Christian advice

[Willa]

You and your sister can pray together that God help them to forgive each other and to remember the things they liked about each other when they got married.  Pray that God draw them closer to Himself and to each other, and that they place Him in the center of their lives and their marriage.  "The fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much".  So pray this way desperately and often till He brings it to pass.  Also, thank God for His faithfulness to help in time of need.

[AnOrangeCat]

Just going to echo what others have said about the need to pray. It's difficult for outsiders who don't know the personalities and situations to the full extent to advise beyond that. But I will say that so far as worrying about making them mad goes, sometimes that's necessary. When Jesus criticized people at the temple about turning it into a den of thieves that was definitely something that got people riled up. In that case it was also the right thing to do. So do pray that God will give you the wisdom to determine the right course of action and the courage to act on it.

[other one]

To start with, talk to your parents alone with each of them and tell them of your fears.

They probably need a reminder of how Jesus expects husbands and wives to treat each other.

Family Life's "weekend to Remember" would be an excellent source if you can get them to go.

 

[dr3032]

It seems the issue is not only speaking the truth, but how to go about engaging them. Whether they are calm or not, it doesn't matter. When they both have enough free time, gather them together. It might be best if you invite your elder sister along as well. Just say something along the lines of, "I don't wish to scare you, but i'd like to have a talk." Make sure everyone is sitting down. Studies have shown that people are more calm and less prone to anger when they're sitting. Turn off the tv, stereo, all electronics, and that does include setting your cell phone aside. Sit in a relaxed position (not leaning forward, as that is aggressive) and leave your arms open (as crossing them comes off as defensive).

Beyond that, I don't really have a step-by-step deal you could go by, as I am not entirely aware of the situation nor familiar with the people involved. All I will say, however, is to be very direct and maintain control over the situation. Everyone will get their chance to speak, and disallow anyone from interrupting the other. Don't play social games; don't be mean, of course, but be honest. Let it be known that you wish to help and remind them, as the others have said, that this is not just a marriage but a family.

Pray that God can assist them in resolving their issues, and pray also for the strength to sit them down and talk to them.

[Billiards Ball]

On 1/12/2019 at 10:37 AM, Anonymouz said:

Hi I am a Christian looking for some good advice. I came here because I can’t ask my parents about this. They are the problem. I am 16 years old with three siblings and all of them and my parents are saved. My parents have been married for over 20 years and I noticed a few months ago that they were acting different. They have started to fight on a regular basis and it is getting worse every time. They have also started to sleep in different rooms and on one occasion my dad left for a few days and went to stay at a hotel. I have overheard a couple of fights and the last one seemed pretty bad. They were saying things like “This whole relationship I have been trying to dance around and  try to not make you mad”, not in those words but it had that meaning. Most of my life before my dad went to work every morning they would hug each other and tell each other that they love each other and they would say a prayer together every morning. Lately they hardly ever talk to each other unless it is to fight. I just don’t know what to do and I’m afraid of a divorce. Me and my older sibling (who is moved out now) are afraid to say anything because we know they will probably get mad at us and say it is none of our business. It has gotten so bad though that I feel a responsibility to take some action. Can someone please help!

1) Be sure you and your family members have trusted Jesus for salvation, and can truly therefore bank on His divine help

2) Think about how to honor your parents in this situation, it could include listening patiently while being spare with advice (parents in general don't like to hear their children know more about them in relationships or any other area)

3) Ask your folks if you can pick up daily family prayer again, without mentioning the fighting or anything else--this will help bring God into the picture

[Anonymouz]

Ok so this is just a quick update on the situation now. I have talked to both of my parents separately and I now know a little more about the situation. My mom has never been very open with her thoughts and emotions but I got my dad to open up a little bit. From his point of view my mom doesn’t act like she loves him anymore and he said that for years she has not shown any affection for him. He did have a very valid point when he asked me when was the last time I saw my mom go sit by him or go up to him and hug him. I couldn’t remember. He says that he just keeps on trying to show his affection and she just sits there on her “stupid phone” (he was getting a little upset at this point in the conversation). Apparently a lot of the fighting has been because my mom was ignoring my dad and then he would get mad about it. I asked him if he could try to be more patient with her and he said that he has tried, but he is tired of being basically ignored besides to fight. So based on this information from my dad’s point of view (and I am trying to be as non biased as possible) can anyone give me some advice on how I should try to proceed.

[Amanda Frances]

Praying for you and your family.  

[Guest PinkBelt]

I know I'm late to the party here but I strongly advise you to tread carefully. As they are your parents, they will likely not be receptive to an intervention by their children. Do not put yourself in a position where is comes off like you are reversing your roles, (acting like you are the parent) and telling them what's what. I can also say that if they have not reached out to anyone they may not be receptive to a third party intervention. 

[Prycejosh1987]

On 1/12/2019 at 3:37 PM, Anonymouz said:

Hi I am a Christian looking for some good advice. I came here because I can’t ask my parents about this. They are the problem. I am 16 years old with three siblings and all of them and my parents are saved. My parents have been married for over 20 years and I noticed a few months ago that they were acting different. They have started to fight on a regular basis and it is getting worse every time. They have also started to sleep in different rooms and on one occasion my dad left for a few days and went to stay at a hotel. I have overheard a couple of fights and the last one seemed pretty bad. They were saying things like “This whole relationship I have been trying to dance around and  try to not make you mad”, not in those words but it had that meaning. Most of my life before my dad went to work every morning they would hug each other and tell each other that they love each other and they would say a prayer together every morning. Lately they hardly ever talk to each other unless it is to fight. I just don’t know what to do and I’m afraid of a divorce. Me and my older sibling (who is moved out now) are afraid to say anything because we know they will probably get mad at us and say it is none of our business. It has gotten so bad though that I feel a responsibility to take some action. Can someone please help!

It seems you have something to do. Open and honest communication is effective for you. With God and each other.