dr3032 Posted January 2, 2019 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 332 Content Per Day: 0.16 Reputation: 273 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/23/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted January 2, 2019 Look at the mind of a cheater. They want to have their cake and eat it as well. I like to think of it as a sort of... Dishonesty, both with themselves and with others. They strive for the ideal "nuclear" type of family, but they also strive to experience new thrills. They wish to appear normal or appear good, but without having to be normal or be good. Like how Jesus described the Pharisees as a white-washed grave; pretty enough on the outside, but filled with death within. You can polish a turd as much as you wish, it's still a turd. Alongside that, manipulation is a typical weapon. If she claimed she cheated because you weren't paying enough attention, then she would cheat even with that attention. Suddenly it's because you're too clingy, or it's because she was drunk and unreasonable, you name it. A good person, a LOYAL person, would not be fervently watching for and reaching for excuses. If she's trying to appear appealing right now, i'd say it's just a set up for it to happen again. Don't be fooled by a pretty face - You're better than that. It is true that we all mess up and we all have things that we regret. None of us come out completely clean, despite how some people think. I'm certainly not perfect and I myself need work, as all of us on the earth do. Perhaps she is honest in her apology and perhaps she does wish to try and be loyal, but between the two of you, i'd say it's kaput. Try to forgive her, as we all have our regrets, but move on - I'd think it's what's best for the both of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
george747 Posted January 2, 2019 Group: Members Followers: 5 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 31 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 53 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/10/2018 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/22/1949 Share Posted January 2, 2019 7 hours ago, Diaste said: I know it's difficult. I was faced with the same choice many years ago. I didn't do what I knew was right, was I told was was right to do, instead I satisfied my own feelings, I didn't heed the Lords words on the matter. Lost it all, and I mean everything. When you do finally know it's my hope you do much better than I. Be stronger than I was, listen better than I did. It may be a hard thing but much easier than what may happen in the end. Blessing to you both. May the Spirit guide you always. Diaste, this advice is filled with so much wisdom. I've experienced the effect of wrong decisions too. In my case, I didn't entirely lose everything, but I lost a lot, and it really hurt a lot and is still hurting. I can also see how the Lord has brought brokenness into your life through your experiences. I believe that God uses broken people for His ministry and service. This is evident throughout the Bible in examples like David, Peter, and others who failed and made wrong decisions. Then they repented and were mightily used of God. Thank you for your post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
other one Posted January 2, 2019 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 29 Topic Count: 596 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 56,098 Content Per Day: 7.56 Reputation: 27,834 Days Won: 271 Joined: 12/29/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted January 2, 2019 13 hours ago, TinkerTailor said: I have been to this point (being expected to propose) the last two Christmas/New Year's and both times was unable bring myself to do it. I was/am at the point of tears trying to understand why I couldn't. I prayed constantly for guidance and help to understand what was holding me back. The issues of her beliefs and the infidelity that happened in the past (a few years ago and a few years before that) are the two big things that stuck with me. Though I forgave her for what she did, it hurt me very badly and I don't think i was ever the same after that. Time has made those things hurt much less but I don't think I will ever be able to completely forget. She has changed a lot since then and I don't believe she would cheat on me again. I often wonder if the Lord had a hand in me not being able to go through with it. Thank you all for your insight. I am going to continue to pray on this and try to find some time to speak with my pastor on the topic as soon as I can. Even if the right answer is to let her go and move on, it is hard to just throw away so many years of a relationship without prayerful consideration. It would not be wise to seek too much information here for your situation, for it is extremely complicated.... but if you are having trouble bringing yourself to do it, it seems your inner self doesn't think it is a good idea.... before one proposes it is my opinion that there should be no question and one must think that they can not live without the others presence in their life.... and that's just the starting point for marriage consideration... My only recommendation would be that if you can't trust her with pretty much your whole life and not just your heart you should not get married.... failed marriages is something that one never really fully recovers from... Pay close attention to the scripture that Enoob posted.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted January 2, 2019 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,991 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,689 Content Per Day: 11.81 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted January 2, 2019 On 12/31/2018 at 12:17 PM, TinkerTailor said: I am in an on and off long-term relationship with a girl who is really hoping I propose to her soon. We we're together for a few year then broke up and got back together again a few years later. There were two instances of infidelity on her part (I am sure I share in at least some of the blame for my lack of attention to her) in the past but she has reluctantly expressed her remorse for those events and has assured me that something like that will never happen again. She was saved many years ago in a Bible-believing church her mom and her attended but both long since stopped attending church. She now holds a "can't believe that there is only one way to heaven" and "how could a loving God condem all those in other religions" view on God and Christianity. I am not really sure what to make of all of this. Corinthians 6:14 says: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? But since she was saved earlier in life, would she be considered counted among the unbelievers? John 10:27-29 says: 27. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: 28. And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. 29. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand. I could really use some advice here. I have prayed long and hard over this topic and feel lacking in the wisdom I need to deal with this kind of decision. You have doubts regarding this relationship? Perhaps God is the one who is giving you these doubts. This woman does not have the fruit of a born again Christian. If you marry her you will be in an unevenly yolked marriage if you are a born again Christian. Those marriages are in danger. Continue to seek God for answers regarding your doubts about this woman. Ask God to give you Christian discernment. If you are not at peace with her move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neighbor Posted January 3, 2019 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 18 Topic Count: 951 Topics Per Day: 0.35 Content Count: 13,565 Content Per Day: 5.03 Reputation: 9,045 Days Won: 6 Joined: 12/04/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/03/1885 Share Posted January 3, 2019 On 12/31/2018 at 3:17 PM, TinkerTailor said: I am in an on and off long-term relationship with a girl who is really hoping I propose to her soon. We we're together for a few year then broke up and got back together again a few years later. There were two instances of infidelity on her part (I am sure I share in at least some of the blame for my lack of attention to her) in the past but she has reluctantly expressed her remorse for those events and has assured me that something like that will never happen again. She was saved many years ago in a Bible-believing church her mom and her attended but both long since stopped attending church. She now holds a "can't believe that there is only one way to heaven" and "how could a loving God condem all those in other religions" view on God and Christianity. I am not really sure what to make of all of this. Corinthians 6:14 says: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? But since she was saved earlier in life, would she be considered counted among the unbelievers? John 10:27-29 says: 27. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: 28. And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. 29. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand. I could really use some advice here. I have prayed long and hard over this topic and feel lacking in the wisdom I need to deal with this kind of decision. Hi TinkerTailor, May I add to what is being said to this point that all marriages are in danger all the time. Marrying a Christian is not the answer to avoiding serious conflict in marriage. Plus, nonbelievers may be extremely faithful to each other and work together well throughout marriage. Not being Christian does not mean a marriage will fail. Statistically in the USA Christian marriages fail at a slightly higher rate than do non Christian marriages. So what is the issue? Obedience to God. For Christians it is that each is to serve God. Having a spouse dilutes that determination, for a spouse serves the other spouse splitting loyalty and effort. It is best as Paul commended, not commanded but urged, that if it is possible then do not marry. If it is not possible to be as Paul was, then marry. Of course being married Christian to a nonbeliever is an extra burden on the marriage as the head of the household is different for each partner. On the one hand it is hard to be unequally yoked, yet on the other if two are married and one becomes aware of the call of the Holy Spirit, repents of their sin against God and turns to Jesus as Lord and savior, they are not to reject their partner, their spouse. They live unequally yoked- unless that partner cannot stand the fact that their spouse has become saved and is now Christian. In the meantime as an unmarried person, to have any sexual relation outside of marriage is to live outside the will of God. Yet, of course that happens. Most start out from a place that is not pure in that arena. So what about life going forward? That to me is all one can contend with- the going forward in life. One can run but one cannot hide, one cannot say the woman, she made me do it, for that is not true, each are responsible for self. Marriage is hard period. Don't start out in it setting up the female as the one that will be cause for failure. Marriage is also a lifetime joy when one reaches the near end of life. Despite all the turmoil it is joy. Something to thank God for the privilege of having if one chooses marriage in the first place. May I bluntly add that at this point the pure young virgin Christian woman is not likely to find a sexually experienced male to be the male God will lead her to marry anyway-. We each come to marriage as we come to God, just as we are. But still we grow in each, if we work at it all the time while never letting down. So how do you think God will want you and this lady to go forward? That is the question- I suspect for both you and for her individually - and if you do intend to go forward together then for both of you together to discuss bluntly together. I suggest that answers are better found in the hard work of praying reading about marriage in the Bible and praying again and thinking an ddiscussing with this lady you are interested in and praying hopefully together. Ask of God; is this the one? You both need ask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodPrincess Posted January 25, 2019 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 45 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 4 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/05/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted January 25, 2019 Hi, thanks for sharing. You may have to give this time and play it by ear. First off, don't blame yourself that she was unfaithful twice. There needs to be a trust factor. Second, life is easier when your beliefs coincide rather than questioning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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