave decently occasionally since they do have personalities. I strive to not know about them since that alone is dangerous. But as I've often said, I live in a very ungodly area.

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19 hours ago, JTC said:

Thanks James, I just did this yesterday. When I think of the look on his face yesterday, as well as other times he explodes, I can almost see something evil superimposed over his face. I guess since he's a nominal Jew who totally rejects Jesus it's not hard for a demon to take him over. I think even demons might behave decently occasionally since they do have personalities. I strive to not know about them since that alone is dangerous. But as I've often said, I live in a very ungodly area.

No worries, bro. Hopefully the love you were able to show to him helped him to experience the love of Christ through you!

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Hi JTC,

First,  I do pray  that the medicines purchased are the quality that you need. Personally I wouldn't eat food at a restaurant where the line cook yells at me. So I doubt that I could trust in the preparations by an angry pharm.

Then,  like most that claim Christ Jesus as their savior, few Jews read their Bible either, the Bible Jesus Read. They say they do, but no they don't. Of those Jews that do read and do try to live Torah compliant, most will ignore the scrolls of the prophets,plus  the implications that you may see in Isaiah especially Isaiah 53 a writing many Christians like to use to try to tickle interest from Jews about our Lord Jesus. So what to do?

If led by the Holy Spirit to pray for this unsaved man might you then also share a note, a written statement, maybe on one of his own cards if the store has them. Tell him his anger -perhaps you can find  better word for it- of  (whatever day or date) led you to being led by  the comforter the Holy Spirit to pray  for his well being, his good countenance, so that he may  not be angered nor distracted while doing his fine service to the community.

Share that you prayed in the name of Jesus as Jesus hears your prayer and intercedes with His Father  Thank him for his fine services over the years. By putting it in a note he can read it at his own leisure, and not have to  rebut while working. Just start leaving a note of appreciation and include Torah passages and add  new testament confirmations of Torah passages. You might also use passages from the prophets and the confirmation by and in Christ Jesus.

 You might even ask him of his own congregation, it's rabbi and maybe share of conversation about some messianic congregation too. Just to make it a give and take time via notes might be a way to get him to write his responses back.

Just some thoughts to perhaps further stimulate your own thinking.

You might watch the video  that George mentioned here the other day where he was speaking at what I believe is a messianic congregation. It might lead to some topical discussion topics of current world events in light of the word of God regarding regeneration as an example that you may share. I listened to it starting where he was speaking, but I  want to go back this week, maybe today, and listen to the whole of the service too.

May God bless your endeavor in sharing of our Lord with this man, may his angry ouburst be the beginning for his hearing the word of God.

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Hi, thanks for sharing. Do you have the option of changing pharmacies? You need to consult a new pharmacist, and a new acquaintance. This is not healthy, and you need to associate with trusted professionals who respect you 

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15 hours ago, GodPrincess said:

Hi, thanks for sharing. Do you have the option of changing pharmacies? You need to consult a new pharmacist, and a new acquaintance. This is not healthy, and you need to associate with trusted professionals who respect you 

That's the problem I do not. My body is ultra sensitive to many things not just meds but also foods. One example is tomatoes and tomato sauce, I'm so allergic to fresh tomatoes that my throat starts to close up. But some brands of frozen tomato sauce are fine while other brands aren't. This pharmacist always gets me the brand of each med that I need. Meanwhile, I know this is an unhealthy relationship. Thanks. 

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