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Moving out of an abusive house


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Hi, I'm 20 years old and have been living in an emotionally abusive house all my life. My father is extremely unpredictable and manipulative. I have lost most of my friends because he would almost never let me go out with them. I was diagnosed with depression as a child at age 10 and had to start seeing a psychologist again last year. I finally built up the courage to walk away from home - talking to my father won't work because I have told him several times I want to move out in a very respectful way and he hasn't tried to help me once. When I arranged to look at flats in my area he got mad at me for wanting to move out after he said he supports my decision. All and any job interviews as well as study courses I have brought to him he turned down. I couldn't travel to the interviews myself and out of fear didn't ask someone else to take me. My brother sometimes helps me but my mom can't do anything for me because she gets all the blame no matter what. Like I said, I can finally move out soon but it will have to be on the same day my dad goes in for an operation to remove cancer. It's not fatal at all and a short operation. But of course he acts like it's a life or death situation. I don't know if what I'm doing is wrong and I need help. Just leaving without telling anyone will break my heart but I plan on leaving a note explaining everything in a calm manner. My brother knows and he supports my decision. But my parents don't and my dad will probably never forgive me. But I'm honestly only bothered about my mom. Because her and I are really close, as well as my brother and I. Sorry for the long message ?

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You have to do what you can to seperate yourself from such negativity. If you let him, he'll drag you down with him.

There might be issues with members of your family, but you have to keep in mind that it never rains forever. I'm certain your mother and brother won't be a problem, but if your dad wants to be a big ol' baby, then just let him cry and wail in his crib until he cools off. Perhaps someday he might come to regret how he behaved, and i'd never encourage any form of hatred here, but i'd advise also to be cautious if this does come about; if he's manipulative now, he can always be the same later. 

Other than that, I wish you good fortune in your new home.

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Spend as much time as you can in prayer and be 110% certain that wherever you plan to go you'll be able to sustain yourself financially and have a reliable means of getting from place to place. Having been in abusive and exploitive situations as well I know the urge to get out can be strong. But a lot of damage can also be done by jumping into the wrong place. The more you pray and the more know about what you'll be doing and the realities you'll have to face there the better off you'll be for making the call.

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9 hours ago, lilpza said:

Hi, I'm 20 years old and have been living in an emotionally abusive house all my life. My father is extremely unpredictable and manipulative. I have lost most of my friends because he would almost never let me go out with them. I was diagnosed with depression as a child at age 10 and had to start seeing a psychologist again last year. I finally built up the courage to walk away from home - talking to my father won't work because I have told him several times I want to move out in a very respectful way and he hasn't tried to help me once. When I arranged to look at flats in my area he got mad at me for wanting to move out after he said he supports my decision. All and any job interviews as well as study courses I have brought to him he turned down. I couldn't travel to the interviews myself and out of fear didn't ask someone else to take me. My brother sometimes helps me but my mom can't do anything for me because she gets all the blame no matter what. Like I said, I can finally move out soon but it will have to be on the same day my dad goes in for an operation to remove cancer. It's not fatal at all and a short operation. But of course he acts like it's a life or death situation. I don't know if what I'm doing is wrong and I need help. Just leaving without telling anyone will break my heart but I plan on leaving a note explaining everything in a calm manner. My brother knows and he supports my decision. But my parents don't and my dad will probably never forgive me. But I'm honestly only bothered about my mom. Because her and I are really close, as well as my brother and I. Sorry for the long message ?

I am sorry that you have had to deal with abuse in your home. How close are you to God? Are you a praying person? Is God in control of your life? If that is the case God will be with you every step that you take in this adventure of moving out and separating yourself from your father. God knows everything your father has done and said to you. He will have to answer to God some day. Keep your family in your prayers daily. You do know that God asks you to forgive your father. I know it is not easy and will not happen overnight. But it will bring inner healing for yourself. I think moving out and separating from your abusive father is a good idea. 

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My relationship with God has been bad the past couple of years even though I have tried to work on it. I still want to. But I do believe he's in control of my life. Thank you for your advice. I have forgiven him recently. But I still can't keep up with him being normal and then switching to being abusive again.

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Hi,

What kind of situation do you think you might you be moving into by leaving soon?

if I understand,  at 20 years of age you haven't a job, no work experience, nor any education or training for a career. What is going to enable this transition? 

If you have need of medical treatment and counseling someone likely has been paying for that for your benefit. Is that person dad? Perhaps simply up going out the door into something unknown to you will become a real hard hurdle to race over.

 Is there another person involved?

I do pray that you find a way to progress in your life.

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Hi, thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear about this struggle. As much as family loyalty is important, so is your welfare. God is The Truth, and He will sort out this scenario for you. You need to do what is healthy for you. God bless 

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Good. If you can yes, you will ind more peace removing yourself from abuse. Cling to God and His Holy Spirit to guide you in Righteous ways.

He will show you how to live and where to go. Seek always peace in Him, Trust in His Word,  and He shall guide your path.

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