Jump to content
IGNORED

Help! My boyfriend drinks&idk what 2 do


Recommended Posts


  • Group:  Junior Member
  • Followers:  2
  • Topic Count:  64
  • Topics Per Day:  0.03
  • Content Count:  90
  • Content Per Day:  0.05
  • Reputation:   76
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  11/08/2018
  • Status:  Offline

So my boyfriend drinks and I don't know what to do about it. I've tried encouraging him to stop but it seems hopeless. I don't know what you do. I've thought about giving him an ultimatum but I don't know if he'd pick me over the alcohol. My goal is to have a christian family but at this rate we'll never m move forward.. What should I do?

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Diamond Member
  • Followers:  5
  • Topic Count:  57
  • Topics Per Day:  0.01
  • Content Count:  1,382
  • Content Per Day:  0.27
  • Reputation:   1,799
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  12/24/2009
  • Status:  Online

Is he Christian himself? If so you could try making a scriptural case to get him to cut down.

  • Thumbs Up 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Worthy Ministers
  • Followers:  29
  • Topic Count:  593
  • Topics Per Day:  0.08
  • Content Count:  55,875
  • Content Per Day:  7.55
  • Reputation:   27,624
  • Days Won:  271
  • Joined:  12/29/2003
  • Status:  Offline

personally I would drop him and go find someone worthy of yourself...…    if you are just determined to put up with him, find a Al Anon meeting near you.  That is a group that teaches you how to deal with an alcoholic.    Sort of AA for the people around alcoholics.

Whatever you do don't marry him unless he gets a long term handle on his drinking.

  • Thumbs Up 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Diamond Member
  • Followers:  5
  • Topic Count:  7
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  1,028
  • Content Per Day:  0.23
  • Reputation:   451
  • Days Won:  1
  • Joined:  01/24/2012
  • Status:  Offline

5 hours ago, IowaChristiangal said:

So my boyfriend drinks and I don't know what to do about it. I've tried encouraging him to stop but it seems hopeless. I don't know what you do. I've thought about giving him an ultimatum but I don't know if he'd pick me over the alcohol. My goal is to have a christian family but at this rate we'll never m move forward.. What should I do?

I would go with other one on this except for the Anon thing. A beer now and then or glass of wine is one thing but if his drinking bothers you and it doesn't seem to matter to him that it bothers you the best thing for both of you is to dump him. We have become a nation of panderers to the mess. People already adjust their lives for the drinker, learning to adjust some more is wrong. The drinker needs to adjust or get out. If they love drinking more than you why stay with them. If you love them, draw the line. Even if you're never together again it may be the best thing for him. It could save him.

A guy I grew up with, a state record holder for something to do with plumbing while in High school, moved out of state had a great job and girlfriend but fell into the love of whiskey and friends. She gave him an ultimatum but was wise enough to know they needed to get away from the party friends. The choice, move to his home town and start the business he talks about or she was gone, she loved him but was not going to sit around watching him fail. 

They moved back and he has one of the largest plumbing companies in the area now over 30 years running. Bottom line, he loved her.

  • Thumbs Up 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Junior Member
  • Followers:  2
  • Topic Count:  64
  • Topics Per Day:  0.03
  • Content Count:  90
  • Content Per Day:  0.05
  • Reputation:   76
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  11/08/2018
  • Status:  Offline

3 hours ago, other one said:

personally I would drop him and go find someone worthy of yourself...…    if you are just determined to put up with him, find a Al Anon meeting near you.  That is a group that teaches you how to deal with an alcoholic.    Sort of AA for the people around alcoholics.

Whatever you do don't marry him unless he gets a long term handle on his drinking.

My biggest issue is that it's so difficult for me to just break up with someone because I don'twant to hurt or destroy them. And my experience is that I get hurt and no one seems to care. He knows 100%how I feel but he refuses to change. I fear that if I just dropped him like that he'd spiral out off control(more than he is with his drinking) or worse self harm or suicide. I don't think I can live with that on my conscience. Bottom like I for some reason always feel its my job to fix others it's exhausting to say the least

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Worthy Ministers
  • Followers:  29
  • Topic Count:  593
  • Topics Per Day:  0.08
  • Content Count:  55,875
  • Content Per Day:  7.55
  • Reputation:   27,624
  • Days Won:  271
  • Joined:  12/29/2003
  • Status:  Offline

4 of the 5 closest friends I had in high school and college had alcohol problems.   three of them died from the problem and they destroyed their families in the process.   one got his act together joined AA and is doing well.

you need to protect yourself....   it is not your job in life to fix him if he is not willing to fix himself...  too many times the alcohol using person will destroy the lives around them before they do their own lives.

I am assuming he drinks to access or you would not want him to stop.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Royal Member
  • Followers:  39
  • Topic Count:  101
  • Topics Per Day:  0.02
  • Content Count:  7,673
  • Content Per Day:  1.32
  • Reputation:   7,358
  • Days Won:  67
  • Joined:  04/22/2008
  • Status:  Offline

On 1/17/2019 at 3:02 AM, IowaChristiangal said:

So my boyfriend drinks and I don't know what to do about it. I've tried encouraging him to stop but it seems hopeless. I don't know what you do. I've thought about giving him an ultimatum but I don't know if he'd pick me over the alcohol. My goal is to have a christian family but at this rate we'll never m move forward.. What should I do?

 

The truth is, you can't do anything about it.  If he wants to drink, he is going to drink.  If you give him a ultimatum to stop drinking, all that will happen is he will start lying to you about it.  You cannot change this type of behavior in a person, bottom line.  If he decides to quit drinking, then he will do so in his own time.  If he was a drinker when you met, he will probably say that to you, so what you need to change has nothing to do with him.  Choose someone that doesn't drink.

You only have two viable options here.

1)  You break up with him, and when he asks why you say because you can't be with someone who drinks.  You tried, and it isn't working.

2)  You continue to date him, and ask God to change him.  God can change someone's behavior effectively, other people cannot, so stop trying.

God bless

  • Thumbs Up 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Worthy Ministers
  • Followers:  18
  • Topic Count:  940
  • Topics Per Day:  0.35
  • Content Count:  13,412
  • Content Per Day:  5.02
  • Reputation:   8,958
  • Days Won:  6
  • Joined:  12/04/2016
  • Status:  Offline
  • Birthday:  03/03/1885

19 hours ago, IowaChristiangal said:

I for some reason always feel its my job to fix others it's exhausting to say the least

Hi, I bet it is. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Worthy Ministers
  • Followers:  18
  • Topic Count:  940
  • Topics Per Day:  0.35
  • Content Count:  13,412
  • Content Per Day:  5.02
  • Reputation:   8,958
  • Days Won:  6
  • Joined:  12/04/2016
  • Status:  Offline
  • Birthday:  03/03/1885

 

Perhaps it is best for all of us to start with self, humbly praying before our awesome creator much like  a collector of taxes once did with such contrition:

“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.  The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.  I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’  But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

  • Thumbs Up 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Mars Hill
  • Followers:  17
  • Topic Count:  18
  • Topics Per Day:  0.01
  • Content Count:  13,256
  • Content Per Day:  5.40
  • Reputation:   1
  • Days Won:  62
  • Joined:  07/07/2017
  • Status:  Offline
  • Birthday:  03/25/1972

I am so sad that this is what christanity is coming too .   He is not her husband .    She must flee and give him the choice .    Pander , pander , pander .  Seeker friendly truly stinks .

It killed the churches ,  It truly did .     Pepper S , gave sound advice on this one .    The question is not whether she loves him or he loves alcohol.

It becomes does she LOVE CHRIST more than this man .   See the problem yet .   We cant choose to love any more than Christ .  And this is not her husband .

We cant choose to remain unequally yoked with those who willfully love sin .   And I bet everything I jus said , is gonna seem like hate .  what on earth has happened .

OH yeah , SEEKER FRIENDLY HAPPENED .   WE should put GOD FIRST .   The man needs help , not pity .    And we should never choose a person over GOD .

 

Edited by frienduff thaylorde
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...